Author's Note: This takes place sometime in second season - I wrote it BEFORE third season started . . .
... The past is holding me, keeping life at bay,
I wander, lost in yesterday.
wanting to fly - but scared to try.
But, if someone like you found someone like me,
Then suddenly, nothing would ever be the same!
My heart would take wing, and I'd feel so alive -
if someone like you . . . found me.
-Wildhorn and Bricusse,
from the Broadway musical, "Jekyll and Hyde"
Michael's heart beat rhythmically beneath her ear, his breath a steady, comforting cadence, the sounds of the ocean outside her window adding to the melody. Nikita loved these moments most of all, for they were the most honest moments in her life. In this bed, while Michael lay sleeping beside her there were no lies, no barriers, and no games.
In these moments, Nikita did not doubt Michael's feelings for her; she could feel them in the way he held her close. She heard it when he occasionally breathed her name as he contentedly snuggled closer to her. In these moments, Nikita did not need to hide her feelings from him, or force them upon him. Here, curled around him, she could express her love in a touch of her hand or lips or in the simple peace of accepting what he offered. No words were needed - it was simply understood.
Pulling the cotton blanket up over her shoulders, she tucked it around herself and Michael and felt the tightening of his arms around her. Smiling, Nikita remembered waking up their first night here, shocked to find herself curled in much the same position, and the awkwardness of pulling away when she realized Michael had awakened as well. She was glad that, during these past few months, she and Michael had found ways to open up the communication between them as individuals. In that time, she had learned to understand much more about Michael, to understand his fears and concerns and to accept them. Although she still longed to hear the words, she didn't need them as much now as she did before. She had learned to hear them in his touch, in his actions and to see them in his eyes. She wondered how she had missed it before.
These past few months had also given Nikita a lot of time to think, observe and to see real relationships in action. She came to regret many of her past actions and set about trying to make amends to Michael. She thanked the powers that be that he still loved her and that she had never stopped loving him.
A pale haze began to gently break through the blinds and Nikita realized that her time with Michael was almost up for the week. He had to return to Section today while she remained in this house under cover. Gently, she pulled away from him and retrieved her white, brushed silk robe from the foot of the bed and silently drifted out of the room. She walked quietly into the living room and out the French doors onto the deck to watch the sun rise.
Gazing out at the horizon, Nikita embraced her memories from the past week. She let time drift backwards, her eyes closed in silent bliss, until she felt strong arms wrapped around her, enfolding her in their warmth as well as that of a blanket.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Nikita whispered in a hushed and husky tone that was uniquely hers.
"I'm not."
Michael's soft voice never failed to cause an aching tingle deep inside of her. She was always amazed at how her body reacted when she heard the soothing and exciting tones.
"What are you thinking about?" Michael asked.
Reveling in her body's reaction, Nikita turned in his arms and wrapped one arm around his neck, gently stroking his face with the her fingertips. Her heart beat faster as Michael leaned his head into her touch. "About this week, Anna's parents' anniversary party, dancing for you and with you." Nikita voice drifted off, her eyes following her hand as it slowly trailed across his chin, down his throat. Drawing her hand back up around the back of his neck, she lifted her eyes to gaze into his face.
Michael tightened his arms around her waist and back, drawing her as close as physically possible and resting his head atop hers. Nikita relaxed into his embrace, listening to the steady beat of his heart and feeling her body move with his every breath. She enjoyed the warmth that spread through her core and the feeling of the silk of her robe rubbing against her taut nipples.
Nikita whined softly in protest when she felt Michael begin to disentangle himself from the embrace and place a soft kiss on the top of her head before stepping back. "Wait here," Michael whispered, his accent caressing her senses.
Turning back to face the sun, Nikita pulled her robe tightly about her and leaned against the railing, waiting for Michael to return. Familiar strands of music began to drift from inside the house, piquing her curiosity. Nikita turned to walk back inside and found Michael leaning against the door frame staring at her. Three months ago, his expression would have been just a blank stare, but now Nikita could read so much more. His lips curled slightly upward, while his eyes spoke his love and desire for her. "How could I ever have missed it?" she wondered in astonishment.
