Chapter One: In Which an Epic Battle is Averted

The battle at Wrathgate was fierce, to say the least. Hundreds of Argent crusaders charged forward. Battle cries were on their lips and outrage in their hearts as they descended upon the enemy. Bolvar Foredragon himself led the charge! None amidst that terrible contest of arms fought with greater valor or fury than he. The gates opened, and out charged the Undead Vrykul with wroth beyond measure. They fought with great heart and for a time the Alliance was held back. Then the Horde, led by Saurfang the Younger forced them to retreat back behind the dark gates.

In the aftermath of his victory, Bolvar Foredragon could not help but feel it was all a bit was too easy. After all, this was one of the primary strongholds of the Lich King. He had not expected to take the outside of the gate easily. Did the Lich King have some dark scheme in store? At this point, however, it hardly mattered. The die was cast, and all they could do was play their parts. One final challenge awaited them before this was over.

"Arthas!" he yelled "The blood of your people! Of your Father! Demand Justice! Come forth, coward, and answer for your crimes!'

For a moment there was a frigid silence so deep that a pin could be heard. Slowly a terrible presence of untold malevolence made itself known. Upon a balcony, some sixty feet over the gates a dark figure appeared. It was the Lich King. His hair was pale like a blizzard of falling ice, his eyes of blue fire. His sword gleamed with a terrible unholy light as he looked upon the armies arrayed before him. He bore a disdainful countenance. Dark energy swirled around his upraised sword and the men drew back.

In this case, it was out of surprise, not fear. Primarily because he was holding a styrofoam cup of coffee in one hand. He also had the latest issue of the Lordaeron times over on elbow. Also, he wasn't wearing his trademark Helmet or armor. In fact, he appeared to be wearing a black bathrobe.

They looked at him in confusion. His trademark disdainful countenance faded and he looked down with a similar expression. He opened his mouth to speak:

'Bolvar, what the hell are you doing in Northrend?'

Bolvar was currently trying to come to terms with what he was seeing. The single most evil being in Lordaeron was busy having breakfast. When they were attacking his fortress.

He shook away the confusion 'We're here to bring you to justice for all your crimes.'

"Cute,' said the Lich King 'regale me, when did you first get here?'

'Well… three months ago I suppose.' answered Bolvar. 'Tirion Fordring and Darion Mograin led an expedition. After they defeated you at Light hopes chapel.'

'I led an attack on Light hopes chapel?" He seemed quite bemused by the prospect.

'Yes, don't tell me you forgot!' said Bolvar, incredulous.

'I wouldn't forget something that major.' Replied Arthas.

'Look here Arthas, you sent the Knights of the Ebon blade on a suicide mission and openly admitted to it.' Replied Bolvar. 'Then they broke free of your control, and Tirion uncorrupted the Ashbringer and used it to defeat you.'

Arthas burst out laughing. It was not an evil laugh, rather the laugh of someone who has heard the funniest joke in the world.

'You think-' he laughed again 'that someone like Tirion Fordring could hurt me." More laughter. "The man did nothing of note in the Second war and spent the entire Third war hiding under a bed. There is no way I could possibly lose to him. He obviously fought one of my Lieutenants.'

'We all saw you retreat after being hit with the Ashbringer.' said Bolvar.

'Nonsense.' said Arthas 'Nothing of the sort happened.'

'You're in denial aren't you?' Asked Bolvar.

'You would be too if blizzard was completely nerfing your skills as a general.' Muttered the Lich King in annoyance.

'Look we don't care about any of that just get down here so we can fight you.'

'No.' Arthas answered.

Bolvar hesitated. "Why not?'

"Well to be perfectly honest I could wipe out your entire army with a few ghouls and some meat wagons, I did it to Uther after all, but the fact is...' He paused for effect. 'your just not worth it." That hurt. It is one thing to be told that by a hulking seven-foot tall ultimate evil. However, a guy in his bathrobe saying he couldn't be bothered to even attack you is very insulting.

