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Revenge for Hire
Rosario Rumble
Tsukune browtwitched nervously and tried to keep his cool, but he knew he was doing a poor job if it. The girl standing directly in front of him on the path leading back inside the school knew it, too. Her leering grin and the expectant gleam in her eyes made it perfectly clear to him that she was aware of his discomfort.
In fact, it seemed to turn her on even more.
It had all started out as another normal day at Youkai Academy. Or, in Tsukune's case it was normal if you overlooked the fact that he was the only normal human in a private school filled with monsters. It certainly didn't help one bit that some of those monsters were insanely cute.
In some ways it was even worse that a few of the aforementioned insanely cute monstrous girls also had equally insane crushes on him.
What truly sucked was that the girl currently blocking his path wasn't one of the girls he was friends with.
She wasn't Kurumu the succubus. She was energetic, feisty, voluptuous, and quite vocal and direct in regards to her feelings for him (and what she wanted to do with him, especially since she'd declared him to be her "mate of fate" the day after he'd first met her).
She wasn't Mizore the snow-woman. She was quiet, cool, collected, shy, very cute, had amazingly well-proportioned breasts (and she'd happily shown them to Tsukune one time in an attempt to seduce him), and she loved to stalk him, frequently popping up in the most unexpected of places just to be in his presence.
She definitely wasn't Moka the vampire. With her rosario on she was a normal-seeming and amazingly attractive girl. She was smart, kind, personable, friendly, vivacious and impossible to ignore (although she did have the somewhat-annoying habit of sucking on his blood). With the rosario off however, she was a fierce, proud, outrageously strong and heart-stoppingly cute silver-haired vampire. Tsukune wished that it could have been Moka interposing herself between him and the doorway, but he wasn't that lucky.
She wasn't Yukari Sendo, the eleven-year old witch and child prodigy who'd skipped several grades. Yukari was a bit of a brat at times and had an unbelievably powerful crush (try lecherous fixation) on both him and Moka (she's too young to be having fantasies about threesomes!), but she was also quite cute and dependable.
Finally, she damn well wasn't Ruby, the other witch he knew. Ruby tended to be a little quiet around him, but she was friendly, reliable, helpful, smart, a bit enigmatic, but also very attractive. Tsukune had a feeling she also nursed quite a crush on him, but she kept it to herself (probably because Yukari, Kumuru, and Mizore would all join forces to kick her ass if they found out).
Tsukune took a step back as the girl in front of him took another step towards him. He knew exactly who she was, and she was one of the LAST girls he'd ever expected to deal with.
Keito the spider-woman.
She wasn't entirely unattractive, though: medium height, decent figure, with long black hair and dark eyes. Unfortunately, Keito freaked the HELL out of him. She was a member of Youkai Academy's Protection Committee, which was supposed to act as an in-school police force but had long since corrupted into something more like schoolyard Yakuza. Keito loved to throw her weight around, happy to bully anyone who got in her way, and she could do so with impunity thanks to her position. A while back, when Tsukune and his friends had run afoul of the Protection Committee, Keito had almost killed both him and Kurumu (and would have succeeded if Moka hadn't gotten there in time to beat her senseless).
Now she was standing directly in front of Tsukune, leering at him with those creepy eyes and smile.
He took a step to the left to let her by. She merely took a step to her right to remain in front of him.
Her creepy smile remained the same.
"Hello Tsukune," she said. "How are you?"
"Uhhhh," stammered Tsukune. "J-just fine! Just trying to stay out of trouble and all!"
"Really?" replied Keito, still smiling. "That's good to hear. Although from what I've heard you've got a habit of landing yourself in trouble, but you seem to be able to handle yourself pretty well. Who would have thought it?"
"Uh, what?" asked Tsukune. He had no idea what Keito was getting at, but it also seemed like she was trying to strike up a normal conversation with him.
"I mean," she continued. "You seem like a human in every way, and yet you've managed to fight your way out of more than one bad situation. You're obviously not a weak little human, and you can obviously take care of yourself pretty well." She leaned in a little closer, still smiling. "I like that."
