Chapter 1: World Tour

Chris and the camera crew were standing in the middle of an airport. Chris checked his watch and smiled. "Okay, the gang should be here any minute now. Start rolling in three, two, one..." He turned to a nearby camera and smiled. "Season three of Total Drama, folks! The world is gonna be mine, sea to shining seas! Sadly, I'm forced to share my world with a three ring traveling teen freak show." A bus drove up and came to a stop near Chris. "They'll be competing all around the globe for another million dollars. So, let's meet our players!" The bus opened the doors and the Total Drama contestants walked out. Chris called their names as they exited. "Courtney, Duncan, Heather, Gwen, Leshawna!" Heather turned and smirked at Gwen. "Ready to lose again, gothie?" Gwen glared at her. "I don't think so. You're the one who's losing this time, miss 'alliance buddy.'" "Lindsay, Owen, DJ and Harold!" DJ came out of the bus, holding Owen in front of him. "Guys?" Owen started screaming. "Street strawberry preserves! No!" "He's afraid of flying, remember?", DJ said. Harold came out next. "Aerophobia, from the Latin, as opposed to Aeronauseophobia, the fear of air sickness." "Keep up the fascinating facts, and I'm going to be aeronauseous all over you", Noah said. "And, returning fan favorites, Noah, Cody and Ezekiel!", Chris said. Ezekiel came out of the bus and waved at the cameras. "Yo, yo, yo, this year's winner is in the house! Uh, bus! I mean, uh, runway! Where's the plane, eh?" Izzy ran up behind Ezekiel and jumped onto his shoulders. "I know, right? Let's fly! Woohoo!" "Watch out, eh!" Izzy and Zeke fell over. Chris laughed. "Yep, Izzy's back! Also returning this season: Tyler, and the surfer girl Bridgette!" Tyler walked to the front of the bus and struck a pose, but fell over and landed on Izzy and Zeke. Bridgette walked out next, and fell onto the others.

"And now, to mix things up and keep it all fresh, we're adding two new competitors. He's an honor roll student with a diplomat for a dad, and an amazing ability to charm the pants off most species: Alejandro!" Alejandro walked off the bus and smiled. "Perhaps I could assist?" He bent down, grabbed Bridgette and Izzy by the hand and pulled them up. Izzy liked it, but Bridgette backed away. "I, I uh I have a girlfriend!" Alejandro bent down again and pulled Tyler and Zeke up. "And, amigos, please, allow me." "Wow, eh." "I like girls", Tyler said. Chris cleared his throat. "And she's a sugar addicted super fan, with twenty two Total Drama blogs, Sierra!" Sierra ran out of the bus and looked around. "Oh my gosh I love you guys! And this is the greatest day of my life!" She started hyperventilating. "Anybody have a paper bag I could breathe into!" She turned and squealed, then ran over to her favorite contestant. "Oh my gosh, Cody! I've dreamt of this moment, only you weren't wearing a shirt!" Lindsay raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Chef drove up to everyone in an old jumbo jet. Duncan looked at it. "What the...?" The jet stopped and a few bits of metal fell off it. Courtney raised her hand. "Excuse me, I'd like to express some concern about the safety of our plane?" "Relax, it's perfectly safe!", Chris assured her. A large sheet of metal fell off the hull. "Now boarding!", Chris said. Owen started screaming again. "NO! I can't ride in that! Call the United Nations! Call a cab! Call my mom! No, I'm not doing this! I'm out! This is unethical!" Chris frowned, walked up to Owen and hit him over the head with a frying pan, knocking him out. "Anybody else got a problem with it?" "No..." "Love it!" "Dibs on the window seat!", the teens said nervously. Chris smiled. "Now boarding! Final voyage to a million big ones! Now let's start the first episode of Total Drama the Musical!"

