Author's note: The advisory I will give here is less about corporal punishment, which I assume you are expecting, than about readers' character assumptions. This is perhaps not the Carlisle you have imagined. I hope after reading this story, you will think of him differently. Carlisle was born in the brain of Stephenie Meyer, and with no disrespect, I have taken her fatherly, long-suffering pacifist out of character and given him more edge. You wouldn't want every story to be the same, now would you? Towards Edward, Ms. Meyer's prince-in-waiting, there will be a guardian/father's affection but no babying. This story is rated on the milder end of M –- for now.

Careless & Irresponsible

I finished getting dressed for school and tried to guess the outside temperature by scanning the dark river and pale sky through the huge windows of my room. I absolutely reveled in the heavy clouds hanging low over the tree tops. Oh yeah! A white day. Love it! It might snow finally! Hello! It's winter already! Can we have something other than rain, rain and more damn rain? Though I didn't mind the rain so much, Bella hated the wet. She hated the cold too, but she chose to live here in Washington where we had 300 days a year of one or both. She was such a fragile little thing. It must be hell for her most days, but she rarely complained. She had turned down a life of warm beaches and constant Florida sun for life in the sodden Pacific Northwest rain forests – to be with me. Grateful me. An understatement!

It was probably cold enough for down today, and all the other kids at school would be bundled up to their eyes. Nobody in my family needed jackets for warmth - just for appearances - so I imprudently chose to wear the expensive leather motorcycle jacket my favorite sister had picked up in downtown LA on a recent shopping spree. The leather was cool and satiny to the touch – like my skin, Bella said. It was extravagantly supple and polished, a rich deep brown - like her eyes. Bella thought it looked hot on me, and that was the best reason of all to wear it! I'd stand out at school, as usual, being dressed too lightly for the day. So when did I not stand out anyway? Cool guys never wore down jackets.

I heard my "brothers and sisters" noisily passing through the kitchen, their voices muting as they filed into the garage. I was the last one ready, as usual. Why is that? I grabbed my jacket, my backpack, turned out the bedroom light.

Before I could round the corner of my door and enter the hallway, I pulled up short. Carlisle was in the hallway, walking my direction at a very human pace. He was on his cell. He was happily absorbed in the conversation. Must be mom! He dropped his keys into one of the deep outside pockets of his charcoal-gray overcoat, draped over his arm along with the scarf Alice insisted he wear to work...some designer nonsense she insisted would impress his co-workers. She was usually right.

He wore a long-sleeved shirt and dress slacks instead of the scrubs that were his usual Tuesday attire. The clothes did not look ostentatious, but you knew, if he was dressed by Alice, the shirt would be Egyptian cotton, the slacks Afghani cashmere and the overcoat something impossibly exquisite like Peruvian vicuña. It must often occur to outside observers, i.e. humans, that he looked a little too handsome and sophisticated to be the father of five teenagers living in a backwards town like Forks. He exuded a charming atavistic air, though he worked hard to appear passably modern, to keep his vocabulary and knowledge up-to-date. Living with teenagers certainly helped him stay current. Carlisle Cullen, the gracious aristocrat, the devoted physician, after 270 years as a "monster", was still the most human of us all.

"Mmmm...I miss you too." He murmured, a subtle, intimate smile drifting over his still lips and eyes. "OK, then, see you this evening." Yeah, it's mom. He looked up, dropping the phone into the pocket with the keys.

"Morning, Carlisle. I thought you'd left for the hospital already."

His eyes met mine directly and warmly - as always. He was the most important person in my world until Bella found me. First, my savior, then my companion and friend, now, for all intents and purposes, my father. I scanned his mind quickly. He objected to my mental intrusions; he constantly admonished me to give other people privacy in their own heads. And, he knew me too well. He knew I just couldn't resist dipping in for a moment to test his waters...but all I encountered was a haze I thought of as a veil, an emotional screen, that scrambled or obscured the things he wished to keep to himself. I flinched inwardly as if I had touched an unexpected barrier in a dark room. He had learned to block his thoughts from me, his accidental voyeur. OK, not always so accidental! He was blocking them now. My expression must have revealed my attempt at intrusion. His lips tightened slightly, then relaxed, as if he had started to smile but had caught himself. His eyes were caring, but there was something else behind them this morning.

