An unspoken question


I took another drink from my glass of wine, and set it back down on the dining room table, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling as Renji's hand gripped my thigh protectively. The dinner party was disturbing in how normal everyone was acting, and how it seemed from the outside. Uryu sat across from me at the end of the table, quiet and, for the most part, ignorable. He seemed to want to melt into the wall paper. Chad was sat with us too, quiet also but happy. Tatsuki, Keigo and Mizuiro had also joined us, and were giddy from the alcohol they were barely old enough to drink. And, at the complete opposite side of the table from us, were Ichigo and Orihime.

He looked about ten years younger, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, which I suppose it had. He wore just a regular hoodie and jeans. He had a ear-to-ear grin, which I would've thought would make him look a little like a clown, but it didn't. That Riruka had been right. He was handsome.

He had his arm around the back of Orihime's chair, and was whispering in her ear.

I picked up my glass and drained it, remaining silent, and I went to fill it, but the bottle of red wine was empty. I slammed the bottle down a little too hard, and saw Ichigo look up at me from the corner of my eye. Renji laughed at something Keigo said.

I removed his hand from my thigh and stood from the table, wobbling, and took myself to the kitchen to get a second bottle. I had the cork out before Ichigo could get into the room.

"Yo, you okay?"

I turned to face him, and looked him straight in the eye. He looked concerned, his left hand resting on the counter top and his brow furrowed. I held his gaze for a moment, and then I broke away. I put the corkscrew down on the side.

"I'm fine. Just getting more wine." Don't notice the slur.

I glanced quickly to him, and then to the wine again. He had quirked his brow. "If you're sure..."

I turned back to him and caught his eyes once more. I held his gaze as long as I could, but he smiled lightly and looked away, and started back towards the dining room.

I followed him a couple of seconds later with a bottle in my hand, and resumed my position with Renji.

The rest of the evening past mercifully quickly, and Ichigo gave me the same light, happy smile when he said goodnight at the clinic's door. I went home with Renji, holding his arm for balance.

The gnawing feeling had stopped. Now, I was just empty.

We arrived at the Kuchiki mansion, and Renji followed me to my room, and started his nightly ritual.

When he entered me, my eyes started to water, but I blinked it away. The emptiness was all I felt.

When Renji rolled away after, I thought about my evening. I thought about the night Yhwach died. I thought about all the nights after that that I'd seen Ichigo and looked him in the eyes.

My eyes filled again in the darkness, and I pulled my blanket right up to my chin and rolled to face the wall. I couldn't help but think about that unspoken question I'd asked Ichigo.

It was an unspoken question, because he didn't even realise.

And he'd never even know I asked.