Disclaimer: I do not own the X Men.
A/N: Okay, I wrote this today in honor of my great grandmother who died on this day several years ago and a friend of mine lost her grandfather this morning. Please keep that in mind. Thanks.
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I wondered vaguely where I was.
Everything was white, not the kind of white when you look into the sun, or outside during a blizzard but just, white.
I could see everything clearly, I could still feel my body, but I wasn't standing or laying on anything.
I quickly ruled out that I was bamfing, it was too cold and it would have ended by now.
So where was I?
The silence pressed down on me like a weight, staunching my breath and nearly crushing me.
What on earth had happened?
I couldn't remember anything, and a thought occurred to me.
Was I dead?
It's strange how calm I was, realizing I might be dead.
I then wondered, would someone like me be accepted into Heaven, or was I to be sent to Hell?
But this didn't look like Heaven or Hell, it was just eternal nothingness.
Maybe this was what awaited everyone: nothing.
Just a place where we can look over our lives and judge ourselves, our actions, what we would have done differently and what we wish we could have done.
I don't know what I would change.
Maybe I would've tried to have a conversation with Mystique, maybe I would have tried harder in my X Men training or maybe…
There are too many maybes.
Perhaps this is Hell; we are to be tormented by our decisions for the rest of eternity.
That sounds like fun.
And now I'm being sarcastic, fantastic.
Now I'm really wondering what happened.
If I'm dead, how did I die?
As if that were the password, I'm suddenly watching it all play out, through someone else's eyes.
Avalanche and Shadowcat are shouting at each other, the background is dark and they are both in their uniforms. Nightcrawler hides in the shadows, hidden as he watches the two mutants.
"I don't see why you care!" Kitty crosses her arms and turns her back.
"Because I have a girlfriend who won't put out!" he shouts back.
Nightcrawler feels a thrill of anger run through him, how dare he speak to his Katzchen that way!
"Then find yourself one who will!" Kitty walks away; she doesn't want to deal with this anymore.
Avalanche does not look happy, and the ground starts to tremble. Kitty stumbles and a crater begins to open in the ground. She scuttles away, fear marking her face.
"Lance, stop it!"
He does not listen to her, he's too angry to care.
Kurt disappears in a cloud of black smoke, he's seen enough.
He reappears next to his friend and places a hand on her shoulder; they're about to bamf away when a gunshot cracks the air.
Kurt stiffens, but still 'ports the two of them to the Institute.
They appear in the front hall and Nightcrawler collapses.
Shadowcat screams for help as a pool of blood slowly surrounds her friend.
She's sobbing as she holds him close to her.
"Don't leave me, please don't leave me." She whispers.
Kurt wishes he could say something to make her feel better, but the pain over comes him and all he can do is lift his hand to place it over hers.
He smiles weakly at her before passing out.
I did die. I died to save her.
Lance was the one holding that gun, he was shooting at her.
I got in the way just in time.
He hit me.
I died in her arms.
I left her alone.
I broke my promise to protect her!
I'm angry now, probably angrier than I've ever been.
So who is going to protect her now, huh?
I'm dead, she needs someone.
Lance isn't going to be happy he missed; she's going to be in danger.
I'm not leaving her!
Where there was once nothingness, there is now shooting color.
Not only that, but voices fill the air, some I recognize and some I don't.
One stand out: hers.
She's crying, sobbing loudly.
She needs me.
I follow the voice and find it hurts.
My stomach aches…where I was shot.
I refuse to leave her!
I grit my teeth and follow her voice, I feel warmer now.
The pain increases but I ignore it.
I can hear her.
"Please Kurt, come back!"
I can also her Logan.
"He's gone, Kitty, he's gone."
"No!"
She sounds heartbroken.
A growl comes from my throat, unbidden.
I force myself at her voice, I focus on her only.
Everything, her smile, her voice, her powers, her personality…
However many times she's called me 'Fuzzy Elf'.
How I love when we get into tickle fights at six in the morning.
Everything…
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The next thing I know, my body is being racked with pain.
It's hard to breathe, but I can still hear her.
She doesn't know I'm back.
She has my hand in hers, she refuses to let go.
I can sense Logan and the Professor standing with Hank at the door.
They want to take Kitty away.
They can't leave her like this; she doesn't know I'm here!
Through great concentration and effort, I squeeze her hand.
She gasps and there is absolute silence.
"Kurt?" she sounds hopeful.
I won't shatter that.
I try and open my eyes and nearly whimper when I do.
It's way too bright.
But that doesn't matter now, I can see here, her eyes are red, her hair's a mess.
She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Hey Katze." My voice is hoarse and barely sounds like me, but she gets a breathtaking smile on her face.
"Kurt!" I don't care that I'm put into agony when she hugs me I just nuzzle my face into her shoulder.
She smells like mango and vanilla.
I sigh, feeling incredibly safe.
"I don't believe it." I can hear Hank whisper.
"Believe it; I've said it before…you'd be surprised what people will do for those they love." Charles sounds choked up.
You got that right Professor.
Kitty pulls away, her cheeks wet with tears.
"I can't believe it." Her voice is soft.
"You came back."
"I'd never leave you." I whisper back.
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Kitty doesn't leave me that night.
Long after the lights are turned off, she's still here.
She curls up next to me, being careful about the wound on my side.
This is what I've learnt, if you want something badly enough, you will fight for it.
You will go through Hell to reach it.
When you get it, you'll never let go.
That's proven.
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Everyone was so happy to see me, but none more so than Kitty.
Rogue looked like she was going to kill Avalanche when we got around to telling her what happened.
Kitty hadn't been able to you see.
She's going to have to get in line though.
Logan disappeared after I woke up…
The next day, Kitty comes in to visit with me; they still had to go to school after all.
Rogue follows soon after, looking like Christmas came early.
I have a feeling I know what happened.
Logan in a berserker rage isn't fun.
Especially when you're a teenage boy that threatened and nearly killed two of 'his' kids.
I knew Logan had a soft spot for us.
Rogue leaves after a little while and Kitty smiles.
"Thank you." Those two words mean so much to me.
"Love you Katzchen." Her eyes fill again, for a different reason.
The kiss we share is sweet and I know she returns how I feel.
This is Eternity.
If I go to Hell after this, I don't care.
I'll hold my times with her in my heart forever.
I'll never leave her.