"Your mother called from her hotel. She'll be home this evening. She saw some 'incredible' modern desk at the Seattle Design Center - for my study. I told her to just take a photo and send it to my phone." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know what's so wrong with the desk I have now. She says she appreciates that I'm frugal, but I don't need to 'make do, with that old thing' in my study. Seventeenth century English inlaid mahogany is not exactly a garage sale piece! It's very valuable. And besides, it has great sentimental value." He smiled to himself. "Gotta love her!"

Despite his casual banter, the fact that he was still blocking nagged at me. Rose honked her horn three times. At least she wasn't impatiently leaning on it like she usually did.

"Well, I need to go..." I said, starting to move, heading for the staircase. I smiled wryly, "Don't want to piss Rose off!" My brow creased with surprise when I heard the unexpected but unmistakable sound of Rose's engine racing down the driveway towards the main road. "OK! Fine then!" I spat, somewhat irritated at being left so rudely. It was hardly a major problem, though. In this household there were more vehicles than people. The more serious problem would be making up my mind which one to take!

I moved to the right side of the hall to pass him, but he reached out an elegant, manicured hand, gently resting it on my chest. "Edward, I sent the others on to school in Rose's car. I will drop you off on my way to the hospital."

"Oh. OK…sure...but" I was more than a little confused now. "You know, if I don't go now I'll be late for first period."

"Late for Bella, you mean." He checked his cell for the time. "You'll have to write a note for the attendance office. Sign my name."

Damn! The fifteen or so minutes before first period was my time with Bella each day. We didn't have any classes together this semester, though we had tried our best to coordinate at least one. That meant I saw her before school, at lunch for half an hour and after school for twenty minutes. It just wasn't enough. Who am I kidding? There was no such thing as enough. Enough wasn't a matter of total minutes and hours, it was a matter of quality, of closeness, of communication, not necessarily the verbal kind. I would always want to touch her more, to feel her closer, to entwine myself in her. Her exquisitely soft skin, those deep unreadable eyes... the way she smelled... wet from the rain... in the ragged sweats she loved... dirty... clean... mad... happy... asleep in my arms... all the amazing scents of my living, breathing Bella.

I refocused my thoughts to the present moment. I owed Carlisle my attention. I hoped I did not look as reluctant as I felt. "So, what's up, Carlisle? Do you need me to help you with something?" He said nothing, just continued to appraise me.

"Don't you have surgery at 8am on Tuesdays?" I ventured, feeling a little unbalanced by his focus. I broke our gaze, looking down at my jacket, shifting my backpack to the other shoulder.

"Yes, "He cleared his throat. "I was supposed to be in surgery this morning, but I'm having Dr. Kwon take over. I need to deal with something here this morning."

"Oh?" I asked politely, not really understanding, not really caring. Thoughts of my planned day still pulled at me. He stepped forward slightly, his presence in my personal space unexpected but not unwelcome. I rested my hand on the crisp fabric of his sleeve. He covered my hand with his own.

He shifted his gaze to my open bedroom door. He took a deep breath. "Let's sit down, son. Put your things down," he thought. It was not forceful, but it was a directive. Obedience was not an option with my father. He expected it, no questions asked.

He asked another doctor to take his place in surgery. I know how he hates to do that. This is because... he wants to talk to me? in my room? This can't be good. I hope this is not about last weekend ... I pressed my hands to my waist, sliding them upwards to soothe my fluttering stomach.

I re-entered my room. He followed. I sat on the edge of my bed, dropping my jacket and backpack on the floor. He draped his overcoat on my desk chair by the window. He took a seat on the end edge of the bed, turning his body to face me. He examined my face, his eyes held mine.

"So." He said aloud. "Tell me about your day last Sunday, Edward."

Shit. Shit. Shit! My breath caught. Nervous energy burned the surface of my skin. What does he know?

