"Mister Gibbs," Jack began, "I suspect you are wondering something."
Gibbs opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Jack continued, "I suspect, in fact, that you are wondering how on earth your good captain managed to find himself in this particular situation. Am I correct?"
"Well..."
"I assure you, sir." Jack raised an index finger and went on emphatically, "There is an excellent--nay, a profound explanation--for how things currently appear to be right now, at this present moment, et cetera."
"Ah." Gibbs didn't look convinced. "So there's a reason you've got a monkey on your head, then."
"Well." Jack gave an indifferent shrug and gestured upwards towards the simian in question, who put his head to one side and gave a broad grin. "Bloody monkey goes wherever it wants, doesn't it? Can't help that."
"True, true. But..." Gibbs hesitated, then went on, "But it's naked, captain."
Jack affected a haughty look. "Monkeys typically are naked, Mister Gibbs. It is the natural state of things as they are found in nature."
"Yes, but..."
"Besides," Jack went on with a broad gesture, "Monkeys have their washing-up days for their clothes just like anybody else, don't they?"
Gibbs decided not to press the contradiction. "And the white--" He hesitated. "--substance all over your left shoulder?"
"Ah." Jack grimaced, darting his gaze in that direction. "Mister Cotton's parrot is apparently feeling a bit under the weather, as it were."
"I see." Gibbs crossed his arms, and gave an arch look. "And the flower?"
"What, this?" Jack raised the wilted pink blossom he held in his left hand. "This, my dear fellow, was part of a bouquet I had planned to present to a lady at our last port." He gave a pained grimace of recollection. "Alas, things did not go as planned."
Gibbs looked sympathetic. "She didn't like the flowers?"
"Oh no, she was quite pleased. Her husband didn't much take to them, however."
"Ah."
Jack gave a tragic sigh, and the monkey shifted position on his head and began to groom himself vigorously. "Thus I came on deck to toss this last blossom overboard as a testimony to my lost love for..." He trailed off, and looked up towards the heavens as he silently mouthed a series of names before finally concluding, "...her."
"Well." Gibbs nodded. "That certainly does make sense now you explain it all to me, cap'n. But..." He hesitated, then plunged in. "Why, exactly, are you wearing one boot and one pink-and-orange striped sock?"
Jack opened his mouth. He closed it again. He raised a hand. He lowered it again. He looked down. He looked up. He stared at Gibbs for a very long time.
Then, finally, he shrugged and said, "No reason."
With that, he turned in place and strode off with as much dignity as he could muster and a slightly uneven gait. Gibbs watched him go, then reached for his flask and took a very, very, very long drink.
