Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Discworld. I stand to make no profit from this. Thanks for reading!
Sirius opened his eyes blearily. He had a thumping headache, and his chest felt as if it had been hit with an iron fist. All he could see was darkness. He reached his hand down into his pocket and grasped for his wand only to find that it wasn't there. That concerned him quite a bit. He may have been good in a physical fight without his wand, but that was not what he needed it for at the moment. He needed his wand so that he would be able to see where the hell he was.
He sat up slowly; he hadn't even realized that he had been lying down until he had. That made his head hurt even more. He placed his hands out in front of him to press himself up, but instead found no ground. He fell forwards and tumbled through the blackness. He tried to shout but he found that he had lost control of his voice and was unable to say anything. He tried to perform wandless magic, non-verbally; he had an understanding of how it was meant to work. Unfortunately, understanding wasn't good enough and nothing happened. Sirius simply fell, twisting and turning and flailing through the air. After a few minutes, he suddenly realized that it was getting him no where so he simply stopped twisting and turning and flailing, and let gravity do all the hard work for him. It wasn't the falling which really worried him; it was what would happen when he reached the bottom, and whether it would hurt.
After what seemed like an eternity for Sirius, he felt himself slowing down, to his surprise. His rapid decrease in speed continued until he was simply drifting aimlessly downwards. For the first time, Sirius could see something beneath him that wasn't complete darkness. It looked as if it was a giant crater. He starred around and could see, on the very limits of his vision, what appeared to be a distant rim. He himself was actually falling pretty much into the middle of the crater, except for the fact that there seemed to be a rocky outcrop directly underneath him, jutting out of a long stone path that seemed to lead back towards the crater's rim. He floated down slowly and touched down onto the path a few hundred yards from the main outcrop.
Sirius stared straight ahead. At the entrance to the outcrop was a small, little garden gate with a blank bronze plaque stuck to it. A path of light grey stones led up to a... Sirius blinked rapidly. The outcrop had what appeared to be a small, white cottage with a black tiled roof situated directly in the middle. Surrounding the cottage was a well kept, freshly cut lawn with neat symmetrical edges, and white, black and purple lilies sprouted out of the fresh earth that surrounded the white fence on the circumference of the outcrop.
There was a distant wind rushing up from the crater and Sirius thought he could hear a thousand voices all at once, but at that point, his thoughts were shattered when he heard the sound of hooves slowing from a gallop behind him. Gulping, he turned round and beheld Death.
Wizards, like cats and certain types of eagle, can see Death.
Death himself was considered to be one of the darkest beings in the universe. Various religious sects and groups often debated on which of Death's features were the scariest; the fact, perhaps, that he has no eyes, yet always gives the impression when he is looking at you, that he is fixing you with an icy stare; or perhaps the fact that he is actually a skeleton, with no brain or muscle, and therefore by definition, should be unable to function properly; or the scythe that he carries, the traditional tool that Death carries. Death, more often than not, liked to point out that other parallel versions of him, had invested in semi-automatics, combine harvesters and Edith Piaf in order to deliver their service more efficiently, and was often upset by the fact that no-one ever seemed to pay any attention to him.
The fact was that Death was a well-mannered meaning being who had drawn the short straw of being the one who was forced to part mortals from their body and soul. It saddened him that people never sympathized with his views amongst other things, but on the other hand, Death did take pride in his job; if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well, he always said. So, armed with his scythe, his finger and Binky, his magnificent red-eyed and surprisingly alive white stallion, Death continued to hunt down those whose time was up; in order to know this, he kept many hourglasses in his study. He had so many that he had once smashed over a hundred thousand in what had been a rage of anger at his existence; he inadvertently realized that he had just wiped an ancient tribe, and several near extinct beings out of existence a bit too late.
But at the current moment, Death was surprised. Death was generally not surprised; he was only surprised when his granddaughter Susan told him that he had to be, and only then, begrudgingly. He knew that he would be surprised when Rincewind managed to die, but as that wouldn't happen in the foreseeable future, Death had come to tell himself that being surprised was unlikely to happen. However, he was surprised at that particular moment as his empty eye sockets looked at the shaggy-haired, bearded man dressed in what appeared to be black robes of some kind stood in front of him. The reason he was surprised was quite simple; nothing like this man had ever been seen on the Disc.
OH, said Death, with a voice like the closing of crypt doors. AND WHO MAY YOU BE?
Sirius was rarely scared of anything, but talking hooded skeletons upon horses with scythes strapped to their back generally was enough to scare even the toughest of men. He started to walk backwards towards the fence, keeping his eyes locked with Death's black holes in his skull.
OH, COME ON NOW, DON'T BE LIKE THAT said Death, sounding like he was trying to coax a child to give up a lollipop, or as similar as you could sound when your voice was associated with the sounds of coffin lids being screwed down. I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU. HONESTLY.
"How can I even trust you?" replied Sirius, shaking; he felt the cold wood of the gate as he backed into it and realized that there was no way out.
PARTLY BECAUSE I HAVE IMPECCABLY GOOD MANNERS said Death. After a short pause, in which a thought about how suitable Death would have been at his mother's dinner parties crossed Sirius' mind briefly, the skeleton continued. BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.
