Random, Pointless Hunger Games Fanfic
The drawing of the names is today! I had almost forgot. I start getting ready. First, I put on my… uh… outfit… and then I grab a bag of potatoes and sneak out of the house – not that it was necessary to sneak out anyway. The air feels hot and humid, and I don't ever pay attention to the date, but if I took a wild guess then I would say that the season was possibly summer. Maybe. Anyways, the drawing of the names for the participants is today. I hope they have food there this year.
I run along the path until there is a large open area-thing with people standing on the stage with a giant fish tank that they draw names out of. I wait. And wait. And wait some more. Oh, and you know what I do next? I wait! Finally, and old lady crawls up onto the stage – quite literally. After about an hour when she finally reaches the microphone, she speaks.
"Welcome to the seventy sixth drawing for the Hunger Games, district seven…." She fades out as she falls asleep standing up. Some middle-aged man comes and shoves her off the stage – literally.
"Sorry about that." He says. He talks very slow. "Anyways, because no one cares about plot what so ever, we will now just randomly pick names. One from the girls and one from the guys. Here I go. Any day now…. Sometime soon. Maybe today, hopefully. I'm getting there."
Finally, he reaches the fish tank, which has been drained. The poor fish are flopping at the bottom of the tank underneath all of the papers. He draws a name from the girl's fish tank. "Ciel Phantomhive!"
"WHAT!" Ciel yells at him. "I'M NOT A GIRL!"
"Eh… I guess you can just replace a girl, then. I'll do you a favor and I'll let you take your… um… butler… along with you." Then he walks over to the guy's side. I look over and see Ciel looking extremely ticked off.
"Okay. Um…. I'm getting there… Okay here!" He says with great joy. He sticks his hand in and yells in great pain. "Blasted piranhas!" He pulls out a slip of paper – his hand bleeding. "Um… let's see. Teito Klein!"
I am quite surprise, actually, that I would get picked. I happily go onto the stage with Ciel. He looks over and waves. I wave back. He waves back. I wave back. He waves back. I wave back. And so on. The dude on stage talks about a lot of pointless stuff involving how to survive in the arena, but I zone out. Eventually Ciel and I say goodbye to our nonexistent families and get on Train, who strangely looks like a cat. He gives us piggy back rides to the train.
"Pyaa!" Mikage says once I sit down in a random seat in the train. Ciel sits down next to me, while Sebastian makes him tea.
"I'm kind of sad to leave District Seven." I say, looking over in the corner of the train where the Companion Cube sits happily by a cake. A lady dressed in a strange, blue outfit walks in and introduces herself.
"I am Elizabeth. I will be your instructor person for the seventy-sixth Hunger Games. I hope we will have a great time playing with escalators." She says.
Is she serious! We'll die if we have her as an instructor!
"If you need any help… then I'll just be in the magical door at the end of the hallway." She leaves.
And after a pointless train ride we finally arrived at the place thing – whatever it may be called. After doing pointless things we have to show these –judge people- what we learned from the training that I didn't feel like explaining. Ciel and I wait for a while with the other contestants. Apparently the people who drew the names in district one had gotten carried away and drew about fifty names or so, so there were a lot more people participating than usual.
I noticed a girl with braided hair beating up her partner with a bow. Her partner is a blonde dude who is carrying about five loaves of bread. I don't think much of it, though. Finally, it is my turn to go in. I hadn't thought about what I was going to do yet, though. I walk in and notice the judge people. In the corner there is a computer with the Sims 2 running. I go over and invite a ton of people over to my house, and then burn them all alive. Then I get up and leave the area. I go back to the room that they had given us. After a few hours of waiting Ciel and Sebastian finally show up as well.
"That went well," Ciel says.
"What did you do?" I ask.
"Nuclear explosion."
"I see…"
"And you?"
"Don't ask."
On the TV I see the scores being announced. Everyone from district one gets a rating of negative fifty-four. Then the people from districts two through six get normal ratings. Then Ciel gets a rating of five million, and I get a rating of infinite. And I fall asleep before I see the rest. The games are supposed to start tomorrow, since they decided that the interviews are boring.
I wake up in a giant helicopter. How I got there? No clue. But I was dressed in my normal cloths – church cloths. I guess they decided that they were too cool to make me wear something else. They are freshly washed. The helicopter comes to a stop. There is a tube in the corner of the room. Elizabeth, Ciel, and Sebastian are standing over in the corner facing the wall.
Elizabeth walks over and shoves the three of us into the tube. It is apparently an elevator, because the next thing I know we're standing on the field. The field is the same as it was in the seventy-fourth Hunger Games! Weird…
"Welcome to the Seventy-Seventh Annual Hunger Games! We will give you one minute and then you may step off the platform. If you somehow have horrible balance and fall off then you will die!" Said an overhead voice. Right on cue, a boy with blonde hair wearing an orange jumpsuit falls off and dies.
