Star Fox Chronicles, a two chapter tale

It was a high strung day in the Great Fox Mothership. Everyone in Team Star Fox had been hyper. For one thing, it had been an unusually busy month for them. It seemed as if every five days or so a new alert would pop up on the transmission screen. Whether it was shutting down facilities that had been taken over by the few remaining Aparoids, chasing down Star Wolf, rescuing a planets inhabitants from invading evil forces, or even finding General Pepper's favorite missing uniform badge, the Star Fox team had not been able to catch a break to say the least. So, with that having been said, Fox Mcloud was sitting in the comfy lavish couch of the Great Fox Mothership, attempting to relax. His revenue was not as high as he had initially hoped for, as he had blundered some of his recent missions due to not being able to keep up with all of them. He had wanted to take Falco and Peppy on an extended golfing trip to Fortuna. Fox kicked back on the couch, pulling his socks off and after putting his feet on a stool, he sipped his soda.

"I am going to enjoy this weekend if it kills me, and I do mean that literally" Fox muttered to himself. Just then Falco sat by him.

"Hey Foxster, look I know you're minding your own business Fox, but we gotta talk now" said Falco. Fox spewed his soda out of his mouth.

"Don't tell me, General Pepper's hologram again?" asked Fox.

"No. I just couldn't help but notice that you're lazing around when you said you were gonna repair my Arwing today" replied Falco.

"It's already fixed. I just need to spruce up the fuselage and tweak the engine a bit" said Fox.

"What? You mean you're not gonna fix it today?" asked Falco. "Ha, typical of you, Fox"

"Look Falco, I'm trying to relax here, it's been a stressful week for all of us" said Fox.

"It has? I'm holding together pretty well. Everyone else has been too. Can you pass the potato chips?" asked Falco. Suddenly, Peppy Hare burst out of the upper hallway of the Great Fox and raced downstairs putting on his best coat.

"Enemy ships? Where? Don't start without me!" said Peppy, proving once and for all that the Star Fox team was not holding itself together well at all.

"No! P-O-T-A-T-O. Potato. Potato chips." said Falco.

"I don't get it," said Peppy. "I don't know what those things are"

"Fine then, be that way" said Falco, brushing off Peppy's apparent perceived weirdness.

"We're gonna try to relax today, old man" said Fox.

"Yeah, I guess I am getting old, aren't I?" said Peppy, sighing, and wiping a tear out of his eye.

"Hey you wanna join us?" asked Fox.

"No, I'll be fine, I'm just gonna go turn on the jupebox a bit and sulk around thinking about the past" said Peppy. Fox raced up to Peppy.

"Nah, Pepster. You just need some pep talk. People need pep talk, pep talk is what makes people peppy!" said Fox.

"Pa-pa-pep talk? You're serious?" asked Peppy.

"As serious as I can be. Live up to your namesake! You're not old at all, in fact, you're gonna keep going and going and going forever!" said Fox, handing Peppy a self help pamphlet and four hundred Corneria bucks.

"Those were some of the best fruits of my commissions, old pal. Don't sweat it, buy the little lady something nice with that" said Fox.

"Yeah, hold on a minute, let me count this out. Thanks Fox, you're a swell interstellar feller. Um, as for the lady, what lady?" asked Peppy. Fox shrugged.

"Anyway, feel better Peppy you're not too old" said Fox. Peppy's ears seemed perkier and he sat down on the couch with Fox and Falco.

"I wonder what's on the tube today" said Peppy reaching for the TV remote. Falco turned his head towards Fox.

"So, Fox, about my Arwing. See, Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend to see the ocean. Her craft got eaten by one of

Andross's robots and in just a few hours she's gonna be here" said Falco.

"Can't deal with it," said Fox, helping Peppy figure out where the dubbed Macbethian soap operas were and how to navigate through them.

"Do a-do a, achoo!" sneezed Peppy. Falco jumped in the air, sprawling his feathers everywhere, yelling.

"I'll get you a tissue, Pepster" said Fox, reaching for a tissue. Falco just chuckled mischeviously.

"You were saying, Mr. Peppy?" asked Falco.

"Do a barrel roll! God it feels good to say that after all these years" said Peppy.

"Well, there was that time you were locked in a padded cell saying that over and over, believing you were dictating commands to the team" said Falco.

"Shut up Falco, he overcame his PTSD years ago" said Fox.

"Hey, cool it, I'm on his side. One hundred and ten percent. But Katt Monroe wanted me to take her to Fortuna this weekend, and I can't take her there without my Arwing" explained Falco.