"Wait, what?" said Sirius, as the words ripped up his thoughts. "Dead?"
YES said Death. I THOUGHT THAT MUCH WOULD HAVE BEEN CLEAR TO YOU, WHAT WITH THE FACT A FIGURE MADE OF BONE AND CARRRYING A SYCTHE WAS TALKING TO YOU. IT SEEMS THAT I WAS MISTAKEN. A slight breeze from somewhere below blew through the crater and Death's cloak fluttered about his body; the sight of bare bone seemed to galvanize Sirius into action.
"No I'm not" he replied defiantly.
YES YOU ARE.
"Er, no I'm not."
ER, YES YOU ARE replied Death, somewhat more irritably. AS THE MASTER OF THE PARTING OF BODY AND SOUL, I GENERALLY KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. AND YOU'RE DEAD.
"But how can I be dead?" exclaimed Sirius; he was getting annoyed. "I can feel everything I'm doing, even if I'm not in a normal world. How do I know this isn't all a dream?"
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PROVE IT'S NOT A DREAM? asked Death in a silky-iron voice, fingering the blade of his scythe with a bone-white finger, bone-white because it was indeed bone. Sirius starred at it then back at Death.
"Okay, it's not a dream" he said levelly. "I'll admit I'm dead."
GOOD. YOU DON'T HAVE A SAY IN THE MATTER ANYWAY.
"But I still want to know what happened."
Death frowned, or at least he would've done if he could have. Instead, he shrugged in order to show Sirius his meaning.
BUGGERED IF I KNOW, he said. I'VE GOT NO IDEA EITHER.
"Ah, so this IS all a dream?" said Sirius eagerly, jumping on Death's words. He shook his head.
NO, THIS IS REAL. EXCEPT THIS IS AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION.
The words registered vaguely with Sirius as he stared at Death; had he heard them somewhere in Muggle pop culture before?
"An alternate dimension?" he said slowly.
YES.
"Is that where there is a universe running parallel to our own?"
NOT OURS. YOURS. WE'RE IN MINE.
"Ah." Sirius was silent as he tried to comprehend what the hell had happened. How had he suddenly managed to travel from one universe to another in the space of a heartbeat? And how was he dead?
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? asked Death politely. IT WOULD HELP IF I KNEW WHAT TO CALL YOU.
"Sirius" said Sirius confusedly. "Sirius Black."
A PLEASURE, SIRIUS BLACK. NOW, I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING VERY IMPORTNAT.
"What?" asked Sirius; he was slightly frightened if Death was asking him to run an errand.
I NEED YOU TO TRY AND REMEMBER THE MINUTES BEFORE YOU GOT HERE said Death, as he stroked Binky's mane; the horse snorted. NOT THE DARKNESS AND THE FALLING THOUGH, THAT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE?
"No idea" said Sirius honestly. "All I can remember was waking up in the darkness with a splitting headache."
He could've sworn Death clicked a tongue - how the hell did Death pull that off anyway?! - at him.
COME ON, YOU CAN THINK FURTHER THAN THAT.
"Okay..." He racked his thoughts to try and see what he could remember... He remembered attacking the Ministry to rescue Harry... He remembered duelling Bellatrix... He remembered falling through the...
Sirius clapped a hand to his forehead.
"I've remembered what happened" he said as Death continued to watch him with interest and stroke Binky.
REALLY? PRAY, DO TELL. BUT NOT OUT HERE. I HAVE TO PUT BINKY BACK IN HIS STABLE BEFORE HE GETS TOO RESTLESS AND STARTS TO EAT THE CHRYSANTHEMUMS. WALK WITH ME. And with that, Death began to ride slowly forward towards Sirius. Rather than be trampled underfoot by a horse named Binky, no matter how impressive it looked, Sirius pushed back the gate and stood to one side to let Death past. He let the gate swing idly back and walked with Death along the path towards the cottage.
GO ON. YOU WERE GOING TO EXPLAIN. WHAT HAPPENED?
"I was engaged in a magical duel" started Sirius but Death cut across him.
AH, SO YOU HAVE MAGIC IN YOUR DIMENSION TOO? WE HAVE IT HERE AS WELL. IN FACT, THERE IS ONE PARTICULAR WIZARD WHOM I HAVE TURNED INTO AN AMUSING GAME.
"What do you mean by that?"
HE WON'T DIE WHEN HE IS MEANT TO. SORRY TO HAVE INTERRUPTED BY THE WAY, I GOT SIDETRACKED. PLEASE, CONTINUE.
"Well" said Sirius thoughtfully, as they reached the cottage and continued on a path around the walls to the right. "I was involved in a magical duel and was hit with a spell which caused me to fall through, an archway. I know the archway was meant to house dead souls, but it just looked like an empty archway to me..."
THAT'LL EXPLAIN IT said Death as they reached a cosy stable attached to the main cottage. Sirius looked at him in surprise, partially at his statement and at the fact the stable looked not like the sort of place Death would frequent.
"The archway?"
