Maybe You Could've Saved Me
Summary: When Kristina thought of Kiefer, she didn't feel hatred. She felt sorrow. drabble
Kristina Davis had changed a lot from the girl who'd been abused by her first ever boyfriend. The one who'd been too scared to tell anyone what was happening to her, because of what her father might do. She'd grown and she'd learned. She wasn't a teenager anymore. And Kiefer was nothing but a memory. A memory that no longer brought hurt or anger, at least not for herself. What she felt instead was sorrow.
She hadn't known what she had done back then to cause Kiefer so much anger that he felt the need to hurt her, to make her bleed. All she knew was that he said "I love you." and he seemed to mean at those times. What she had known was there were two conflicting sides. The sweet, smart side that had charmed her in the beginning. The side that her mother and sister, Molly had loved. And then, the monsterous side. It was only after his death that she realized what had made Kiefer the way that he was. And it became even more clear as Warren, Kiefer's father had threatened her after his death. After she finally admitted to everything that Kiefer had done to her. And oh God, she didn't know how she hadn't realized before. It was so obvious. In the moments when Kiefer was soft and sweet, he admitted how intense his father was and how scared he sometimes felt of him, of disappointing the man.
Of course, that didn't excuse what Kiefer had done to her. Not at all. But it did explain some things about him. Where he had learnt that violent behavior. Sometimes, when she was alone, she wondered how things would've been if he'd gotten help. If his mother had told the authorities about how violent Warren was. If she'd looked out for herself and her son. She thinks that he'd have been sweet. That he'd never have become the monster that she knew. That he wouldn't be dead. And in those moments, her heart ached and she cried for those could've beens.
But she knew it wasn't her fault. It was Warren's. It was Kiefer's for continuing the cycle instead of breaking free from it. That didn't change how she felt and it never would. Kiefer had forever changed her. It was why she was trying to get a degree to become a child psychologist. It was why she learnt about people and looked for those signs that she'd missed with Kiefer. Just because she'd been unable to help him didn't mean that she couldn't try to look out for others like him.
the end
