Diary Entry

October 3rd, 1983

Dear Diary,

Today I came upon to filthy, homeless children. A scrawny boy named Hansel, and a bony girl named Gretel. I caught those filthy rug rats nibbling on my house like there was no tomorrow! Evidently, their parents taught them no manners. However I am not going to complain. For you see, I locked those gullible children up, and plan to eat the boy. Sure, he may be bony, but once I fatten him up, I am confident he will make a scrumptious meal. As for the girl, she appears to be a lazy, yet intelligent person. I will have to put her to work immediately, before she has time to mix up a plan to escape.

October 15th, 1983

Dear Diary,

My eyesight is failing me, however I doubt any of the children have noticed, as they have showed no signs of an escape plan. Not that I have given that bratty little girl any time to even think. Plus Hansel is always given some sort of new treat to munch on. His mouth is probably so full; it's affecting the way he thinks. She is always doing some sort of chore for me. Moreover, I am getting exceedingly irritated! Even after feeding Hansel a countless amount of sugary sweets, he is not getting any plumper. Everyday I ask Hansel to stick his finger out of his cage, and day after day his finger is still so skinny is could easily be mistaken as a chicken bone! I've been debating whether I should get Hansel some MacDonald's. That would surely do the trick. The girl on the other hand is starting to bother me. She is always moping while doing the work I order her to complete. Once I am through with the boy, I will start plumping up the girl. For you see diary, my patience is growing thin with her day by day.

October 26th, 1983

That is it! I cannot take the waiting anymore! Hansel's finger is still exactly the bony, skinny little finger it was when he first arrived in my house, Gretel is driving me crazy with all of her unnecessary moping, and my stomach is starting to act up! I just don't understand why Hansel is not getting any fatter. He has eaten almost everything in this house. Well diary, I have reached my final decision. I plan to eat Hansel for dinner tonight. Sure, he may be boney, but it is better than nothing, which is what I will get if I don't eat Hansel. But do you remember my plans to devour Gretel when I'm through with Hansel? Well I have thought of something else. Something better. When I am heating up the stove, I will get Gretel to poke her head in. Once she has one so, I will push her into the kindling fire to burn into as many pieces possible! So diary, when I write in you next, my stomach will be full and satisfied and I will unquestionably be a happier person! After all what's better than a boy for dinner? NOTHING!