Soul Eater (c) Atsushi Okhubo
First of all, sorry for the grammatical errors, English is not my mother tongue...
This is either a continuation or not (However you want it) of the "Your Cupid, Excalibur"
Sorry if it seems boring. That there is nothing much to know... but I am somehow recreating the scene in EXO's Music Video - Miracles in December.
PART ONE
'I will be happy and will see her again tonight.'
This black velvet box I hold in my hand is so small yet so important. It was nothing special, no designs, curves, words or signs needed to be used. Yet, when opened you must say those three words to have an answer. My eyes were softening with each minute that passed, rubbing my thumb on this small box, the urge to open it and test it had become strong enough for me to try it once more. I cannot count how many times I had opened this and test it for myself if it would fit, cannot count the times where I had imagine it on her finger. The ring was beautiful like her, a diamond at the center while pearls and emeralds were lining in each side. It shines beautifully even in the darkness of my room, a darkness like myself where she had shined into. I stared in awe, two rings on each finger – one for me and one for her. "Tonight, for sure. I will ask her." I whispered, removing the rings and to place it back inside the black velvet box. "Tonight."
I stood up from my king size bed, making it creak from my movements. This bed was not like this before - it was silent as a mice, yet it couldn't withstand the playfulness of the woman who had made my nights not only warm , but perfect and peaceful. A room and a bed that was created for regaining strength and have a piece of mind. A room that was dark and quiet – dull like my life. A bed, that was cold even in the warmest of nights, until she had barge in. I walked my way towards the window, each step heavy but quiet. When I reached for the curtains, I noticed that my hands were trembling - a sign that my body had weakened for the days I haven't rest or have proper nourishment. Could I be blame? I am too anxious, to excited to see her again after for so many agonizing months, I cannot rest properly by just imagining that beautiful face again, smiling at me. With one sweep movement of my arms light had invaded my room chasing away the shadows that was lurking in every corner, the coldness harboring in the air melting in the heat of the sun. The once dark and cold room had become clear before my eyes, ornaments and decoration made in gold had cast a low shimmer under the rays of the morning sun. The warm rays making my tense body relax and almost smile with the luxury it brings, but it was not enough to chase way the shadows and ice that had surrounded my yearning heart.
'Hey Kid!'
I could see things no one could see, I could hear things no could hear.
If I closed my eyes and clear my thoughts, memories would play back, memories where I am with her, smiling and laughing with the silliest things, teasing each other, memories that made me feel that I am also a man and not just a being created for one purpose. I could hear her laughter inside this room, ringing in every corner, I would always hear her soft whispers of love near my ear, always hear her say my name with such emotions, emotions that had stirred and built inside of me. If I turned, then I would see her in my bed waiting for me with a book in hand, I could see myself with her as we teased and played like kids on the bed. I would see myself as I tossed her playfully and climbed on top of her, she would wiggle and kicked me off while laughing and screaming my name - it would still be music in my ears. If only I could turn. "Merry Christmas!" "Oh, Merry Christmas to you too!" "Please Join us in celebrating Christmas Eve!" The voices of the town people had caught my attention, diverting me from my previous thought. I smiled to this, Tonight I could celebrate Christmas with her again, my smile was growing wider and I had quickly make my way through my walk-in closet. Grabbing one of my finest black tailored suite, a black cotton jacket, a brown muffler, and my Italian styled black leather shoes. I small chuckle had left my lips, thankful that I had planned my outfit yesterday or I might present myself like a clown to her. Not that I don't mind, since I know it would cause her happiness, and would grant me her smile. The child inside of me told me to hurry but my matured mind had scolded me, telling me that I should take my time and make myself presentable in front of her.
Unlike my room, the hallways were always warm and clear, always bathed under the beautiful sunlight, always open to visitors and full of people – unlike my world. The two story window walls, the chandeliers, the open fire place, everything, everything had made this manor was warm, elegant and relaxing, but it was still missing something.
"Maybe it is missing this?"
"Missing what?"
