Hello! I made a series of poems that are in chronological order detailing the life of Li Xiao Chu, otherwise known as Hong Kong, through the eyes of Vietnam.

Genre: Poetry, Hurt and Comfort, Romance, Friendship

Summary: Hue reflects on the life of her seventeen- year old friend Lin told through poems.

Li is Hong Kong

Měilíng is Taiwan

Huế is Vietnam

Adela is Fem! Iceland

Hopefully its not too confusing! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this unusual story!


Liberosis


One More Penny

For Li,

Money is valuable.

For Li,

Change is needed.

For Li,

Money is gone.

For Li,

Just one more Penny.

For Li,

Just one more Nickel.

For Li,

Just one more Dime.

For Li,

It is all Gone.


One Last Look At

Li's sanity,

Li's honesty,

Li's validity,

Li's clarity,

Li's majesty,

One last look at Li .


In Comes

Li's insanity,

Li's intensity,

Li's dishonesty,

Li's vulnerability,

Li's contractility,

Li's tragedy.

What happened to Li ?


Li Is

A good guy,

He really is.

He has a few mistakes under his belt,

But even when he's high,

He can sit there silently,

Intensely listening to every word you say.

Li is

The brother I always asked for,

But never got.

Protective when he needs to be,

Supportive when I need him.

Li is

The best friend who's made mistakes,

And who teaches from those mistakes.

Li is

The student that learns,

And the teacher who teaches all that he's learned.

Li is

My best friend.

Li is

My brother.

Li is

My teacher.


Li Has

Lost his life.

It went

Spinning out of control

Only to leave him suffering.

Only to fill him with TERROR.

Only to leave him alone.


For Li

The beginning of the end

Came

Too

Soon.

It left him

Frenzied

And full of

Fury

But it

Snuck up

On him

Fast.

Into his life.

He wanted to leave it behind

Once.

But he forgot.

He wanted to start again

Once.

But he forgot.

He wanted to be forgiven

Once.

But he forgot.

Now all he can say is

Never.


Li Now

Says he'll stop.

But everyday he slips farther and farther away.

I saw him yesterday,

Sitting on a bench,

His zombie face and those red, bloodshot eyes

Told me that he hadn't slept the night before,

Probably not in days,

He's slipped so far away,

I'm not sure if I'll ever get him back.

But I guess,

To you,

This is useless.

I will start at the very beginning.


This

Is Li 's story. Or whoever Li may turn out to be.

Li Used to Be

The coolest guy on earth,

I used to hang out with him all the time,

Because he used to be smart,

Because he used to be pure,

Because I trusted him to always do the right thing.

He used to be open-minded,

Non-judgemental,

He used to be my best friend.

But now,

I'm not so sure.


How This All Began

I have only a faint idea.

He began to slip,

Away from me,

And he began to slide,

Into place with new people,

New friends,

With new principles,

New objectives,

New ideas,

New values,

So different from his own.


How It REALLY Started

How they got him to start the weed,
I don't know,

But I know that's how it started.

I remember trying to convince him to stop,

I remember trying to convince him it was stupid,

I remember trying to tell him it would only get worse,

I remember telling him he couldn't escape.

I remember shouting,

And screaming,

And I remember how he didn't listen.


What I Remember of How Li

Became

Lifeless.

I remember his pale face,

I remember him smoking once, twice,

Three times a day.

I remember his red eyes,

I remember how he shrugged off my concern,

I remember his arguments with the teachers.

And I remember how it suddenly got so much worse.


They Offered Him

Something "better."

And suddenly,

He was totally different,

I can't even describe it,

He just,

Wasn't there.

In between the weed and the ecstasy I rarely caught a glimpse of him,

But my next memory is painfully clear.


It Was A Clear Day

And sunny,

And warm.

And it smelled like spring.

When I got to school,

I saw the crowd,

Salmon heading upstream,

All crowded around an obstacle,

Not sure how to get around it,

That obstacle was Li .

I remember seeing him sprawled out across the ground,

Bloody,
Oozy,
Gooey,

Yucky.

I remember hearing the stupid,

Crazy rumours.

The ones that were too crazy to believe,

The ones that said he jumped,

From the roof,

Screaming,

"I can fly!"

And flailing his arms about him.

But that particular rumour,

Was true.


They Called Him Li

That guy who had jumped,

But he wasn't.

He wasn't Li .
Not the one I knew.

The Li I knew didn't do drugs,
The Li I knew didn't jump off roofs,

Thinking he could fly.

The Next I Saw of Him

He had tubes spidering over him,

Life support turned up high,

This wasn't the Li I knew.

I wonder what they told his parents,

How do you tell a kid's parents that his son jumped off a roof,

Because he thought he could fly?

He was covered in white gauze,

He was bent,
And broken,

And in a coma.

He was so far gone…

I wasn't sure there was any coming back.


And Maybe There Wasn't

Anything I could do,

Maybe he was too far gone,

And maybe there was no turning back,

Maybe he wasn't ready to listen,

But that didn't remove the want,

Or the need.

School

Was hell.

All the rumours.

All the people.

All the words.

All the pain.

All the stories.

All the glorifying.

School was hell.


Home Was Worse

Than school.

My parents said he had it coming to him.

What did they know?