"What?!" he cried, suddenly feeling a lot like a fly caught in the web of a spider (which, in Keito's case was quite possibly literal).
"Don't you ever get tired of hanging out with those losers?" asked Keito. "I mean, you've always got those four dumbasses shadowing you. You know – the ditz, the jailbait, the slut, and the crack-whore." From some nearby bushes came the sounds of a lot of rustling and several loud thuds. Tsukune and Keito both quickly glanced over in that direction but didn't see anyone else nearby.
"They're not so bad once you get to know them," said Tsukune, sweating a little. Keito giggled, but something about her giggles just made Tsukune feel more anxious and uneasy.
"You know," she began. "I'm not so bad once you get to know me, too." Tsukune blanched, preventing himself from freaking out and running away screaming only through the application of superhuman willpower. "We've butted heads a few times, but I'd love to get the opportunity to put that behind us and show you that I'm not the awful, horrid bitch people think I am. You don't think I'm just an awful, horrible bitch, do you?"
"No! No! Not at all!" cried Tsukune as he desperately tried to find the nearest escape route. Unfortunately, there were none: Keito could spit webbing from her mouth and entangle his legs if he tried to run, and he had no idea just how fast she could run in the first place. As he pondered the wisdom of either jumping off the nearest cliff or attempting to hide in the nearest graveyard or perhaps even hurling himself though the nearest window, Keito took yet another towards him.
Tsukune very nearly screamed in terror as he felt her lay a hand on his chest.
"Well," she explained. "I CAN be an awful, horrid bitch, but not all the time. There are people I can be nice to, and I think I'd like to be nice to you, too. So keep that in mind and think about it for a while. If you're up for it maybe I can show you exactly what I mean one of these days. Just keep in mind that I like to play it wild sometimes." Keito gave Tsukune a sly wink, tapped her finger on his chin, and walked past him, heading off towards the main courtyard...and leaving Tsukune feeling as if he'd just barely managed to escape with his life.
The bushes started to rustle again as the people crouching behind it continued to jostle and silently fight as they observed the whole exchange.
"Oh no she didn't!!!" hissed Kurumu as she shivered with barely restrained rage. "She did NOT just come onto Tsukune!! Not after all the crap she's put him through in the past!"
"Get away from my man you WHORE!!!" snarled Mizore as ice began to coalesce and encase her hands, transforming them into long icy claws.
"Tsukune's in danger!" cried Yukari. "Let's kill her!" Mizore nodded, created a long spear-like icicle in her hands, and started to stand up.
"I can do that," she stated as she took a step forward, her eyes glowing with an eerie fire born from pure rage and hate. Ginei quickly tackled her and yanked her back down behind the bushes before anyone (especially Tsukune) could see her.
"No! Are you insane?!" hissed Ginei. "You do NOT want to screw around with Keito! She's still a member of the Protection Committee! We can't openly attack her unless we want to start another war with Kuro and the rest of his goons!"
"Who cares," replied Mizore, coolly. "She's been stalking him for days and now she's trying to put the moves on my man. I won't let her get away with such crimes against Tsukune."
"Stalking?" retorted Kurumu, browtwitching. "You're one to talk about that since you've been stalking MY mate of fate since day one!"
"Look who's talking about blatant sexual harassment, titty-monster," countered Mizore, giving Kurumu's amble breasts a quick poke. "You shove those into his face at every opportunity. Or more like you shove his face into those every chance you get. It's obvious that Tsukune's looking for a wife of much higher quality than some floozy bimbo with gigantic boobs and not much else." Kurumu growled angrily, Mizore glared back at her, and the two of them took a step back from one another as they prepared to throw down once more.
Yukari immediately rushed in between them.
"No! Stop!" she called out, holding her hands out towards their chests. "We can't fall victim to her cheap manipulations like that! This is what she wants! To make us fight amongst ourselves when the REAL enemy is standing right there!" She pointed across the courtyard to where Keito standing beneath a tree, watching Tsukune as he slowly calmed down and regained his composure.