I needed an excuse to move before my body language betrayed my neurotic agitation. To deflect his attention, I turned my body so one leg now casually rested bent on the bed. The motion allowed me to naturally break eye contact with him without obvious avoidance. I nonchalantly shrugged, glancing up at him. "I dunno... I hung out at Bella's in the morning, then I drove her to meet a friend in the afternoon. I hunted a while. I picked her up later, after dark, when she called my cell. We went back to her house. When she fell asleep, I came home." I glanced up to monitor his expression.

My father looked at me intently. "Do you think I have known you for over 90 years and I can't tell when you are avoiding me? You can't even look me in the eye right now! I deserve more credit than that, Edward. There's more, and you will tell me… now." His eyes narrowed slightly. I sensed warning in the tone of his thoughts. "Don't even think about lying to me, son."

I recoiled inwardly - hopefully imperceptibly. "I'm telling you the truth, Carlisle. I don't know what you want to hear." I briefly raised my eyes to his, smiled slightly, then shifted my sitting position, and my gaze, again.

"The 'friend' Bella visited is a member of the Quileute tribe, right?"

He did not wait for a response before continuing aloud. "You and Bella met him somewhere outside the reservation, I assume? And then?"

The pressure behind my eyes increased as unwelcome tears fought to surface. He knew a lot more details than he should. Somehow. But what? From who? I looked down, blinked back the tears but I could not look up at him again. I combed the bedspread with my fingernails in feigned idleness.

"You hunted." he prompted.

"I hunted." I replied, much too softly.

"Where?" he lowered his voice to match my volume, but his softness was more ominous than comforting.

I answered cautiously. "Well, I left my car parked at the meeting place we decided on – you know - on La Push Road just before that new housing development on the edge of the reservation. So… I hunted traveling west towards Second Beach. It's a couple of miles to the coast from there."

"You stayed south of the reservation border." This was not a question.

"I left the forest at the north end of Second Beach, below the coves, below the rocks. Second Beach is National Forest, not reservation. I know where the border is, Carlisle."

"You're absolutely sure about that?" Carlisle tilted his head as he pressed his pursuit. Surely he could smell the flames of panic licking at the base of my brain.

"Yes," I chose my words carefully, "I know where the border is."

"But you crossed it anyway."

I turned my head to him sharply. He rose from the bed, shaking his head, looking down at me. His eyes were hard now. I had seen this look a few times, but rarely had it been turned on me.

Ice and fire enveloped me simultaneously, starting in my bowels, radiating up my spine to the top of my head, then down the backs of my legs. It was ME he was hunting, and he had me at bay. My body tensed as I instinctively shifted into defense mode. As irrational as flight would be, fight was not even an option.

Calm down. Edward. Now! I pulled myself together enough to speak. "Carlisle…" I started.

"They know you were there," he said in a flat tone.

This isn't happening.

"They assume you were spying on Bella – or worse."

"Watching out for her!" I exclaimed indignantly.

"Not!" he contradicted, raising his voice right back at me. "Indulging your jealousy is more like it!"

I covered my face with my hands. That stung. It was so completely true. Carlisle "saw" me. He paid attention. He knew me better than anyone. The tears I had successfully held in check so far, now spilled into my palms. I lowered my wet hands from my face.

Carlisle's anger was evident, but he controlled himself. As soon as I met his eyes, he turned away from me in irritation. He took a few steps toward the window, his hand to his forehead. "How do you think I feel having to hear this from Charlie, of all people?"

Charlie? I was at a loss….

"Charlie was at the hospital yesterday evening when I was covering in the E.R. We were chatting. He casually mentioned that Billy Black, Ephraim's son, said you were down in La Push on Sunday. Of course, Charlie has no idea that would be any kind of a problem," he added with an edge of sarcasm. "He and Billy are close, but not so close Chief Swan would know anything about Ephraim's treaty. The existence and terms of the treaty are not shared with anyone outside the council. No one outside the tribal blood except for us, and now Bella, knows about it. Charlie would never believe it even if he knew about it. Billy knew exactly what he was doing by slipping that casual piece of information to Charlie. He knew it would get back to you. "

I couldn't speak. I seemed to have lost the ability to move as well.

"What he probably didn't anticipate is that it got to me first."