Weren't they the ones who had introduced me to him?

Weren't they the ones who, for fifteen years, had encouraged me to hang out with him?

What did they know?

They'd done so much crap in their lifetime.

Would I be surprised if they'd jumped off a few roofs themselves?

Hell no.


My Parents

Don't know right from wrong,

Don't know good from bad,

Don't know evil from pure,

Don't know fabulous from demented,

Don't know sober from drunk,

Don't know clean from addicted.

They tell me he is wrong,

But they are no different.

They tell me drugs are bad,

And then go smoke another joint.


When He Got Out

A lot in the world had changed,

Spring had given way to summer,

Pools were open,

School was almost out.

I wondered whether he'd changed.

The doctors said it was a miracle,

He had no brain damage and little memory loss.

All the activities he loved,

He could no longer do,

For he was too bent,

Too broken.

But he could still smoke.


He Surprised Me When

He went and got high.

I guess I'd thought falling three storeys off a building could clean him up,

I guess I was wrong.

I guess I'd thought he'd had his fun,

I guess I was wrong.

I guess I'd thought falling thirty feet through the air would be thrill enough for him,

I guess I was wrong.

I guess I'd thought he'd realize how much he'd hurt me,

I guess I was wrong.

Overall,

I guess I was wrong.


Li Met A Girl

Named Adela.

Adela did drugs.

Adela had drugs.

Adela dealt drugs.

Adela knew drugs.

But Adela was hot.

And Adela was smart, funny, beautiful.

And we both fell for her.

Hard.


I Wish I Could Say

That Li and Adela hated each other on first sight.

But they didn't .

Quite possibly,

It was the opposite.

It looked as though they'd fallen in love,

Right there,

At first sight.

They walked past each other in the parking lot,

They turned their heads,

Looked back,

Then they turned around,

Walked back.

They fell in love,

Right there,

In the parking lot.

And so did I.


I Am

Not what you may have expected.

And think what you may,

I can't tell you exactly who I am,

Because right now,

I have no answer.

All I do know is that we,

Li and me,

Fell hard.

I Wish I Could

Give you a label to call me,

Lesbian, Bi, Straight (I doubt the latter),

But I can't.

Or….

Maybe.

Undecided. That's what I am.

Undecided, unsure, unchanging.


Li Got Attached

To Adela,

To drugs,

To the rush,

And to the rushed.

Li and Adela were never seen apart,

Li and drugs were never seen apart,

Li and the rush were never seen apart,

But all three,

Were tearing Li apart.


Li 's Got A Monster Under His Bed

He showed me last night,

Somehow, through it all,

I had sex with Li .

Somehow, through it all,

I had sex with Li Chun.

Soehow, through it all,

I fell in love with his girlfriend, and had sex with him.

I don't like him,

I don't even like guys.

But somehow, through it all,

I had sex with Li Xiao Chun.


His Parents Invited Me Over

For dinner.

I didn't know why,

But I didn't personally receive the invitation,

My parents did.

And…

I didn't personally send my R.S.V.P,

My parents did.

So who got stuck with Li 's parents and him?

Certainly not my parents.

It was awkward,

Very awkward,

And Li felt it too.

So he said he wanted to talk to me,

So we snuck up to his room.

He pulled out a clear plastic bag,

I swear,

It was the size of his hand,

Well, maybe it just looked that big,

It was an eight ball I think,

I'm not sure,

And I don't really care.

The next thing I know,

He surprises me,

And we're talking,

And I'm telling him how much I miss him,

I miss you too HUỆ.

About how I don't recognize him anymore,

And then he's shushing me,

Don't say anymore.

And he's got his finger in front of my lips,

Quiet.

And I would have told him not to,

I would have tried to stop him,

Except, there was this part of me,

That wanted to know what it was like,

Whether doing something with a guy would make me feel any different.

I was going to back out,

Everything was stacking up against me,

But it was way too late,

His hand was already feeling its way up my leg,

His other hand clasped tightly over my mouth,

That's it.

Take it easy HUỆ.

Don't you trust me anymore?

And there's me,

Trying to struggle out of his grasp,

Trying to scream,

Anything.

Not this, I caught as millions of thoughts rushed through my head,

Not now, another one,

Not like this.

My silent pleas remained unheard,

And after what seemed like hours, it was all over.


I Spent the Next Three Days

Lying in bed,

Shut off from the rest of the world,

Just trying to survive.

No phone,

No movies,

No books,

No friends,

No school,

No parents,

And definitely,

No Li .

Just me.

Sleeping.

Thinking.

Crying.

Sleeping.

Thinking.

Crying.

Just trying to survive,

On my own.


I Wanted to Stay

In bed all day,

No responsibilities,

No commitments,

And I would have stayed in bed,

I would have never left,

But my parents forced me up.

My parents,

The ones who forced me to go to his house,

The ones who forced me to stay there,
The ones who said I couldn't just stay home.

I could say it was their fault,

But really,

It was mine.


It Was My Fault

Because I could have stopped him.

Because I shouldn't have even thought about having sex with him.

Because my initial thought should have been 'no way,'

And not 'maybe.'

Because I should know enough to know that if a guy wants to "talk" in his room,

He most definitely doesn't want to talk.

It was my fault

Because it is always my fault.

