I am sort of thinking how strange it is I am supposed to be a genius yet I never get it right. At least not in these types of situations
I tell you now it is a good thing I wasn't put in Ravenclaw – I am too stupid in at least some of these situations. It just annoys me how I can't understand him when everything else seems so logical.
I don't even know why I like him to be honest. I think it is the fact he doesn't smile to much, you have to win that smile from him, it isn't automatic. And it is a cute smile, he should show it more often.
Either way it isn't really my job to get him to smile anymore. He has her to make him smile. I don't know why I just get this stabbing feeling in my gut twisting and turning and the tears want to roll down my cheeks but I wont let myself cry. I have to much pride to let myself be a witness to my defeat than anyone else.
I won't admit that it hurt me. It's a self-preservation thing you see. Stupid I know- but we need to have some ways of protecting ourselves even if we don't like them. Pretending not to care and that I never cared is the last defence I really have now.
I am not stupid though, mind you everyone will tell you that. But in my mind I am sometimes…foolish. Well I am not. I'll do the thing every girl would do. It probably isn't right but it allows me to seem in control. Even when I am careering madly of the rails. Flirt has a new sense of meaning to me. It makes me laugh though, it's the only thing I can't do.
I know I am not ugly. I know other boys like me and would go out with me. But the ones who seem to want me are never the ones I want. It always seems the way… I wonder how it works out for everybody else. How do they get the one they want? Or is everyone in the same boat settling for second best. Well I won't! This is only a temporary measure.
Ron Weasly. You have known me for 6 years now. You should know when I become determined to do something nothing will stop me! Sooner or later we will work out, I'll live with the agony I feel whilst seeing you with her in the mean time. One day you'll know what you're missing.