To the right I look over and see an older teen with brown hair laughing manically after writing something down in a black notebook. "He's gone! He's finally gone! My least favorite anime character of all time - GONE!" He laughed some more.
"Alright, alright, no killing each other until the buzzer thing goes off." Said the voice.
I grip my bascule tightly. They said no weapons allowed, but some of the contestants brought one anyways. The buzzer went off. Quickly a boy with blue hair ran over to the pile of stuff and grabbed a gun. He held the gun to his head and yelled "Persona!" Then he died. A chick that looked strangely like a robot with blonde hair fell down next to him - sobbing.
The rest from there was chaos. I run up and grab the school bag of a nearby little boy who was walking home from school. Then I run off into the woods. Unfortunately, it is bright orange – which is one of my least favorite colors. While I run I hear a ton of loud booms in the distance which is the signal that people are dying.
The sun is starting to set after a few hours of running. Over in the woods I hear a noise. It is Ouka. I rummage the newly stolen backpack to see the contents. I take a gun out and shoot Ouka with it. She dies and I cheer. I always hated her. Then I hear a massive boom. I laugh at that point. But I had to find water or else I would suffocate. I ran a long ways until the sun completely sets.
I decide that I need a place to sleep for the night. I destroy a camera that was sitting on top of a bush, and strap myself to the bush so I won't fall off while I sleep. No one will be able to find me on top of this one-foot high bush!
In the middle of the night I wake up to the sound of voices. I stay completely still so that no one will notice me. I recognize the voice instantly. Ayanami. "We need to find him! I mean, that's what they did in the seventy-fourth Hunger Games! And plus it has to do with the plot!"
"No one cares about plot!" Another voice says. I really recognize that voice. Ciel. Did he betray me! That made me sad. Ciel walks over near the bush that I'm sleeping on. I stay silent and hope that I don't get found out about. "Sebastian. Get me a cookie."
"Yes, my Lord." He says and then runs off to fetch a cookie.
"I knew it!" A voice yells. "You're under arrest, Kira!"
Then I hear maniacal laughing like from earlier today. Then there was the yelling of someone likely having cardiac arrest. Eventually all the voices faded off into the distance, and I fall back to sleep.
The next morning I wake up, and once again start searching for water. I am so thirsty! I really could use some orange juice right about now. Eventually I heard the sound of running water. I run over towards the sound and find five packs of water bottles. I drink two bottles, and stored the rest in the backpack that I had stolen from the little boy. It contained a lot of useful school items such as a variety of guns, flamethrowers, electric chainsaws, and even sulfuric acid! I think I even spotted some crack in there as well. Mikage seems pleased by my finding.
I heard a cracking noise (and no, it was not the crack in my backpack). I looked over and see a guy on fire. The flames were blue as well. I think I recognize him from one of my anime. Oh yeah! He's Rin from Blue Ex-
I didn't get much time to think about it before he screams something about loving to start forest fires. He catches the majority of the trees on fire, laughs, and then runs off. Crap…
I run a while and then run into a river for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that I will die if I don't. In the lake a short kid with orange hair is shooting random joggers while yelling "Syaonara, baby!"
Next to him some white haired teenager with an unusual left arm was trying to murder Rin. I decide that since I'm a bishop's apprentice that it is in fact my duty to get rid of demons. So I decide to go to Chick Fil A and obtain a milkshake to go into my inventory. Then I come back and help Rin fight Allen Walker.
"Akuma!" Allen yells.
"THERE ARE TOO MANY BEANSPROUTS!" Says some guy with blue hair up in a ponytail and a katana yells at us. We all stop fighting for a moment and look. He is in fact right. All of us, except for Rin, are really short. I notice Ciel standing over by a tree looking suspicious. He is holding a cookie. Just then a girl with white/blue hair that looks a lot like a robot –KOSMOS- comes and stands next the kid with orange hair -Rubedo.
"What's going on here?" Riku says walking into the clearing along with Sora. "I want some fun. It's been no fun ever since Sora and I killed Kairi."
I looked around as a ton of familiar people gather into the clearing. I notice Oz eating one of my potatoes, and Alice trying to locate a source of meat. Germany came over and punches Oz in the face.
"I found some!" Says Syaoran while ripping the feathers off a live bird one by one.
This is starting to become a problem. I climb up into a tree and sit there. The girl with the braid from earlier that was beating up her partner tries to shoot an arrow at me, but misses by a great distance.
"Someone saw down the tree!" Axel says angrily.
