I pushed my legs into the leaf laden earth, willing myself to run faster than I ever had before.

They were trackers, I knew that much, this was what they did, locating those who just wanted to hide from the world.

I crouched my way through the underbrush, stealthily avoiding any twigs for fear of giving away my current location.

I moved silently, weaving through the trees, picking up a quick pace and becoming ever more breathless, when it hit.

I felt the blow and looked down to see the sticky red substance trail down the back of my thigh.

I had been shot

I had been shot

It was all over

I had been shot... in the ass?

"OK, who felt the need to shoot me in the ass?"

My friends had all gathered round at that point and I stared back at all 5 of them, willing one of them to look me in the eye and confess.

"Who shot me in the ass?" I seethed, huffing and puffing, sounding rather like an asthmatic on heat.

"Who fucking shot me!"

I saw the arm raise, lowering my gaze to look from his long pale fingers into my husband's sparkling green eyes, the mischief clearly evident as it danced around his pupils.

I cocked my gun, letting him know I was seriously not amused, simultaneously raising an eyebrow daring him to question me.

He stayed quiet like a good little boy, holding his arms up in surrender before I raised the gun and shot him directly in the crotch.

My blue ball- heehee blue ball- made a sickening splat right before he crouched forward and fell sideways, cupping his hands round his package, swearing like the sailor I know and love him to be, whilst flipping me off as I was laughing so hard, I thought I might pee right there.

I turned and walked away with the satisfied smile still plastered to my face, pausing to wink back at him as I strutted back to home base.

No one fucks with Isabella Swan and her paintball gun.