"You coward!" The line was a touch generic perhaps but it was all he could think of on the spot

Arthas laughed

"Oh come on Bolvar don't take it so personally, its just there is no tactical reason I need fight you at this point.' He looked around at the armies. 'Your entire strategy is based around me charging out to attack you. But the fact is I don't need to. You have no siege equipment and even with it you couldn't possibly hope to storm this castle."

"Well…" Bolvar hesitated "we'll lay siege."

"Yeah, maybe that would work.' He chuckled darkly. 'Oh wait the only people in this castle who need to actually eat are the Alliance and Horde Prisoners. Not to mention I have subterranean tunnels all over the continent. In short, you can't do anything to even create a minor inconvenience for me. Much less actually hurt me from this position."

The Alliance army looked rather less enthusiastic than before.

"We'll assault the walls with ladders then." Said Saurfang.

'Yeah, right. You're going to defeat my fortress filled with thousands of undead with what exactly? A couple hundred Paladins and a gnome mage or two. Does the word suicide mean anything to you?'

Bolvar considered the situation 'Well… shit.'

'Glad you see it my way, you have five minutes to get off campus before I release the Frostwyrms to freeze you from the air.'

That was enough for Bolvar, time to cut his losses. 'All right men we made a tactical error here, we're pulling out.'

'Sir' said one of the Argent crusade 'With all due respect we came all this way. We should…'

"Undead Dragons, freezing death, we don't have bows." Said Bolvar.

"…stay here much longer. You heard him, men, let's get out of here."

The Argent crusade began an orderly retreat.

"Time up!" Arthas called

The result was something between a complete route and a comedy of errors. The argent crusade broke into a complete flat out run. Dwarves and gnomes being run over by humans and anyone else who was more than five feet tall.

Bolvar was the only one who looked at his watch. As a result, he was the only member of the Alliance to realize five minutes was hardly up.

"Another glorious victory for the Argent Crusade, at this rate you'll win the war in no time." Called Arthas.

"Shut up Arthas."

Despite being made a fool of Bolvar couldn't shake a strange feeling. That Arthas had somehow narrowly averted a complete disaster.

"Probably nothing" muttered Bolvar.

Roughly five minutes later Putress arrived with the meat wagons.

"Did you think we had forgiven did you think we had…. where the hell is everyone?" Said Putress.

"RAWRG!" said the Frostwyrm.


It was the post-battle report. Bolvar Fordragon was sweating as he gave it to the Alliance Council. He did so with as much speed and decorum as he could manage in the circumstances.

"So let me see if I have this straight," said King Varian Wrynn "You took the outside of the Wrathgate, and then just left?" Varian Wrynn was a scar-faced, dark-haired man with two swords strapped to his back.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that." Bolvar Fordragon replied, somewhat unsteadily.

"Not only that, but you didn't even manage to do an orderly retreat. A number of gnomes and dwarves were trampled." Added Jaina Proudmoore, disapproval obvious in her tone. She was a beautiful, voluptuous, golden-haired woman. She went clad in a formfitting suit of armor and violet cloth.

"Ye,s that's correct." Bolvar had been dreading this interview.

"You know Bolvar, I'm not really sure you have this whole 'war' thing down." said Wrynn "You see you're supposed to actually attack the enemy, not just leave as soon as you get there."

"With what? He refused to come out and fight."

"Then why didn't you assault the walls?" Asked Wrynn,

"Because someone had all the siege equipment transferred to the 'unofficial' front." Replied Bolvar flatly.

"Hey." said Varian "The unofficial front is far more important than the northern front."

"Oh yes. Because your personal vendetta against orcs is well worth draining our resources. Resources we are using against a death god who wants to destroy all life on the planet.'

"What's the unofficial front?" asked Jaina.

"The war between the Alliance and Horde." Said Bolvar.

"But we have a truce." She said.

