THE LONGEST DARKEST WINTER

Daniel folded a shirt carefully and put it in the case. He couldn't help the slow grin forming. They were actually going. The vacation that he and Jack had planned last year was finally about to happen. He'd been given the all clear to fly as long as he didn't do anything strenuous when he got there and that was fine by him. Janet had been in touch with a doctor she had met at university who she knew still practiced in London and, had arranged Daniel an appointment the first week they were there to have an abdominal nerve block top up to help ease the pain so he could at least have a few days totally pain free. If the truth was told this vacation was too soon. Daniel could really do with a couple more months to recoup but Janet knew the lack of activity was driving him mad - there were only so many books a human could read without going stir crazy. The fact that Daniel had had enforced down time now for eight months had made the winter seem like an eternity. Being cooped up like a caged animal had an awful effect on his emotions and it was time for him to try and get some resemblance of normality back into his life, even if gate travel was still a pipe dream in the distance.

Daniel was never the best patient - stubborn and impatient - but this time he'd had to listen to his body, let himself be cared for - nursed. He'd lost so many inhibitions in the last few months. Let people he loved see so much of his soul. He was such a private man and this had been difficult. Relationships had changed on so many levels due to his recovery.

Reaching over for his sweatshirt he paused as he caught a glimpse of his torso in the mirror. He walked over for a closer inspection of his abdomen. His fingers brushed over the still tender scar. He hadn't really looked at it up close. The raised scar reminded him of a zip. The 40 staples used had made indents either side of the main scar line and some were still slightly red and inflamed. Wearing clothes was a problem and he had lived in sweats. Proper pants still rubbed and made his stomach sore.

It had been a long eight months. Eight months. Wow. Time had seemed to stand still. Birthdays and Christmas had come and gone in a blur surrounded by a black fog. But with spring came hope.

Daniel couldn't remember much of that day in August. It had seemed a friendly enough planet until the elders had taken an extreme dislike to Teal'c and would not believe he was not a Goa'uld. They had attempted to cut the symbiote out of his pouch. Of course Daniel being Daniel had decided to stand between Teal'c and the knife. Time froze as the knife was plunged into Daniel's stomach and he was opened up as if he was in surgery. The next events were a blur. He vaguely recalled the mad dash back to the Stargate with Jack's jacket plugging the gaping hole, stemming the bleeding as best it could. He remembered being so cold - it didn't really hurt but the coldness seeped into his bones.

He remembered the rushed trip along the SGC corridors; Jack's worried face and Janet's calming voice. The anaesthetist injecting something freezing into his arm, counting back from ten and then no more.

xxxxx

The next sensation he was aware of was that of relief. Waking up for a few fleeting seconds - glad he was alive. Feeling the bulky dressing on his abdomen and the oxygen mask on his face. One of the nurses made sure he had the morphine controller in his hand and reminded him to use it when the pain was too great. He'd looked at her and chuckled before plunging the button and relaxing into oblivion once more.

The next time voices woke him he could hear Janet ordering 15-minute observations - the need to check his urine output. The fact that she was upgrading him to critical as the 9 hour operation had taken a toll on his body. She reached over and placed her hand on his forehead checking for fever and smiled very sweetly when she realised he was awake. She took the control from him and pressed the button.

"Sleep, Daniel. Everything is going to be fine. You need to rest."

He knew no more.

Pain woke him the next time -Pain and nausea. He felt so hot and his bed seemed to be rocking like a dinghy on an ocean. He struggled to control the growing feeling of nausea. The duty nurse noticed his breathing increase and was over in a flash with a kidney dish and helped him onto his side as he vomited the contents of his stomach. The oxygen mask was gone only to be replaced by a nasal cannula. She eased him back down on the bed and gently wiped his face with a warm cloth.

"Better?" She asked her voice full of concern.

"Umm," he managed to nod before a sharp stab of pain shot through his stomach and he gasped trying to control his breathing so he didn't cry out. He reached out for the trusty pump only to find it disconnected.

"I've removed you from the morphine Daniel." Janet's voice came from the side as she pulled the plug on the morphine pump. "I don't think it will help with the nausea. Do you think you could roll onto your side? A suppository is the only route we can go with painkillers that won't make you sick."

