29. Colours
I sat back in the chair, every once in a while reaching out to grab a grape off the table and pop it in my mouth, if not just because I was bored. The situation was an impossible one- if Carlos wasn't tempted by shopping cart slingshots and Logan didn't care about math, then there was virtually no way out. It was hard to be the only sane one when your friends had all lost it.
It's like, you know, being the last human in a zombie apocalypse: fucking insane.
Which, speaking of apocalypses, along came my idiot boyfriend himself, accompanied by the increasingly familiar sound of a spray can. I had half a mind to rush up and lock the door before he could get to it. Unfortunately, though, he threw open the door, waltzing on in in all his usual gay glory and marching straight over to the kitchen table. I coughed at the cloud of chemicals hanging around him.
I could barely even bear to look up at him, only chancing a fleeting look with the hope that he had returned to his normal level of sanity and quickly deflating as I saw that he was still the hue of your regular carrot. Or a pumpkin, or the golden gate bridge, or maybe the couch. It was horrible, that was about the size of it.
James glanced around the apartment, sizing up all the furniture before deciding that I seemed like a suitable seating option. He slid onto my lap, slinging an arm around my shoulders. Normally James and me and this kind of position added up to an immediate boner for me, but right then it was pretty much just irritating.
Something good could come from Logan's temporary madness: he was less uptight, and something good could come from Carlos' predicament: he wasn't whacking his way down a constant path of destruction and had lost the helmet for once. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing, could come from James being orange. He was more obnoxious than ever, and I didn't really have an oompa loompa fetish.
"Hey babe," he finally greeted me, elbowing me lightly in the stomach and leaning down to kiss me. I turned my head away, something about the way the glossed frosted pink of his lips clashed frighteningly with the bright orange of the surrounding skin just not doing it for me. He raised an eyebrow, trying to turn me towards him but to no avail.
"Kendall," he said, seeming confused as to why I wouldn't budge.
"James," I replied dryly, setting a hand on his thigh because his jeans were, you know, not orange. And because he was taking up anywhere on my leg that I would put my hand. "I'm not kissing you if you're fucking orange. Capiche?"
"It's not orange," he retorted hotly, fixing his bangs and glaring down at me. "It's mangerine."
I sighed. Yes, this is what I had to deal with. Mangerine. For crying out loud.
"Whatever. Wash it off and try again."
"B-but Kendall," he explained, sounding slightly desperate. He got this kind of stressed out thing going whenever anyone threatened to damage or alter his physical appearance in any way. "I look so handsome."
"You look like a fucking yam, dude."
"But- "
"Nope."
He turned in my lap, bending his knee and lifting his leg up so he could put it on the other side of my waist and straddle me. I sighed, instinctively moving my arms around his back and feeling a tiny bit turned on just from the contact, not James. Definitely not James.
"Move your hands," I ordered, looking distastefully at the brightly coloured appendages resting on my waist. He hung them over my shoulders, thankfully no longer ruining my view and with a little imagination making this seem as normal as it would usually be.
I ran my hands up over his thighs, sliding my hips forward slowly and grinning as he pushed back with a long but forceful motion. I did have my reserves about, you know, having any sexual contact whatsoever with such a raging freak, but I was a horny teenager and my dick honestly didn't care what colour James sprayed all over his face.
"Well then," he said, his breath a little short as my fingers moved forward to knead absently at his crotch.
"Kay, get off me." I looked up finally to see the horrid thing that was his face, grimacing at how fucking sexy he usually looked versus how the orange just made it all disappear. He looked a little put out, but I assured him that I wasn't done with him.
He slid off the chair, sitting down once I stood up and watching me appreciatively as I dropped down to my knees. I leaned forward, closing my eyes and trying to make myself forget or at least not think about the orange again. Because James wouldn't leave me alone until he got his blowjob, and I really wanted him to leave me alone. Not to mention that I had an affinity for sucking dick anyway.
Sighing, I reached up to undo his jeans in the familiar motion of popping the button and unzipping him, tugging his pants down slightly and leaning down to mouth at the front of his briefs. He shuddered, sliding down a little in the chair and spreading his legs for me. I drew back, looking at the wet spot I'd created with my mouth in the front of his underwear and rubbing at it with my hand.
"Alright," James huffed impatiently, and I smirked, happy to finally get to a part of him that wasn't fucking carrot coloured. I licked at the cotton of the bulge straining against the front of his underpants, teasing until he finally got fed up with me and grabbed my hand, placing it on the waistband of his underwear and exhaling tightly.
I yanked the underwear down, immediately burying my head in my hands. His tan was apparently all over his body, because, fantastically enough, his dick was- you guessed it- orange. I slowly raised my head to look up at him, seething quietly and still gripping the hem of his briefs.
"Really?" I asked him, puffing out my cheeks and exhaling slowly.
"All of me needs to be handsome," James said haughtily, raising his eyebrows and looking down at me.
He was. Really. Really. Crazy. "Well, in that case, I'm gonna go and spray myself blue. Hey!" I said with mock enthusiasm, touching my chin contemplatively. "I have a great idea for the band- we could all be bright colours! I can be blue, and Carlos can be purple, and Logan can be green! You'd still be orange, too. It would be really cool. And really handsome."
James looked thoroughly unimpressed. "If you suck it, the orange'll come off."
"Okay, yeah," I agreed cheerily. "In a second, I'll be right back. I need to go paint myself blue super quick."
