Title: Life Goes On
Author: Sgt. Maritza Cruz
Summary: Cruz angst.
Spoilers: Nope.
We all say we don't wanna be treated differently.
But we are different.
What happened, it changes us forever.
A part of us goes away that we aint gonna get back.
Ever.
We say we don't wanna by pitied, or sympathized with.
We all know we're weak, we don't need people's glances or tears or comments to keep telling us it over and over again.
We don't need people lying to us telling us we didnt deserve it, or it wasnt our fault.
We know that it was our fault.
Any normal person woulda ran away or fought.
Thats what were taught to do.
When someone attacks you, you attack back.
Its common sense.
So why didnt we do it?
Why were we so stupid to just lie there and let these assholes just destroy us?
Kill us?
If you ever tell someone what you really think about how stupid you are, and how weak you are, they'll say they don't agree with it.
Of course they don't.
Why?
Because they never had it happen to them.
They don't know what its like to be tortured by the memories, the nightmares, the feelings.
They don't know how you feel when you have a guy stare at you, and you see them staring off in there own world completely unaware of everything around them.
Sure, everyone has guys stare at them, but after that happens to you, it's different.
It makes you feel dirty, on display, ashamed, scared.
It makes you scared because whose to say they wont do it to you?
Whats to say any guy wont do it to you?
I mean you were stupid enough to have it happen once, why not again?
You wont do anything.
You wont fight back or scream.
You'll just lie there and let them shove themselves harder and harder into you without saying a word. Usually the attack is torture, but it doesnt end there.
It'll only end when you die.
Since we didnt fight back, it seems fair to have nightmares and flashbacks haunt you.
That's the punishment.
Every action, or non action, has consequence.
We think about it every minute of every day.
Even when we look like we're doing something else, and our minds are busy, we're still thinking about it.
Why do I keep saying we when I'm just talking about myself?
This is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.
There's nothing I can do to stop it.
Life goes on.
You've gotta decide if you wanna go on with it.