"This!" I thought that she was only a bookworm like me, that only books can fascinate her and take most of her time, no other hobbies she had taken and indulge her. I once thought that if there was another hobby she had then it would be writing, no other skills her hands can manage other than household chores, fighting and learning. I was astonished, immobilize from where I stood, my eyes were only focused on her movements, how her hand holds the paint brush, moving in a circular motion when mixing two or more colors of paint. How her fingers would be coated with various colors and act as a small brush, how her eyes narrow, and eyebrows fusing together. How she would bit her lower lip and hold her breath when focusing on a small detail. Speechless, breathless, captivated, ecstatic, blown away, I don't know anymore. The perfect word to describe the emotions I hold after gaining the knowledge that this petite ash blonde haired meister before me is gifted with artistic hands. I know that I should aide her, but the happiness she was radiating, the laugh and smile she gave to me whenever our eyes met was enough for me to understand that I should let her be and watch her instead. The concrete wall was cold under my fingertips even if the sunlight was under its glory, the smoothness of it had made it easy for me to glide my hands over the painting and gently caressing it like it was real. "Your house is beautiful Kid, but it needs more colors and light!" I closed my eyes, regret was filling my lungs, my hand that was softly placed on the painting had closed to a weak fist, fingers trembling and I had inhaled deeply. Why didn't I told her? Why didn't I have to courage to make her see and tell her that she was the only light I need, the only person that had brought light and colors to my black and white world. "When you look at this painting Kid, I want you to remember me!" Dandelions – Full bloom Dandelions was painted on the once white empty wall, the color was challenging the hue of my eyes. "Why Dandelions?" "Because, you were once my wish Kid." I could feel my arms raising, searching, and yearning for warmth that it had embroider itself into. It was looking, crying for the touch of her fingers, the caress of her hands and the softness of her body. The sorrow I was feeling was rising until it made my hands shook. I need her, I miss her, I want her. Yet, I was still left alone – left alone to wait. If I looked harder then maybe I could see her, if I searched farther then maybe we can be together again, if I waited longer then maybe we could be happy again. Then maybe, my arms would be wrapped around her and not around me.
I don't want to search for someone I cannot see.
I don't want to hear the voice of someone that isn't here.
I don't want to imagine things that aren't real.
I forced my body to move, untangling myself from the web of despair I have created and shoving the depressing thought in the back of my mind. Today was Christmas Eve and we will celebrate it together, I will be happy, I will be able to see her smile again, we could finally fulfill the promises we made. Each footstep had become lighter than the last, the shadows of the past becoming weak while I stride towards the sunlight. I could hear their screams, their mourns, their whisper to me to stay, they say I will only be hurt more than I have desired and relieve the nightmare I had once witness. Red. I had saw red, it wasn't there before, didn't notice that it had fallen and rolled down the cold pavement until it halted beside the brown carpet. Then green, this I had noticed, I had witness how it had fallen from where it stood, falling fast like it was a brick being pulled to the ground. I had expected it to crash and be shattered like glass, but it had only jump after its fall, bouncing until it had rest beside the color red. A loud painful scream had echoed inside my head, a scream of a familiar voice of a man shouting the name of her love. My hand had reached for the red first, its body was hard and coarse under my touch, the body was decorated with glitter while the green was smooth and polished. Although the red ornament was smaller it was heavier than the other. The walk was short when I had placed both back to the tree, joining the other ornaments, knick-knacks and what's not under the golden star, presents of different sizes and designs where lying underneath, waiting to be opened by the hands of people they will meet. "Right, it is far too early to think such dreadful thoughts." I averted my gaze and it fell on the star above. A smile was created, but it was not real; though it does hold a fraction of hope and happiness I had cling on so deeply. Gathering all my resolve, I took a step towards the main door. It had been months since I last left the mansion, keeping myself busy with studying and learning new skills as I inherit this position. Months of learning, studying and experimenting and it will be worth it. "It will all be worth it."
Were the words I said.
Were the words I have said.
Were the words I want to say… right now.