Chris led the contestants onto the plane. "Singing? Really?", Gwen asked. "I thought Chris was joking about that." "Well I don't have a problem with it", Courtney said. "Yeah, cause you LIKE singing", Leshawna said. Duncan scowled. "Well I don't! Girls sing, little birdies sing, Duncans do not sing." "Think I'll get to beat box?" "I'll beat you if you try, Harold." "Why are you doing this to us?", Heather asked. "Singing reality shows are huge", Chris explained. "And, the worse the singing, the better the ratings, which is why on this show, there will be no vocal coaches, or rehearsals, or warning!" The contestants started groaning and whining. "Anywho, this is the dining area, where you'll enjoy in-flight meals." Ezekiel smirked. "Not for long, eh! Prepare to lose to the Zeke!" "Okay, so not trying to be mean here, but you do know you got voted out first last time, right?", Gwen asked him. "Word. And I spent every minute since makin' sure that don't happen again. I'm stronger, faster, smarter-" "Chattier, blabbier, can't-shut-uppier. Now zip it and let me finish the tour so we can get this bird in flight!", Chris said. "Is there a ladies' room?", Leshawna asked. "Just through there." "Good, cause I need to make a deposit."

Confession Cam: Leshawna.

"...What the... There's a camera in the potty? Again! Ugh! Can't a sister get a little privacy on this program?"

Chris led the teens to the next, crummy section of the plane. "Losing teams will enjoy luxurious economy class accommodations between destinations", he said. Lindsay looked around. "Okay, but where are our beds?" "Owen, care to demonstrate?" Chris turned to Owen, who was sitting on one of the benches and strapped to a wall. He mumbled about planes in his sleep. "That does not look comfortable", Heather said. "No comfort for losers. Safety harnesses and an emergency exit, but no comfort here, here, or here." Chris pointed around the cabin and Sierra walked up to him, laughing. "Hahaha, OMG Chris, I am just LOL!" "We should hit the winners' compartment, eh, cause I ain't never gonna sit back here. Never!", Ezekiel said. Noah plugged his nose. "Is never your policy on mouthwash too, homeschool?"

Chris took everyone to the next, fancy section of the plane. "This is the first class cabin, the domain of each week's winners." "Now this is the kind of comfort ladies deserve", Alejandro said to Lindsay. "They get ladies in first class too? Oh! Me! You meant me!" "That guy is as smooth as mama's gravy", DJ said. "He'd better not try anything with Lindsay", Cody said. "Good luck, man. Nobody can compete with gravy." "Hey Lindsay, over here!" Lindsay walked over. "What's up, Cody?" Cody hugged Lindsay, stood on his tiptoes and kissed her. Lindsay smiled. "Aww, you sweetheart..." Alejandro rolled his eyes. Heather glared at him.

Confession Cam: Heather and Chef

"I can see right through that guy... You know, Chef, this extra confessional is a thousand times nicer than talking on the toilet." "Maybe for you. I'm trying to prep for a flight here." "Hello, venting! Shush! Anyway, new guy is so transparent, so fake, so-" "Deliciously seductive?" "That is exactly the opposite of what I was trying to say!" "Pretty good looking guy, to boot! I'm just saying." "Ugh, forget this!"

The teens followed Chris into the nicest part of the plane yet. "Whoa, where are we now?", Cody asked. "A grand piano, wood burning pizza oven, four person hot tub with LED light show and dancing waters?" "How do I win this? My fair lady loves a hot tub", Harold said. "Easy, tiger. These are my quarters. And they're off limits!", Chris said. He flicked Harold's nose. "Clear?" "Crystal." "Oh, Chris, I heart your limits!", Sierra said.

Confession Cam: Heather

"Anyway, with Katie and Sadie gone, Lindsay and Ale-whatever looking like a real threat, my only strategic option is to stick with Bridgette while I try to make friends with the new girl. But getting to like her is gonna be hard... I do not 'heart' the new girl."

Chris took the teens back to the mess hall. "Well, that's pretty much it. I skipped the cargo hold and galley, but I'm sure you'll find those exciting destinations later, when I 'accidentally' lock you in them", he said. The plane started moving, and hit a bump. Bridgette bounced off her seat and onto Alejandro. "Senorita, are you okay?", he asked. Bridgette looked up at him and smiled. "Is the earth moving?" "Nope, we are!", Izzy told her. "One more thing", Chris said. "I'm sure you remember a little something called the elimination ceremony? Takes place right in there, my friends." Chris pointed to the back of the plane, and the contestants followed him there. "if you don't receive a barf bag full of airline issue peanuts-" "I got a peanut allergy, yo", Ezekiel said. "Or, more like a sensitivity?" Chris scowled. "You will be forced to take the drop of shame-" "Okay, I just don't like-" "Kinda like this!" Chris grabbed Ezekiel by his shirt, dragged him to the exit door, opened it and threw him out of the plane. "All eliminations are final, bro! See you next season!" Chris closed the door and sighed.

