A/N: This contains spoilers for The Long Road!
Shepard was dead-tired.
Her arms and legs felt like they were foreign objects made of lead.
The few hours rest on the shuttle from Omega to the Normandy just weren't enough to make up for almost three days without any sleep. Just fighting. She rubbed her face wearily and closed her eyes again until Cortez told her they were about to reach the Normandy.
Bray had flown her from Omega to one of Aria's ships. While on the shuttle she had contacted EDI to let her know she was ready for pick-up.
"EDI, only tell Steve. I don't want any fuss over my return." Shepard emphasized.
Now, they were approaching Normandy's shuttle bay and she felt oddly apprehensive. She was more nervous than she had been fighting Cerberus operatives as well as their twisted reaper-based Adjudants.
"Nervous, Commander?" Cortez asked when she fidgeted around with her armor.
"Maybe a little." she admitted. Shepard hoped Kaidan wasn't too upset that she had left the Normandy almost four days earlier without telling anyone about her deal with Aria. Anyone but EDI, that is. They had been docked at the Citadel when Shepard met with Bray and took a shuttle to rendezvous with Aria's fleet. She had informed EDI to move the Normandy to a certain set of coordinates and wait there until she contacted her again.
She took a deep breath, and as soon as Cortez set the shuttle down she opened the door. The scenery that met her eye didn't leave much hope of Kaidan not being upset. Both he and Garrus stood there, with crossed arms and matching stern glares. She put on her most winning smile, ignoring the pulling sensation at her scars. She knew a lot of them had reopened due to the high-level stress of the last few days.
"I'm back!" she said brightly.
Garrus shook his head in warning. Kaidan, however, stepped closer. Eyes narrow, anger radiated off of him.
"You're back? That's all you have to say?" he growled. A biotic corona danced around his normally caramel eyes, bathing them in blue. "What about your promise, Shepard? You disappear off of the Normandy, don't tell anyone where to, except EDI. And she wouldn't tell us, saying you had to keep radio silence. Almost four days, Shepard. Four fucking days!" Kaidan rarely swore. And for a fleeting second his biotics flared as his temper got the better of him, fraying his usually tight control over his biotics.
Involuntarily Shepard took a step back, her eyes widening. Not even on Horizon had he seemed so enraged. This was more than just anger.
Kaidan stopped dead in his tracks with a strange expression on his face. He spun around without another word and strode to the elevator, punching the wall as he waited for the doors to open. Shepard winced. This was worse than she had expected. Far worse.
"Kaidan!" Shepard called out as he stepped onto the elevator. He didn't turn around. Instead, he hung his head. "Dammit!"
"You know, Shepard, he is right," Garrus suddenly said. "You could have told us about this. Sure, we still wouldn't have liked you going off without back-up. But getting up in the morning and not finding your commander aboard the damn ship anywhere isn't a way to keep your crew happy. Everyone was worried until EDI finally gave us at least some tidbits of information. If you had told us in a debrief about this insanity we would have tried to talk you out of it, but in the end deferred to your decision. Kaidan was near frantic at first. Nobody likes their girlfriend to disappear into the blue."
"Wife." Shepard said quietly.
Garrus stared at her open-mouthed. "Say again?"
"Wife. We, uh, got married the day before I left for Omega." Shepard had the good grace to blush. They hadn't wanted to tell anyone just yet, but Garrus was her best friend.
"I don't believe this. You're kidding, right, Shepard? Is this some kind of bad human joke I didn't know of yet?" the turian muttered. "You mean, the morning after your wedding you left your newly-wed husband without telling him you were going to help the pirate queen retake Omega? Not even a note? No wonder he's furious. Sorry, Shepard, but I think this is the single most stupid thing you've ever done. Including taking on a Reaper on foot. Not to mention that neither of you told your friends about the wedding. And now I think you should go talk to Kaidan. You should probably think of a really good explanation. Give me your weapons. I'll take care of them."
"Thanks. You are right. And Garrus? No word about the wedding to anyone yet, okay?" She gave him an imploring look.
"Okay." Mandibles clicked. "I don't know why you're keeping it secret from your friends, but okay. I won't tell the others. That should be your call anyway."
Shepard headed up to her cabin, certain Kaidan would be waiting there. To her surprise he wasn't. Instead of stripping out of her armor she turned around and took the elevator down to the crew deck. First she checked the mess, thinking maybe he would be sitting there. No Kaidan. She frowned. Maybe he had gone to the lounge for a quick drink. Her eyes scanned the room as soon as she stepped through the bulkhead. Still no Kaidan. Where could he be? The realization dawned on her so quickly she spun on her heel and headed down the hallway to the starboard observation deck.
As she stepped inside she registered the lights had been dimmed. She let her gaze sweep through the room and there, in the darkest corner, Kaidan sat with his head in his hands. To her surprise he seemed to be shaking. She heard something that sounded distinctly like a sob. Was he crying? Guilt she had suppressed the past few days swept over her like a wave.
