Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on characters and situations owned by the Walt Disney Company. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made from this. The followingis purely for entertainment.
I Forgot the U
By Jeune Ecrivain
Rating: K+
Summary: Phil is now 22 and Keely's about 21 ½. When Phil's birthday coincides with Keely having big news, she conspires with Pim to tell him in a most creative way.
"I told you not to make a big thing out of this!" said Phil Diffy to the crowd before him, feeling a treasonous smile spread across his face despite himself. "Ugh! Doesn't anybody listen to me anymore?" he asked no one in particular, making a last attempt to keep a straight face in light of the familiar faces smiling knowingly at him.
Phil had come home to his apartment anxious to think about something else besides job interviews for the first time that day. He had found it a little harder than usual to find a decent company that needed the services of a biologist fresh out of college, but he had risen to the challenge and had what he thought were a few promising interviews. Before he had known it, his 22nd-birthday, which had been looming just around the corner, had finally arrived. He really should've known that his entire immediate family and close friends from high school would jump out from a myriad of hiding places and shout "Surprise!" the minute he turned the light on, but in a moment of ignorance he had flipped the light switch, and he had been ambushed by a modest but close-knit and loving group of smiling faces.
Giving him a smile that was both warm and sly at the same time, his wife of hardly three years stepped up to him, put a party hat on his head, and kissed him sweetly. "Phil, Phil, Phil," said Keely Diffy, shaking her head. "You should know us better than that."
"You know, I really should," agreed her husband with a roll of his eyes. Phil then turned to face his parents, sister, friends Tia and Seth, his sister's friends Brad Farmer and Debbie Berwick (if they could really be called friends), and even his favorite professor from college. "Alright! Whose idea was this?"
"I take full responsibility," said Tia. "Though I must say the Diffy Sisters-in-Law didn't exactly try to talk me out of it."
"Yeah!" Pim and Keely cheered, high-fiving each other in mutual congratulation.
"Phil," began Lloyd Diffy, approaching his son with a small but proud smile on his face, "if you have one more birthday and make me feel any older,…" At this, hearty chuckles and giggles sounded from the gathering. "…I'm going to disown you."
Phil finally broke down and chuckled out loud. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Happy birthday, son!" Lloyd digressed from his joke, slapping Phil on the back.
Keely and Pim furtively exchanged mischievous looks. If Lloyd Diffy felt old now, they couldn't wait to see how he would react to what they had in store. Even the other two masterminds behind the party (Tia and Phil's mother Barbara) weren't aware of this little addition they had schemed by themselves. Before the party was over, the Diffy Sister-in-Laws would strike again.
Seeing anticipation dance in Keely's eyes, Pim picked up the pizza cutter that was laying next to a stack of a half-dozen pizzas on the coffee table and held it like a brave soldier would a sword. "Well, what's the holdup?" she queried as if giving a battle cry. "Let's get this party started!"
Unanimous agreement easily procured, the small crowd dissolved into a more dispersed celebratory gathering. Before Keely and Phil joined in, Phil whispered in her ear, "You really shouldn't have."
"I had to," said Keely stubbornly.
"Why?" Phil challenged her.
She smiled at him so warmly his mock resolve melted, her blue eyes glinting in a way he hadn't seen before. She kissed him on the nose and stated simply, "Because I love you." With that, she took his hand and yanked him out of his position in front of the doorway before he could respond. In that moment, Phil realized that any remaining pretense of objection would be in vain. When his wife looked at him like that, there was no saying no to her. Besides, the informality of the celebration made it seem almost petty to complain even in jest.
So, the party went on. Tia was soon yakking away about single life to Keely, almost seeming as if she felt obligated to do so since Keely had withdrawn from bachelorhood three years ago. She found herself nodding amusedly at Tia, realizing how little she had changed. Yet her mind drifted more than once to the plot that she and Pim had concocted, growing more anxious with each passing minute to unveil the big surprise and see everyone's reaction, especially Phil's. She momentarily wondered if it might temporarily steal the spotlight from Phil more than would seem right, but the thought soon vanished. It wouldn't matter. She knew it.
Meanwhile, her co-conspirator was busy exchanging witticisms with one friend and just plain dishing them out to the other. "So, Brad," said Pim as she finished off her slice of chocolate cake, "I've been meaning to tell you that I was flipping through our old seventh-grade yearbook, and I found a picture of you. I have to say… I think I know why we get along just a little bit better now."
"Oh, yeah," said Brad, eyeing her defiantly. "What's that?"
"Now I can be seen with you and not look like Snow White and the Obnoxious Dwarf."
Debbie couldn't help herself from laughing, which was unfortunate since she had just taken a slug of soda. Pim turned her face towards Debbie in an attempt to look aloof and ended up being sprayed with half-drunk Coke. Pim closed her eyes briefly in self-restraint before staring with bland annoyance away from both her "friends."
