Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or the song "Over the Rainbow."
It's over. I'm sorry. The shocked and saddened girl gripped the phone tighter as she read the message. "What?" Maya whispered to herself, trying frantically to figure out what Cam could mean by this text. Just yesterday they had spent an amazing day simply enjoying each other's company—laughing, watching movies, holding hands, and just being happy. It was a blissful, rare moment for them. Breakdowns, fighting, jealousy, betrayal, despair—all of it had plagued them since day one of meeting each other. Maya knew her boyfriend. Underneath his innocent, sweet charm lay a very despondent, desperate, and lost person. She had realized this the day he broke his arm from accidentally falling over the balcony hanging above the school's main hallway. Maya knew right away that it was no accident, since Cam had been complaining about the pressure hockey puts on him incessantly for weeks before the incident. He doesn't realize how closely she watches him, noticing both the subtle and severe mood changes. Her heart ached as she thought of the sadness that frequently consumed his brown eyes. Cam thought she didn't notice, but she does. All of the time.
Breathing deeply, she closed her phone while quickly thinking of where he could be. He had to be at school, but the question was where. The image of Degrassi's greenhouse popped into her mind, filling her with certainty about the exact location of that "where" and inspiring her to bolt from her spot on the steps. The greenhouse has been a sanctuary for them ever since Maya noticed how Cam's eyes lit up as he examined the different types of plants and flowers growing there. The afternoon Maya suggested they should visit her sister and Jake's successful project became one of the best times they spent together. Just the two of them, confiding in each other with the comfort of knowing they were far from the dreadful reality of school—a place that taunted Cam with the pressure of his hockey scholarship, the stares of his jealous teammates who wished they could be the one recruited to the NHL, and the simple reminder that he wasn't home and with his family. Once Maya observed how the burden of pain temporarily disappeared from Campbell's disposition, she committed herself to making sure that Cam felt peace from his distraught thoughts at every moment possible. Which is how the two teens made a habit of visiting the greenhouse everyday after lunch. The small smile gracing Cam's face as he engaged in a thoughtful conversation with her while eagerly inspecting the plants brought the warmest feeling to Maya's heart. A feeling she never wanted to go away.
The panting blonde allowed her mind to wander to those good moments in a desperate attempt to ward off the distress she felt as she jogged hurriedly towards the garden. Quickly passing an affectionate Clare and Eli bantering back and forth, Maya muttered a quick hello as she struggled to quicken her pace. When she finally approached the greenhouse, she paused briefly in order to catch her breath. She did so grudgingly in fear of wasting time, but once she focused her full attention onto the familiar spot of the greenhouse, she quickly realized regaining her strength was necessary for what she was about to witness.
Muffled sobs resounded through the greenhouse as a frantic Campbell stood upon a number of stacked crates, fumbling with a thick garden hose. Maya barely took the scene in before she broke out into a desperate, despairing scream, "Cam. Oh my God. Please, Cam!" She covered her mouth with trembling arms, allowing tears to blur her vision. She discovered, to her horror, a pair of blood stained garden shears lying next to the crate, and an inconsolable Cam tying a garden rope to a piece of the greenhouse roof's structure. A second, more violently loud scream escaped from her lips once she realized that he was trying to form a noose with the gardening tool.
Maya's scream broke Cam's disheveled thoughts and interrupted the disturbing adrenaline rush inciting him to end his life. He turned around abruptly, shock clearly evident on his face. "Maya," he muttered hoarsely. For a moment, he forgot about the visceral despair plaguing him, and appreciated the presence of the girl in front of him. Suddenly, the taunting sound of Zig's voice flashed through his mind, "Psycho." His misery returned with full force, prompting him to pull his hands away from the rope in order to tug violently on his hair. "I'm not good. I'm not good enough." He forced the words out through his heaving sobs. Clutching his chest. Cam felt the familiar feeling of a panic attack coming on. He struggled to breathe, suddenly feeling extremely weak. He collapsed upon the crate with the finished noose hanging over him. He heard footsteps approaching him, assuming it could only be Maya, and raised his voice in warning, "Don't come near me. I'm…I don't know what I can do. I hate…" His babbling stopped as an onslaught of tears cascaded down his face, causing him to cough weakly. He fell to his knees and laid huddled on the floor, allowing loud whimpers to escape his lips.