"You're right!" replied Kurumu. "She's a sly one. Just look at her, mocking us all while she plots to take Tsukune all for herself! I will never forgive her!"
"We have to strike now," snarled Yukari. "Before she can advance her evil schemes to rape Tsukune!" In Yukari's mind lurid, vivid images of Keito tackling Tsukune, tying him up with webbing, and then tearing his clothes off and mounting him for her own sick pleasure began to form. "We can't allow this to happen!"
"I say we go with Yukari's plan and murder her," said Mizore.
"You three have completely lost your minds!" cried Ginei as he turned around and started walking away. "You wanna start a whole new battle with the Protection Committee, that's your choice. But keep me out of it. This is insane. This is madness!"
"Madness?" snarled Yukari. "THIS! IS! YOUKAI!!"
A loud *clang* rang out as a large metal washbasin suddenly fell out of the sky and landed squarely on Ginei's head, knocking him out cold. As he lay on the ground, his arms and legs twitching, Yukari put her wand away and smiled triumphantly.
"Direct hit," commented Mizore. "Nice."
"All right!" ordered Kumuru. "We need to get Moka and Ruby together and form a war council. Let's find them and then show that spider-bitch she'd better think twice before she tries to muscle in on Tsukune!"
Moka and Ruby both sweatdropped as they listened to Yukari describe the whole incident. A few hours had passed since Tsukune had had his run-in with Keito and all five girls were now meeting together in the classroom. All of the other students had since left, leaving the room empty for the Newspaper Club to use. Fortunately Ginei had agreed to take Tsukune out of the room on an errand, leaving the girls alone to hatch their grand scheme.
"Spider-slut! Spider-slut!" sang Kumuru as she drew a none-too-flattering picture of Keito in her spider-hybrid form on the chalkboard. "Does whatever a spider-slut does...!"
"...and that's exactly what happened," explained Yukari as she finally finished telling the tale. "We have to do something before that psycho-bimbo forces poor Tsukune to succumb to her evil charms and rapes him!"
"I'm still trying to understand the whole "300" scene you performed on Ginei earlier..." commented Ruby. "That totally came out of nowhere."
"Uh, surely you're exaggerating," replied Moka, laughing a little uneasily as she saw the grim looks of determination on Kumuru's and Mizore's faces (although whenever Tsukune was involved, rationality and logic tended to go out the window for them). "Are you sure Keito's actually planning to do that? I mean, maybe she's just trying to be nice to him for a change."
"Forget it, Moka," snapped Kumuru. "I'm a succubus remember? Believe me when I say that we can sense such things. She's definitely planning to seduce poor Tsukune. We have to stop her before it's too late!"
"She'll lure him into her web and entrap him for all time," added Mizore.
"First she mates then she kills!" cried Yukari. "Tsukune is next on the menu!"
"I don't really know Keito," said Ruby. "But I think you three are overreacting just a little bit here..." Mizore quickly walked over and handed Ruby the notebook she frequently wrote in.
"I was following her for a while today," she explained. "I overheard her talking to a few of her Enforcer buddies when she thought no one was around. This is what she was saying about what she'd like to do to Tsukune." Mizore flipped through the pages and found one in particular, then she handed the whole notebook to Ruby.
Ruby started reading.
A few seconds later she yanked the page in question out of the notebook, violently ripped it to tiny pieces, and began jumping up and down on the remains after she hurled them to the floor.
"OH MY GODDESS!!" she screamed. "That WHORE!!! No way in hell am I going to let her try to do that to Tsukune!!" Mizore, Kurumu, and Yukari all nodded calmly.
"What the heck...?!" demanded Moka.
"Don't ask, Moka," replied Ruby as she tried to calm down. "It's nothing your virgin ears would ever want to hear about."
"We've got to figure out what to do," said Kurumu. "Ideas anyone?"
"I've got one," began Mizore. "Kill her. We kidnap her and wrap her up in duct tape. Then I freeze her solid. After that we break her into tiny pieces with mallets, divvy up the remains in garbage bags, then Kurumu and Ruby will take the bags, fly out over the ocean, and empty them into water. End of spider-slut and end of the threat to Tsukune."
