Love So Strong It's Hate

(Justin pov)

Ever since I first met you, I knew that it was love. I knew that, without you, I would never be complete, never rise to my true potential. Yet, at the same, I knew that, with you, I would never truly ever have what I really wanted, what I really needed.

From that first moment, I knew that. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that you would be the one that I would love until my dying day. Yet, at the same time, you were quite loathe to show any emotion at all, let alone love. Instead, you showed indifference and intolerance towards me.

You asked me who I was that first morning. It hurt more than you could see, more than you were willing to see. You meant the world to me, yet you couldn't even remember my name. It seemed like a poor trade-off. In fact, it still does.

After that first night, you tried endlessly to get rid of me. I don't know why I didn't accept this then. It was possibly because I was so enamored by you that I couldn't see or understand your rejection. Or maybe it was because I was so infatuated that I simply didn't care. Whatever the reason, I persisted and eventually found a place in your home.

But that didn't make things easier. In fact, it just confirmed my initial suspicions about you. Watching you bring a new trick home every other night was painful, sometimes unbearable. I didn't understand why you want someone else when I was right here, desperate for your affection. I started to think that maybe you were incapable of love. I just couldn't accept the fact that you just didn't want to be emotionally attached to anyone.

Yet time went on, as did my unwavering affections. Even after being bashed, I found that I only wanted to be with you.

But everything begins to age and something lose it's welcome. I was surprised that I was still welcome in your loft, yet I was even more surprised by the growing resentment that was tainting my love for you. With each new trick that came and went, I felt a twinge of betrayal, a flash of unbridled anger.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would die for them? And yet, you give them everything and they continually disappoint you. And not only do they disappoint you, but they begin to unknowingly rub it in your face, so slowly, as time passes, you begin to hate them. But you don't really hate them, because you know, deep in your heart, you've always loved.

But regardless of this love, a person can only handle so much rejection. They can only handle so much pain caused by your indifference. And, in the end, maybe it would truly better if they left, even though it would kill them to leave their true loves. But love is only true in fairy tales and only in fairy tales does true love truly mean that they were meant to be together forever. So why not leave?

Because I know the truth. I know that I'd die without you, regardless of the situation.

So I'll continue living like this, because I don't have a choice. Until one day I'll decide that maybe, if it's going to be like this, life isn't worth living.

And then maybe you'll love me because I'll be gone.

But I'm convinced that you will only feel hate.

But at this point, I can't even see the difference between them anymore.

A.N. Thanks for reading. I don't own Queer as Folk. Review if you feel in the mood to and thanks.