Maya, crying even harder, mirrored Cam's actions and fell onto her knees in defeat only a few steps away from he sat. She obeyed his pleas and remained rooted to her spot, continuing to sob uncontrollably. "Oh my…no." She begged to herself. The idea of what Cam was about to do made her feel sick. Despite her own feelings of horror, she tried to stifle her sobs so that she couldn't upset Cam any further. Gulping heavily, Maya spoke softly, "Campbell. Shh." She soothed, "Listen to me, okay? Listen to my voice." She spoke as calmly as her tears would allow and gazed at the hunched form of Cam, afraid that if she looked away he would continue his suicide attempt. The sobbing boy clutched his hair tighter at the sound of her voice as he rocked back and forth desperately; the blood from his self inflicted cuts trickled down his arm slowly. Maya gratefully noticed that the cuts were at a safe enough distance from his wrists, but a wave of nausea overcame her when an evil reminder filled her mind. He was going to hang himself. He was going to kill himself… Maya stifled another sob and tried to focus on what was in front of her—Cam, who was distressed, but still very much alive. And for that Maya was immensely grateful.
"Cam," she spoke, "It's going to be alright. Okay? I promise, I'm going to help you." She reached out to touch him, the charms of her bracelet jingling softly, but she slowly withdrew her hand away, afraid to startle him.
Cam continued to cry, releasing strained, ragged breaths. He didn't respond.
Maya inwardly panicked when she noticed how strangled Cam's breathing became with each passing second. Unable to bear seeing her boyfriend in so much pain, Maya did the first thing that entered her mind.
The soft, comforting sound of a gentle voice grabbed Cam's attention, causing his labored breathing to slow in pace. The familiar melody of his favorite song settled upon his ears, strangely providing a faint moment of comfort. His cries became softer as he strained to listen.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
She inched closer to his still cowering body, and attempted once more to touch him. Her fingers brushed the tips of his cinnamon brunette locks, continuing to sing.
Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
Her fingers were now threaded through his hair, stroking gingerly. She noticed his breaths have slowed down to a steadier pace, but his body still trembled. Maya took advantage of this slightly peaceful moment to pull out her cell phone and send a quick text to Katie, Tori, Tristan, and Zig. She didn't care if she was on bad terms with most of them—she had to make sure that official help arrived for Cam soon. As much as she wants to fix everything herself, the damage is beyond her comprehension and control. Turning her attention to the broken boy in front of her, fresh tears trickled down her face. She thought about what to say next, but only one thing came to mind. Surprisingly, she didn't hesitate—"I love you. I'm always here," she promised. She allowed silence to surround them, simply concentrating on tenderly brushing her fingers through his hair.
Cam stilled for a moment, taking a deep breath. Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he lifted his head slowly, shifted closer to Maya, and placed his head on her lap. The last thing she heard before Mr. Simpson, the paramedics, and police arrived was a barely audible "I love you" from the defeated boy.
A/N: I really wanted to write about an alternative scenario where Cam was found before he took his own life, because I wasn't ready to let him go yet! It was incredibly sad to watch his storyline end in suicide. However, thinking back to the beginning of his introduction, I always noticed how his natural demeanor seemed incredibly sad. If the writers really did plan his end from the beginning, then they as well as the actor did a great job with the portrayal of an individual struggling with (it seems like) anxiety/depression. I might make this a multiple chapter story, but I am notorious for not finishing them. If I do continue with it, I will try my hardest to update as soon as I can. Thanks for reading! Stay safe and well!