Daniel closed his eyes and nodded- Anything to make the pain go away- Anything to make him sleep again.

Gentle hands turned him onto his side and Janet made quick work of the procedure. Turning him back on to his back she pulled back the dressing on his abdomen. "Looking good Daniel if I do say so myself," she told him grinning softly.

"Umm," he managed to reply, riding out the pain as he waited for the medication to work.

"T...thirsty," he admitted, licking his chapped lips, "can I h...have water?" He pleaded, his eyes wide open and pupils fully dilated from the effects of the morphine.

"Just ice chips Daniel," Janet told him, raising his head slightly off the pillow.

He closed his eyes and let the chips she had placed in his mouth slide down his throat.

"Okay Daniel, let's fill you in before you go back to sleep," the base Doctor told him looking at his chart.

Daniel closed his eyes and started to doze- letting Janet's explanation wash over him.

"The operation was tricky, Daniel. You sustained damage to your bowels and bladder not to mention your stomach and stomach wall. We've repaired it as much as we can but I cannot, at this point confirm that everything is corrected. You may need more surgery on your bowel at a later date but for now you are in a stable condition. You did go into crisis last night though and we had problems with your urine output so we're going to keep you in intensive care until that settles down a bit more. We're replacing your fluids and you have a Foley catheter and a wound drainer in your stomach draining off the blood from the operation site. We will be keeping a close eye on that. You are on 15-minute obs as your blood pressure is on the low side but that is to be expected. You need to rest and let us do our work." She leaned over and tenderly stroked his forehead. He opened his eyes slightly, smiled; nodded and let the drugs pull him back into the dusky sleep world.

Janet pulled the covers up to his shoulders and smoothed them out. She turned to her nurse "Okay Jenny, 15 minute obs, temp, pulse, blood pressure. Any changes come and find me immediately. He's on four hourly pain relief and anti-inflammatory via suppository to safeguard his stomach. Give Paracetamol and codeine orally if he can tolerate it. Compazine via IV push to help with the nausea. I'm off to fill in General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill and can be paged at any time," she handed Daniel's file to the waiting nurse and pulled the curtains around his bed. Hopefully he would sleep now.

xxxxx

The day passed in a haze of pain and nausea. Any sleep he managed to snatch was interrupted by the nurses' checks and medication delivery. Each time he was rolled onto his side, pain erupted from his gut. At one point he was given a bed bath but was not strong enough to even bare any of his weight on his elbows let alone sit up. His head lolled between his shoulder blades as two nurses supported his torso as they removed his soiled surgery gown. The relief he felt as he was lowered back onto plumped fresh pillows was immense.

He was aware of Jack sitting by his bedside most of the afternoon, holding his hand, talking softly to him but was too tired and felt too ill to contribute to any conversation. He lay in a sea of haze and illness. IV bags were changed. Catheter bags were replaced. Daniel however was watching as if everything was happening in a dream. He was fighting a major headache and nothing seemed to help with the nausea. In fact, he felt absolutely miserable.

The sun was setting as Jack left his bedside. "Hope you feel better tomorrow Danny." He sighed as he squeezed his shoulder and tucked the blankets around him.

Daniel managed to nod and then continued to concentrate on holding onto the contents of his stomach.

As day turned to night Jack was replaced by Sam and Teal'c and Daniel's twilight world continued. Things were beginning to merge and he longed to sleep but the constant nausea prevented it.

He knew he was going to be sick. He reached for the button to summon the nurse but was too late and he projectile vomited green bile across the ward, sobbing at the same time. The embarrassment was too much. Sam and Teal'c were on their hands and knees cleaning up the mess he had made as the nurse rushed in. Closing his eyes he blocked out the sight before him – ashamed at his body's rebellion. His stomach felt hollow and numb. His headache had notched up a tad to near migraine status and he felt as rung out as a rag doll.

He listened as Janet ushered his friends out and he was grateful. Something was injected into his IV and gentle hands raised his body again and put him in a fresh gown. He felt so ill. He was turned onto his side again – the routine was familiar now. A warm cloth bathed his face and the light over his bed was dimmed.