The conversation was interrupted as the corpse of an Orcish soldier was thrown into the tent. Several more screams were heard from outside as thuds and slashing filled the camp.

"No," replied Bolvar, getting out his cudgel "No, we do not."


Arthas Menethil was bored. Very bored. The sort of boredom you can only catch if your only company in a hundred miles is a large number of animated corpses. It had gotten to the point where he had begun playing chess against Kel'thuzad. An entirely futile practice as Kel'thuzad always let him win.

"Checkmate." Said Arthas to Kel'thuzad in a bored tone.

"Well done sir I didn't see that coming."

"Yes you did." replied Arthas "

"What."

"You obviously threw the match."

"Sorry, sir."

"If you're that sorry you could at least try to beat me."

"Of course sir."

"You're not even listening are you?"

"…If I answer that will you guarantee not to send me to my death."

"For the last time Kel'thuzad, I am not going to send any of my loyal soldiers to their death."

"What about Darion."

"Darion was a fool whom I was hoping to get killed fighting the Alliance. I wanted the people who actually did something of note in the third war would get a chance to shine."

"Well, that plan kind of backfired."

"How so."

"Well, the only thing it did was get Darion redeemed. And give Tirion Fordring a far more important role in the war effort against you." Explained Kel'thuzad.

"…I don't see the connection."

"Well Tirion beat you at Light hopes chapel so-"

"Sorry Kel'thuad but I can't hear you over the whispers of Frostmourne, do you know what it's talking about."

"No sir what."

"Demotion."

"Good point, I'll shut up now." It was times like this that Kel'thuzad wondered if he was really on the right side. Of course, Arthas was a brilliant leader, but he had one fatal weakness, he took the lore seriously. His logic actually made sense. Arthas had killed Uther, the most powerful Paladin ever when he was far weaker than he was now. So logically Tirion should have been a pushover. And Kael'thas could not have gone from well-intentioned extremist to a cackling moron. Not without significant character development.

A lot of things should have happened from a logical perspective. The Lich King's forces should have wiped the floor with any attempt to invade Northrend. Logically he very idea of a space-faring race of goat people was absurd. Let alone ones who were related to Archimond.

"Yes, I get it!" said Arthas in an annoyed tone "The universe is an inconsistent place full of morons. Morons who have nothing better to do than claim that they were related to Archimond. Despite the fact that they are human-sized and Archimond is sixty feet tall."

"Yes, sir but…"

"I mean come on, Kil'jaeden and Archimond are the physical representation of evil. They corrupted Sagaras for crying out loud!"

"Actually, sir, it's been revealed that-"

"They corrupted Sargearas! I don't give a damn what that idiot Velen says. He is not best friends with Kil'jaeden, and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise."

"Of course, sir."

"…and he's not his Arch-nemesis either. That title belongs to me."

"Sir with all due respect…"

"Tell me Kel'thuzad, who was it who arranged the death of Tichondrius? Me! Who was it who scared his lieutenants so much that they ran away when they outnumbered me three to one! ME! Velen hasn't done a damn thing since he got to this world. Just acted pretentiously and talk about how he had tea with Sargearas a few eons ago!"

"Well, he did restore the Sunwell." Said Kel'thuzas.

"What the-" said Arthas, taking pause for a moment at the incredulity of such a statement. "How the hell could he do that, last time I checked I pretty much cleaned all the power out of it when I resurrected you!"

Kel'thuzad decided to explain before Arthas destroyed the fortress. "Well, you see, when you destroyed the Sunwell, one of Queen Alexstranza's consorts got bored one day. He decided to put in all of the Sunwell's energies into a human body to create a girl called Anveena.'

'Why?' asked Arthas. 'Why not just rekindle the Sunwell?'

'I uh... I have no idea.' admitted Dar'khan. 'Anyway, some elven loser called Dark Ann or something like that tried to take her powers for himself. He used his powers to defeat several people even less significant that he was. One of them wants vengeance on you."