I KNOW OF THE ARCHWAY. IT IS A PORTAL BETWEEN DIMENSIONS, MADE BY THE CREATOR. HE DID THIS DUE TO THE FACT HE DIDN'T WANT TO PUT ALL HIS BEST WORK IN ONE UNIVERSE. Death dismounted from Binky and tied the horse up, before offering it a nosebag. It gave a tired nod, and plunged its face into it.
"A portal?" replied Sirius, dumbfounded.
A PORTAL.
Death paused for a moment, then seemed to come to a sudden conclusion.
WHICH MEANS THAT I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
"Me? Why?" asked Sirius.
BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT DEAD. Death sighed and looked around the stable. SIRIUS BLACK, WALK WITH ME AGAIN. He set off at a brisk pace out of the stable, back along the path towards the gate. Sirius jogged to keep up with him; he seemed to simply glide over the cobbles, yet Sirius could hear the bony footsteps.
"Wait, what do you mean, I'm not dead?" he said, annoyed. "You just told me I was dead and that I had no say in the matter!"
WELL, EVEN I MAKE MISTAKES SOMETIMES said Death, his cloak shifting in what could have been interpreted as a shrug by the more keen-eyed of darts players as he reached the gate; he held it open for Sirius who passed back out onto the stone path. Death followed and he took Sirius to the edge and looked at him.
IT'S QUITE SELF-EXPLANATORY he pointed out. IT'S A PORTAL. YOU'VE SIMPLY TRAVELLED BETWEEN DIMENSIONS. YOU'RE NOT DEAD, EVEN IF THEY WILL THINK THAT YOU ARE BACK IN YOUR DIMENSION.
"Right, I get that" said Sirius, looking almost relieved. "Does that mean that I can go back then?"
I'M AFRAID NOT.
"What?" said Sirius, his relief turning to horror. "You mean I'm stuck here?"
I'M NOT THAT BAD said Death sulkily.
"No, I didn't mean it personally" said Sirius hurriedly. "I meant that I wouldn't be able to see my godson again."
OH, RIGHT. WELL, YOU MAY. THEN AGAIN, YOU MAY NOT.
"Would you mind explaining what the hell you mean by that?" said Sirius, who was starting to feel annoyed again.
IF YOU LEAP NOW said Death, indicating the edge. YOU MAY RETURN TO YOUR OWN DIMENSION. OR YOU MAY END UP IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT ONE. IT'S A RISK YOU HAVE TO TAKE.
"Why is it like that?" Sirius asked as he controlled his temper at the predicament he was in.
I DON'T HAVE A BLOODY CLUE. I CAN TELL YOU IT IS A RIGHT NUISANCE HAVING AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL ON YOUR DOORSTEP. I DIDN'T REALLY STOP TO CONSIDER WHY IT THROWS PEOPLE OUT IN DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS WHEN I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO.
Sirius stared at Death, his anger subsiding. "You mean this isn't your doing, this whole... roulette of dimension exits?"
NOPE. BLAME THE CREATOR. I'M JUST TRYING TO EARN A LIVING OUT OF DYING Death mused. ANYWAY, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY. WILL YOU DO IT, OR WILL YOU STAY?
"What happens if I stay?" Sirius enquired.
YOU GO ON Death replied vaguely, in the most Dumbledore-like way possible without having met the man.
Sirius was silent for a moment. Then, he looked out over the edge and towards the darkness. Somewhere out there were the only people he had ever wanted to be with. His mind was made up.
"I'll do it" he said, looking at Death, who grinned, despite the fact he always looked like that.
I LIKE TO SEE SPIRIT he remarked. DESPITE THE OBVIOUS LACK OF EYES. ARE YOU READY?
"Yes" said Sirius, outstretching his hand for Death to shake; the skeleton shook his head.
I'D RATHER NOT. IF I TOUCH YOU, I WILL KILL YOU, AND THAT WILL PROBABLY HINDER YOUR ATTEMPT SOMEWHAT.
"Ah, yeah" said Sirius, retracting his hand. Instead, he simply grinned back at Death.
"Sorry to have lost my temper. Hope I didn't offend you and your art."
NO OFFENCE TAKEN. NOW GO. NOW IS THE TIME.
Sirius nodded. Now was the time to set back off and reclaim his life once again. With a last look at Death, who nodded, he turned and leapt. At once, he felt himself flying upwards, soaring away until the outcrop beneath him had all but vanished. He felt darkness overcoming him again as he flew and let himself be taken by it, knowing that he would awake somewhere else, hopefully in his own world...
Down below, Death frowned as he watched Sirius fly. Not for the first time, an living person had managed to arrive at his domain unwillingly.
DAMN SECURITY he muttered. I NEED TO INVEST IN A BETTER ALARM SYSTEM.
And with that, he turned on his heel and walked back towards his cottage, debating whether he should cook a lasagne.
Author Notes: Death is just such an amazing character, I knew that It wouldn't be long before he turned up in one of my stories. His wit and character make him too good to pass up on. As for the whole thing with Sirius, he may yet return, although I am open to suggestions for where he may go in a sequel. Please feel free to review, and to PM me if you have any ideas for the story!