I am in such deep shit. I was so distracted that day...by the thought of Bella with Jacob, in his house, on his bed... talking... his hand touching her shoulder, her bare arm... her cheek... and... what else? I trust her, but for damn sure I don't trust him!

"What you have done could have serious consequences not only for you, but for our whole family. You know this. I suspect this new generation does not have quite the tolerance their grandparents did. Sometimes I think they're just waiting for a chance to come down on us. Are you trying to provoke a fight? A war? Their tolerance of us is critical to our existence here, you know that!"

He approached me. "My God, Edward, you are the first to violate the bargain in sixty years! I-I don't even know what to think. I am shocked you would be capable of such a premeditated blunder. You were there when the treaty was signed! What you have done here is incomprehensible to me! You must realize the repercussions of this?"

A soft sob involuntarily travelled through my dry throat. I could not speak.

He stopped his tirade, sharply turning his face away from me. When he spoke again, his voice was too soft, and heavy with emotion. The tone of it made me shudder with guilt and grief.

"How could you betray us, Edward?" I shrank from him in shame. He looked at me again, but he was looking right through me, seeing something in his head, something he did not share with me – the block was still on. "I always thought, if it ever happened at all, it would be an accident, or that Emmett that would "go-off " and disrespect the wolves or the treaty in some way. I never dreamed it would be you."

Suddenly defensive, I found my voice. "Jacob violated it!" I said righteously. "That's how Bella knew about us in the first place!"

Carlisle stepped up to me in a blur of motion. The unexpected sound of the hard slap registered even before the burning sting flared on my left cheek. I fell back onto the bed. My hand flew to my face to nurse the knife-cut to my ego; embarrassment twisted the blade. Tears glazed my vision.

He spun away from me, holding his right hand with his left, as if it had acted independently and must be restrained.

I stared at him in shock. He had never done such a thing before, never lashed out in anger, never in all our time together had he lost control with me, even in my first months as a newborn vampire when I had next to no self control, or sense. Even punishments, when delivered, were done calmly, rationally, and never without communication and empathy. My body tensed as I prepared to move defensively if he came at me again. His thoughts were hidden, but his irritation was more than evident on his face.

He glanced back at me; he saw the fear and surprise in my expression. I could immediately tell by his face, if not his thoughts, he regretted what he had just done. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, son. So sorry." Another minute passed in silence as he berated himself for losing control.

I gingerly massaged my jaw and cheek. OK, I guess I deserved that. Of course he considered that comment "mouthing off," even though it was true! Jacob fed Bella tribal legends and made insinuations about us! That was uncalled for! To tell the truth though, I don't regret that she found out what I am, what we are. We wouldn't be in this relationship if she was still blissfully deceived like all the other humans. Should I be grateful to Jacob? What a disgusting idea! Carlisle's voice intruded.

"Reality check, Edward." He said through clenched teeth, his voice low. He still struggled for control.

"What he told her she could have learned from the internet and from books, if she had the interest to look and the acumen to make the connections. She does. She did. Knowing Bella, an intelligent, insightful and God-knows persistent girl, it was only a matter of time before she pursued answers on her own and reached the correct conclusion. Our identity was betrayed because she fell in love with you and would stop at nothing to know you. Nothing short of an act of God could have prevented discovery! She decided she loved you before Jacob ever spoke to her about the legends. Her curiosity was incidental. Jacob's input was incidental. It was a technicality."

He turned to look at me again, but stayed on the other side of the room.

"The wolves are no menace to her. Jacob is no danger to her as a wolf, or to you as a rival. What is it going to take for you to recognize how much this girl is in love with you? The idea that she could possibly choose Jacob over you is ..." He threw his hands in the air in a gesture of exasperation, "almost comical."

Great, I amuse you! I thought bitterly. I'm not a complete train wreck...

"What's incomprehensible, son, is that you could doubt her! How many men find a partner as devoted to them as Bella is to you? Even if Jacob is in love with her, he is no threat to you because she has decided her heart is yours. Can't you see that? She has already made her decision. Don't insult her by disbelieving her. Don't insult her by stalking her."

