[A/N: Hey. This is the answer to our Filch quiz, which can be found on . If you hate it, great. If you are disturbed, great. If you have a secret love for Filch, that's just disturbing. So…comment! We love comments! But try to be open minded. I know some of you have secretly wondered what it would be like to see yourself with Filch. Don't lie some of you! You totally have. Also, yes, this is one of those few stories from 2nd person-I think that's it. So sit back, relax, and get ready to see what your love life could be at Hogwarts. We never said it was normal.]
You're set to be with Filch for eternity! Your love has come from the deepest part of his heart.
YOUR STORY:
You are weeping softly in a corner on the 3rd floor at night. Your boyfriend ___ has ditched your for that cute brunette in your Charms class. You hear a meow and jump as you see Mrs. Norris slink off into the shadows. You wipe your eyes and hope that Filch won't catch you after hours. That would be the last thing you need (you think...).
Just thinking of____'s name makes you set off in a fresh round of tears. You curl up in a ball and want to die. "Eh? Who's there?" Comes a gruff scraggly voice from the darkness. Before you can move, Filch himself hobbles up to you.
"I-I'm sorry!" You cry. "Don't hurt me!" His hairy wrinkled face softens. "I would never hurt you." "That makes one." You sniff. He looks at you in concern, and hacks a cough. "Want to tell me about it?" His voice is oddly gentle. You look up in surprise as he tries to sit down beside you, back cracking so loudly you fear the whole school will wake. This happens to be what you've needed though. A kind listener. So you spill everything to him.
He awkwardly offers you a hug, which you gladly accept. "I'm so sorry." He whispers in a way that makes your skin crawl. But in a good way. "I'm glad you're here..." You trail off, not knowing what to call him. He grins in a sexy way baring many rotted teeth. "You can call me...Argus."
The next thing you know, he's leaning in towards you. You can smell the cat and overcooked green beans in his scent that you have always secretly loved. You close your eyes. Your breath catches. Then he presses his dry cracked lips to yours. His whiskers brush your cheeks. It is a perfect kiss. But, alas, it can't go on forever. He pulls away reluctantly. "I must go, love. But remember this...I'll always be here for you." He winks, and disappears into the night, back cracking all the way. You sigh, suddenly not missing ___ at all. All you can think of is Argus Filch and the perfect kiss. You know there will be many more to come.
Meanwhile, Sarah and Leah are running down the corridor screaming and throwing up at what they have just witnessed.
THE END
