Disclaimer: Chrono Cross is not mine. (Wouldn't want it, anyway.)
The ocean.
It wasn't long ago that we all stood here, gathered before the gates of Hell. Kid gave a rousing speech. I didn't say a word.
We killed Lavos. I watched as it writhed in the fires of its destruction. I watched as Schala's body was consumed by the flames. I watched until I couldn't watch any longer. I turned away, and saw Kid do the same. She looked pale, haunted, no doubt disturbed by the sight of seeing "herself" dying. My reasons were different. I was frightened by how much I enjoyed watching Schala die.
It was her fault. Everything was… No, not everything. But more than enough.
Why me? Were there no other crying children that night? No other children on the brink of death? In all the world? Through all of time? Why was it me who was poisoned? Why was it me who was made arbiter and enemy of FATE? Why did I have to have my body torn from me and defiled? Why did I have to be chosen by Belthasar to suffer all of this? It could have been anybody. Why me? Why "save" me for this? Why not just let me drown?
I wonder if it's happened, yet. If Kid has gone back in time to rescue me from drowning. Should I ask her the next time I see her? Would she answer? Would I already know the answer just by looking at her? I hope so. I hope I'll finally see the realization in her eyes of how hollow our lives, our "victories" were.
I miss Harle. She knew. She knew how it felt to be used. She could understand. Two puppets dancing on opposite sides, lacking the strength or the courage to reach up and sever the strings they hated. I hope she's free now. There is an ache inside me that won't go away until I can know for sure.
You know, there's a book about the champions of Guardia and their battle against Lavos. I knew I wouldn't like it, but I read it anyway. I was right. I hated it. And I hate them. Crono, Lucca, and Marle. I hate them because they got to choose. They got to feel like heroes.
Yes, I could have quit when the time came. When my life as Belthasar's tool was finally revealed to me. Could have left everything up to Kid and run home to cry on my mother's shoulder – which I did do, eventually. But that's just it; it would have been quitting. Because by then I was already involved, before I had any idea what I was involved in. And once I knew, quitting would have been turning my back on the world; and for that I would have hated myself – more than I already do now, anyway.
All according to Belthasar's plan.
But that plan is finished now. Finished with me, anyway. I've fulfilled my purpose. Performed the service that I was rescued for. Now I can finally return.
To the ocean. Where I belong.
A/N: So yeah, not exactly a fan fic, in case you hadn't guessed.