He's right. I don't deserve her. I'm a monster. There's no excuse for me. I couldn't look at him. I just shook my head with self-loathing.

"Trespassing into the heart of their community as you did, they will naturally feel challenged. It wasn't an accident." I bowed my head. He started towards me at a measured pace.

"You purposely crossed the line, bearing ill will against one of their own. You had better hope they see you as seventeen - just an immature, irresponsible pain-in-the-ass, not your real age and a serious threat. Of course, you're both of those right now, aren't you? A hormonally-imbalanced adolescent walking around with all the powers of a mature vampire – and more - capable of calamitous damage to them. " He stood in front of me, focusing his accusations like weapons. I cowered.

"My God, Edward, grow UP! You've got to get control of your emotions and your impulses or you'll bring us all down with you – if you haven't already." He knelt in front of me, not letting me escape his eyes now. "And that includes Bella."

I flinched, and the tears overflowed.

"Now. I want the truth Edward. You owe me that – at the very least. I have to know every detail, because as coven leader, I will have to speak for you. I will have to defend your motivations and actions or apologize for them." He took a seat opposite me on the bed, pointedly eyeing me with expectation.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my left hand and massaged my jaw and neck with my right. I could tell my voice would not work right, but I had no choice. I took a breath and began.

"OK! God! OK...ok... I-I drove Bella to the border of the reservation at about 3pm, like I told you. He was waiting. She got out of my car and ran to hug him. He was smiling and laughing with her. He had his arm around her the whole time they were walking to his truck. I couldn't escape the loud, obnoxious images in his mind. I wanted to break a few of his bones right there. It would have been such a pleasure to hear them crack in my hands... He wanted to kiss her...He was imagining kissing her… God!... and more… He is disgusting!"

"And you never think those same things?" Carlisle questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Dad! That's not the point!" I objected.

"Oh, but it is…" he intoned, smiling to himself.

"Anyway, I was so frustrated. I was unwilling to let her go, but I couldn't hold her. She considers Jacob her best friend. She insists on seeing him. Not in town where I can keep watch over her, but in La Push, where I am forbidden to go. It isn't fair, you know? We can't enter their lands, but there's no restriction on them in reverse."

"Continue," Carlisle said sternly.

"OK. So I left the car and ran through the forest to the West, like I said before. But I didn't hunt. I couldn't concentrate. It was like my senses weren't working right." I looked up at him, my eyes starting to fill with tears again. "I just kept imagining him touching her. I should have hunted. I needed to. I know I have more trouble controlling myself when I'm thirsty."

"Uh huh," said Carlisle to himself. "What did you do, hike up First and La Push beaches and then to the town? Or did you follow the cliff at the edge of the forest?" He talks like he's done that very thing, like he's been there himself. When? Before the treaty?

"I ran in the patches of forest between the beach and Ocean Front Drive." I answered. "I stayed completely off the beach. When I got to the fish hatchery, I crossed Ocean Front Drive and travelled in the denser forest to the northeast of La Push. No one saw me."

"Edward. You were distracted. You were motivated by irrationality, by jealousy. Look what it does to you! That emotion obscured your judgment and all the heightened senses at your disposal. I'm sure one of the wolves spotted you. Surely you know they patrol their land? Surely you know our scent is as strong to them as their scent is to us? I would bet their sense of smell is even sharper than ours."

I shook my head, though not in disagreement. It was all so clear in hindsight. What the hell HAD I been thinking? Why had I not detected them, at least caught their thoughts if I couldn't see or hear them?

"Please continue, Edward."

"I got to the first few houses on the outside of the village. The stench of the wolves was everywhere, on the trees, on the buildings, mixed with the blood scents of the tribes people. I didn't know which house was Jacob's, so I started trying to pick up his scent. I listened to the thoughts and conversations of the people inside the houses. I saw very few people moving around outside. I heard someone, a male, say, 'I'll see Jacob this evening.' In his mind, he suddenly pictured the house, so I had a clue what to look for. I knew it was solitary, apart from the town, near the forest line."

"I kept on the outskirts until I reached the north end of the village but didn't see the house. Just as I had begun to head towards the beach following the tree line, I noticed a truck trail leading into the forest. I followed it until it opened up into about an acre of cleared land. There was the house, by itself in the clearing, with several other structures: a garage, an empty stable, a shed."

