Ummmm… Sorry about these worthless things I put at the top and bottom of all of my stories and chapters I'm used to fanfiction. The only reason I do this is to tell you what's going on and things that might affect writing, updating, etc… Sooooo this is a story about a girl that mainly finds love, and with it comes tragedy, pain, and…. Well, hard to explain. Promise it's better then it sounds…

Ooooohh and pay heed to the summary… cutting and adult themes WILL BE USED! Just sayin'…

CHAPTER 1

"Am I really that worthless?" I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror. Fifteen year old girl, jet black hair, cut at an angle in the front and layered in the back, a little longer then shoulder length. I had bright blue eyes (I always thought I looked like I was blind), and was dressed in ripped black skinny jeans, a black tank top and black high tops with neon blue laces. I turned my wrists to face the mirror. Scars, deep knife cuts dripping blood. I watched as the blood dripped from my wrists and the knife blade in my hands onto my carpet.

A rush of anger swept over me. Why doesn't anyone understand me? I mean it is understandable... I get abused by my step dad, my biological dad is trying to win custody over me- I really don't see why they won't let him have me, my mom's a drunk, but she does put on a good "guilty mom" act for the judges.

Everybody at school treats me like a complete outcast and I have absolutely no friends at all. Even the teachers treat me like a freak and nobody cares to put a stop to it.

7:30! Crap! I guess I have to get ready to start another worthless day of my life... It was October 30th, a day before Halloween, and almost everybody was out looking for their little skimpy Halloween costumes, which was good in a way, there wasn't many people to criticize me. I walked down the nearly empty hall, everyone that lined the hall included; the "nerds", half of the "Goths", and the people that really don't give a shit about anything. Thank god my mind rejoiced, and my stomach felt at ease for at least once in my life.

At the end of school, I walked home. Today was a lot better then I would have imagined. I finally came to my house. I walked up the stairs to my front door, turned the knob slowly, and opened the door, careful not to make any noise (it's better not to be noticed, it saves half the torture Joe puts me through). My stomach tightened once again, which was a feeling I was all to used too... Fear.

I entered my house, the smell of cigarette smoke and beer filled my nose. My house was like walking into a fiery hell, where my step dad could rot in for all I cared. It was dark and lifeless, yet surprisingly well kept. The dark colors mixed with all of my mother's forgotten artwork that lay upon the walls like ghosts, unnoticed, invisible, just... There. I always look at them, they're beautiful, and they reminded me of how my life used to be...

All of a sudden, Joe came staggering out of the kitchen. He caught sight of me and ran towards me, something shimmering underneath his sleeve. He grabbed my mouth so I couldn't scream. "Don't you dare scream you little bitch! Or I swear to God I WILL kill you!" He squeezed my arm harder and brought the hand that was around my mouth, slowly, down my body. My heart started to race. I was so uncomfortable. I decided to run away as soon as I had the chance. I stared into his dark, cold, uncaring eyes. He let go of my arm and hooked his thumbs through my belt loops.

That's when I ran, everything hit me at once. The force of me pulling away was so strong, that it broke my belt loops. At almost the exact same time, Joe reached for the thing in his sleeve, a knife. I turned toward him, he was right behind me. He swung his arm up and cut me, right on the edge of my eye. One centimeter to the left , and I would have been blinded.

I ran upstairs, into my room, shut and locked the door, then cried myself to sleep listening to each bang on the door from my step dad.

When I awoke the next morning, I looked in the mirror after I got dressed for school. I had a bloody cut on my right eye and a red ring around my arm from Joe. I knew school today would be total hell, so I prepared myself for anything.

Half of school had gone by and I was right. As I walked onto campus, I put my head down so my hair covered my eye. Everybody looked up and got silent. Then it got loud again. Taunts filled the air as I walked along the sidewalk. "Life is completely meaningless," I thought, "and nobody's noticed it yet."

What is the meaning to life? Why does God put us through a long, hard ride just to kill us at the end? Why do people fear hell when life is hell itself?

These questions filled my head, I guess a little to much. I wish I knew the answers. I guess I was to caught up in my thoughts, next thing I knew I was on the ground, hands and knees in a pool of mud. I looked up to find a group of boys walking away laughing. One of them stayed behind watching them. He turned to help me up. I stood, dizzy at first then I looked into the eyes of him.

Lucan Marks. He was in a few of my classes, but I never really paid attention to him.

He didn't really belong to a certain clique. He was like a mix of punk, meets kinda nerdy, meets... Well... Unique. He had black hair, cut with shaggy emo bangs and slightly spiked in the back. He had thick neon orange streaks on his bangs, and the little spikes were each frosted with neon blue at the end. He had sparkly almost golden eyes and had a gorgeous smile. He was surprisingly attractive, perfect come to think of it. I had never realized that before.

"Alex, is that right..." He finally said with his faint yet noticeable British accent.

"Uhh, I mean, yes. Your Luke... Lucan, right." I can't believe I was getting friendly already, calling him Luke.

"Yep, that's me!" He replied. I can't believe someone's actually talking to me... Is he lost? Or blind? "Are you alright? I'm so sorry...-"

"I'm fine," I said, "but your friends don't appear to be... They're asses... I think they only let humans at this school, I think they got lost." I turned and walked away, but he grabbed my arm where Joe had bruised it. I fell to the ground. "Oh! I'm so sorry! Did I do that?" He said in shock as he helped me up once more. "No, just a little bruise on my arm, I'll be fine." I turned away again, good thing my hair was still in my eye, he would have asked about that too.

"I'm having a Halloween thing at my house tonight... Wanna come?" He yelled at me. He lived at the end of my street.

"Ummm... Your asking ME!"

"Uhhh... I guess so... I don't see anyone else around..."

"Uh, I'm not sure, I'll have to see." I answered back. I had to gather my thoughts. He was inviting me to something. I guess I would go... It was Friday so nothing would happen... And this would probably be the only "fun" thing I would ever do in my life. "Wait, yeah, I'll go..."

"Awesome! It's like right after school..."

"That's fine."

"Cool." He replied. He grinned and left me to walk to class alone.

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Thanks. XP LifesDisgrace.