I didn't expect it, not from him and not in here, the one place where I felt safe. After being told I wouldn't be getting a solo of any sort at sectionals, it upset me, I mean, I'm the one who works my butt of in this club and where does it get me? No-where. So as a sign of protest I make my way into the choir room with duct tape taped across my mouth. Taking my seat, I explain to Mr Schuester the reasons for my actions. Of course I was bothered about not getting a solo but I was also upset over the fact that Santana decided to announce in front of the whole club that Finn had slept with her and furthermore he didn't understand WHY I was so upset. No-one in this place knows anything about my life outside of school, they didn't understand why I needed to shine so much in glee, why I craved the attention so much.
The sound of the books being thrown down followed by the booming voice caused me to flinch and sink back in my chair. This wasn't supposed to happen, not here. Back there I could take it, I learned to live with it but not here. I sit there with my mouth parted slightly, tears were springing to my eyes and all I wanted to do was bolt but I couldn't. I found myself gripping to the chair as if it was my saviour. When everyone finally engages themselves into conversation, I take this as my chance to slip out knowing no-one would notice.
The next day I avoid school altogether, I have no friends feeling the need to find out where I was and Finn and I were hardly speaking since I found out about him and Santana. I hide out in my room until I hear my father leave. I spend the rest of the day lounging around the house in sweat pants. I write a note explaining my absence, being sure to forge my father's signature, the last thing I needed was to get him angry. He'd been fairly calm for the past week.
I wake up the next morning feeling slightly sick. The thought of having to go back to school terrified me, I didn't want to have to face any of them but I didn't want to have to stay home either seeing as my father would be working at the house for the whole day. Slowly getting up, it takes me longer to get ready than usual, I find myself not really caring. Throwing on a pair of skinny jeans and an over-sized t-shirt and throwing my hair in a ponytail I eventually left the house.
Walking through the halls of McKinley it was safe to say no-one had noticed my absence yesterday. I head straight to my locker with my head pointing down. Getting the books I needed for the rest of the day I headed off to my first class. Spanish.
I cringed as I walked into the spanish room, I was early and no-one but Mr Schue was in the room. I paused and attempted to turn and walk away and wait until a few others entered but he had seen me.
"Rachel? We missed you yesterday. Hope it was nothing serious?" He asks in a passive voice, I knew he didn't really care that I wasn't there but probably more annoyed at the fact that I had missed glee.
I shake my head as I walk into the room and sit as far away from him as possible.
"Just a little unwell was all" I responded without glancing up. Thankfully he left it there and other students began piling into the room.
Before I knew it, the bell signalling lunch time was ringing. Not feeling like any food, I grab an orange juice and head outside to the school grounds. I sit in what used to be my usual lunch spot where I would eat by myself before I joined glee and had people I could actually eat lunch with. I couldn't help but smile somewhat. However good it felt to have people around me, it felt better to be sat by myself. Most probably because I knew they couldn't stand me. Santana herself had said it. They only pretended to like me but I was used to that, it was all I heard.
After lunch, the day flew by pretty quick. I sit and glare at the clock as it chimes 4. It was glee. I sat in the seat of my last class and contemplated what to do. Face the horror of glee club or face the horror of home? Letting out a sigh, I grab my books and slowly make my way towards the choir room. I let out a thankful breath when I see i'm the first one to arrive. I quickly head towards the back and take one of the chairs furthest away from all the others. Taking out my notebook, I began to scribble down, wanting something to keep me from having to look up at the faces that would soon be walking in.
"Oh look who got over her hissy fit"
I didn't need to look up to know who had spoken but I didn't want her to think she was getting to me. Lifting my head up I glare at Santana who was now laughing along with Brittany, Tina and Mercedes. I couldn't help but feel hurt. Brittany and Santana I understood but Tina and Mercedes? They knew what it was like to be on the outside looking in, they knew how much it hurt and yet here they were joining in and what made it worse, Mr Schue was standing right there, ignoring the whole situatuion.
I don't participate for the session, I sit in the chair scribbling down in my book, no-one seems to notice or if they do, they don't question it.
"Alright great work today guys!"
I hear Mr Schue speak and take that as my cue that we're all allowed to leave. I try and gather my belongings and head out as quickly as possible.
"Rachel, a word" I'm stopped dead in my tracks. I look longingly at the door that was a mere foot away from me. Keeping my head down, I walk back into the room and stop near the piano. I don't speak and I remain still. I frown after a minute when Mr Schue hasn't spoken, looking up I see him glaring at me, arms folded over his chest.
"Well?" I press him, my tone coming out with slight more attitude than I wanted which of course doesn't go down well.
"You need to stop this, Rachel. How many times have I had to tell you that glee club does not revolve around you? There are other members in this club, we are supposed to be working as a team. This selfish attitude will get you no-where. We're a family here, you need to start acting like a part of it" he ranted, a small part of him was right, I was selfish but me needing to start acting a part of the family? What about the others? This got to me and something inside me exploded.
"I need to start acting like a part of this family? What the hell? I do EVERYTHING i can to try and be apart of this club! I notice when the others are hurting, I TRY and help them whenever and wherever possible but where the hell are all of you when I need you? I might be selfish, Mr Schue but you can't deny the fact that I'm always there for everyone else and the rest of you don't give a fucking shit about me!" I scream and then scolded myself for the language i had just used. it wasn't me, I hated cussing and judging by Mr Schuester's face, he didn't approve and that's when I knew it was coming. I shrank back, my arms slightly up against my chest as if ready to protect myself, I tried to stop the tears but it was useless, they spilled out as I stood helpless.
"Please don't yell" I whimpered out and waited, I knew it was coming, it had to be. There's no way he would let me get away with speaking to him like that. I squeeze my eyes shut and suddenly feel a hand on my arm. I flinch at first but realise the touch wasn't meant to hurt, it was soft. Opening my eyes I turn to see Mr Schuester looking at me with concern. For a moment I had believed I was at home, what was happening to me? I no longer knew where I was or who I was. Rachel Berry seemed to no longer exist.