Everyone stared at Mizore silently for several moments.
"Have you lost your mind??!!" cried Moka. "No! Absolutely not!"
"You're right, Moka," said Kurumu.
"Thank you!" added Moka.
"You forgot to factor in the possibility of witnesses and the time required to do all of that," explained Kumuru. "We'd have to have a secure location and all of the materials together before we did it. And there's the matter of Keito's creepy clique that's always following her around. We'd have to eliminate them, too, and we can't afford to take too much time with the preparations. Tsukune's life is at stake and time's against us!" Moka stared at Kumuru as if she'd just spontaneously combusted.
"That's not what I meant!" she cried.
"How about we get "Inner Moka" to do it?" asked Yukari. "I mean, she's a full vampire. She's mean and nasty and cruel. She'd probably love to do it."
"Yeah!" exclaimed Kumuru. "Get that rosario off!" She lunged at Moka, trying to pull off the rosario that kept her vampiric powers contained.
"Yeah!" shouted Yukari. "Strip her nekkid!"
"Off! Off! Off! OFF!!!" shouted Moka as she started smacking Kumuru repeatedly across the head. "My other personality would never agree to this! You're all overreacting!"
"Don't be so sure," said Ruby. "Let's face it Moka. Your "inner self" can be a total bitch."
"Keito has to be made to know her place!" cried Yukari. "Who better to pound that into her head than "Inner Moka"?"
"Look at it this way," began Mizore as she put a new sucker in her mouth. "If Keito takes Tsukune all for herself not only will you NOT be able to get that rosario pulled off when you need it, but you'll NEVER be able to suck Tsukune's blood. He'll be her slave and we'll never see him again." For a few seconds Moka was completely quiet.
"...LET'S KILL THAT BOYFRIEND-STEALING SLUT!!!" she suddenly screamed. "Tsukune's blood...I mean honor is at stake!!!"
"That's the spirit, Moka!" cried Kumuru, giving her a big thumbs-up. Mizore clapped calmly.
"Contact Hell Correspondence!" suggested Moka. "You know, that website where Hell Girl..."
"Can't," replied Mizore. "It's been hacked. I've been trying to get there but I keep getting rerouted to Net Idol Chiu's webpage every single time."
"Oh, I hate that attention-whoring net-queen," grumbled Kumuru. "She's almost as much of a camera-hog as Usagi Kou. Damn that Chisame Hasegawa."
"Use the Death Note?" suggested Ruby. Mizore whipped out another of her notebooks. It had a completely black cover with silver letters printed on the front: "DEATH NOTE".
"It doesn't work!" she snapped, showing an uncharacteristic amount of emotion for herself. "I must have written Keito's name in it a hundred times and it just doesn't work!!" Ruby and Moka both glanced at it.
"Hey! Why's my name in there?!" called out Moka.
"That's NOT the real Death Note, you dumbass!" cried Ruby. "That's just an ordinary notebook you bought in the dealer's room at Otakon!!" Mizore blinked a few times.
"Son of a bitch!" she grumbled. "I should have known it was too good to be true."
"Explosives?" offered Yukari.
"Can't," remarked Ruby. "The Chemistry Club keeps accurate records of their chemical supplies. Besides, none of us know how to create explosives like that."
"Hire ACROSS?" offered Mizore.
"You are nuts?!" demanded Kumuru, thwapping Mizore upside her head with the palm of her hand. "Do we really want that psychotic loon Excel wandering around Youkai Academy?! She'd destroy the whole school!"
"Not to mention the Headmaster would kick all of our asses for bringing her here!" added Ruby. "Seriously! We'd be serving Detention for the next thirty years!"
"Wait, I've got an idea," said Yukari. "What have you heard about something called the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire...?"
*******
Sighing loudly and tiredly, Iron Mouse left her cramped little room and walked out into the main den of the R4H "headquarters". It wasn't even 2AM and all the noise had woken her up.
