It felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart, I fell back against the mansions rusted steel gates, waiting for the tears to come.

I knew who he was and I didn't mind, I loved him, but why keep it a secret? I felt like I couldn't breathe, I looked at the letter he had left on the door step of his house, only the three words were on it through my blurry vision and the tears that were welled up over my eyes I read them over and over again, each time feeling like a stab wound, getting closer and closer to killing me.

The letter itself consisted of three words, but the questions cam pouring like rain, if what he said in the letter was true, then why did he leave? I knew I was being selfish, but, I didn't understand...

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Alexander was in his room in the basement thinking when his father walked in.

"Jameson said you were not feeling well, what is it Alexander? Is it that girl you left in Canada?"

"I loved her father, but I just couldn't ask her..." he said quietly," I couldn't ask her to leave her life..."

Alexander looked away, his father noticed how pale and sunken his face looked, even more so then usual.

"Alexander, you've been in here for weeks, go out, enjoy some fresh air, go get something to eat," his father told him, Alexander said nothing, his father sighed and walked out, saying nothing more to his son.

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"Raven, Over here!" a girl in the club yelled

"Nice to see you out of your room finally, you still crying over that weirdo?" another asked

"He's not a weirdo!" I yelled defensively, "I love him!"

"Yeah, well, look at what he's done, where is he now? huh! yeah he's probably out with some other girl doing the same thing to her, that he did to you!" the girl returned coldly.

"He loves me, he wouldn't do that do me, he even told me that!" I yelled at him, "well sort of..."

"then why'd he leave!?" she pressed on

"I don't know!" I could feel the tears starting to spring up in my eyes, "I..I have to go use the restroom.."

I pushed past the people on the dance floor and made my way to the bathrooms, Eliza, My roommate and best friend, had followed.

"Are you okay Raven?" she asked, "she only says that because she doesn't want to see you get hurt."

I said nothing.

"I'm going to go get us some drinks, we'll be at the usual table, ok?" Eliza said with a ring of hope in her voice.

"OK," I whispered quietly.

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Alexander, taking his fathers advice, decided to go out that night after all. He walked down the road from his fathers house and turned towards the cemetery.

As he climbed the fence, that was locked because it was his family's private property, as Alexander was jumping the fence, he thought about the last time her stole away time to himself in a cemetery, it was when he had met Raven, the love of his life...

"Dear Mother," Alexander said to his mothers headstone, "Why does it have to be so hard?"

He waited searching for the answers.

"why must I have this pain?"

Alexander could feel himself close to tears. He never wanted to leave his love, the bird that let him fly free...

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I sat in my bedroom, later that night thinking. After we had gotten back from the club, I was in all sorts of moods, I didn't really know what kind of mood I was in. It was hard, all these questions kept coming to me, 'why did he really leave?',' what was I thinking in the first place?',' What did we really have to keep of each other?' and then questions like, 'what if he's hurt?',' or what if he's dead?!?! Oh my god!

I sat up in my bed with a sudden jolt, like I was a puppet on a string, I couldn't let myself think that way, I couldn't let myself ever think that, that would ever happen.

I decided that I would go far a walk, to clear my mind of upsetting thoughts.

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Alexander was walking through town, his hopes for a quiet night had been quickly erased from his thoughts, but everywhere he looked reminded him of the girl he loved. The night sky as black as her hair, the laughter, like her own, couples walking past torturing his restless mind, almost like his thoughts were conveying into reality. The way she dresses, with her quiet sexy body, her everlasting freedom, but a memory in his mind...

that's it, he thought, I have to find her, I have to let her know...

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