My Tortured Love
If you are a RumanaStone Fan you will get the title. It is the first line to their awesome song, 'Sweet'. I intend to make a whole bunch of these, so, yeah, please give them a read if you get the chance.
RumanaStone rock. There are a Sydney three piece, they've toured with Muse, they were the house band on the 10:30 and they have also done a Live at the Wireless gig. The two singles they have released are 'Sweet' and 'The Sound'.
No malicious intent in posting their songs, they know how much I love them.
I buckle, sweating profusely. My back is bleeding and raw. I am gasping for air and the bindings are restricting the blood flow of my hands.
But still she stands above me.
And I love her.
She kicks me, as I lie prostrate on the floor. She kicks me, and I cry out. I want nothing more than for her to leave me here…but she will not.
And I love her.
Every minute I spend with her I hate her more, and with that perverse lust grows, and I want her more. I do love her.
But I can't, and I must not love her. I have no dignity, I am lying naked, face down, while my love beats me. But I must not succumb for I know a life with her is hell.
But I still love her.
No matter how many times she abuses me, no matter how many times she uses me up, no matter how many times that she opens me up I still love her.
My love tortures me and I hate her.
I hate her for what she is doing to me.
I am weak, but I am strong. I am her weakness, I am my own weakness but I stand strong, lying here naked at her mercy.
She has no mercy and there is no mercy word, I'm forever punished in her fantasy. I hate her, I hate being part of her world. I want to be. I want freedom.
I want confinement, I want to feel pressure. I want her…
I gasp…I want her love.
I do not want her leather and her iron, I do not want her abusive physicality. I want her tenderness.
I want to die. I want to die. I want to die lying here beneath her while she kicks me. Only then will I see if she truly cares.
And I love her.
It has been fed to me from such a young age that I can do nothing but dine upon it, this love that has been pre-heated for me to live on. There is no nutrition, but I will grow old upon. Or maybe I will not grow old, death welcomes me.
And despite this I love her.
The strength she carries supports me, her face is that of a childhood sweetheart I have never met and I just want to be with her, but she abuses me.
I clench my fists.
I grit my teeth and I stand up.
She screams and swears and she whips me, warm crimson blood thickly dripping down my back…and this is the woman that I love.
"Jessibelle," I whisper "There must be someone better than you."
Jessibelle looks at me. She smiles. "There is nobody better for you James, you will never find them."
And she is right. I am too weak to leave the strength I have here. Here I have a place where I may be but myself, the empty weak shell of a man who should be somewhere else, but stays here.
And I love her.
And there is nobody better for me.
And this love is tortured, but tortured love is better than no love in a world of demons and fear.
THE END
Um…that was from James's perspective, a lot of his words have double meanings too…I'm sorry this is bitter, it was not meant to be, but it came out that way. This will probably be the only fic like this that I ever write.
Thankyou for reading it.
Tenhsi_Mew2