The plane took flight and the teens went back to the dining area. DJ sighed. "Every second we're getting closer to adventure, and further from mama..." Sierra smiled at Cody. "Cody Emmet Jameson Anderson... I also happen to know that your birthday is April first. You're my very own April fool", she said. Lindsay looked confused. "What do you mean YOUR April fool? He's MY boyfriend..." The teens heard a bell and Chris walked into the dining area, wearing a fancy suit. "Whenever you hear that friendly little bell, it's musical number time!", he told them. "So, let's hear it." "But... what're we supposed to sing?", Courtney asked. "You have to make it up as you go. Wouldn't be challenging otherwise, now would it?" The teens groaned and started to sing.

Up, up, up, up! Sing, sing, sing, sing! We're flying! And singing! We're flying and we're singing!

Come fly with us, come fly with us, got a lot of crazy tunes to bust, haha! Come fly with us, come fly with us, it's a pleasure and an honor and a must.

Dudes, this is messed, you're singing in a plane. What did you expect, Chris is freaking insane! Yeah, but guys, you're singing on TV. Haven't you always wanted to?, It can't just be meeeeee...

Come fly with us, come fly with us. Do you know how to stear this thing? I try...

They thought they could leave me and depart, but this stowaway's got winning in his heart!

Come fly with us, come die with us! We're flying! I hate flying, stop the plane!

Come fly with us, come sing with us! Would anyone care for a copy of the season three rules? Because in order to escape instant elimination... all contestants must sing in each show!

Duncan, do it! Let's go! Gwen, sing it! Don't go! I don't wanna go home... Come fly with us, come fly with us, come, and fly, with uuuusss! Duncan come on, please?

Thiiiiiiiiiis suuuuuuuuuucks! Yeah!

After the song, Chef turned on the intercom. "Enough singing, fruitcakes! Strap yourselves in, we are now beginning our descent into Egypt! Musical numbers... worst idea ever. Chris is such an i- hey, why is the PA light still on? Awww, shi-" And he turned into off.

The jumbo jet landed in Egypt near a pyramid and everyone got out. Chris settled down on a chair, carried by two interns. "You guys ready for a little fun, huh?", he asked the teens. "Wow, it's a scorcher out here!" He took a sip of a green drink he was holding. "I call today's challenge 'pyramid over under.'" Leshawna glared at Chris. "An eleven hour flight, Chef's in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number, and now we've got a challenge?" "Don't you love this game?" The interns carried Chris over to a starting line near the pyramid, and the contestants followed him. "It's like we're being cooked in a giant oven", Harold said. "It might help if you weren't dressed like a giant baked potato", Leshawna told him. "Wearing an aluminum foil hat means the aliens can't read your brains. It's a real problem in this area." Chris bashed some cymbals together. "Man, that's satisfying! Alright, pyramid over under means you choose how you'll get to the finish line, either over or under the pyramid. Got it?" The contestants nodded. "Ready... set..." "Wait up, yo! You guys, wait up!" Ezekiel ran from the jet to Chris. "I told you I wasn't gonna lose this time, eh!" "Didn't we leave you behind in Canada?" "It's called landing gear, homie. I climbed it and hid with the cargo." Chris smiled. "Impressive. But, you're still out." "No way! I'm in it to win it! Word!" "Well, fine. You don't have to go home today. Ready, set, go!"

The teens ran to the pyramid, most of them going inside. "Oh, great. Our friendly neighborhood host dude failed to mention there were three paths", Noah said. "Hey, Sierra! Which way do you think we should go?", Heather asked. "Me! Uh, um, uh..." "How do we know which way's right?", Owen asked. Izzy gasped. "I know! Okay, I saw this in a spy movie once. You lick your finger and hold it up to find the air flow!" She licked her finger and smiled. "Mm, this sand really crunches in your teeth. Fun! Okay, DJ, gimme your hand." "Don't do it, DJ! You might catch a case of crazy!", Leshawna said. "Come on, Harold." Leshawna, Harold and DJ took the center tunnel. "Oh, let's take the scary mummy tunnel!", Izzy said. She ran in, followed by Owen and Noah.