"Grr, oh for gosh sake, I'll go get my tools and head for the docking area" said Fox.

"That's more like it Mr. Fix it!" said Falco.

"For the love of the galaxy Falco, please do not call me that" replied Fox, rummaging through his tool shed.

"Where did I put the spare parts for the attenuator, darn it. Oh, there they are. Never mind!" said Fox, continuing to search for parts.

"Fox, Fortuna's just a half an hour away don't blow this" said Falco. Fox swore under his breath, and muttered angry things in Corneria language.

"Falco please be reasonable, I'm trying to help you" said Fox.

"Peppy, I'm gonna need somebody with your decades of experience to come help me sort this stuff out" said Fox.

"Good, I see the enemy core" said Peppy. Fox's eyes were in shock.

"What did you say?" asked Fox. Peppy laughed. "Nothin, just pullin' yer leg"

Meanwhile, Miyu Lynx was hanging upside down like a bat, she was also playing catch with Slippy using a magic 8 ball.

"Catch the ball you calf-frog!" said Miyu.

"I am not a calf-frog I'm a full grown bullfrog!" said Slippy.

"The day I stop calling you a calf-frog is the day Rob64 stops constantly complimenting me on my perfume!" replied Miyu.

"Then I quit!" said Slippy, sobbing.

"Aww, don't feel bad. Come back. Oh well, I think I'm gonna take a nice hot bubble bath" said Miyu, who was unusually perky and happy for reasons not yet known. Was she in love with someone?

Later...in the darkest corners of the universe...

We join a briefing room within the Grand oblivion Mothership of Emperor Andross, Wolf O' Donnel and Leon. Panther and Pigma were on holiday. Yeah.

"Welcome. O'Donnel and Leon? Front and center! Now then, gentlemen, I, the great and noble Emperor Andross shall have you both realize that this is a fully committed fraternity that relies soley on the upmost strength, integrity, and dedication of its members. As you are both well aware, the Star Fox team is still causing trouble for our beloved Venom and its neighbors. Soon we will be unable to occupy or colonize any planet in need of our services, and I fear that day drawing ever near. Fox and his notorious group of space bandits survived our deliciously unscrupulousattack on Eladard. Here is a detailed schematic of all your failings. Phantron, powerpoint please" ordered Andross. Phantron was a tiny robot who helped Andross for no rewards or monetary compensation because he did a very poor job of helping the emperor most of the time.

"Not that picture!" said Andross, kicking Phantron right in the nuts and bolts. He fell over in a scrap heap. Wolf glanced down at Phantron with a look of pity.

"Does your robot need help, Andross?" asked Wolf.

"Yes, the uncanny assistance of your repulsive face!" said Andross,

picking up a discombobulated Phantron and throwing the train wreck of an excuse for an automaton directly

at Wolf. Wolf fell over.

"Get it off me, get it off me" yelled Wolf, rolling on the floor. Andross rolled his eyes, and pushed a button activating Phantron's torture device.

Phantron began inserting excruciatingly sharp electronic needles into Wolf's body.

"Aaaaaugh. You're horrible, emperor. Horrible!" said Wolf.

"Haha, yes, I know" said Andross with a proud pompus glare.

"Get your insipid machine off me" said Wolf. Leon laughed.

"Don't get your flipping fur all frazzled. I think he likes you. My, this is fun to watch" said Leon.

"Leon, get the robot off of Wolf" said Andross. Leon was deriving sick pleasure from watching Wolf suffer, as usual.

"Leon! You obey the me! The emperor! You fight for the emperor, you live for the emperor, you are a soldier for the emperor, remember?" yelled Andross.

"Yes, Master, sorry. Here Wolf, let me help you" said Leon, pulling the robot off of Wolf's face.

"There, there!" said Leon wiping Wolf's face clean with a napkin from his delectable Planet Borgalort cold beef sandwich, that he was munching on.

"Gentlemen, are you finished? Good. I'll handle the presentation from here onwards. As we were saying, the Star Fox team is still not out of commission. They continue to do their dirty work all across the universe, making it increasingly and relentlessly difficult for us to pursue our goals of interplanetary domination and conquest. The galaxy will never know true might, leadership, and power until we eradicate them and those who approve of their reckless ways. Be aware that the Galactic Federation knows full well that I intend to use some of the populace here on Venom as scientific research projects to create super soldiers for my army, on a strictly voluntary basis of course. I did not want to resort to such methods but your repeated failures have led me to wonder about my own convictions and now I see full well that you two are incapable, incompetant, and downright lousy!You will be sent out my air lock chamber soon if you fail your next mission. Go destroy Star Fox. Seek out, kill, and destroy, and don't come back here until every last Cornerian is brought to me" ordered Andross.