Eudial and Beruche were arguing over what they had or hadn't forgotten to pack anything and Mistress Nine was yelling out the window to Nephrite and JunJun who were stuffing things into Eudial's car. VesVes was in the kitchenette devouring a bunch of cookies and Fiore and Rubius were both stoned and watching Teletubbies.
"Hey!" shouted Iron Mouse. "Do you mind?! People are trying to sleep!" Eudial glanced at her, a bit irritated, then laughed as she saw what Iron Mouse looked like: her hair wasn't done up in her usual trademark style and all she was wearing was some thick socks and a long, black shirt upon which was printed in red "I see dumb people". In other words, Iron Mouse looked like a roughed-up rat. Taking her seriously just wasn't going to happen.
Esmeraude suddenly came out. All she had on was a long mottled grey shirt on which was printed "Oh lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off."
"Why the hell don't you stop shouting?!" she demanded. "You're not helping!"
"Oh yeah!? Well why don't you stay the hell outta this?!" replied Iron Mouse.
"Oh yeah?! Well how would you like me to kick your ass!?" yelled back Esmeraude. Everyone else in the room had fallen silent and was watching the ensuing spectacle with great interest.
"All right! You asked for it," growled Iron Mouse as she leapt up onto the table. "Can you smell-l-l-l-l-l what the Mouse…has cooking…for you! Chuuuuuuu!!" She leapt at Esmeraude who, unfortunately, stepped aside at the last moment. Iron Mouse belly-flopped onto the floor. As she rose groggily to her knees, stunned and still half-asleep (Iron Mouse was one of those types who takes about an hour or so to fully wake up), Esmeraude quickly reached down and pulled up Mouse's shirt over her head, completely blinding her. Rubius perked up immediately: Iron Mouse was wearing frilly lace panties and no bra. He really got turned on as Esmeraude proceeded to spank the struggling girl.
Get Lead Crow in there and we'd REALLY have something "interesting" to watch, he thought, grinning like an idiot.
"Okay, Esmeraude," announce Eudial a minute later. "The fight's over. You won. Now let her go." Smiling happily, Esmeraude released Iron Mouse who, red-faced with anger and embarrassment, pulled her shirt back down. Rubius looked disappointed; Fiore just looked relieved.
"Thank goodness THAT'S over with," remarked Fiore.
"Oh yeah, that's right," said Esmeraude as she got up. "You only like Mamo-dork." Fiore nodded happily.
"Yup. He and I used to PLAY together when he was little."
"Ewwwwwww…!!" cried everyone in the room. Iron Mouse facefaulted, VesVes made a dash for the bathroom so she could get ill in privacy, and Esmeraude shuddered like Jell-O in an earthquake.
"Ugh!!" she cried. "I just KNOW I'm going to have nightmares about that. I'm going back to sleep so I can get them over with." Esmeraude went back to her room while Iron Mouse went to the refrigerator.
"What-ever," she grumbled as she rummaged through it while everyone else went back to what they were doing. "Anyway, what the hell's going on? You planning a trip?"
"Better," said Eudial. "We've got a job, and this one's an up-front rush job."
"It's not even two in the morning!" cried Iron Mouse. "Couldn't this wait until we actually open?!"
"Well we COULD!" retorted Mistress Nine. "If we just wanted to get the STANDARD rate. But these people are paying five times our regular rate for an immediate rush job." She paused as she noticed something going on outside. She quickly leaned back out the window. "No, Nephrite! You CAN'T bring along your inflatable Sailor Pluto blow-up doll! Get it out of the trunk, you pervert!"
"Dude!' replied Iron Mouse. "What's so important that they're paying out their ass for a rush job?"
"We're going to someplace called Youkai Academy," explained Eudial. "Some kind of private boarding school. The target is one of the students: some girl named Keito who's a real ball-busting, asshole troublemaker who's a member of a gang at the school. We need to get there before classes start and get set up for a vengeance hit against her that has to be completed today. They were really insistent about it."