"The building closest to me was the garage. I pressed close to a tree about 20 yards into the forest as a kid suddenly sprinted out of the garage. He joined four more guys hanging out on the porch of the house at the far side of the land. The wind was blowing my direction, so I didn't think they would easily pick up my scent. The guys on the porch just kept lounging and horsing around so I knew they never detected me. The kid joined them on the porch and they all went inside the house."

"I could hear Jacob and Bella's voices very low, inside the garage. You know the wolves rarely wear shirts or shoes in their human form, even when it's really cold. I started wondering if Jacob was wearing a shirt in there with Bella. He was talking to her about the motorcycle he was working on. I crept closer to the clearing, concentrating on his thoughts. He was talking about the bike, but his thoughts were something else completely." I grimaced as I remembered. "Filthy mongrel."

"He was thinking about how soft her skin is, about ...," my voice failed me for a second as I closed my eyes, remembering the images in Jacob's head. "About touching her breasts under her shirt, about... taking off her shirt ..." My voice choked. I had to pause.

"I get the idea, Edward," Carlisle sighed. "Move on please."

I looked at him with eyes full of pain. "You don't know the half of it, Dad. This goes on all the time with him!"

"Oh come on, son. Men have those kinds of thoughts about women - even a 'perfect gentleman' – like you."

"I wouldn't!" I protested. Carlisle reached out to me, touching my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb. I allowed him to connect with me for a moment, then shook off his hand with irritation. He just smiled and took his seat again.

"I would think there's something wrong with you if you didn't have those thoughts, son," he said kindly. "You have the rare privilege of holding your girlfriend while she sleeps every night, remember? I don't think that is the typical human teenage boy's experience, do you? You have... certain advantages... that enable you to evade detection from her father. "

"She needs protection!" I countered.

"OK. Fine. You protect her. And in those long peaceful, boring hours before dawn, Edward, your mind inevitably wanders. She's sleeping... soft... warm... vulnerable beside you. The thoughts that play in your head don't hurt her, and they don't make you a bad man."

"If you are implying that, that...I'm taking advantage of her...! I-"

Carlisle stopped me. "Son, it's perfectly normal for a man to become aroused in that circumstance." Now I was squirming with embarrassment. "What matters is how you react when that happens. If you don't act on your arousal without her consent and participation, you haven't done anything wrong."

"Carlisle, I am NOT discussing this with you," I said hotly, crossing my arms. Keep your smug advice to yourself, "Dad." I don't need your outdated input! Just SHUT-UP!

Of course he's right. Bella has no idea what goes through my head at times. I wouldn't want her to know. It's all I can do to restrain myself from touching her as she sleeps, letting my hands rest on the bare skin of her stomach, luxuriating in the soft whiteness of her skin, feeling the under curve of her breasts... Most of the time I force myself to keep my hands to myself, but I'm less successful in keeping my hands OFF myself... Bella, I'm so disgusting, how can you stand me!

Carlisle shook his head slightly and smiled to himself. Although I resented being the object of his amusement, anything was better than being the object of his disappointment. "Alright then, let's get back to your story."

"Dad, I just want to say one more thing about Jacob. Sometimes I think he lets his thoughts become even more graphic, on purpose, just to torture me!"

"No doubt!" Carlisle responded, his expression at the same time sympathetic and cynical. "You open yourself up to such torture, Edward, just like you do with Emmett." He smiled, cocking one eyebrow at me.

"What?" I said defensively, hurt evident on my face. I paused. "Wait, are you saying Emmett has those thoughts about Bella too?" I started to rise from my seat on the bed in outrage.

"No, No, son! Calm down!" He pressed down on my shoulder, returning me to my seat. "What I'm saying is that Jacob and Emmett have found a very effective way to tease you. They know you eavesdrop on their thoughts, they don't like it, and so they use your talent against you!

"Oh." I said. "I see." I was quiet as I thought about all the terrible things I had heard in their minds.

"Why do you allow it? You know what you should do, but you don't do it. Isn't that right, Edward?"

