AU- WARNING: CONTAINS SERIOUS ISSUES AND GRAPHIC SCENES. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. I hope you enjoy or can relate to the story in some way. That special someone will be in the next chapter. Please don't give up on this. I'll update when I can. This chapter is shorter as it's only the introduction to everything.
Alison is alive and dating Emily. But is Alison all that she hoped for? There's no –A involved.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars, sadly.
Paige's POV-
"Dad, please." I beg through a wail of tears. "I can't change who I am. Please don't hate me. Come home." I burst into another set of tears on the phone.
"I'm sorry but you're not the child I raised. You won't be hearing from any of us anymore. Goodbye Paige." My father said sternly before hanging up the phone.
Why did it happen again? I hate who I am. I want to change. I can't be this person. I can't love a girl or any girls. I can't be gay. I can't do this anymore. It's ruining me. It's ruining my family. I don't deserve to live like this. I tried to accept it but I can't and I don't think I ever will.
I pace up and down my bedroom with my head in my hands trying to stop to demons from winning; but they always do. Just like that, all of the control evaporated. My body went numb with pain. My mind went numb with pain. This was what I was most afraid of; to not feel anything; nothing but pain.
I slowly walked to the small cabinet beside my bed; opened it and grabbed the bottle of pills inside. As I unscrewed the lid, I tried to think of all the reason I had to live for. The only one that appeared in my mind was just an illusion I created in my head. She had to make me fall in love with her; of course she did.
The pills will help. Take some more. The voice inside my head whispered; so I took another pill and another and another until the bottle was empty; until I was empty.
My eyes peeled open and adjusted to the room that wasn't mine. All I saw was white; all I heard was beeping; all I felt was pain. I looked around to realise I was sat in a hospital bed, wires sticking out from my hand. The beeping was the heart monitor; my heart monitor. I'm alive.
"Paige don't move too much. Are you okay? Can you hear me? Paige? Miss McCullers?" I heard an older women ask as I was shuffling round. I certainly didn't recognise the voice.
I turned my head to face the nurse standing over me. I wanted to speak but my mouth wouldn't let me. I wanted to ask what happened but my mouth wouldn't let me. I looked at her with pleading eyes. I couldn't answer.
"If you're wondering where you are, what happened and who I am then you are at Philadelphia Hospital, Paige you tried to kill yourself last night and you were unstable when you were found but you're stable now thankfully. I'm Nurse Aliyah and I will be with you every day until you get better. I understand what you're going through Paige and I'm going to help you." Aliyah said.
My eyes wondered over her. She was an African-American woman, rather rotund, seemed around late 40s. Something about her just made me feel safe, like I had a friend, like I had a caring mother for once.
I just nodded my head slowly and gave her a small smile to let her know I was listening.
"Now we'll have to unfortunately have to run some test to see if the medicine we gave you is working because you had to have your stomach pumped. Also we wrapped bandages around your arms due to self inflicted cuts that were dangerously deep." I looked down at my arms to see they were in fact wrapped tightly up. I don't remember any of this.
I heard her moving around to get ready. She sat herself next to me and roughly placed her hands in the cream latex gloves.
"You'll feel a slight prick from the needle." I rolled up my short sleeve and she proceeds to place the needle in my arm to gather some blood. I realised only then that I was in a hospital gown.
"There all done. I'll go and get this tested so you can have a moment alone. You're safe here Paige." She patted my knee gently and left the room.
What have I done to myself? I should have taken more pills to get it over and done with. Now I have to face reality once again. Anyway, who saved me? Who found me? So many questions but my ability to speak was non-existent. I don't deserve all of this. They are being nice to a monster. My dad was right all along. This life was too good for me; just like Emily was too good for me. Why did everything have to go back to her? Why was it always her?
I hit the back of my head repetitively on the bed frame for my stupidity. I felt the pain shoot through my head but I liked the pain. I stopped when I heard Aliyah walk back into the room.
"The results will be back tomorrow. Also, a girl came by to see you earlier, she looked really worried Paige. Unfortunately, we had to send her away because you weren't in a good state to see anyone however she promised she would come back tomorrow to see you. Whoever she is, she looked like she cared a whole lot. You're lucky to have her in your life. Hold on to that."
A girl came to see me? I wanted to ask but I knew I'd be wasting my breath. She probably won't come back to visit. I shut everyone out a long time ago, even Emily. She was happy with Alison.
"I think you need to get some rest Paige, you've had a long day. I'll check on you in the morning. Goodnight." The larger nurse turned off the lamp next to me and headed out the door.
I could just about make out the time on the very basic clock hanging on the wall. It said 11:54pm. Had I slept the entire day? I felt like I haven't slept in a life time. Maybe I hadn't.
I lay back down, shuffled around a bit to get comfy which was virtually impossible on a hospital bed. Once I settled down, I was left with my thoughts again. I tried to get rid of the bad ones.
That night I dreamt of what might've been with the one I once had.
Emily Fields.