Once Nikita had turned toward him, Michael pushed himself away from the door and moved to her. Holding his hand out to her, he said, "Dance with me?"
Nikita's heart leaped in her chest, and the familiar warmth coursed back down through her body as she took his hand in hers, relaxing into his embrace. Michael's hand lingered, for a moment, on her lower back before drifting even further downward as they moved in time to the music.
Intoxicated by his closeness, Nikita was slow to recognize the song that Michael had chosen. "Truly, Madly, Deeply" ; the song to which they had danced at the anniversary party. Stepping back, she looked deeply into Michael's eyes, searching. Nikita watched the slow smile spread across his face as he realized she understood.
Nikita wanted to stay this way forever, gazing into Michael's heart and soul, feeling his arms around her, but she knew it couldn't be. Reaching up to caress his cheek, her voice tinged with sadness, she breathed, "I'll miss you. I wish you didn't have to go."
Michael tensed in her arms; Nikita quickly placed a finger on his lips just as he was about to speak. "I know you have to go. I'll just miss... seeing you . . ."
She trailed her hands down his body, caressing the hard muscle beneath his bare skin. Bringing her hands back to linger on his chest, she relished the heat rising from his body and the quickening of his breath, " . . .touching you."
"I'm here now," Michael whispered in her ear just before he pulled her toward him, bringing their lips together passionately as the song ended.
Nikita's whole body was on fire as Michael pulled gently away from their embrace, inviting her back to the bedroom with him. Her heart racing, Nikita allowed herself to be led back into that dark haven.
Michael tried to memorize the feel of Nikita's limbs draped about him and the sensation of her warm breath fluttering across his bare chest. Leisurely, he stroked Nikita's soft blond hair, enjoying the sensation of the smooth, silky strands slipping through his fingers, thankful that someone like her had found something worthy in him.
The last few months had opened a new world to him. For so long, he had felt like he had been standing in a window, watching the world go by without him, unable to dream of truly living. In a sense, he was held by the past, lost in the pain he had endured there. He had let his fears keep life -- keep love -- away.
At least, he had - until Nikita.
Now, when he looked into Nikita's ever-expressive face and her clear-blue eyes that filled with the light in her soul, Michael felt his heart soar. For the first time in years, Michael felt alive. There was so much he wanted to tell her. Soon, he promised himself, drawing her as close to him as possible. Michael smiled to himself, feeling her curl closer to his side as if she were seeking to be a part of him.
Next Thursday would mark four years since she was dragged kicking and screaming into his life, changing it forever. Michael planned to make the anniversary of that life-altering event a night Nikita would cherish always.
He had spent weeks searching relentlessly for just the right gift, finally stumbling across a delicate, white-gold charm bracelet in a jeweler's window in Montréal. Michael had known the moment he saw if that is was meant for Nikita - it was bright, strong and feminine - just like she was. From the delicate links now suspended three custom-made charms Michael had designed.
He had spent equal time agonizing over what to write in the card he had chosen to accompany the gift, knowing that when the moment came, words would fail him, and he wanted no doubt in Nikita's mind about what he truly felt for her. After numerous attempts at flowery prose, Michael settled on simply writing the truth. He had written, "You gave my life meaning again - a reason to live. I do not want to live without you in my life. Je t'aime."
He dreamed of standing on the deck with her, bathed in moonlight, and handing her the gift box and card that even now was secreted in his bottom drawer. Michael imagined the way her eyes would shine with unshed tears when she read the card and opened the tiny velvet box. How she would smile up at him radiantly when he clasped the bracelet around her wrist, drawing the hand to his lips to kiss the delicate skin, just before he said the words that Nikita had waited so long to hear.
Shifting his position so he could look into her sleeping face, he resisted the urge to wake her and
tell her now. As much as he wanted to declare his feelings, he knew that to wait out the
week as he had planned would make it all that much more special for her. In one week, Michael
would finally confess his love to her.