"Jeez, they sure aren't asking much," commented Iron Mouse as she munched on a bit of cheesecake. "But then again we've blown places up before and been home in time for pancakes. So where the hell is this school?"
"Outside of Tokyo," continued Eudial. "But here's the weird thing. The school's not on any map and I couldn't find anything about it on the Internet, but according to the directions I got we can get there by going through this one certain tunnel. It's only fifty miles away though."
"Fifty miles?" exclaimed Iron Mouse. "Uh, you DO realize that it's 2 AM and that it's gonna be sunrise in just a few hours right? That's not going to leave you a whole lot of time to get everything done. Especially once the traffic on the roads start." Eudial gave her a bored look.
"So?" she replied, "I'm the one who's going to be driving."
"Oh," said Iron Mouse as she poured herself a glass of milk. "Nevermind then. Oh, that reminds me, I saw a few of the girls from Lucky Star hanging around your car earlier last night after you'd gone to bed."
"Dammit!" snapped Eudial. "Not the GTA Lucky Star club again! What happened?" Iron Mouse shrugged.
"I started shooting at them with paintballs," she explained. "I emptied about two magazines into them and they ran away. I think I managed to nail Tsukasa in the ass real good 'cause she was limping like you wouldn't believe." Mistress Nine suddenly made a loud gasp of horror.
"Hey, Mistress!" called out Nephrite from the street. "What's this life-size Tuxedo Kamen blow-up doll doing in YOUR bag?!"
"Uh, uh, that's not mine!" she stammered, her face becoming bright red. "I didn't put that there!"
"No! There must be a mistake! This ain't my bag, baby!" called out JunJun in a fake British accent.
"Yeah, sure Missy!" yelled Nephrite. "I've been wondering what those weird noises coming out of your room were!" He and JunJun started laughing their asses off as Mistress Nine's expression confirmed that her dirty little secret was out.
"Hey!" shouted Beruche. "Quit playing around and let's get going. I've got an appointment for a pedicure tomorrow afternoon."
"We could've been gone ten minutes ago if you hadn't wasted so much time getting your makeup and clothes together," complained Eudial.
"I've got an image to maintain!" objected Beruche.
"What image? We've all been wearing the same style of clothes for the last three years! Besides, what do you actually NEED $2000 dollars worth of makeup for anyway?" Eudial sighed. "Let's just go before we lose any more time. We'll probably be back the day after tomorrow or sooner if things really go well. Demando's in charge while we're gone and I'll be calling periodically to make sure the rest of you are behaving." Iron Mouse, Rubius, and Fiore waved bye. Dragging the still-stunned Mistress Nine behind them, Eudial and Beruche made their way to the car. JunJun and Nephrite were there waiting, and having entirely too much fun in the meantime.
Mistress Nine nearly fainted as she watched her precious blow-up doll sail through the air like a hentai Macy's Day balloon. Nephrite and JunJun had inflated it using a helium tank. Eudial shook her head in disbelief.
"Can't you people act with any bit of maturity?" she asked. Meanwhile, Mistress Nine grabbed Nephrite's Sailor Pluto doll, pulled out her .38 revolver, and started pumping bullets through it.
"Uh, couldn't you have just torched it with a lightning bolt or something?" asked Beruche.
"Yeah," said Mistress Nine as she reloaded and put her gun away. "But that was much more satisfying."
"Hmph," remarked Nephrite. "Totally unoriginal. At least what I did had style."
"Bite me," retorted Mistress Nine as she got in. Piling into the car, they were soon tearing through the streets of Tokyo at breakneck speeds, running every red light, and nearly causing a bus to flip over as Eudial sideswiped it. Soon they were on the highway and Eudial REALLY floored it, pushing her car's engine to the max and pushing her passengers into their seats. Throughout the whole trip no one said a word. Eudial was too busy having fun and playing the Lucky Star J-pop album at full blast, which gave the whole car trip a weird surreal feeling to say the very least.
Everyone else was too busy praying to whatever gods would listen that they'd survive the trip.
End of Part One.