"This sounds like something out of a filler arc in a bad TV show." Commented Arthas in a bored tone.

"Anyway, after Dark Ann killed one of the adventurers and defeated the rest. Anveena realized that she had all the powers of the Sunwell. So she turned an elven mage of no real note into dust in seconds. So she did. Oh, and Sylvanas was there."

"Why didn't you mention that before?"

"Well she didn't do much, just shot a few arrows and failed to do anything useful. It was more of a cameo than an actual role."

"That's a surprise." Said Arthas, sarcasm in his voice. "Ever since that time she ambushed me she just struts around in her underwear."

If Kel'thuzad had lips he would have smirked.

"Yes well anyway. Anveena and the other losers then sat around for a few years. One of the three remaining losers got possessed. The others went off to Northrend to fight you. Then Kael'thas turned evil, captured Anveena and used her to summon Kil'jaeden.'

"I take it back, this sounds like a filler arc in a bad fanfic."

"Then the possessed loser who is a dragon of no real importance got freed from the mind control. Anveena sacrificed herself in a rather cliché manner. And Kil'jaden was driven back to the twisting nether. The Dragon loser went all emo. Then Valen restored the Sunwell. Oh and then there was something about a Light spirit or something like that. The blood elves sapped power from it. I don't know, I stopped paying attention at that point."

"I don't blame you." Said Arthas, then he paused for a moment. "Wait a minute, how could Anveena have the power of the Sunwell. You have it, what would be the point of invading Quel'thalas if we didn't get any benefit from it?"

"I don't know. Perhaps Tichondrius was screwing with you."

"Oh come on, as if Tichondrius would risk the entire invasion of Azeroth simply to waste my time."

Silence.

"Damn it! Tichondrius would do that wouldn't he?" said Arthas.

"Yes, yes he would." said Kel'thuzad "He was kind of a jerk like that."

"Tell me about it." Said Arthas. "Remember that time when we had just gone through hell summoning Archimond? And the whole time he sat back and drank martinis. Then he had the nerve to walk off our army without so much as a by your leave."

"Yeah, and remember that Mal'ganis guy?" said Kel'thuzad.

"Well actually no, I was kind of a good guy at the time so my only interaction with him was stabbing him repeatedly."

"Well, he was a real jerk. I mean, he didn't even ask me if I was okay with dying for the cause on the off chance that you'd turn evil and resurrect me. He just informed me of it two seconds before you charged into my base." said Kel'thuzad angrily.

"You know," said Arthas "I usually try to hate all life equally, but I have to say, it warms my cold heart that both of them are dead."

"Right," said Kel'thuzad "it sure is nice to know that they couldn't come back through some contrived means to haunt us."

Then a green portal appeared and a Dreadlord came forth from it, flames licked up around a dark figure.

"So, young prince." Said Mal'ganis in his baritone voice. "I have returned to life to avenge my innumerable grievances upon you."

"Bloody retcons." Muttered Arthas.


It had not been a fun afternoon for the leaders of the Alliance. three more riots had broken out before they had finally got the Alliance and Horde settled. That semblance of peace had required multiple uses of cudgels. And a great deal of wasted time and effort. During which time the Eldritch Abombinations had pressed their advantage.

"Now do you see why I insist on the Unofficial front being well manned? The Horde are savage beasts that must be cleansed." Said Varian while nursing a black eye where an orc had punched him.

Bolvar sighed "Yes and while we're at it lets ignore the ultimate evil right on our doorstep. Let's attack the Horde while they are busy."

"Good thinking Bolvar,' agreed Varian 'I'll give the order immediately."

"NO, WAIT!" exclaimed Bolvar quickly.

"Why?" said Varian, looking at him with suspicion.

Bolvar struggled to find a reason that Varian would expect "Well... Thrall is cunning. He would expect that. We should, uh, lull him into a false sense of security before we attack."

There was silence as Varian contemplated the idea of delaying genocide.

"Good thinking Bolvar, it's good to know I have such a committed general."