It was my fault

Because I should have savedLi , when Li stopped being Li.


School Was Hard

I had no time to think,

No time to cope,

No time to work out my thoughts,

No time to figure out how to merely survive.


I Crossed My Fingers

That I'd never see Li again,

That his story would be finished,

That there was nothing left to write.

But mostly,

I just never wanted to see him again.


My Dreams and Hopes

Went tumbling down to the ground,

The moment I saw him and Adela making out in the parking lot.

I got nausea and butterflies,

Both at the same time.

Butterflies from the mere thought of Adela,

Nausea from the mere sight of Li.


Li Got Over Me

Quick.

That's if he ever actually liked me,

Which I doubt he did.

A quick fix of sweat and heat and adrenaline,

A quick erection,

That's all I was to him.

I wasn't HUỆanie,

His life long friend,

I was his object,

His tool,

His little sex toy,

I was his drug.

That's all I was,

And so,

Li got over me quick.


Home Got Worse

For everyone.

The thing about my parents is,

As much as I complain about them,

They do care about me,

And they do notice when something's wrong,

Which it was,

And they do worry.


Dad Talks At Me

Sometimes.

Tells me not to do drugs,

Drugs are stupid,

Tells me not to have sex,

It'll get me pregnant,

It's called a condom Dad.

Tells me not to have sex without a condom then.

Mom never did,

Never does,

The parent-kid talks.

Knows I wouldn't listen.

This time I was asleep,

Dad woke me up.

HUỆ, I want to talk to you.

Come on, wake up.

Me: Huh?

Wake up!

Okay.

HUỆ, me and Mom are really worried.

Uh huh.

We know you wouldn't, don't, do drugs, but you haven't been yourself this week.

Grunt.

Is everything okay with you?

Meh.

You know you can talk to us, right?

Yeah, sure Dad.


I Get

Sick.

I get

Scared.

I get

Worried.

I don't tell Mom.

Or Dad.

I Should Have

Told Mom,

Or Dad,

Sooner.

Because I was sick.

Every day,

Every morning,

Most nights.


Li Whispers

In my ear on Monday.

You were good the other night HUỆ.

I grabbed Měilíng's arm,
And held tight.

What's wrong HUỆ?

You okay?

Before I can answer,

I'm throwing up.

Woah, holy shit! HUỆ, sit down, sit down

HUỆ. HUỆ! What the hell is wrong with you?

But I don't hear her.

All I hear is Li .

You were good the other night HUỆ…

You were good the other night HUỆ…

You were good the other night HUỆ…

It echoes over and over again.

I know everyone's yelling at me,

But I have no idea what they're saying.

Did you eat something bad?

Are you going to be okay?

But one thing does catch my attention,

Was it that guy?

Do I tell them?

Can I trust them?

I'll tell Měilíng later,

On our own,

But not in front of all of them.

Měilíng?

Yeah?

Now's not the best time for me to tell you,

Later, ok?

Um, yeah, sure, anytime.

Are you okay?

Mmm.

Eughh! HUỆ!

I was still throwing my guts up.


I Needed Měilíng

I needed to talk to her,

And try to explain to her,

And have her tell me it would be okay.

But Měilíng was always with everybody,

Or everybody was always with her.


There Was So Much

Wrong,

So much to tell her.

None of my friends knew I was gay,

None of my friends knew I was (what was I? Raped?!)

None of my friends knew I used to be best friends with Li ,

None of my friends knew how hard the past months had been for me,

None of my friends would understand,

Except for Měilíng.


Měilíng Was At My House

When I got home.

I found her sitting on my bed,

Playing my pink guitar.

Hey!

Hey….

I heard you wanted to talk.

Haha, I did, but how?

Ummm…yeah.

So shoot.

How?

At…the beginning?

What if I don't know where that is?

Find it?

Could take a while.

I've got time. Mom said I could sleep over, if you want.

Sure.

Then I'll stay. So tell me…what's up?

Blah.

What? You want me to guess?

I stared at my pink guitar.

Just try.

Okay…you…got a dog?

Nope.

You…won the lottery?

Come on! Be serious here!

Would I be depressed and get sick,

If I won the LOTTERY?

Yeah, that's true, you wouldn't,

Would you?

Okay, so….you fell deeply in love…with someone…off limits?

She guessed it…

Do I fess up?

Ummmm…..

With that Liam…uh…Lias?

Whatever, with him?

It's Li, and no.

Alfred?

Nope.

Emil?

Nope.

Im?

EWWW! Měilíng!

Haha, okay..umm..hmmm

Want a hint?

Love one.

Okay, you'll never guess.

That's my hint? I'll never guess?

Yup.

Ugh. Better one!

Now was my time,

It wasn't like it would get any easier

If I put it off…

Alright. You're all wrong.

You even got the gender wrong!

You're…gay?

Stay silent.

You are?

Yeah.

That's cool!

But that's not the end of the...

story, is it?

I shook my head.

Okay, so….why don't you just tell me the rest?

The hardest part's over,

Right?

Silence.

It isn't?

Silence.

Oh god, this is going to be a long night.

Okay, so….the rest is harder eh?

Yeah. Much.

Okay, let's go, tell me, I'm right here for you, always.

I know. Thanks.

You can't say it, can you?