"Yes sir." I sighed. "I should not purposely listen to their thoughts without permission, and if I happen to hear them accidentally, tune them out. It's hard to tune out and it's hard to forget when you already know what filth is going on in their heads, Dad."

"Yes, it's hard, but it's a technique, a defense you must acquire, or your special talent for reading minds becomes your torment, a weapon used against you, a weakness instead of an advantage."

This subject was nothing new. He had been trying to teach me this for 80 years. I was either so stupid or so stubborn I never was able to balance my gift effectively. The only thing new was yet another person skilled at using it against me - Jacob.

"Dad."

"Yes?"

"Can I just tell you something?"

"Of course, Edward. What is it?"

"One time when I picked up Bella at the border of the reservation, Jacob was angry. He argued that I did not deserve her and that he would never do to Bella what I had done to her by leaving her. He started to picture in his mind how Bella looked after I left Forks...when his brother Sam found her in the forest...where I..." my voice cracked, "where I left her... unprotected. It was almost more than I could bear, Dad. Bella so heartbroken that day that she wanted to die; Bella alone, facing the vampire Laurent in our mountain meadow; Bella flying off her motorcycle, then Jacob's hands wiping blood from her head; Bella's lips, blue with cold, struggling to breathe, when Jacob pulled her from the ocean at the base of the cliff."

Carlisle was quiet, seemingly sympathetic to the injury my psyche had sustained. Then he said softly, "Jacob may have done that to be cruel to you, and I'm sorry it made you suffer, but, I think it's good that you know those things. Maybe now you understand how much Bella suffered because of your decision to leave her... and..." He paused. His silence forced me look up at him. "How much I suffered the two times you left me." I turned my head away so he wouldn't see the shadow of hurt cross my face. No matter how hard I try, I hurt the ones I love the most...never fails...

He rose, came over to me and embraced me, enveloping my arms in his & burying his face in my shoulder. He kissed the side of my neck roughly. He held me tighter. "We learn, sweet boy, we do eventually learn. We have many lifetimes to get it right. That is one unique blessing of a cursed existence..." he pulled away, holding me by my shoulders at arms length. "We have a responsibility to get it right. God forgives us. I will always forgive you." He released me, hand trailing the length of my left arm to my hand affectionately, squeezing my hand reassuringly. He returned to his perch at the end of the bed. He looked at me and said quietly, intensely, "I hope you will always forgive me."

I looked at him strangely, sensing there was something more behind the words, feeling that same unrest behind his eyes I had noticed when I first saw him in the hallway this morning.

He sighed. "So, back to Jacob's garage."

I pulled my mind back to my narration. "So, when I heard Jacob's thoughts, I growled."

"Oh great." sighed Carlisle. "Did he hear you?"

"He heard something, I think, because there was a shift in his thoughts, an interruption, like a 2-way radio cutting out because the users are stepping on each other's transmissions. He stopped what he was doing to listen, but as I kept perfectly still and did not breathe, there was nothing more to hear except the usual sounds that surrounded his house at any other time. I noticed the wolf scent was very strong all of a sudden, and I wondered if he was preparing to shift to wolf form in response to me as a threat. I think he picked up my scent slightly because after a minute or two, he came out of the garage and looked around, sort of tasting the air. I tensed to run, but he shrugged, relaxed, chuckled to himself, then went back in. He was wearing a shirt, by the way." Carlisle rolled his eyes.

"I don't think they can hear or see as well when they are in human form. If they could, no doubt he would have zeroed right in on me. I was only 30 yards away. Like I said, the wind was in my favor, but still...Scent is their thing..." I smiled sardonically. "In more ways than one! That dog-stink doesn't bother Bella at all! She always comes back to me reeking!"

"Stay focused, Edward," Carlisle murmured.

"Ummmm...OK. So, he was casually speaking to Bella in the garage. They exited together and he led her into the house. As they walked, he glanced back towards the forest where I was. But there is no way he could have seen me. As soon as they were inside his house, I took off east through the forest."

Carlisle shook his head. He covered his mouth with his palm and looked at Edward thoughtfully.