"Yes, sir." Said Bolvar, sighing in defeat.


Jaina Proudmoore was annoyed. It wasn't that there had been a war going on and no one told her that bothered her. Well actually that did bother her, but she could handle bad information sources. No, what bothered her was that she had been chosen as the one who had to tell Garrosh Hellscream about Wrathgate. This was not an appropriate role assignment. They would have sent Saurfang, but he had had to be shipped off of Northrend. He had got so sick of Garrosh that he had borrowed a pistol from a dwarf and shot himself in the left kidney. Just so he could go home. Meanwhile, Thrall had found a pressing errand that simply could not wait. So now it was her turn.

She walked in.

"How dare you walk into my tent without my permission you Alliance piece of trash." Said Garrosh a red skinned orc as he was sitting at a table.

Well, at least she had caught him in a good mood. People like Garrosh were what sometimes made her regret not helping her father wipe out the orcs. "You realize, Garrosh, that I outrank you."

"Ridiculous human woman, your arrogance knows no bounds."

"Look here Garrosh," she said. "I am the ruler of an entire island, you are a lieutenant of a Warchief and not a very good one."

"It doesn't matter how many countries you rule, yours is a race of weaklings."

"Then. why did we win the second war?"

"We were at a disadvantage, and you humans used your ships to cowardly defeat us."

"Disadvantage… you had the red and black dragon flights at your disposal!"

"We used the resources at hand!"

"…I'm not going to go into what wrong with your logic, and just tell you that the attack on Wrathgate was a failure."

"I told you your entire race was pathetic, you could never stand a chance against a worthy foe."

"You do realize that Arthas is human."

"Your sheer idiocy is amazing what does your ex-boyfriend have to do with the Lich King."

"My boyfriend is the Lich King you idiot!" she almost yelled.

"No, he's not."

"Oh, then who is pray tell?" she said, wondering how anyone could be this stupid.

"Ner'zhul."

"Look you simpleton, Arthas destroyed Ner'zhul, it's been established."

"Those were unreliable sources."

"Unreliable… that was the entire point of Arthas: Rise of the Lich King.' said Jaina 'I mean do you really think people read that book to watch Arthas and me have a snowball fight? The question of who the Lich King was is answered in it. Conclusively at that, so tell me, what evidence do you have that the Lich King is Ner'zhul."

"Well humans are weak and Orcs are the master race. So it's only natural that Ner'zhul would triumph over a weakling like Arthas."

"Ah, the same weakling that destroyed Lordaeron and Qual'thalas. The weaklings who set in motion the Burning Legions invasion. And overall did more damage in three months than Deathwing could do in ten thousand years." Said Jaina. She was trying to explain to Garrosh that the Orcs were not the most powerful beings in the universe. It was a fruitless effort. That didn't stop her from trying.

"That proves nothing, all his opponents were weaklings."

"Weaklings… He killed a Forgotten One."

"What of it."

"He was in a vastly weakened state, and it had when it had an Army of Eldritch abominations at its call."

"Hah, such a puny feat could be easily be duplicated by any orc."

Something in Jaina snapped. "Okay, that's it. All I was trying to do was inform you of how the war was going. A service I had to be drafted into. I've given the damn message, and I've had enough of your stupidity so I'm leaving now goodbye."

"Foolish woman you're-" Garrosh was suddenly muted. Jaina had snapped her fingers cast a soundproof force shield around the tent as she left.

He started yelling insults. Oblivious to the fact that she couldn't hear him.

Jaina surveyed the scene as she cast her teleport spell. 'I left my studies in Theramore for this?'


Authors Note:

Bolvars Folly was the First Fanfic I ever wrote. While it holds up decently it still has some major issues. I've been going through all my fanfics and changing the grammar

However, I have a rule that every one of my chapters has to be at least two thousand words long. Bolvar's folly breaks this rule. So I'm going to do a complete revamp of the story, consolidating some chapters.