Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters, obviously. If I did, I'd make some drastic changes.

A/N: First and foremost, both Renesmee and Alec are ~18 (physically, at least). Second, the entire story is written in the 3rd Person, but it will kind of jump around to get the feel of a lot of the characters.

Chapter Warnings: mentions of Renesmee/Seth and Jacob/Leah, character death, mentions of sex


"What are we if we are not lovers?

Strangers with hearts that are no longer each others?

I said to you once that we couldn't be friends

Not when something as special as what we had ends

So does that make us lovers that never speak?

Each in love with a lover we could not keep

Are we lovers who now no longer love?

Or lovers who love each other...just, not enough."

Ranata Suzuki


The warm Brazilian sun beamed down, heating Renesmee's glowing skin as she sunbathed on the beach of Isle Esme. She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes and focusing on the sound of the waves. She could spend the rest of her days on this beach, if it were up to her. Not many things could measure up to the relaxation she felt here.

Her family had relocated to Isle Esme almost nine months ago. Their time in Forks had come to an end – for the next several decades, at least. It had been difficult to say goodbye to the only home she'd ever known, much more difficult for her than the rest of the Cullens. Isle Esme hadn't been the obvious choice, of course, but it did make the most sense once they thought about it. It wasn't safe for them to go back to one of their other estates yet, not on the off chance that people would still remember them.

She had finally joined her family in their temporary home a couple of months ago. For their first several months on the island, Renesmee had been nowhere to be found, too busy running around Europe under the ruse of a vacation. It had been a lot more than she had expected, and she hadn't said a word about it since she had come back. Her silence was off-putting to the rest of them, but they didn't push her. Bella spent almost every second shielding her from Edward, to try to preserve some semblance of their daughter's privacy. Bella truly believed that if Renesmee wanted to tell them, she would.

Renesmee's phone buzzed and she quickly grabbed it, brushing the loose sand off of it and wincing at how warm it felt from the heat exposure. She had a text from Jacob, a simple "Hey, stranger." She smiled. A whistle came from down the beach, and when she looked up, she saw the sender strutting towards her, a matching smile on his face.

"Jacob," she greeted warmly, sitting up. He plopped down beside her, giving her a quick hug. "I've missed you. It's been ages."

"Whose fault is that?" Jacob joked. "You knew where to find me. You just thought Paris was more important." She noticed he had cut his hair since the last time they'd Skyped.

Renesmee shoved him lightly on the arm, laughing when he pretended to fall over. "I never said it was more important, but now that you mention it…" She pretended to mull it over as he laughed at her. She glanced over her shoulder, barely able to spot the house through the trees, and pulled her legs to her chest. "How was it?"

Jacob's face softened as he stared at her and then looked out at the ocean. The waves crashed onto the shore, calming the two of them despite the difficult topic. "It was good, a good service. Some people asked about Bella, but I made something up. Told them she couldn't handle being there."

When Jacob had called Bella to tell her the devastating news, Renesmee and the rest of her family had had to watch as Bella stormed out and destroyed nearly the entire island. No one, not even Edward, had known what to say to her. Charlie was her father, and it wasn't something one could just blink away like it never happened. All of the Cullens had experienced loss, and they knew it took time to process.

Renesmee nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I guess we'll have to get used to people dying on us," she whispered sadly. Charlie had been the only true grandparent she had. Renee and Phil still didn't know she existed, over twelve years after her birth. He was the first person she had ever truly lost, and it weighed on her.

Jacob sighed, pulling her to his chest, wrapping one arm around her back and using the other to stroke her hair. "You don't get used to it, Nessie. Ever. Every time is as hard as the first."

"I just wish we could've been there," she sniffed. "Maybe I wouldn't feel like such…a piece of crap."

"You know why you couldn't, Ness," he replied, kissing her hair softly. "If Charlie knew, he would've understood." She tried hard to believe that, but she just couldn't. If it had been her, she would've been furious.

Renesmee pulled away, ruffling her hair with her fingers before letting her hand drop to the sand. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, what's been up with you?"

