Regina was standing in the woods, the dagger in her hand. Her whole body was shaking. She let her thumb brush carefully along the name that was written on it and her heart felt as if it were about to burst. She was overwhelmed and desperate, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.
Emma Swan. Fucking Emma Swan.
This couldn't be real. Not like this. She had done her very best to protect Emma's heart and she would have kept fighting. She would have done anything. But… the dark one? Seriously? This had to be a fucking joke.
Emma didn't deserve this. She wanted to turn back time. She needed to find a way, needed to find a solution, needed to find it right fucking now.
Gold could have – no should have died. This could have been avoided! They shouldn't have tried to free his heart in the first place, they should have saved her heart, okay? Hers alone. This curse and its madness could have ended!
She would never be able to forget this moment. This pure feeling of horror that had hit her the moment Emma had raised the godforsaken dagger in front of her. She had barely been able to see her, had been blinded by the darkness dancing around her body, her vision blurred from the horrible force that was sucking all light and energy out of her. But still she had seen her face. Had seen the tears in her eyes. Had seen how… how scared she was.
Regina had screamed. Had screamed 'no!' from the top of her lungs, begging her to find another way. Of course she had known that they had no other choice, it would have been either her or Emma. But in this very moment, Regina would have gladly let the darkness suck her in, would have gladly suffered it all if it hadn't meant watching Emma disappear in front of her own eyes, not able to do anything about it.
Never in a million years Regina would have thought that another person would willingly make this kind of sacrifice for her. Still she was convinced she would have done the same for her. She didn't know what that meant, she didn't want to think about it, but she knew it to be true.
Even in this alternate reality she had felt it. This need to be there for her. A woman she hadn't known but had instantly wanted to protect. She had felt this… this warmth as soon as their eyes had met and it had been so surprising and yet so familiar.
It all felt as if it had happened only minutes ago, but now Emma was gone and Regina had no idea what to expect. What would the dagger do to a person with such a huge potential for darkness? How badly would it affect her? What would she look like? What would she do? What would she feel about… them? Would she blame her? Would she hate her?
She could still hear Robin's voice in her ear, could hear Snow, Charming and Hook, telling her to wait, telling her to decide together what to do next. But she hadn't cared. She had run, had picked up the dagger and poofed herself away in a purple cloud because no way she was going to discuss anything with these idiots right now. No way she was going to let them decide what to do about the person who had just given up her own happiness for her. No way she was going to waste one more minute.
She needed to see her. Needed to talk to her. Needed to know what, or who, she was going to have to deal with from now on.
Breathe, she told herself. Get it together.
She closed her eyes for a second, blinking away the tears before biting the inside of her cheek, determined to get this right.
She was grabbing the dagger hard, her knuckles turning white as she spoke.
"I summon thee, dark one … from whatever realm thou art in …"
Regina could hear nothing but the wind rustling through the countless trees. Everything was completely quiet. She tried to make out any changes around her but it was dark, the moonlight only barely illuminating the scenery.
"Hello, your majesty."
Regina's whole body tensed and her heart skipped a beat as she heard Emma's voice right behind her. She could feel her presence now, could feel her standing only inches away from her, yet she didn't dare turn around. She was terrified. Terrified of who might await her. Of not seeing Emma anymore, despite the fact that she probably still looked the same.
She made a fist, her own fingernails digging into the palms of her hands, as she slowly turned around.
And there she was. Standing in front of her, in a dark pair of skinny jeans, a grey top and a black leather jacket. She wore her hair in a high ponytail with a braided detail halfway down her shimmery blonde locks.
And she was… smiling.
"Emma…", Regina whispered, searching for some warmth in the other woman's eyes. For some proof that the loving mother of her child was still in there somewhere.
But her smile wasn't warm. Her lips were smiling but her gaze was empty. Cold.
"Emma, I am so sorry", Regina tried, slowly taking a step towards her, trying to make her understand that she truly meant it.
"I'm not", Emma replied, the smile still frozen on her lips. Her confidence was intimidating.
"I'm glad I did what I did. 'Cause you know what, Regina? I finally feel like myself. I finally feel free."
Regina frowned, not sure what to make of all this.
"Free from what, Emma?"
"Free from this fucking savior crap. Free from everyone's obsession with happy endings. For months I have asked myself what my own happy ending might look like. And to be quite honest, I couldn't think of anything. Sailing off into the sunset on the Jolly Rodger? With a one-handed lover? I can love myself with one hand, I don't need a man for that", she said, chuckling to herself.
"Being a family with my wonderful parents?", she continued, her tone ironic as she was spitting out the words like venom. "My wonderful parents who replaced me with a new child, which they happened to name after my dead ex-boyfriend in order to rub another bad memory into my face for the rest of my life? Let me think about it for a second… No."