Again, I shake my head.

Does it have to do with that Li guy?

Mmhmm.

Did…you two…have sex?

I was crying now,

There was nothing I could say,

No way I could deny it,

She knew now.

Did he make you have sex with him?

I could have stopped him!

Oh my god. And no, no! You couldn't have.

You can't think like that!

You tell me,

How am I supposed to think?

Oh hell, I don't know.

Neither do I.

Please, please, tell me it gets

Easier from here?

I…

You…

I think I might be pregnant.

And, as if on cue,

I run to the washroom and throw up.

She shouts to me.

Oh fuck. Well, have you taken a test?

Hold on, I can't hear you.

Okay!

Sorry about that.

It's okay. Have you taken a test though?

No. Couldn't. How could I?

I don't know. Look, I'm going to help you,

It's going to be okay.

Okay.

I promise.


She Stayed the Night

And we talked about everything,

We talked about Adela,

And we talked about Li and how much he'd changed.

And I told her about that night with him.

And we went out and bought a test and it turns out I was pregnant after all.

And for the first time since this all started,

I managed to laugh at my dilemma.

We agreed that if you think about it on a not-so-personal scale,

A pregnant lesbian,

Is kinda funny.

And when we finally went to sleep,
At about 6 a.m.,

I didn't feel so bad about it,

Because I wasn't so alone.


When I Woke Up

I was closer to Měilíng than I'd ever been to another girl,

On a physical scale,

And closer to her than I'd ever been to another person,

On an emotional scale.

She was perfect,

In so many ways,

In every way.

She was beautiful,

In so many ways,

In every way.

She was incredible,

In so many ways,

In every way.

She was…sexy,

In so many ways,

In every way.

I mean,

You're probably thinking this is really wrong,

And that I really shouldn't be checking out my best friend when I'm lying in bed with her,

And that if I am,

I shouldn't be liking what I'm seeing,

And maybe that's so,

But that didn't stop me.


I Don't Know How Long Měilíng

Was awake,

But I do know that she startled me.

Gooooood Morning!

Woah, shit…you scared me!

Did I?

A little yah.

Woah, hey, HUỆ,

It's okay,

Don't be embarrassed.

Stop shaking!

You wanna know MY secret?

I'm gay too.

It's okay!

What?

No she wasn't!

Since when?

Huh?

I'm gay.

I'm like you.

You're not alone.

And you don't have to act.

Not anymore.

Not with me.


Měilíng Asks

Do you like me?

As in…?

As in…have feelings for me…

Yeah, of course,

You're my best frie –

OH! You mean like THAT!

Honestly?

Yeah.

I think so.

But you don't know?

Yeah, yeah I do.

And?

And yeah. I really like you.

That's cool.

That's it?

What? You waiting for me to say something else?

Haha, well yeah.

I kinda assumed there was a reason

You were asking.

Yeah, I saw you checking me out,

I was checking you out too.

Oooh, so Měilíng could be discreet.

Oh yeah?

Oh yeah. You know what?

What?

You rock my socks off.

That was it,

Two seconds later,

We were screaming with laughter,

And then we were making out.


And Then Dad Walked In.

He wanted to know if we were up and if we wanted breakfast.

He said he saw we were and that we already had some.

He left quick. But I saw the look he flashed us on his way out.


We Hung Out In My Room

All day.

Sure, it was Thursday,

Sure, we had school,

But we didn't care.

We laughed,

We cried,

We talked,

We cried some more.

And yeah,

There was the occasional kiss,

Of course.


Měilíng Asked

What I'd been avoiding.

What are you going to do?

About…?

Being pregnant.

Ugh…I can't keep it.

Definitely not?

Definitely not.

Okay. Umm….

We could go to the clinic?

Umm,

I guess I don't really have a choice.

No, not really eh?

I was crying again.

HUỆ, come on, it'll all be okay.

I'm here now,

And I'm not leaving.

I braved a smile,

But it quickly collapsed.


She Held Me Close

For hours.

I cried,

And cried,

And cried.

And she held me,

And it felt like heaven,

And it felt like I could stay in her arms for days.

I never wanted to leave,

Not now,

Not ever.


Měilíng Asked

What I'd been hoping she would,

At dinner,

Which was,

Of course,

In my room.

HUỆ?

Uh huh?

You,

Uh,

You wanna go out sometime?

Uh huh!

There's no better feeling,

Than when a dream comes true.

Awesome, I was hoping you'd say that.

She was grinning,

I was grinning,

And wouldn't you know it?

I'd hit heaven again.


Li 's Story

Merged with mine,

Somewhere back about twelve pages,

The truth is,

I don't want to write about Li anymore,

Even thinking about him hurts.

I'm tired of being wrapped up in Li ,

Being hurt by him and his drugs,

Being hurt by being his drug.

I'm tired of that.

This isn't Li 's story anymore,

It's mine.


School Was

Actually fun.

Now that Měilíng and I were going out,

I had butterflies between classes,

Someone to pass coded notes to,

Someone to share inside jokes with.

And even though we weren't "official" yet,

If ever,

Even though not even our closest friends knew,

We still felt absolutely amazing.


Purple Walls

Are gross and unattractive,

And are made even worse in a clinic,

With pale yellow trim,

And people crying.

I hate purple walls.