Jacob huffed, shaking his head. They both knew what she was getting at, and she knew he wouldn't answer. He'd skirted the subject every time thus far. "I could ask you the same thing. What's up with you? Every time someone asks you about Paris, you change the subject."

"Who's changing the subject now, Jacob?" She laughed, actually shoving him over this time. She turned to face him and crossed her legs, regarding him slyly. "All's quiet on the Leah front?"

He groaned, running his hands down his face roughly and frowning when she laughed. "I wish you'd let that go. I never should've told you."

"Oh, no, I disagree. I have material to mock you for the rest of our lives. Seriously though, have you talked to her?"

"Of course, I've talked to her," he said stupidly. She gave him a stern look and he sighed. He could never win with Renesmee. "Look, Ness, I know you think Leah and I have…something, but seriously, a couple of drunken hook-ups do not a relationship make."

Renesmee ran her hands through the sand as she grumbled to herself, "Yeah, tell me about it."

"Woah, wait a second," Jacob gasped dramatically. "Did you just let a secret slip? Renesmee Cullen, did you hook up with someone in Paris?" There wasn't an ounce of jealousy in his voice. They had both agreed years ago that a romantic future was not what was in store for them.

"No!" She protested, but then she sighed. She thanked her lucky stars she had been alone on the island before Jacob showed up, everyone else busy on the mainland. "Maybe…"

"Wait, did you lose your virginity in Paris?" Renesmee snorted unattractively, shaking her head. "So, wait, who did you lose it to? Nessie, do I know anything about you?"

"You know plenty. We just never thought you needed to know that…" she trailed off nervously, biting her bottom lip. She ran her hands through the sand again, the tension building in her chest. Truthfully, she did want to tell Jacob everything – he was her best friend, after all – but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"'We?'" Jacob asked incredulously. "Who is 'we?'"

Her heartbeat increased, and she sighed again. "I'll tell you, but you can't tell him I told you." When Jacob nodded, Renesmee screwed her eyes shut, waiting for his reaction. "It was Seth."

"Seth?" he asked, clearly taken aback. "As in Seth Clearwater? As in optimistic, bubbly, arguably-most-annoying-member-of-my-pack Seth?" When Renesmee nodded miserably, Jacob took a moment to compose himself. Finally, he asked, "You're not in love with him, are you?"

She laughed, a loud, nearly obnoxious laugh that ached a little in her stomach. "God, no. It was, like, five years ago, right after I'd fully matured. Kinda like a 'I'm really hormonal and I just wanna get it over with' thing."

"But why Seth?" Jacob couldn't help but ask. Of all the people she could've slept with – of all the members of his pack, even – why did she choose Seth?

Renesmee smiled at him teasingly. "You jealous, Jake?"

He scoffed, "Please." They just sat there, enjoying each other's company and contemplating their new shared secret. Jacob nudged her shoulder with his lightheartedly. "So, who was the lucky guy in Paris?"

Renesmee just shook her head, squinting in the sunlight as she scooted away from Jacob. She wanted her skin as far away from his as possible while those thoughts ran through her head. It was a secret she would take to her theoretical grave.

He watched her curiously. "You don't have to tell me, y'know. I'm just curious. Was it serious? I mean, you were gone for months."

She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, needing something to do with her hands. She tried to think how much she should tell him. "I thought it was. He just…couldn't deal."

"It's his loss," Jacob said seriously. He stood up, briefly dusting off his shorts, and held out a hand for her. "Come on, I brought food. We can go eat and watch Thor."

Renesmee took his hand, standing up and shaking her head at him. "You and your Marvel movies."

Inside, Jacob took a couple of take-out boxes from the fridge as Renesmee grabbed some plates from the cabinet. It was routine, especially since Renesmee had taken to eating more human food recently. As they split the food, she wondered aloud, "When is Seth coming down again?"

"He'll be down soon. He wanted to be there for his mom. She's taking it pretty hard," Jacob said, taking his plate and setting it in the microwave to heat it back up.