"Kaidan?" she asked softly as she walked over to him as quietly as she could, still wearing her heavy armor. Yes, he was sobbing. When she reached him she carefully knelt down in front of him. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. Kaidan, please, look at me."
He lifted his head and she saw tears shining in his eyes. She stretched out one hand and wiped away a tear that slid slowly down his cheek. "I didn't think. I understand you are upset with me. I know I deserve it, but … Aria was very specific that she didn't want anyone from my crew on Omega and she didn't trust you not to follow us. I know you don't like Aria, but she has given us valuable assets to the war effort and taking back Omega from TIM's general was important." She paused, caressing his cheekbones softly with her thumbs. "Why didn't you go up to the loft? I went straight up after Garrus gave me an earful. I was so sure you would be there."
"I almost lost control down in the shuttle bay, Shepard. And when you stepped away from me I saw the fear in your eyes. You were scared of me ..." He hung his head again.
"Kaidan, no." She shook her head. "No. You didn't scare me. Just, after three days of constant fighting and no sleep my battle reflexes are still pretty dominant. You didn't lose control. Believe me on this. Look at how often I lose my temper and then think of how often you lose yours. That short biotic flare is not 'losing control'. And there are times you have to embrace your anger. I know that's what kept me alive on Omega."
He looked up again at the mention of Omega and she could see something else in his eyes. Fear. His anger was fueled by fear. Fear of losing her. Again. You are so stupid, Shepard.
Suddenly his lips were on hers, kissing her desperately. Strong fingers dug into her hair, gripping it fiercely. She responded with a needy moan as a shot of lust swept through her. She had missed him. Shepard parted her lips, deepening the kiss.
Kaidan broke the kiss after a moment, leaning his forehead to touch hers. "I was so worried, Shepard. Not at first, you know. I thought you'd gotten up earlier because maybe there'd been a transmission from Hackett or Anderson and I headed down to the mess for breakfast. But then Garrus asked me where you were, and then Liara. She said you weren't in the CIC. You weren't anywhere on the Crew Deck either, so I went down to Engineering. God, I even went to see if you were talking to Allers."
She knew he must have really been desperate if he went to see if she was talking to Allers. Kaidan couldn't stand her. Worried eyes scanned her face and the frown on his face deepened again at the sight of the scars on hers. They had been healing, albeit slowly. Now, the skin was cracked again, revealing the reddish-orange glow of the cybernetics lying beneath the skin weave. He traced an especially deep scar carefully with his fingers before he went on speaking.
"Then I went down to the Shuttle Bay, figuring maybe you were sparring with James or talking to Steve. When you weren't there either I went up to the CIC thinking maybe Liara was wrong and you were there after all. I'd hardly stepped off of the elevator when Traynor asked if I'd seen you. By now I was more than worried. Finally, I went to see Joker. He was surprised you hadn't come by that morning yet. And he told me that EDI had punched in the coordinates we were heading to. Then she told us you were currently not aboard the Normandy but the set of coordinates were our rendezvous point." He hesitated. "I think I went from worried to furious within seconds, especially after EDI mentioned in a completely off-hand way that you would return as soon as your business with Aria was resolved. Even Joker yelled at her for not telling us." He placed a soft kiss on the scar he had been tracing.
"We were all so worried you'd get hurt, or worse, killed, and none of us would be there for you. Don't ever do anything like that again. Please. Don't do that to me." He continued placing soft kisses along her scars. Shepard placed a hand under his chin, forcing him to look up at her.
"You know I can't promise to keep out of danger, Kaidan. Just as you can't," she whispered against his lips before kissing him again. "We're soldiers. Putting our life on the line is part of our job."
"That's not what I mean. Don't go off alone again. Please let me come along on ... potentially suicidal missions. And Garrus, or James, or Liara. Just take us along from now on. We are a team. Let us help you."
"Yes." That was all she could say as he kissed her again fervently, pulling her as close as he could. She climbed onto his lap so she straddled him.
"I love you." she whispered. "And I am sorry. So, so sorry. Maybe I should finally learn from your example and think things through."
"I love you, too." he smiled at her. She couldn't believe it. She had run off on one of her uncontrolled whims and now he smiled at her.
Nimble fingers began unclasping her armor while she tugged at his shirt, pulling it out of his pants. She ran her hands over his abs and pecs, marveling time and again at how much more toned his body was than back on the SR1.
"Why do you always have to wear these fatigues? I swear they have more latches and buttons than our dress blues," Shepard complained as she began unbuttoning his shirt.
Kaidan snorted as he unbuckled the next piece of armor. "And that from the woman who shows up here in heavy armor."