Měilíng Understood

How much it hurt.

Maybe it was because she was gay too,

Or because she was my girlfriend,

Or because she was Měilíng.


My Dad Talks At Me, Again

And this time I answer.

HUỆ!

Yeah Dad?!

Come down here a minute!

I want to talk to you!

Uh…okay!

Be down in a minute!

So much for that nice cold,

Refreshing shower.

So…

Is this about…

What you saw?

Yep.

Okay.

I know what I saw,

But I can forget it,

Just as long as I never see it again.

And if you do?

Then your life will be made very difficult.

DAD!

What?

I am not going to stand by,

And watch my daughter grow up dyke.

Excuse me?!

I can move out if you'd like that any more!

I would indeed but your mother would be very upset.

I didn't have to hear anymore.


On The Phone With Měilíng

I cried some more.

And then I hung up and packed.

And packed.

And packed.

And three hours later I was ready to go.

A quick call to her mom and I was off.


Měilíng's House Smelled

Clean and like…wildflowers.

I liked it.

Her mom had set up a roll-away-bed-type-thing,

Low to the floor,

With what looked like NASCAR bedsheets,

And a batman bedspread.

I was guessing and hoping that it was Měilíng's brother's stuff.

Sorry about the sheets.

She looked oddly embarrassed, and blushed as I looked at her.

Your brother's?

Yeah, from when he was like, six!

Cool.

No, no.

This is cool.

What is?

You living in my house!

Oh yeah!

That's awesome!

It's so nice of your mom to let me!

Pfft. Nah, you know my mum.

'Someone's in trouble?

Oh, I MUST help them!'


There Were Still

The touches,

The little hand placements to let me know she was always there for me,

The little kisses on the top of my head,

Telling me it would all be okay,

There were the looks we exchanged between classes,

The looks that left us and everyone around us blushing.

We'd toned things down a little,

Figuring that if you're kissing 24/7,

Each kiss isn't as special,

And there's no diffrenciating that one from the one before it.


Somehow

Měilíng and I managed to keep things a secret,

Apart from my parents,

And her mom.

And she helped me,

And taught me.

She helped me get over Li ,

And Adela too,

And she taught me how not to lose Li ,

How,

If I held on to all the good things about him,

All the good memories,

Then I wouldn't lose him at all.

She taught me how to forget the bad things,

No matter how hard it was,

And I was a slow learner,

But she was persistent,

And she held me close and took me,

To heaven,

When I started to cry,

Into the safety of her arms.

But there was one change now.

Now she kissed the top of my head,

And said those three little words,

That sent butterflies,

From my heart to my stomach.

I love you

And I loved her too,

I still do.


But

Part of our relationship,

Was me being there for her too.

Which wasn't hard,

She rarely had any need for support,

Stuff just didn't go wrong with her.

But one day it did.

There were no looks between classes,

No secret kisses on the top of my head,

Nothing.

Měilíng, you good?

Mmm.

You've got spare now right?

Yeah.

Okay, come on, we're getting a coffee.

No, really,

I'm not in the mood right now HUỆ,

Later, okay?

No,

Come on.

NOW!

HUỆ,

I don't want to,

It's all good.

Well no,

It obviously isn't,

Let's go.

Whatever.


What I Remember of Měilíng's Dad

I remember how he destroyed her,

Everything about her,

I remember how he beat her,

And she always had huge bruises.

I remember all the things she told me,

About how he beat,

And yelled at her mom.

I remember how she hated him,

But loved him too.

I remember how after he left,

She never wanted to see him again.


We Went For Coffee

And I coaxed it out of her.

Mom just called.

Yeah?

Dad's home.

What?

Dad, he's home.

No he isn't.

Yes he is.

Why?

Don't know.

Don't care.

I want him gone.

Yeah, well, me too.

It's been a whole fucking year!

I thought he was gone!

Why's he back?

He can't touch you.

I won't let him!

You can't stop him!

I'll find a fucking way.

I live there now too.

Probably not for long.

Now Měilíng was crying.

I don't want you to leave,

Don't leave HUỆ,

Don't.

Please…

It was my turn,

To be there for her,

Her "Knight in shiningarmour."


The Knight Is Struck

And falls.

Her dad,

Is a bastard.

He was in our room,

Hitting and kicking her,

Smashing her against things,

And I didn't know,

Not until I was in there,

And then it was too late.

I couldn't just stand there,

In my room,

I couldn't just stand there and watch,

Watch as my girlfriend was beaten by her dad.

I was stronger than her,

I had to do something,

I wasn't thinking,

I wasn't realizing that he was stronger than me.

I shut my mind off,

And rode my imaginary great white stallion into battle,

A hero on a horse.

Quickly,

I fell of my horse,

And things looked different when you weren't so high.

He threw me at a bookcase,

And all of a sudden I was bleeding,

And I threw a punch at him,

But he caught my fist in his hand,

And he threw me on the ground.

He was like the Hulk.

Things hurt when your horse wasn't taking the pain for you.

Every punch knocked the wind out of you.

Every kick,

Every scratch,

Hurt so much more,

When you were taking the pain.


He Was Hitting Her Too

But she wasn't hitting back,

Maybe she'd learned that she'd only get hurt more.