"But he's the only one that has a chainsaw!" Edward Elric yells while pointing at me.
"No he's not!" Grell says.
"Well we can just wait for him to come down or something before we kill him!" Xemnas says.
"You're not killing him! Teito Klein belongs to me!" Ayanami says.
"Shut up." Neku says getting annoyed. He continues to listen to his music.
"I'm too cool to die." Minato says walking into the clearing with his hands in his pockets.
"I'll just shoot him down, then." Xigbar mentions.
"Nah, that would take too long." Percy Jackson says while messing with the water in the river.
"How do I get over this picket fence?" Tidus asks.
"Well I don't see how we're going to get him to come down!" Xemnas says angrily.
"I haven't climbed a tree in my entire life!"
I stop listening to them ramble on. I stand up and notice something in the tree next to the one that I am in. Rubedo had somehow managed to magically sneak up into the tree right next to me. He was pointing above me. I look up and notice a Jacker Tracker's next. Or was it Tracker Jacker? I don't know. I take out my electric chain saw and saw off the branch. Nothing happens. I have another idea.
"TANK!" I yell.
Everyone runs out of the clearing screaming.
Unfortunately, I only hear one boom signaling death. I look down and see Kagome Higurashi lying dead on the ground. She must have gotten trampled. Well at least it was someone that I absolutely hate.
Unfortunately, after that I lose my footing and fall onto the ground below.
"Ow." I say in pain as a boomer comes out instead. It looks around and then leaves.
"Ow." Rubedo says as he also loses his footing and comes falling down hitting the ground hard. "Well now that's over… I have nothing to do."
"Wanna take over the world together?"
"Sure, let's be allies."
"Okay." I take out my iPod and play Nyan Cat (the 100 hour version). "We need a strategy to kill them."
"Let's just burn their food." He suggests. Sounds like a plan. The sun has just set. Short day. I think the GM's must be having fun with that. Rubedo and I walk along a dark path looking for shelter for the night.
"Be careful! I have a feeling that death is near!" A female voice says from somewhere. "I have a feeling that death is near!"
"We get it already!" I say.
"Be careful! I sense death!" The next thing that I heard was the sound of chains. They started to get louder.
"We should run-" Rubedo starts to say, but it is too late. A boss battle has already arrived. The Reaper is standing in front of us. I hear a slight beeping noise and look up to see a parachute coming from the sky. I grab it as soon as it lands on the ground. Inside there is a gun. No… an evoker! Thanks, Elizabeth! I hold it up to my head and shoot. I decide to summon both Helel and Satan at the same time so that I can use Armageddon.
"Daddy!" Rin yells as I summon the Persona. Rubedo starts shooting the crap out of the Reaper, but then it uses Hamaon on him. He dies. I hear the boom signaling death. Right then I use a revival bead on him, and he comes back to life. The Reaper dies as Armageddon strikes it. Rubedo and I cheer in victory. I obtained a bloody button.
It's already morning! Oh well, neither of us are tired. Now time to blow up the food. We both arrive at the area where the others keep their food. I notice a guard keeping watch over the food and supplies. I take out the shotgun from the backpack and shoot him in the back of the head. I start to run out, but I notice Fayt Leingod running out to the food supplies. He keeps looking around for some reason. He grabs a gravity gun and a portal gun from the pile and runs off. I start to wonder why he was moving so carefully. But then I notice. There were landmimes placed all over the field. They all seem busy building invisible boxes, but they could probably see me if I go out.
I think for a moment. Then, I notice some explosives near the edge of the pile of supplies. I take the flame thrower out and put the shot gun away. Then I use the flamethrower to catch the dynamite on fire. It explodes along with all of the landmimes. The group of people who possess what used to be the pile of food and supplies came running out.
"Dang it! I had a gravity gun in there!" Ciel yells in frustration. "Sebastian! Retrieve the gravity gun and portal gun!"
"Yes, my Lord." He says and goes off in the direction of which Fayt left. A moment later I hear a loud scream and the booming sound which signals death. Sebastian comes back with the portal gun and gravity gun.
"Let's ditch these losers and go find Teito. He's way cooler than them." He then orders Sebastian to kill the rest of the group which contains five other people that aren't from any anime. Sure enough, the next thing I know they're dead. Ciel looks straight at me.
"I guess I didn't have to find you after all!" He says cheerfully. Then he points next to me. "What happened to him?"
Rubedo is lying unconscious on the ground - bleeding. Then I speak. "Who knows. Let's go find a dark cave to take refuge in."