"Maybe we should lock the door … or change locations ..." Shepard suggested, slightly distracted as Kaidan slowly began unzipping her underarmor, following the opening path with the tip of his tongue. "Cabin, maybe? 'Cause I really need a shower. You're most welcome to join me." she added, hoping he would accept.
Kaidan didn't answer. He just closed her zipper again wordlessly. Then he stood up, hoisting her up as he did so, and walked toward the bulkhead.
"What if someone sees us?" she asked with a grin as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and her arms around his neck.
"They can stuff it," Kaidan responded with fervor as he stepped into the hallway. He didn't set her down as they waited for the elevator or during the ride up to the loft. Instead he pinned her to the elevator wall, kissing her hard. By the time the doors opened she felt utterly breathless.
"EDI?" Shepard asked as soon as they entered the Captain's cabin, not taking her eyes off of Kaidan's face.
"Yes, Shepard?" EDI's metallic voice rang over the comm.
"Activate privacy protocol."
"Very well. Logging you out."
They stood there for a moment lost in each others gaze. Then Kaidan carefully set her down. "Let's get you out of this armor," he whispered into her ear, unclasping a buckle of one of her thigh guards. They worked together swiftly, undressing each other. This time Kaidan didn't unzip her underarmor slowly.
As soon as they were naked Shepard pulled him toward the shower. Shower sex seemed like a good idea to her. She wanted to make things up to him. She wanted him so badly. But it quickly became obvious that Kaidan had other ideas, no matter how aroused he was. He massaged her shoulders and lathered her body with slow languid movements, perhaps paying a little more attention to her breasts, her ass and her inner thighs, but not much. He teased her clit with one hand, just brushing over her sensitive nub ever so lightly. She couldn't suppress another needy moan as warmth pooled in her nether regions. She was wet; and not just from the shower.
She rinsed off quickly and accepted the towel he handed her. They dried off in record time and Kaidan surprised her by hoisting her up again, both still gloriously naked. She couldn't suppress a grin.
"I think this is where we left off earlier." His raspy voice had dropped an octave as he carried her through the cabin, pinned her against the wall of the aquarium and nipped and sucked hard at the crook of her neck. Shepard was almost certain she would have a hickey there the next day, but she couldn't care less. She felt the tip of his erection teasing her and rolled her hips against him, eliciting a groan from her husband.
He lifted her a little bit higher and then lowered her slowly onto his erect member. She mewled softly as he began thrusting into her with equally slow movements. Withdrawing almost completely and then filling her again. She ran her tongue along the shell of his ear down to his earlobe, biting it softly. Inhaling deeply, she reveled in his spicy, masculine scent. Her fingernails dug deeper into his back with every thrust, and he began to pick up speed.
They were both panting with exertion and now their breathing became almost ragged.
Shepard tightened her grip on him with her legs, aiding him with every thrust. She knew she would come soon. A groan slowly built up at the back of her throat, the warmth in her belly had dropped lower and was almost focused on one spot. She felt her inner walls clenching and unclenching as a jolt of electricity shot through her and she cried out as her orgasm washed over her. He thrust into her again and carried her to their bed.
He laid her down gently, somehow managing to stay in her, and began moving again slowly. He hooked her legs over his shoulders, driving deep into her while amber eyes gazed at her burning with passion. With one hand he rolled a nipple between his fingers, rolling and pinching just hard enough for it to sting while he thrust two fingers of his other hand into her, adding them to his cock moving slowly in and out. The slow come-hither movements of those two fingers and the fact that he rubbed his thumb in circles over that sensitive bundle of nerves had her writhing and moaning with pleasure.
Kaidan pulled his fingers out of her. She took his hand and stuck his fingers in her mouth, licking off her juice. Now it was his turn to groan and his eyeslids fluttered before he thrust into her forcefully. She scratched her fingernails over his back as he fucked her harder.
Their gazes locked and then they crashed their lips together. Deepening the kiss, their tongues fought a battle as old as time. With every hard thrust Shepard's moans pitched a little higher. Then she broke the kiss and tilted her head back, moaning loudly. Kaidan ran his tongue over her pulse point and sucked softly. He trailed kisses along her jawline, along her scars and his breath became increasingly labored.
Their eyes met again and she saw wisps of blue appear and disappear around his irises and she knew he was just as close as she was. She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut in concentration, holding back his orgasm in order to pleasure her as much as possible. God, he was beautiful. What had she done to deserve this wonderful man?
Again, she felt her inner walls clenching him and she felt him shudder as he spilled himself into her, flaring brightly. The sensation of his biotics tipped her over the edge as well and she let out a shriek of pleasure as she dug her fingernails deep into his flesh. He collapsed onto her panting hard and she felt his cock throbbing in her.
She was pretty sure she wanted to stay like that forever.
A/N: This was actually supposed to be a different Shepard, but by the time I was done writing I realized it was Nick from The Long Road. And yes, I am procrastinating from working on the next chapter of TLR.