"Your majesty, every single Cornerian? Beamed to your mothership? What for? Are you lonely?" asked Wolf.

"A good soldier doesn't question," said Andross, rubbing his palms together in a contemplative fashion. "Destroy Star Fox and round up every last Cornerian citizen and bring them all to me. Use the Space Dynamics multi-billion dollar Galactic Sweeper Beaming Device I have installed on your ship to do so. This is an order. You do it if you value Venom, and if you value your life!" said Andross with an evil grin.

Back with the good guys:

"It's all fixed up, Falco" said Fox.

"That's great and all, but Katt Monroe was supposed to be here an hour ago, and I can't find my cell phone to call her with" replied Falco.

"Well, that's a problem I guess. But, then again, Peppy's a veteran in need of care and I have to get him his spagetti and meatballs" replied Fox.

"It's ok, Fox. I'll just stick to this baloni sandwich I found in the fridge. It's an old salty dog, just like me" said Peppy, eating.

"oh no!" said Falco, looking out the window with a look of horror. He saw his phone floating through space.

"I'll go get that thing!" said Fox, putting on his uniform and racing to his Arwing. He saw a note that read the following:

"You'll be shot down if you miss a beacon. Gone to watch Miss Laleethia Levanorsi sing Corneria the beautiful at Sargasso. Love, yours truly, SLOB64"

"Slob64, my old derogatory nickname for Rob64. Ha. Anyway, I gotta get going"

Later...

Fox reached out of ship while wearing his protective suit and pulled the cellphone back in. He laughed as he read the texts that got Falco's

feathers in a frantic fit.

"Falco, you are such an idiot, such a card" said Fox chuckling. "But I forgive you, you loveable scamp!" he added.

Back in the mothership, upstairs, we join a very kind-hearted bathing beauty in a serene spa-like room full of plant life and statues and meditation CD's scattered about!

The beautiful and impeccable space princess, spa owner, pilot, book author, and well-known Cornerian philanthropist Miyu Lynx was

upstairs in a bubbling and warm hot tub relaxing herself. She had just finished washing her legs with a sponge, watering her plants and had been listening to some really good beepy tech-ish music, if you follow. She took a deep breath, and exhaled, slowly sinking herself into the water.

"Ahhhh, I love everyone and everything" said Miyu. Her pet bird Pindove squawked.

"That's my girl. She loves everyone, and everything" said Pindove.

"Yeah, yes, I sure do" said Miyu in a breathy voice.

"Wait does that mean you love me too? For realz?" said Pindove, blushing.

"Sure does, Pindove. I'd never eat you, cuz I'm just too sultry for poultry" said Miyu. She splashed her hands around in the water happily. Then she looked at her palms.

"I have such incredible hands" said Miyu.

"Hands. Yes. Incredible, maybe. But I'd say flawless and superior"

"Ohhh, Pindove, I am the light, you are the darkness, the world is my seed crystal and Katina was so sublime before the emperor seized it" said Miyu.

"Squawk! So sublime, so sublime" replied the bird.

"I wish this day would never end. I shant ever be happier" said Miyu. Suddenly, her door broke down, and Falco raced through the room yelling in some ancient alien language. Miyu screamed.

"Eeeeep!" shrieked Miyu.

"Where is it?" yelled Falco.

"Eep! Eeeeep!" Miyu screamed again. Falco raced from one end of the room to the other repeatedly, knocking his head against the wall as he did so,

tossing plant pots to and fro.

"Get out of here now, whatever you are, you bad intruder!" said Miyu, throwing a bar of soap at Falco.

"Fa-Fa-Falckie? Falckie is that you?" asked Miyu. Falco took one look at the cute and sweet Miyu in her bikini.

"Falckie, are you okay?" asked Miyu. Falco's eyes were widened, and his right eye was twitching repeatedly.

"Falckie, it's okay Falckie, Falckie? Falckie?" asked Miyu. Miyu splashed water at Falco, causing Falco to go crazy and start looking in all directions

like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically licking and biting his wings.

"No need to get your feathers in a fluster, Falckie. Go back to your post okay, Falckie?" said Miyu. Falco's right eye just kept on twitching, and he finally unfroze his body and broke out of his darn near catatonic state and once again became madly energized, running from wall to wall, giving himself head injuries in the process, until finally he landed in the water, doing a cannonball and splashing nearly all of it out of the tub. As his feathers began feeling the bubbling, he squawked repeatedly, flapping his wings, struggling to swim around to get to the surface as more water flew out of the tub. Finally there was no more water, the room was a swimming pool, and Falco was flopping around like a fish while Miyu tried to reassure him that he was not a fish.