"Emma…"
"Ssh, ssh, ssh…", Emma hushed her, "I am not finished yet."
The new dark one came even closer to Regina, putting an ice cold hand on her chin to make her look at her.
"I finally know what my happy ending is", she continued, their faces so close that their noses were almost touching.
"Wh- …", Regina cleared her throat. "What is it?"
Emma's smile grew wider.
"This", she stated simply. "Not giving a fuck about anyone but myself. Being excused from saving people. Doing whatever the hell pleases me and whatever the fuck it takes to get it. Being my own most important person for a change."
Regina could feel Emma's breath on her face as she was trying to hold her gaze. She reached up her hand to touch Emma's, surprised that she let her.
"You're already somebody's most important person…", she swallowed. "Henry's."
Emma's eyes visibly softened at the mention of the boy's name, yet they quickly returned to their former coldness.
"Oh please, we both know you win the award for 'mother of the year'. It's always been you, Regina. He is your happy ending. Now you even managed to get him a new daddy… isn't it just perfect?"
Emma started laughing madly and Regina felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She knew that this wasn't the real Emma speaking, but on the other hand, she also knew that these were things Emma had truly felt, deep down. They were coming up to the surface now in a very extreme way, but they were real. She had been there herself. And it sucked.
"Robin isn't supposed to be Henry's dad, he's – "
And then Emma's lips were on hers, so suddenly, Regina's eyes widened in shock. In an instant, Emma had pushed her against the nearest tree, pinning her arms against the hard wood on either side of her body.
"Don't talk to me about Robin Hood, I don't want to hear it", Emma hissed between her teeth as she broke free from the kiss, Regina still staring at her in shock.
"Emma, what are you doing?", Regina asked carefully, not sure if she should be afraid. Her heart was hammering loudly in her chest, her cheeks were hot and the situation itself was more than surreal. Emma – no – the the dark one, had kissed her and… some part of Regina wished she'd do it again. Even if it was all wrong, even if this person in front of her was obsessed by darkness… she wanted to feel close to her, now more than ever before.
"Isn't this why you summoned me, your majesty? Isn't this why you made sure that you're the one who keeps the dagger?"
Emma was laughing again, laughing so hard, she threw her hair back, trying to catch her breath. It took her a moment to control herself again before she leaned forward, still holding Regina's hands firmly in place. Then her mouth was right next to Regina's ear as she let out a hot breath that made the other woman shiver.
"… don't tell me you haven't thought of it…", Emma whispered, her voice almost sweet.
"Thought of what?", Regina barely managed to ask, swallowing hard.
Emma smiled as she buried her nose in the spot between Regina's neck and shoulder and let out a soft moan. "Being fucked by the dark one."
Regina's eyes fell close at hearing those words, her entire body felt as if it were on fire. She felt her head spin, felt her knees become week and realized she had been holding her breath for the past few seconds.
What the fuck am I doing?, she thought to herself, gathering all her strength as she pushed Emma away from her and pulled the dagger out of her jacket. She held it in front of her body like a shield, her lower lip shivering slightly.
"Oooh there it is!", Emma said cheerfully, trying to take a closer look at her own name on the silver weapon.
"Don't come any closer!", Regina ordered, trying to sound confident again.
Emma was still smiling, casually twirling a blonde strand of hair around her index finger.
"Very well then, Madame Mayor. I suppose you're not going to just give me the dagger, are you?", she asked innocently, batting her eyelashes with another wicked smile.
"Like hell I won't, Emma", Regina growled bitterly, finally feeling a little bit in control again.
"I will guard this godforsaken dagger with my life until I figured out how to free you from it."
Emma held Regina's gaze and for a brief second Regina thought she could see a glimpse of the real Emma again. A glimpse of a woman who was touched by the fact that another person was willing to fight for her.
But then Emma narrowed her eyes, slowly biting her lower lip, smiling seductively.
"Good luck with that, your majesty. But don't think too hard about saving me. Or about me kissing you against that tree…"
Regina knew Emma couldn't come any closer because she had told her not to, yet she was so highly aware of her presence, so drawn in by her words, it felt as if she were moving towards her anyway.
"Don't think about all the things you could make me do to you. All the things you could tell me and I'd have no other choice but to oblige… Does that excite you, Regina?"
Regina felt her blood pumping in her own ears. Her breath was short. This needed to stop.
"Leave. Now."
Emma looked her in the eyes once more before bowing down and suddenly disappearing into the cool night air.
Everything was quiet again.
Everything except for Regina's own thoughts which were screaming loudly inside of her head.
She leaned her back against the tree and let herself sink onto the grass as she shut her eyes – the dagger pressed closely to her chest.
