Hey!

I have been rewatching the whole series. This story takes place during the third season, episode 14 "On My Way". I started writing this a long time ago, but then it did not feel right and I had to rewrite it entirely. Oh, and I do not think this could really have happened, because Mike is not really like this(who knows, though?), but I just had to get it out.

Now, enjoy!


The news of Karofsky's attempt hit him hard. They hit them all hard, so he forces himself to keep it together. But it all feels so much closer now. So much more real. And cold creeps up his spine as he remembers all the times he has stood on the door of his closet with a belt or a piece of rope in his hands wondering what it would feel like. The oblivion.


Because his life has been secure but not as easy as it seems. There were bullies once. He was younger and smaller then. He was a bright child with unceasing imagination and will to be friends with anyone and everyone. But after he became subjected to the shoving and name-calling he grew weary and quiet. Then, he had his guard up at all times.

Once he joined the football team it changed. It proved that he was something else than a nerdy, smart guy. It proved that he was an athlete. Someone to be respected. And he got his first friends. The bullying stopped, because Matt and Puck were there and would not let anyone touch him. But the years of torment had left their marks on him. He was scarred deep beneath the surface and he did not think he was valuable to anyone.


Then, after he started high school he has been under relentless observation by his parents too. His dreams have been consumed by constant reminders of how he is not good enough. How he will never be good enough if he keeps dancing.

It did change during the beginning of his senior year, but by then it was already too late. He was able to pick his broken hopes and wishes back up and mend them, but the fear of betraying his family stayed. He was afraid he would one day do something that was greatly dishonoured and the luxury of having two caring, supporting parents would be ripped away from him.

And he has been so tired, so many times. He has been ready to give up. Ready to let go, because he can never live up to the expectations people hold for him. Because he is supposed to be the perfect man when he is nothing but a boy. Because he is supposed to be a shining star in everything he does when he is truly only invisible.


As they sit there, on the stage in a circle, he shakes. The tremble is subtle and he is almost certain that it goes unnoticed by everyone. He knows he should not be feeling anything he is feeling now. It is wrong. A boy is almost dead and he cannot think about anything else than his own miserably worries.

He swallows down the heart and focuses on the conversation. He feels like throwing up, but instead throws in his own dream of Carnegie Hall, which his father now stands behind. But it feels distant and false. Does he really dream of nothing but dancing?


It is not long before regionals he breaks up.

He sits in the choir room with his hands held tight together, knuckles white from the stress he puts on them. And then there is Tina's hand on his shoulder and her voice in his ear as she asks if he is alright. And there is nothing else he can do, but shake his head desperately and push his forehead against her neck as he weeps.

It is because he is weak. The others watch him worriedly and Schuester questions him, if he is up to going on the stage. And he nods, forced, but truthful. He does it for Dave, he says. But more importantly he does it for himself as he finally has realized that he is no longer invisible.