I felt bad,

I was supposed to be her 'knight in shining armour,'

On a magnificent white horse.

She needed me this one time,

And I couldn't even help her,

Not even just this once.


He Knocked Her Out

When he hit her head against the wall.

I whacked him over the head with a book,

But there was no STOPing him.

I had a voice in my head,

Don't do this,

Don't put your safety on the line,

Just to be the hero.

I had another one too though,

Don't give up.

Don't!


I Hit Him Hard

With a chair,

He stumbled,

And I ran hard.

My phone was out of my pocket,

Before I reached the top of the staircase.

The cops were there in under three minutes,

The ambulances,

30 seconds behind.

What I Remember

Of the cops and ambulances.

I remember not knowing where her mom was,

I remember two ambulances,

And two cop cars,

I remember seeing Měilíng disappear into the back of an ambulance.

I remember seeing her dad go off in the back of a cop car.

I remember being loaded off into my own ambulance.


We Weren't There

For long.

A couple of hours maybe.

And then we were out.

Her mom would be there for a few hours longer.

So we were driven back to school.

They said we didn't have to go,

But we said that was fine.


My Cell Phone

Kept ringing.

I would answer,

And all I'd hear would be crying,

Then the caller would hang up,

I had a strong feeling it was mom.

It went on for days.

I never called back.

I never said "hi."

I never told her not to hang up.

I never went home to say hi.


For Me

There was a war ranging,

I could see bloodshed,

The tears came via messages and calls on my cell,

The bravery came from within my heart,

The heroes were Měilíng,

And Měilíng's mom.


Recovering Li

Was difficult.

It was a pain-staking process.

It was discouraging,

It was depressing,

It was scary,

It was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

Trying to remember all the good times,

And forget about the bad,

Trying to forget about what he'd done to me,

How badly he'd fucked me up,

Trying not to blame me for getting raped,

And now being forced to not blame him too.


I Started Studying

Li .

And slowly I began to realize,

That this wasn't about me,

It couldn't be about what Li had done to me,

It was about the fact that Li was a human,

And the more I studied him,

The more I realized that no human should go through,

What he was going through,

What he was enduring.

I started seeing that he didn't throw it all away for nothing,

He threw it all away,

Because he was hurt,

Because he was tired,

Because it was his last resort,

Because he needed to escape.


Li Loses Adela

In a car accident.

And I was there for Li ,

And Měilíng was there for me.

Li cried.

I cried.

Li reflected a lot,

On who Adela had been,

Why he had loved her.


Okay, So

Maybe I couldn't be Měilíng's knight,

In shining armour,

On a magnificent white horse,

But that didn't mean,

That she couldn't still be mine.


We Let The Whole School

Know.

And maybe slowly letting the entire school know

Was a bad decision,

Not a wrong decision,

Just a bad decision.

It wasn't like one of those things you plan,

It just,

Sort of…

Happened.

Měilíng got a 99.3 average in language,

Her all-time favourite subject,

And definitely it was worth celebrating.

I have no idea how many people saw us making-out,

I don't care either.

Before I was talking about significant kisses,

This was significant.


Big News

Is big news,

Is big news.

If you imagine my peers,

As newspaper editors,

Then this was the big break they'd been waiting for,

They sent all their reporters to the scene,

And they were all trying to get the best, most interesting version,

Even if they didn't tell it as it really was,

They were trying to get the best interview,

The best perspective.

If you were an innocent on-looker,

There was a high chance that you might possibly have thought

That our school had discovered a new form of life.

And I guess,

In a way,

Our school had.

Before "The Kiss,"

As it was now being called,

I think the majority of our school could only try to imagine the gay lifestyle,

But now it was really there,

For them to see.


I Was

HUỆanie,

The mostly quiet,

Mostly distanced,

Brown-eyed,

Brown-haired,

Totally average,

Totally normal,

Girl.

The part people had trouble understanding,

Was that I was gay.

But then again,

90 of the students believed the rumours that went around,

And the last one about me,

Was that I loved Li.


Speaking of Li

Just when I'd given him my trust again,

He threw it all away.

Cocaine,

That was apparently,

The name of his new game.

I saw him slide further away than ever before.

Always,

Always stoned.


If You Think

Měilíng and I being out surprised the school,

You were right.

If you think Li being addicted to everything under the sun surprised the school,

You were so wrong.


I Let Go

And distanced myself,

As Li fell

More and more

Into his spiral of drugs,

And wastedness.

I know why they call it wasted now,

It's a waste of someone's life.

It's a bloody fucking waste.


Li's Parents

Call me,

On my cell phone,

At lunch one day.

It seemed weird to me,

For them to call my cell phone,

At lunch.

I never could have imagined that I would get this call.

HUỆanie?

Měilíng?

Yeah.

Why are you calling?

Is everything okay?

Oh yeah, well…

Well?

It's about Li .

Sort of.

Sort of?

Did something happen with you guys?

What?

Like rape?

How much did she know?

What do you mean?

I mean, did you two…

Have…

Have sex?

Stay silent.

Stay calm.

Last night,

Something was wrong,

With Li ,

And he told us,

That that night,

I was crying now,

And I was pretty sure,

That I could hear crying on her end too.

That that night,

You two had,

Had sex.

Is that true honey?