Meanwhile, outside, Cody, Bridgette and Lindsay looked up the pyramid. "Is it too late to go under instead?", Cody asked. "Alejandro is doing okay", Lindsay said. "He's like the super cutest mountain goat in the world!" Alejandro jumped down from the pyramid and pulled the girls over to him. "May I be of assistance?", he asked. He led them up the pyramid, with Cody grumbling and following them. Meanwhile, Courtney was tying herself to Duncan. "Rock climbing was a team building challenge when I was a CIT, and if Tiffany hadn't been such a lousy partner I'd have won", she said. "It's always the other person's fault with you, isn't it?", Duncan said. "Shut up and help me climb." "Gwen, are you going over too?", Duncan asked. "Working on it!", she yelled down from the pyramid side. "I think Gwen could use a hand..." "Fine, but only because a three person team is stronger", Courtney said.

Back in the pyramid, Izzy's group was making walking through the tunnel when they came across a pile of bandages. "Ooh, look! We're in the nurse's office!", Izzy said. "It's a pyramid, not a high school", Noah told her. She dove for the bandages and threw them to the guys. "Come on, guys, mummy me!" They did so.

Alejandro, Lindsay and Bridgette reached the top of the pyramid. Tyler passed Cody on his way up, but accidentally grabbed a scorpion. "Oww, my hand!" He screamed and fell over, all the way down the pyramid. Meanwhile, back inside, Heather and Sierra were walking along and stepped on a trap tile. Heather fell over onto Sierra and a bunch of arrows flew over their heads. "Oops! Sorry, Heather!", Sierra said. "Honest mistake. Could've happened to anybody. Let's keep going." Meanwhile, Harold and his group came across some mummies on a ledge. DJ stopped to look at one. "That's a real dog! Poor little guy..." "DJ, we do not have time to cry over a stuffed dog!", Leshawna said. He ignored her. "Hey there, little buddy. Wish I had a biscuit to give ya..." He patted the mummy and it turned to dust. DJ gasped. "What'd I do, what'd I do!" The pyramid started shaking and a swarm of beetles appeared. "Scarabs! RUN!"

Duncan, Courtney and Gwen were climbing up the pyramid while Courtney ranted. "And your form is appalling", she continued. "Gee, thanks, Courtney! I was just wondering about that!", Gwen said sarcastically. "You know, you're only here because I'm feeling nice today." "Wow, this is you being nice? I'd hate to see you on a bad day." "If you keep that up, you'll find out firsthand!" Duncan sighed. Back inside, Izzy had gone missing. "Izzy! Izzy!", Owen yelled. "Dude, she's lost. We've gotta go", Noah told him. "Aww, poor Izzy!" "Poor Izzy? She kept insisting we go in circles because she smelled something lucky." "Uh, I think that might've been my fault." Owen farted and laughed. "Airplane food..." Further back in the tunnel, Ezekiel was looking for the others. "Guys? Yo, guys?" He spotted a button on the wall. "An intercom? What the shizzle? Yo, playas, is this thing on?" He pressed it and a bundle of bandages fell on him.

Alejandro and the girls were still at the top of the pyramid. "It's too steep for me to carry you down", he said. "There must be an easier way..." Bridgette turned and saw a street sign, which was at the top of the pyramid for reasons unknown. "I'm a surfer! I can surf!" She yanked the sign out of the pyramid top. At the base of the pyramid, Harold, Leshawna and DJ ran out of the exit. They kept running to the finish line. "Good work, guys!", Chris told them. They stopped to catch their breath, and DJ looked around. "We're first? We're first!" "Go stand behind the number one", Chris said. "In Egyptian, it's waheed", Harold said. Chris glared at him and he frowned.

Back inside, Heather and Sierra were being chased by a mummy. They ran from it, screaming. "Guys, guys, guys! How about another musical number?", Izzy asked as she followed them. Meanwhile, Noah found another mummy in another tunnel. "Hey brickhouse, I found her", he said. Owen ran up. "Really? Hey, Izzy! Where'd you go?" The mummy screamed something, but it was muffled by the bandages. Noah went wide-eyed. "That's not Izzy... run!"

