"Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?"
Katherine Wolf
Ruined
Chapter 1:
Hate to Love
It seems like a bomb, the way I'm waiting for my emotions to explode. I can't help but stop, and blink my eyes a couple of times, wishing that the damn tears would just come already. That the numb feeling will set through my body, and the pain will settle in my chest, until my world is spinning. That my screams will echo through my empty home already, and the sobs will accompany me. I just wish that this day would pass already, before it's too late.
I sighed, waiting to see if my throat starts to burn, or my eyes start to water. When nothing happens, I get up off my bed, and enter my bathroom, turning on the shower. Steam quickly fills the room while I start to undress. Even though there are no tears, no screams, no pain, in ways I still feel numb. Like, my body is here getting ready for the day, but my mind is else where.
I open the glass door to my shower, stepping in. My feet relax when the hot water rushes between my toes. The water feels nice on my sensitive skin. I run my hair under water before running some shampoo through it. I'm still waiting for the melt down by the time I'm conditioning my hair. After shaving, and a quick rinse, I step out of the shower, wrapping my towel around me.
I avoid the mirror by all cost, no need for a reminder of what two weeks can do. The thing is I was actually doing well. I was getting better. I closed my eyes at the painful reminders of the past, and the irony is that it seems that it's not at all the past, rather then the present. I put on some underclothes, dropping my towel and heading for my closet. I put on some jeans. Only a moment, do I hesitate before I pull on his sweatshirt.
I wait for the painful memories to overcome me. Positive that by now, I'm going to brake, but nothing happens. It's kind of concerning, and I can't help but start thinking that I'm turning heartless, that I don't care. I return to my bathroom, getting my brush and start brushing out my hair. It's thinned so much in the past weeks. I decide just to leave it down.
After I brushed my teeth, I head down the stairs, slipping on some flip-flops, and grabbing my car keys. I'm not quite sure as to where I'm going, but anywhere is better then being in a big empty house. I don't pay attention to what keys I grabbed, or what car I start walking to, until I get in.
I looked around the black Mustang. It was exactly like it was the day they brought it to me. I never dared to touch it, let alone get in it. Everything about the car screamed Nico. Everything about the car was a permanent reminder at the fact that I no longer had my Ghost King.
Now, my eyes started to sting. The back of my throat felt as though it was swelling up. My breaths came out in short puffs, with promise of being cut off at any moment. When the first tear landed on my thigh, the rest started tumbling down. My sobs seemed as though they were shaking the car. My heart was once again shattered into billions of pieces.
I put my forehead onto the steering wheel, becoming light headed from the crying. Though, the tears weren't kind enough as to spare me from this sorrow. You would think after a year, I still wouldn't be crying this hard, yet I am. I blame it on love. But, then again, what would you expect if you lost someone who meant the world to you?
My stomach started hurting even more when I replayed that awful scene on the horrid day in my mine. I couldn't help but wonder if I wasn't the one who found him, if it would still be this hard to come to terms with reality. When even more tears started coming down, I knew I found my answer.
It wouldn't matter if he died peacefully, or was brutally murdered like he was. It wouldn't matter if his cleaning lady had found him, or if I had to witness the monster give him the lethal blow. Worst of all, it wouldn't have made a difference if I had gotten there sooner, his fate was already planned. He was going to be ripped out of my grasp either way.
At that point I started hyperventilating, with tears still coming down, and screams being released. Nothing else in the world mattered, only the fact that I would never be able to see him again. That I would never be able to see his beautiful smile, or hear his lovely laugh, I would never get to feel his arms around me, nor get the sensations from his lips touching mine. I just wished that day would have never happened. I just want my Nico back.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Unaware as to when the tears came to a halt, I perfectly knew when the moment came that I hated love. Maybe of if I wouldn't have fallen hard; it would hurt less to know that he was gone. Then again, how could I even wish that I hadn't fallen hard? If anything, Nico was a great chapter in my life.
Thinking of Nico as only being a chapter in my life hurt me like hell. He was suppose to be a lot more then just a chapter, fuck, he was supposes to be the happy ending. Then again when has life ever ended in a happy ending? The tears starting coming down again, and the angst seemed more powerful.
Just when I started hoping that Death would come and collect me himself, someone else did. Giving me a second reason to hate to love.
A/N: So is anyone interested in this sequel? Should I continue? I'm kind of enjoying where I'm going to go with it. I must apologize for taking so long making the sequel; I guess I just got caught up in life. So did you like it? Hate it? Can't live without it? Let me know in a review!
~ Gummy
