Disclaimer: The X-Files was created and therefore is owned by Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting. I am using these characters without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Whilst undercover in 'Arcadia', Scully realises some home truths.
Title: First Time
Author: AllyBallyBee
Classification: PG
Keywords: MSR, UST
Spoilers: Up to and including Season 6, Episode 13 'Arcadia'
First Time
And for the first time, you felt desire. Not because it was new this...touching. There had been, if you were honest with yourself, a lot of touching. His hand on your back, your palm against his cheek...small, inconsequential gestures that had become a touchstone of your relationship with this man. Gestures that, if looked upon by some passerby, would seem merely to be the indication of a friendship, a partnership.
And yet, the warmth of his arm around your shoulders suddenly created a pain, a hollowness deep within your soul. And it made you want to laugh.
And run a mile.
Because his arm around your shoulder, in comparison to the countless other gestures of friendship and kindness, meant absolutely nothing. Nothing of consequence. Nothing of truth. It was meant as a charade. Pretending that your gestures of friendship could somehow be taken for a marriage.
And he had embraced the idea full-heartedly, believing that it would be the only way to infiltrate this neighbourhood that had completely embraced the notion of perfection. And you had gone along with him because, put simply, you always had. No matter how much it had torn you from your foundation of logic.
Sitting, feeling his pulse beat beneath your palm, you had suddenly hated him for his naivety.
Hated him for making you pretend to be in love with him when it suddenly seemed to be the only thing that made sense, felt real, about this 'charade'. And that scared the hell out of you.
***