Poor Sue, Renesmee thought. To lose not one love in her lifetime but two. Renesmee didn't know if she could've handled it, but Sue was a strong woman. She knew how to make it through, and if she couldn't, she had two great kids to have her back. At least Sue had had some great years with Charlie before she lost him.

Renesmee swapped Jacob's plate with hers when the microwave dinged, and Jacob took it to the living room. When Renesmee joined him, he had already popped the disc into the DVD player, and they settled down on the floor, their plates on the coffee table and their backs against the couch. She sniffed her food cautiously before taking a small bite. The texture made her gag, but she swallowed quickly before taking a large gulp of her drink.

As the movie played, Renesmee picked at her food more than she ate it, and Jacob noticed. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV down a few notches. "You okay? You've barely touched your food."

Renesmee shrugged, mushing up her food with her fork. "Yeah, I dunno, guess I'm just not hungry." Seeing his concern, she rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Jake." She took another bite to spare him.

They finished Thor: Ragnarok, Ant-Man, and half of The Avengers before the family came home. Their plates had been abandoned on the coffee table in favor of the sofa, Renesmee's still unfinished. As Carlisle and Edward walked through the front door, Renesmee lifted her head off the arm of the couch to give them a half-smile. Bella wasn't far behind, tapping Jacob on the shoulder and nodding her head toward the terrace. Jacob got up to follow her, and Emmett plopped down in his place. He tickled the bottom of Renesmee's foot and she kicked him. He just chuckled, eyes on the screen as Rosalie perched herself on the other couch arm by her husband.

"'We have a Hulk,'" Emmett recited at the same time as the movie. He leaned in to Rosalie, whispering smugly, "I'm the Hulk." Rosalie shook her head at her love, rolling her eyes. He really was an overgrown child.

Renesmee watched her aunt and uncle with a heavy heart as the rest of the family filed through the door. Some of them spoke, but she didn't hear them. There had been a time when Renesmee could've seen herself like that, happy and cuddled up with the person she adored. But that had been a dream, a fleeting fantasy quickly snuffed out by the harsh truth of reality. Whoever said, 'the truth will set you free,' had obviously never had their heart broken.

At the time, Renesmee had wanted to kick herself for getting caught up with someone like that, but he had made it so easy. He had been dangerous and tempting at first, yes, but eventually, she had discovered another side to him. A gentler side that not many had ever seen – she could probably count the list on one hand. But as soon as Renesmee had realized that she cared for him, that she could maybe even love him, he had taken that delusion out of her head and crushed it. He had said things, cruel, unspeakable things to her. He had broken her heart in one fell swoop, and now she had nothing left of him but memories and thoughts of what could've been.

Nobody could ever know, they had decided early on. Not his family and most definitely not hers. It would take work, sneaking around and clandestine meetings. And at first, it had been just sex, but those things never stay like that for long. And almost as suddenly as it started, it had ended, leaving Renesmee broken and him loathing himself more than ever before.

Renesmee sighed, finally getting up to clean up the mess she had made with Jacob. Taking the plates to the kitchen, she set Jacob's in the sink, scraped her leftovers down the garbage disposal, and then set her plate down on top of his. She turned around, her head spinning as she braced herself against the counter. She shut her eyes until the room stopped spinning, and when she opened them, her mother and Jacob came through the back door, the former looking more distraught than Renesmee had ever seen.

Bella and Renesmee met in the middle of the room, aware of the prying eyes around them. Renesmee reached out to hold her mother's hand, her fingers wrapping around it gently as she projected her thoughts to her. Are you okay?

If Bella could still cry, Renesmee knew she would have. Instead, Bella grabbed her and wrapped her in a tight hug, almost cutting off her daughter's breathing. She pulled away to smooth Renesmee's hair, staring into her eyes. The same brown eyes they had both inherited from Charlie. "Yeah, I'll be okay. We'll both be okay."

Oh, if only.


So there's chapter one! If you're looking forward to more, you'll have to be patient with me. I have a few more chapters already written out, but I'm still working on the remainder of the story (plus two more ;)). My plan is to update this every Wednesday, so let's see how that goes. xx