"You can stop now," said Miyu. Falco looked like he was struggling to breathe, Miyu tossed a mint into Falco's mouth and he spit it out in her face.

Miyu put a towel on and ran out of the room, racing down into the living room with Peppy.

"He's lost it, Pepperoni. I was in a vane romantic wonderland until that bird went crazy and barged in while I was having the greatest moment of my life!" said Miyu.

"Wha-what's that?" asked Peppy, who seemed to be in a television induced coma.

"Oh no, not you too" said Miyu

"Huh? Oh, Miyu. Help yourself, there's good stuff in the freezer, I'm just worried about Fox is all" said Peppy.

"Worried about Foxy? Really? What's he up to, Gramps?" asked Miyu.

"It's nothing. He's on a bit of a wild goose chase though, pumpkin.

He's out in his Arwing chasing Falco's cell phone through outer space" said Peppy.

"That...makes...sense" said Miyu in a sarcastic sassy tone.

"It's all part of the sacred Cornerian duty" explained Peppy. Falco came flopping down the stairs, and landed on the floor face-up, opening and

closing his beak repeatedly, and begging for water and pain killers. Then Fox came back in his Arwing, landed, came out, and ran into

the living room.

"Falco, I got your cell phone! Here ya go!" said Fox. Miyu pointed at the bird on the floor. Falco looked dead as a doornail. Fox could not believe his eyes.

"Falco, are you okay?" asked Fox.

"He'll be okay he just needs some good iced tea. Iced tea always helps. Fry him a pancake maybe" suggested Peppy.

"No, don't fry him a pancake, Pepperoni's just messing with ya, he likes to do that, I should know, he and I are close!" said Miyu.

"Well, I think he's probably okay. He was like this when we were room-mates back in the academy sometimes before finals" said Fox.

"Yeah, it's just all this stress, I think" said Miyu.

"We're gonna have to build a monument to him. He was a good feller!" said Peppy.

"You mean like that monument we built for Slippy once when we thought he died? Cut it out Peppy!" said Fox.

"Blur-blur-wing blabbit!" said Falco, speaking jibberish.

"Wing blabbit? He's talking jibberish, that can't be good!" said Fox.

Suddenly, a transmission appeared on screen:

Fox, this is General Pepper. Andross is at it again, he's ordered the Star Wolf team to capture top secret Cornerian military equipment and

sell it on the black market in order to aquire funds to build a doomsday device capable of beaming up every citizen of our planet into

his mothership for some sort of purpose of which we know nothing about. You must head for Corneria at once, it is in grave danger.

I promise your paycheck will be enough to pay the rent.

"Oh my goodness, that's just what I needed to hear" said Fox. Miyu comforted Fox.

"It'll be okay. We'll all get through this somehow" said Miyu. She glanced over at Falco.

"Did he just burp?" asked Miyu.

"Yes, I think he did," replied Fox. Miyu decided to hug Falco.

"You poor poor innocent birdie you didn't deserve this! Foxy woxy found your phone, yes he did" said Miyu, kissing Falco's beak. Falco turned red, and began racing through the ship. Then Fox held up his phone, and threw it behind the sofa.

"Go get it boy! Go get the phone!" said Fox. Falco chased after the phone like a hunting dog, and brought it to Miyu, looking up at her with

intense approbation, honor, and respect.

"Falckie, you've never really acted like THIS around me before!" said Miyu, biting her lower lip. She had only seen him behave this way around Katt or Fox.

"Falco, cut it out. That's your phone, not hers! Snap out of it!" said Fox, snapping his fingers. As soon as Falco heard Fox's fingers snap, he came back to his senses. Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper, Then Fox relayed the message from General Pepper. They weren't required for another hour or so, so Falco took a bath to relax.

In Falco's tub:

Falco was lathering his feathers when suddenly a giant machine arose from the water. It was the Blue Marine in its primitive state. Slippy

had been testing it out in the hot tub, but this time it was on purpose to help Miyu get revenge on Falco.

"Oh crud, jeez laweez, what the heck is that?" said Falco. The machine chased him, taking photos of his tail feathers as he ran. As Falco raced downstairs

in a fit yet again, Miyu and Slippy laughed and high fived each other.

"Put her there, you big bad bullfrog you!" said Miyu to Slippy.

THIS STORY HAS TWO CHAPTERS! GO TO CHAPTER 2 NOW! Lol. Or get yourself a cup of coffee first.