-1
NEVER ALONE
I waited for you today,
But you didn't show,
No...no...no.
I needed you today
So where did you go?
Seven standard months have passed. I would never have even known what day it was, were it not for Artoo's occasional reminders, or Leia's daily check-in call. They say time heals all wounds, but that isn't so. Time doesn't heal them...it may make some of them harden around the edges, or cover them with a thin outer scab...but it doesn't heal them. You can still rip off that protective layer and evoke that pain no matter how much time passes. That is the lesson you learn with grief.
Even so...lessons learned can be forgotten, if not ignored. And with that thought in mind, or out of it, I still expected you to be here today. I still expected you to walk out of the bedroom this morning...to watch you brush your hair, fire-gold in the morning sunlight. But you were not there, and I let the time pass with the waiting. The time brought neither you nor the healing.
You told me to call,
Said you'd be there,
And though I haven't seen you
Are you still there?
It never really did matter, the distance we were apart from each other. You and I could always sense the other, speak to each other. You were so Force strong, and our bond made us stronger. But every time I call for you, I am met with silence. In a strange way, it is that silence which is most unnerving. I can feel Ben, speak with him through the Force, and Leia and Jaina as well...but that place you occupied, that sacred space, is empty. It feels as though I have somehow lost my hearing, walked into the most beautiful, reverent place, and am unable to hear a thing. Where are you?
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel you by my side,
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
I whisper your name...it is the only prayer I know. The space beside me is too empty, the bed too lonely without you next to me. I sleep on the couch now, if I sleep at all. If time has taught me anything, it is that my beliefs must buoy me through this. I know you are with me, just as Obi-Wan is with me, just as Yoda and my father are with me. I am not alone.
And though I can not see you
And I can't explain why.
Such a deep, reassurance
You've placed in my life.
We cannot separate
'Cause you're part of me,
And though you're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
I want, just once, to see you again...the way I saw my father after he became one with the Force. I see something, anything...something wonderful, funny, aggravating, sad, awe-inspiring... and turn to comment to you, but you are not there to fill the space next to me. I want you back, filling that void...breaking that silence in the reverend, sacred places we shared. I want you back with me... I know that cannot be, and though it grieves me, I am calmed by the knowledge that you are always a part of me. You remain unseen, but like the Force, I know you are with me.
I trust in the Force. I trust, just as my father had to fall to bring balance to the galaxy, that you were meant to bring balance to my life. I believe...I must believe, that this was meant to be...the will of the Force. I cannot go on if I do not believe it. Time is wearing me down...time is passing me by...time is all I have and everything I don't want. It is healing my wounds and tearing them open again. But with each passing minute, with each ticking second and each miniscule pulse of that intangible measurement, I am closer to being with you. Time is my greatest hope.
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel you by my side,
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
I will hold on, I won't let go. I promise you, though I am unable to sense your Light beside me, I will repeat this mantra with each moment that goes by...I am not alone. I am never alone.