"Oh, my gosh, Pim!" cried Debbie in her almost inhumanly sweet voice. "I'm so sorry!"
"No, no," interrupted Brad with a grin on his face. "I like this look. It suits her," he said, tucking a wet strand of hair behind her ear teasingly with a hand that Pim quickly slapped away.
"You…" Pim began, "…are such an egotist!" she branded him, turning her whole body to face him fully.
"And you…" Brad countered, closing the distance between them, "…are a sarcastic know-it-all!"
Pim was about to retort when she heard furious scribbling behind her. She blinked, bit her lip in annoyance, and turned to face Debbie again. "What are you doing?" she asked, referring to the notepad that Debbie was holding.
"It's for my psychology class," she replied. "I'm doing this project on why idle hostility is sometimes a sign of masked attraction."
"You have got…to be joking," said Pim very deliberately.
"No, of course not," responded Debbie.
Pim opened her mouth to respond, but Keely chose that moment to arrive on the scene. "Pim," she said, "I think it's time for Phil to open his present." Keely gave her sister-in-law an implying glare, and a hint of a smile could be seen briefly on Pim's lips.
"Right," said Pim, swiftly excusing herself to seek out her brother.
"I thought we said no gifts," Debbie almost whined, ready to go an a guilt trip for not having brought anything.
"We did," Keely reassured her. "Don't worry. This is just something special I have for Phil. Trust me. This'll be all the gift Phil will need. It's sort of a…husband-wife thing."
Debbie nodded, not looking quite so sure. Keely knew, however, that she would soon understand.
Pim found her older brother on the couch talking to Seth about the latest football game. She sat down discretely and pretended to stew over a fake e-mail she had created just before the party. She grunted loudly, and Phil turned his attention to her to find her pouting over a piece of paper. To reel him in, Pim topped her act off by pretending to scoff unhappily.
Phil took the bait. "Is something wrong, Pim?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Pim said, making a show of crinkling her nose, which Phil had admitted to recognizing as a sure sign of trouble with his sister.
"Alright," Phil shifted his posture towards her. "Something's up. C'mon. Give."
"What makes you think something's up?" Pim asked innocently.
"You crinkled your nose."
Pim pretended to look hesitant, but she was really congratulating herself on her acting. "Fine," she finally feigned surrender. "You know how I have absolutely no clue what kind of career I want to have?"
"Yeah."
"Well, Keely said that maybe I'd make a good actress."
"Actress?" Phil repeated, looking puzzled and surprised at the idea.
"Yeah. It sounded weird to me too," admitted Pim. "But anyway, Keely happened to know the director of some theater group here in Pickford."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He…uh…was in one of her music classes in college. Small world, huh?"
"Indeed," said Phil, still having trouble seeing his sister as a drama queen.
"So Keely puts in a good word for me, and I auditioned."
"And?" Phil urged her on hopefully.
"I got this e-mail yesterday from Keely. Jim, her director friend, got back with her, and he did give me a part."
"That's great!" Phil replied.
"You'd think so wouldn't you?"
Phil looked at his sister, puzzled. Pim handed him the e-mail. He read it:
Pim,
Great news! You're going to be an ant!
I'm so excited!
Keely
"An ant?"
"Yeah," Pim confirmed. "Apparently, there's this scene where all these different insects do a dance number in a field of giant grass blades. I auditioned for the lead role, and all I got was a part with no lines and the provision that I make a fool of myself prancing around stage in a giant ant costume."
"What kind of play is this?"
"What kind of play is what?" asked Keely, arriving almost as if on cue.
"This play you had Pim audition for."
"An ant?" Pim pretended to round on Keely. "You got me an audition so I could be an ant! A disgusting insect that crawls around like Earth's tiniest knuckle-draggers! Is that the best you can do? What kind of play is this?"
"Pim, calm down," Phil said. "I'm sure Keely's intentions were good."
Keely smiled inwardly as she put her best acting skills to work. "I never said you were going to be an ant in the play, Pim," she stated, feigning confusion. "I don't know anything yet. Jim hasn't told me anything."
"Then what's this?" Pim retorted, snatching the paper from Phil's hands. Keely pretended to look at it, then let out her most realistic laugh. "Pim! This has nothing to do with the play! It has to do with a big event in the family!"
"Huh?" Pim pretended to ask quizzically.
"What does Pim being an ant have to do with a big event in the family?" Phil inquired, more perplexed than ever.
By now, Pim was pursing her lips, nearly bursting with anticipation. Keely herself had trouble keeping a straight face. "I misspelled 'ant,' silly me!"
"No offense, Keely,…" Phil began carefully. "…but how do you misspell 'ant'?"
Keely smiled warmly at Phil, which confused him even more, and with a strange happiness dancing in her eye, she answered simply. "I forgot the 'u.'"