It was just like the old days,

There was no lying to Měilíng.

Yeah.

He,

He said,

He said you're gay.

Yeah.

Yeah, I, I am.

Oh god honey,

I know,

I know this is weird,

But can I ask you something?

Um, sure?

It wasn't enjoyable,

Was it?

Ummm…

Did he rape you HUỆanie?

Měilíng, I don't,

I don't really want,

Want to talk about this,

Not n-n-n-ow.

Look,

Can you come over tonight?

Li won't be here,

I want to talk to you.

Ummmm…

Yeah, sure.

I guess you deserve,

To,

To know what happened.

Thank you.

I'll be there for,

Uh…

4:30?

5?

Right. Sure. Thanks.


It's Five O'clock Somewhere

And tonight it was at the Websters'.

Hi honey.

Hi.

We sat in the living room,

Me,

Curled up in a tight little ball on the couch,

Her,

In the big comfy cozy armchair,

Which could fit 3 people,

At least.

Look, are you okay?

I want you to be honest,

Because I know you can't go to your parents.

Umm, yeah.

I mean,

It's hard,

That's for sure,

And it's an understatement,

But Měilíng's helping me.

Měilíng?

Oh, yeah,

She's my girlfriend.

Oh. Alright.

Did he tell you he'd,

Uh…

Raped me?

No.

He said that you two had sex,

And he said that you were gay,

And I put them together,

And took a big guess,

And a big gamble.

Ah.

I don't know why he brought it up last night,

Or what was wrong with him.

He was acting insane,

Things were on fire apparently,

And he kept grabbing at his arms and legs and face,

And kept crying out,

"It hurts! It hurts!
Mom, help me!

It hurts!"

He's on drugs.

What?

Li ,

He's been a hardcore druggy for a while now,

I've been losing him,

And I've been worried.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you tell someone?

Anyone?

I didn't want to hurt you,

And I didn't want you to blame yourself,

I didn't want him in trouble,

I just wanted him to go back to normal,

And I guess I was in denial,

And thought it was just a phase,

And even though I knew that eventually,

He could get really hurt,

I was in denial that he would,

I just wanted the old Li back.

I would have given anything for that old Li back.

The phone rang.

Hello?

Yes, this is her.

No, he's not,

He's what?

Crying,

Sobbing,

Shaking,

Trembling,

I watched the phone drop,

From her shaking hands,

Shaking with terror,

Shaking with horror.

I watched as she fell apart,

In three seconds,

Flat-out.

I watched,

As this figure of strength in my life,

Crumbled so quickly,

And I was terrified.


I, We, Lost Li

I, we, lost him,

For good.

Li went too far,

Li took too much,

Li never looked back,

Li never listened,

And now Li 's gone.

And dead.

Forever.


Despite Everything

He did to me,

Despite everything he put me through,

I'd still loved him,

As a friend.

And his mom loved him,

As her only friend.

And his sister loved him,

As her younger brother.

And his dad loved him,

For everything he had been.

And the science teacher loved him,

As the best student he'd ever had.

And his friends loved him,

As a friend.

And Adela loved him,

And had him once again.


Li 's Funeral

Was like most,

Except for Li was still just a kid.

Just a kid.

He was only seventeen!

He wasn't supposed to DIE!

He was too young.

I'd tried to push him,

I'd tried to teach him,

But he never listened,

And now he was dead.


I Locked Myself

In my room,

Again.

Quiet.

Crying.

Sleeping.

Quietly.

No disturbances.

Just me,

In my room,

On my own.

Nobody but me.

I called Měilíng,

And told her I was sorry,

Sorry for not telling her sooner about the drugs,

Sorry he was dead.

She said she was sorry,

For all the pain that Li put me through,

I told her it wasn't her fault,

I told her not to worry,

But she wouldn't have it.

So I went back to bed.


Time Snuck

Up on me,

Up on Měilíng,

Up on Im,

Li's dad,

Up on Kiua,

Li's sister,

Time just snuck right on up on all of us.


Eleven

Days I stayed in bed,

Reasons I blamed myself,

Mysteries to solve,

Reasons for his death.

Eleven was the unlucky number,

Eleven was the charm,

Eleven was the twisted fate,

That had caused all the harm.


It Was A Matter of Days

Before the whole school found out about Li .

At his parents' request,

The students in the school did not find out the reason for his death.

He was gone,

That was all they needed to know.

I was surprised at how hard the school took it,

He was a druggy,

Our school didn't particularly like druggies,

I guess they remembered everything he'd been through,

The death of Adela,

And those who'd known him long enough might have remembered,

From many years ago,

How his dad had tried to kill Měilíng,

As well as him.

Any death,

In my books,

Is a tragedy,

But to so many,

Li was such a good friend.

To those who could remember him,

And still tried to remember him,

From before he was a druggy,

Knew that he was a great friend.

That he was always there for them,

That he never disowned them,

Never looked down on them,

That he respected them,

And their decisions,

For all they were worth.

His new friends,

Even though they were druggies,

Knew he was a good friend,

Not just because he could get them the best shit in the world,

But because he made life easier for them,

Because they all had their own stories,

Of why they were druggies,

And he tried to make things easier for them,

He talked to them,

And he listened,

He knew,

That even though they'd just shot themselves in the arm with a shot of heroin,

What they were saying wasn't all bullshit,

And what they were feeling was still pain.