After walking a little while we find a dark cave. We kick Katniss and Peeta out of it, and Sebastian cleans it to where there's not even one speck of dirt. He sets out a table, and makes us tea. I was starting to get worried about Rubedo. He still hasn't woken up yet. Sebastian has managed to stop the bleeding, but he's still seriously injured. Sebastian then makes us mashed potatoes with the potato sack that I've been carrying this whole time. The potato sack is enchanted so that it never runs out of potatoes. I know right? Amazing.
An announcement comes on. "At the uh…. Cornucopia… we will be giving away something that each of you really need. If you come during the… uh… banquet then we shall give you these items. And uh… yeah. I hope to see you all there."
"I'll go." I say.
"Okay. Have fun and try not to die." Ciel says.
I finally arrive at the cornucopia. It is a large building in the shape of a cornucopia. It is also made out of bread. Ten boxes are laid out on a long table. A contestant runs out and tries to grab one, but I manage to grab all ten before they get to it. I stash the items in my inventory so that I don't have to worry about my arms being full. I am about to run off when I feel a really bad pain on the side of my head. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground with hands around my neck.
"I finally got him! Now what, boss?" I couldn't tell, but it sounded like Demyx.
"I told you that he belongs to me!" Ayanami said. I am really dizzy at this point, and can't even turn my head in his direction – much less run away. I felt someone grab the collar of my bishop trainee robes and lift me up. The world was spinning around in circles! So cool - even if I was in a ton of pain! Just then I noticed it was Ayanami. After that I blacked out.
I wake up in the cave that we had been in earlier. "Um… what?"
"You didn't come back after an hour so Sebastian went to go find you. That was a good idea, grabbing all ten items." Ciel explains
"What was in our box?" I ask.
"Bead chain. Only one, unfortunately." Ciel replies while opening a second box. Inside is a Ken doll and a Barbie doll. The third box contains a strawberry poptart. The fourth has a leaf blower. The fifth has nine million dollars. And the rest have other useless stuff like that. The side of my head is still throbbing. I look over and see Rubedo playing on his PSP and trying to kill Xehanort. He throws the PSP across the cave with frustration.
"I hate that stupid boss! He has a stupid combo that I can't get out of that takes away almost all of my HP, and then he can freaking heal of all things! Then he has one attack that's a one hit thing if I don't get away in time! And he shoots a ton of rocks at me for crying out loud!" Rubedo goes on complaining some more. "Anyways, let's go hunt for food now."
We leave the cave and scavenger the area for food. I find eight steaks, twelve pumpkin pies, twenty-one milkshakes, one gallon of ice cream, seven pretzels along with cheese dip, and a large quantity of potatoes. I even find a llama shaved like a poodle. Rubedo comes back with a squirrel, and Ciel comes back with a peep named Lizzy. He sticks Lizzy in the microwave that Elizabeth sends me. We watch the marshmallow peep grow in size.
Today it was announced to be the last day of the game. Anyone left alive would be a winner. So today our mission is to kill as many people as possible. We decided that the GM's apparently wanted us to go towards the large lake, so we did.
When we finally arrive at the lake, it's pure chaos. There are twenty-seven akuma, ninety heartless, forty hundred and twenty-two nobodies, thirty-one chains, seventy-eight shadows, thirty-eight kor, three unversed, sixty gnosis, fifty noise, fifty-two wars, and five warsfeil. Not to mention that Nyx is here as well.
I see other contestants fighting the enemies. Aigis is hugging Minato with extreme joy. Finally, after all the fighting all the dumb mobs are dead, and we even level up a few times.
"Finally, you're mine!" Ayanami yelled.
Light starts laughing extremely hard while writing down something in his notebook. After about forty seconds Shion falls over dead onto the ground. Rubedo starts laughing under his breath. Light begins laughing more and more as more as he kills off people. L walks up to him and pokes him on the shoulder. He whispers something in his ear and then Light hands him the notebook and pen. L writes something inside of it and gives it back. After about forty seconds Chuck Norris runs up, owns Misa, and then leaves. The cannon booms to signal death.
"You cheated!" Edward yells at Allen. I look and see them playing poker.
"Look who's talking." He replies.
"You stole my name." Yoite says angrily at Light. He tries to hit him with a piece of his Kira but misses. Miharu watches apathetically.
"Give me that thing!" Soul says taking Light's notebook. He writes something down and gives it back. Forty seconds later Maka dies, and I laugh.
I hear a noise behind me and turn around. Ayanami was right there. How he got across the huge area so fast? No clue.
I try to think fast. "Do you like cake!"
"What?" He asks.
A huge buzzer thing went off. "Well ladies and gentlemen. I announce our seventy-sixth Hunger Game winners! And that means that you can't continue to kill people, Light. And no kidnapping either, Ayanami. The majority of the people this year are winners. Interesting…" A huge gummi ship comes and picks us all up. It flies us back to the 'Capitol'.
Teh endish!