"It was about 6:00 o'clock. I followed Quileute Road due east until it becomes James Road. That's the far Northeast corner of the border. I was off the Res before seven."

Carlisle nodded. "Go on."

"I ran south along the eastern border of the Res for a while. It's pretty difficult terrain; climbing slows me down. I listened for my phone. I wanted to get out of the hills so I had some reception. About 9:00 I reached the La Push Road borderline where I had left the car. There's a cell phone tower there. About 9:15 Bella called to say the mutt would have her at the transfer spot by ten.

"I drove a mile or so back toward Forks, and waited for 10:00 o'clock. I turned around, then raced back to the meeting place right at 10. Bella was already waiting. The dog stood against his motorcycle smirking, creating images in his mind of him kissing and holding Bella. Those were pretty PG-rated considering what he'd been fantasizing in the garage that afternoon." He's lucky I don't tell her. "His thoughts were pretty loud, if you know what I mean. I could tell he was manufacturing the images for my benefit. I knew he had not done those things with Bella." In his dreams!

"Is that all?"

"There was nothing in his thoughts about the afternoon, and believe me, if he thought I had been at his house that day, he would have picked a fight right there. He wasn't angry, just taunting, smug. Well... you know the rest. I took Bella home."

Carlisle stood, went to the window and looked out at the river. A minute or so of dead, uncomfortable silence passed.

"I'm sorry, Dad. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done, except deserting Bella last year. You're right. I was jealous. I went a little crazy, I guess. I'm... sorry."

He didn't turn. His only answer was "Hmmmmm..."

"Dad?" I ventured after a minute. I have to know. "Does Bella know I was there?"

He surfaced from his reverie. He answered distractedly. "Who knows, Edward? Charlie may have told her as well... It's likely... I would assume she knows... That's going to be your mess to deal with. She'll be upset with you, and you certainly deserve her anger." His voice became so low I could barely hear him. His eyes were far away as he gazed across the treetops. "Oh, she'll forgive you. She's forgiven you for much worse. That's the least of your problems right now..."

If I had gone to school on time this morning, early enough to see her, is that what would have greeted me? An angry Bella? I need to talk to her, badly. Lunchtime. I'll be at school by lunchtime. I'd see her then. Thank God I've had some warning. I'll have to spread it on thick today, dazzle her, make sure she's too busy to complain...

I fidgeted. "Dad, are you going to take me to school soon? It's OK, I can drive myself."

Carlisle turned to face me. There was a look of amazement on his face. "School? You think your day is just going to proceed as usual now? Drive? You will not be driving, that's for damn sure!" Apprehension caught and held my breath. When Carlisle cursed, we all knew he had been pushed too far. Just as earlier, when he had struck me, my guard went up.

"The first question I asked you this morning was 'What did you do last Sunday?'. What did you tell me?" He counted the statements on his fingers. "You hung out at Bella's. You drove her somewhere in the afternoon. You hunted. You picked her up... etcetera." Those were partial truths, Edward. When you are asked for a complete answer, partial truths are no better than lies."

"No!" I felt that his logic was faulty and unfair. I just couldn't think how to counter it. I couldn't think clearly. My brain was doing cartwheels.

"Edward, what is the consequence for lying in this family?"

A choking sob rose up through my chest. I clenched my teeth to keep it from escaping. I knew, of course. We all knew, though none of us had ever pushed consequences quite that far before. Not that we had never lied, but we had never been caught and punished for it. I closed my eyes. I couldn't bring myself to say the words out loud.

Wait a minute! No way, Carlisle! I straightened my shoulders and looked straight at him. "But-." Sensing my defenses rising, his eyes narrowed in warning, but I continued in desperation. "I did not lie to you Carlisle. I told you the truth - all of it!"

"Yes." he nodded in confirmation. He paused, looked into my eyes, considering. "However." He shook his head with a finality I did not like. "Initially, you lied to me Edward." My brow creased as I stiffened. "You reversed that lie with the truth when I demanded it, but you chose to lie first. You will not escape punishment for lying. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," I whispered. The earlier nauseating flutter descended again upon my stomach. Obviously my body had known what was in store for me today – long before my brain caught up.