He understood.

Everything.

He always had done.


Those Eleven Days

Were not all quarantine.

Mom and dad came in occasionally to bring me food,

And to ask if I wanted anything.

And every once in a while Měilíng came,

To check on me,

And make sure everything was okay.

But everything was not right,

Nothing was easy,

Everything was awkward.

Měilíng and I didn't hug,

Or kiss,

Or even hold hands,

Which scared me,

It made me wonder whether everything was going to be okay between us.

I didn't see a reason why it wouldn't be,

But maybe she was just too tired of always being there for me.


And It Was

Fine afterall

Měilíng and I were perfectly fine.

I mean,

Relatively speaking.

Considering the circumstances we were amazing.

But in reality,

I was having a hard time.


A Surprise Was At My Door

When I got home.

A phone call,

An email,

And Měilíng.

So maybe we weren't so far apart as I thought.

Or maybe she was trying to bring us back together.

Either way,

I had her,

I had her then,

I have her now,

And I always will,

So I was happy,

And still am.


You Might Think

That Li's story is over,

He's dead,

He's gone,

So it's reasonable that you may think it's over.

But it's not.

Because I feel like Li 's been described as a bad person,

Somebody you couldn't trust,

Somebody you couldn't believe,

Somebody who messed things up everywhere he went.

But he wasn't.

I guess basically,

I just want to rewind,

And part of letting go of him,

Is remembering everything he was,

Mostly from before the drugs,

The Li I like to remember.


The Li I Like to Remember

Was sweet,

And gentle,

And kind.

I was four-and-a-half,

When I met him,

And he said,

"How do you do?"

And I laughed,

And wondered,

And said,

"Who says how do you do?"

I mean,

I guess we just naturally hit it off.

He was the first kid in Toronto that I knew,

And he understood how I missed all my Ottawa friends,

He always understood,

We used to joke about it,

I'd say,

"So Mr. Understand-it-all,

What's the meaning of life?"

And he'd say,

"I understand it,

I just can't explain it."

He cared,

And so he'd put himself in his friends' shoes,

And he'd spend days there,

Trying to re-enact all the emotions,

Trying to really feel what they were feeling,

After a while,

He could feel anything,

Because people went to him with everything,

So he knew a wide range of emotions,

Which I guess made him able to understand,

I remember talking to him,

About the days when dad used to beat me,

And it took weeks,

Maybe months,

But one day,

He found me in the library,

And he came right up to me,

And without saying 'hi' or anything,

He just came up and said,

"HUỆanie, I know how you feel now.

I hate it.

It hurts.

I understand."

And I was amazed.

One of the great things about him,

Was that you had to always trust him,

There was no not trusting him,

I mean,

He spoke so honestly,

And spent so much time on things.

I still,

To this day,

Really believe,

That when he came up,

And told me that he understood,

I truly,

With all my heart,

Believe he did.


We Were Always Lucky

Because we always ended up being in the same class,

Which was good,

Because we were inseparable.

Conjoined twins,

Unable,

Unwanting,

Unwilling,

To be separated,

Broken,

Torn apart,

Ripped at the seams,

Split in half,

Smashed open,

Dragged apart,

Un able,

Unwanting,

Unwillling.

That's How

It always was,

How it always will be,

At least in spirit.


I'm

20 now,

Which I guess is only a few years older than I was then,

But it seems like ages,

Time kind of flies I guess,

I mean,

I'm in University now,

Working towards my PHD so I can be a psychiatrist,

And any writing I do has to be done at lunch,

Or whenever I'm not either studying,

Or working,

Which leaves only about 45 minutes a day.

I miss Li sometimes,

And Adela,

But life moves on.

Li 's story is over again,

His lessons are open to be learned by all,

His story's been told in these pages,

And it's time for me to open a new chapter in my own life.

Měilíng's moved in with me,

And things are going amazing with absolutely everything,

I have to admit,

She's often had to be my "knight in shining armour,"

And still does,

But I guess that's who she is.

With Li 's story over,

And the page turned on mine,

I guess there's nothing left to be written in these pages,

Nothing…

Nothing but the stories of time.

END OF STORY


A/N:

Hello! Thamk you for reading my story. It's quite long, so I'll try my best to explain it:

-The poems:

The poems are lines varying in length that contains a sizable amount of plot in between them. Although some are short, and some are long, they help to tell the story in an interesting way that Hue, Vietnam Envisioned.

-The story:

Bascically, quite composed Hong Kong had gotten himself into quite the trouble, and even in more unfavorable situations. Hue here, tells her story of Li through the usage of poems, divided into subcatergories- that nonethless gives plenty of exposition. Her life came crashing down over the recent death of her friend Li, who she may or may not had feelings for. She was on the verge of her breaking point, when she meets Mei, Taiwan. Together, they struggle with their confusing lives, and ultimately become freinds, and then lovers.

A lot of things happened in the story, and just as Hue's thoughts diverged at some parts, the flow could be easily followed.

Anyway, I hope you liked this story! If you have any questions surronding the story, or anything in particular, don't be afraid to PM. I hope you have a good night, or a morning, or an afternoon depending on where you live.

~Cheers, Enchanting Grace