"I've given you something stronger for the nausea and headache Daniel. It will make you drowsy and you should sleep now." Janet's gentle voice told him and he closed his eyes and nodded. Sleep soon came and with that came the relief from the twilight world of pain and sickness. He sighed contentedly as he let his abused body tumble into the black oblivion.

xxxxx

He did sleep and the next day he awoke feeling more human. The nausea had eased. The medication was doing the trick. He was able to tolerate water and spent most of the morning sleeping. Observation checks were less frequent - a sure sign that things were getting better. He was still not allowed to eat but that was fine by him as everything turned his stomach and he was scared to eat anyway because the feeling of being sick so violently had scared him and there was no way he wanted a repeat performance.

Janet had personally given him a bed bath and it had felt wonderful. He still felt too ill and weak to be embarrassed by it and Janet had a way of putting him at ease, chatting about daily life at the SGC. He was content to lie there and let her administer to him. The joy of having his feet massaged with warm soppy water was almost overwhelming! The smell and feel of being clean again was wonderful. He had been helped to sit in a chair next to the bed as Janet and her team changed his soiled bed sheets for fresh ones. They made quick work of it, as they knew the strain of being out of bed was too much for Daniel. He was feeling sick, light headed and dizzy as they helped him back to bed. Closing his eyes he slowed his breathing in an attempt to calm his body and was given more medication before the curtain was drawn around his bed once more so he could sleep in privacy.

He awoke to the sound of laughter and the clink of teacups. Prising his heavy eyelids open the blurred outline of his team came into view.

"Hey," he croaked. He hadn't used his voice for three days now and it had a husky, sexy quality about it. Three pairs of smiling eyes met his.

"Hey, yourself," Jack replied, ruffling Daniel's hair.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked brushing her hand over his forehead.

"Tired," he admitted, "tired and thirsty." He looked longingly at the glass on the bedside cabinet.

A nurse came and helped him to sit up and Sam handed him the glass. He took a long sip through the straw, alarmed at how his hands shook with the exertion, and handed her the glass back. He rested his head back with a sigh.

"What time is it?" he asked. He'd lost track and time had slowed and warped as his illness had put everything out of whack.

"4 O'clock. You've slept most of the day away," Jack told him, "which is a good thing according to the Doc. You haven't had much proper rest since the operation so she gave you a helping hand - so to speak."

Daniel nodded - he was used to the heavy limbed feel of sedation. It was so much better than the anxiety he had felt last night. God last night! He'd vomited all over Sam and watched – ashamed as his friends clean up his mess. Opening his eyes, he tried to sit up. "S...s...Sam - T - God sorry about last night. I'm so embarrassed," he groaned as the pain flared up in his abdomen. Gentle hands eased him back into his pillows as his bed was lowered.

"Please do not concern yourself Daniel Jackson. It was a human response. You were not well. We did not feel embarrassment only concern for your condition. A condition I hold myself responsible for. Once again, you saved my life with no regard to your own. I am both grateful and angry." Teal'c was serious. Once again, the young archaeologist had put his own life on the line for another. He had not hesitated. It was second nature to him. One of these days he might not be so lucky, his life maybe lost, and Teal'c did not want to be responsible for that. It was enough that he had taken the life of his friend's wife and it weighed very heavily on his shoulders.

Jack watched as Daniel visibly winced at Teal'c's comments. He knew that the Jaffa was right but this was not the time or place to get into this conversation as Daniel was fading fast. His head had turned and his eyes were closed. His pale face was relaxing as sleep beckoned once again.

"Okay T, that's enough for now," Jack sighed. "It looks like Danny boy is losing the fight to stay awake."

Daniel could hear them talking as sleep overtook him. As his friends left his bedside he heard Jack telling Teal'c "Don't worry, big guy. We'll be having the conversation with our young man here about standing in front of the bad guy with the long knife to protect everyone else but himself at a later date. You can count on that but now he needs to rest."

"Indeed."

Daniel smiled to himself. He knew there was no way they would let him off the hook and hey - maybe they were right - that chestnut was getting old. He snuggled down, made himself comfortable and slept.