Back outside, Bridgette, Lindsay and Alejandro surfed down the side of the pyramid and landed by the finish line. The girls cheered. "Ladies, after you!", Alejandro said. They crossed the finish line. The girls walked over to Harold's group, and Al attempted to follow, but Chris stopped him. "Not so fast. This season, we're gonna have three teams! Bridgette and Lindsay round out team one. Alejandro, you're the first member of team two." "In Egyptian, it's aetnane", Harold said. "If it's any consolation, you do get..." Tyler fell down the pyramid and landed in the sand. "Uh, Tyler, is it?" "Yep. And you also get the next three contestants." Noah and Owen ran out of the pyramid, screaming. "Congratulations", Chris said. "That's... wonderful!", Alejandro said.

Confession Cam: Alejandro

"You have to be kidding me! I have to deal with these ****ing incompetents! ****!"

Sierra and Heather exited the pyramid just as Cody got down from the top of it. "Oh, Cody, I'm so happy we found you!", Sierra shouted. She ran to Cody and glomped him. "Heather, aren't you so happy?" "I'm so happy I could scream", Heather said. She glared at Sierra. Sierra carried Cody to the finish line, and Heather got there next. "We did it! Group hug!" Sierra put Cody down and glomped him again. "Come on, Heather, you too." Heather rolled her eyes and hugged Sierra and Cody. "Aaand, hug's over. Sierra, get behind the number two. Heather and Cody, you'll be on team three", Chris said. "In Egyptian, it's-" "No one cares, Harold." Cody looked around. "Where are the others?"

At the top of the pyramid, Gwen was arguing with Courtney. "I'm telling you, we need to untie!", Gwen yelled. "And I'm telling you it's unsafe! I'm in charge!" Chris got a megaphone and walked to the pyramid. "Oh, hey there guys! I've got a surprise for you!" Chris rang a bell. "Recognize that sound? Time for whoever's not finished yet to give us a little musical reprieve!" Duncan glared down at Chris. "You said one song per episode!" "Yeah, and this is a reprieve, not a new song! So if you don't sing, you're out! Now let's hear it!" "You know what? No." Duncan ran down the pyramid, dragging Gwen and Courtney behind him. "No, nonononono! Three hours of these two squawking on this stupid pyramid, in this stupid heat, and you want me to sing! Forget it!" "Dude, you have a contract!" "Eat it, McLean! If you need me, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home, cause I'm out. Done. I quit!" Duncan cut the rope tying him to the girls and walked away. Heather walked up to Gwen and Courtney. "Well, I guess we're teammates."

Then, Izzy ran out of the pyramid, carrying a mummy. Owen and Noah gasped. "Izzy, no!" "You're carrying the undead!" Izzy stopped. "Really? Cool! Bite me, and I can be your undead friend like Frankenstein!" The mummy jumped out of her arms and unwrapped itself. "Thanks for all the help, ya nobs", Ezekiel said. Chris smiled. "Izzy, go join team-" "Tallatah, or three", Harold said. Ezekiel ran up to Chris. "Come on, guy! After all this, you've gotta let me back in the game!" Chris pushed Ezekiel over and sighed. "Fine, but only cause we're down a man thanks to Duncan McQuitty-Pants. Go ahead and join team one." Ezekiel cheered. "Okay, teams, talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name. You have three minutes while I enjoy this ice cream cone." Chris pulled out the cone and started eating. Ezekiel's group was the first to decide. "Team Victory!", they shouted in unison. Next was Heather's team. "Team Amazon!", they said. The girls cheered and Courtney accidentally kicked Cody between the legs. The last team was arguing, and then Sierra spoke up. "Got it! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot." "What!" Chris smiled. "Alright! Best team name ever! And, here are your rewards." Chris gestured toward some objects. "Team Amazon, you win a camel." Izzy clapped. "Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Really Hot..." "I think there were only four reallies..." "You win a goat!" The goat charged at them and knocked Tyler over. "And Team Victory, here ya go." Chris threw a stick to them. Leshawna glared at Chris. "So the guys who come in last get a camel, and we get a stick!" "All will be explained, if I feel like it, when your next challenge begins."