**Special thanks to all of the lovely ladies on the ProBoards for encouraging me to post my work. It means a great deal to me. Thank you all so much!
"The people you love the most leave your life for no reason". That was one of the first things Maria's uncle had said to her when she went to live with him after her parents had died. He never really spoke about her parent's death much after that. In fact, he normally didn't speak to her about anything at all. He just drank. He seemed to think that he could find the answers to life's questions at the bottom of a bottle. She never fully understood why her uncle felt that way about love and loss. Surely everything happened for a reason. Nothing happened for the sake of just happening. It didn't really matter she supposed, she never liked being around him after she had moved in with him anyway. He was always drinking and yelling obscenities at whoever was closest to him which, most of the time, was Maria. Everything he said to her was something along the lines of "do your chores you lazy little leech" or "what do you want me to do about it you ungrateful brat?". It hurt her feelings quite a bit as a child, but as she got older she learned not to take offense to the names her uncle called her. She knew he was just drunk and that he honestly disliked everyone and everything. He resented the fact that she was under his care and took his rage out on her. He hated his life.
He had had never beaten her per say, but he had grabbed her in anger on more than one occasion. Maria could still remember every detail about her time on her uncle's farm to this day. Grasping her in anger occasionally left marks, but never anything too severe. Or at least nothing too obvious that couldn't be explained with a simple lie. He would throw things in her direction, small objects really, and he raised a hand to her every now and then, but he rarely left her with injuries severe enough to need medical attention. Rarely. Did she hate her uncle? No. Life was too short to waste hating anyone, but she did pray that he would eventually see the error of his ways. Even so, when Maria was old enough to leave, she seized the opportunity and left. She may have been naive amongst many other things at such a young, impressionable age, but she had never been a fool: men like her uncle did not tend to change. She hadn't spoken to him since the day she left his farm years ago. She didn't know if he had gotten any better or if he was still just the same drunken, decrepit man he always had been. She didn't even know if he was still alive.
Maria had been a young girl when she discovered the abbey. She had yet to return home from school that day, and she had been delaying her return for as long as possible. Her uncle hadn't cared. He probably hadn't even noticed. In fact, she was positive that he didn't even know what time school ended at. She hadn't been having a good day as she recalled. Besides not wanting to return home, Maria hadn't been very popular to say the least, and she didn't really have any friends. She had always been the odd one out. If they didn't mock her they pitied her, and she resented that more than being mocked. Maria didn't want their pity. She knew her unfortunate situation had made her appear fragile and sensitive in their eyes: weak in other words. She was not weak. Far from it. She did not need a shoulder to cry on and she did not need their sympathy. She was fine on her own. So she kept to herself and did as she was told.
Well, some of the time she did as she was told. Maria always managed to get into trouble somehow. Climbing trees and tearing her clothes, ruining her shoes running through huge mud puddles, wandering too far away from the rest of the group whenever they went outside, singing too loudly or at an inopportune time, fighting with other children because they had dared make fun of her to her face, even talking back to the teachers when she knew she was right. Maria hadn't been a bad child or even a problem child: she had just been misunderstood.
She had heard the sisters singing in the garden on their way to vespers and she climbed the tree next to the stone wall to get a better look at them. Maria knew right then and there that she wanted to become a nun. They all seemed so content, as if they hadn't had a care in the world. They all had a place in the abbey and each and every one of the sisters had an important role. That was what stuck out to her the most: they were all wanted and important in their own way. They lived simply and always had love in their hearts. That was all she had ever wanted out of life. From that moment onwards, Maria promised to devote her life to god and his service.
Of course she hadn't fit in at the abbey either, unlike she had hoped. Maria had tried her hardest to be disciplined and do as she was told, but as usual, she just couldn't stay put for long. She needed to be one with nature; she needed to be free. She was constantly getting into trouble once again. She still tore her clothes climbing trees, still ruined her shoes trudging through muddy water, still wandered and went to the mountains without permission, still sang when she wasn't suppose to, and she still argued her point with almost everyone around her (mainly Sister Berthe). She had managed to make a few of them smile and even giggle on occasion, but she still wasn't actually accepted at the abbey. The only two who had seemed willing to give her a chance were Sister Margaretta and the Reverend Mother.
Even so, the Revered Mother didn't seem too sure about Maria's position at the abbey either. She understood what the Reverend Mother was telling her without her even having to say the words on both occasions she sent Maria to the von Trapp villa. It wasn't that she lacked the love, the devotion, or even the motivation to become a nun; she lacked the discipline and the temperament. It wasn't something she could expect from herself, though there was nothing wrong with her faith; it was simply Maria that was the problem. She knew the Reverend Mother had only been trying to reassure her and she summed it all up to if the will of God was for Maria to sing her heart out and be one with nature, who was she to stop her? Maria knew the Reverend Mother was only trying to comfort her, but it didn't hurt any less. It hurt to know that once again, she did not belong where she had most wanted to belong. Looking back on the experience now, Maria supposed in a way she lost as much hope as she gained within the next five minutes.
While she was incredibly upset that the dream she had of being a nun would never become a reality, she was also quite relieved and oddly excited in a way. There was no more pressure for her to fit in anymore and she could finally stop worrying about breaking the rules or letting someone down. The more Maria tried to be optimistic, the more excited she became. She could finally run to the hills and sing as much as she liked. She could climb whatever trees she wanted without caring if she ripped her clothing, no matter how frowned upon that was in polite society. But, the best realization of all was that Maria could finally admit that she was in love with Captain von Trapp. She had refused to accept the way she felt before, but after the Reverend Mother had made it painfully obvious that the thoughts and feelings she had been having were of no other than love, she realized just how much she did indeed love the Captain.
Maria continued to think about the future she may have while impatiently waiting for the bus to arrive at her stop and just like the first time, she barreled out of the bus and down the dirt road. She didn't know what possessed her to go around the back instead of entering through the front, but to this day Maria was glad that she did. Had she not, she would have gone in through the front and who knows what kind of embarrassing situation she would have found herself in? Either way, Maria found herself in a rather tricky situation just minutes after her return that shattered the fragile hopes and dreams that had just begun to form.
**Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you all enjoyed the first part of the short story I have created, though I must admit, the other part/parts are probably a lot longer. Please leave a review, as it is always appreciated.
