Author's Notes
In case you're confused about the spelling, I can explain. According to the credits of season 3 of Get Smart, his name is spelled "Larrabee." According to the credits of seasons 4 and 5, his name is spelled "Larabee." I prefer to use the latter spelling.
Like "D.W. and Brain Haiku" and "Michelle and Joey Haiku," "Max and Larabee Haiku" is a part of my "Synchronous Twosomes Haiku" series. These haiku are arranged in chronological order. The haiku that have quotation marks are based on quotes from the show and often paraphrase conversations between two characters. The haiku that end with "Hints of Lucy R, " "Hints of Ricky R," "Hints of Ethel Mertz," and "Hints of Freddie Mertz" mean that they are possible allusions to I Love Lucy, the haiku that end with "Hints of The Beaver" and "Hints of June Cleaver" mean that they are possible allusions to Leave It to Beaver, and the haiku that end with "Hints of Lisa D" and "Hints of Eb Dawson" mean that they are possible allusions to Green Acres. Apparently it's a television tradition for pairs of characters who have a lot in common to have a lot in common with other pairs of characters who have a lot in common. Did you get that?
I think that season 5 had so many great moments that it was difficult for me to decide which moments to write haiku about. But then I decided that my haiku would consist of specific things that Max and Larabee have in common, Get Smart moments that were very likely inspired by sitcoms I Love Lucy, Leave It to Beaver, and Green Acres; any funny moments involving Larabee; and moments that were very likely the inspiration for plots and gags for TV shows Green Acres, Full House, Arthur, and Monk. Each haiku is numbered, so you can read them at your own pace.
In memory of Robert Karvelas (1921-1991) and Don Adams (1923-2005)
1 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 1
Max promised that he
Would teach his son lots of sports
Hints of Ricky R
2 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 2
"Know what this mean, Max?"
"This means no Hawaii, right?"
Hints of Lucy R
3 Max and Larabee in "Pheasant Under Glass"
"Bring it in here, please"
"I need help lifting my desk"
Max offers to help
4 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 3
"Play the piano"
"All I can play is 'Chopsticks'"
Hints of Ethel Mertz
5 Max and Larabee in "Pheasant Under Glass" 2
"Your picture's good, Max"
"Larabee, you've made my day"
The Chief is not pleased
6 Max in "Pheasant Under Glass" 4
Max's face falls off
On account of the heat lamps
Hints of Lucy R
7 Larabee in "Ironhand" 1
"Show me your hands, please"
He reveals a bowling ball
"It's my bowling night"
8 Larabee in "Ironhand" 2
He broke the hotline
He shouted out the window,
"Mr. President!"
9 Max and Larabee in "Ironhand"
Two of the sixteen
Agents trading the buggies
Hints of The Beaver
10 Max in "Valerie of the Dolls" 1
At the airport, Max
Let the girl with the doll free
He's no little girl
11 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 1
"Hi, Chief; Larabee"
"How do you know the number?"
"It's in the phonebook"
12 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 2
"Get him here right now"
"We have to capture him first"
"No, the cab driver"
13 Max in "Valerie of the Dolls" 2
"Why'd he use our phone?"
"Maybe the first floor's empty
"Or he had no change"
14 Larabee in "Valerie of the Dolls" 3
"Didn't you wonder
"Why those people carried dolls?"
"Now that is quite strange"
15 Max and Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 1
"I know that's it you"
"Even with the carnation?"
"That did not fool me"
16 Max and Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 2
"I got your message"
"But I didn't leave you one!"
"How do you like that"
17 Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 1
Max tells Larabee
To hide out on the terrace
The Chief shows him where
18 Larabee in "Widow Often Annie" 2
Ann revealed her scheme
Larabee's tape recorder
Wasn't recording
19 Max and Larabee in "The Treasure of C. Errol Madre" 1
"The bank's a false front"
"Why that explains everything!"
Withdrawal before ten
20 Max and Larabee in "The Treasure of C. Errol Madre" 2
Max wanted to know
Where Larabee was hiding
Elevator roof
21 Max and Larabee in "Smart Fell on Alabama" 1
Larabee wanted
Ninety-Nine to hurry up
Because he's tied up
22 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 1
Maxwell Smart wants to
Tell Ninety-Nine the good news
It is a through street
23 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 1
The Chief is surprised
To see Larabee at work
He's twelve hours off
24 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 2
"I can't hear a thing"
"You're holding it upside-down"
"Chief, you're a genius"
25 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 2
On the telephone
Max asks the Chief to hang up
Just for Ninety-Nine
26 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 3
The Chief says, "Knock-knock"
Naturally, Max asks, "Who's there?"
The password's a joke
27 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 4
Simon spilled coffee
On Max; Max stared at Simon
Max said he was cold
28 Max in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 1" 5
Simon and Max hung
Their coats in the coffee shop
But Max grabbed Simon's
29 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 1
Ninety-Nine's mother
Asked where Larabee is from
He has no idea
30 Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 2
Larabee wanted
To go into the gift shop
Before Simon leaves
31 Max and Larabee in "And Baby Makes Four, Part 2" 1
"You are outnumbered"
But Larabee gets knocked down
And then Maxwell Smart
32 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 1
He stepped on a nail
He refused to take it out
He must stay in first
33 Max in "Physician Impossible" 1
Max thought he was out
Of bullets; he dropped his gun
And shot Big Eddie
34 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 2
Max is impressed with
The trophy Larabee won
Hints of The Beaver
35 Max and Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 1
Larabee has won
A trophy just like his wife
She is a wrestler
36 Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 3
"Big Eddie is gone
"So are Max and Ninety-Nine"
"What do you not like?"
37 Max and Larabee in "Physician Impossible" 2
"I know where they are
"Six miles south of Berlin"
Missed it by that much
38 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 1
"'Postal worker ape?'
"That is so ridiculous"
"Not for Christmas rush"
39 Max in "The Apes of Rath" 1
"How is it that ape
"Could slip past Control agents?"
"What do you not get?"
40 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 2
"Pst, Max, it's your wife"
"So, why are you whispering?"
"Are you in trouble?"
41 Max and Larabee in "The Apes of Rath" 3
Max had the idea
That Larabee was the man
As well as the Chief
42 Max in "The Apes of Rath" 2
He must feed a twin
He fell asleep right away
Hints of Ricky R
43 Max in "Age Before Duty" 1
Carruthers told Max
He was only twenty-eight
"Well, you don't look it"
44 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 1
Ninety-Nine was so
Thankful for the baby gift
(The Beaver and June)
45 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 2
Ninety-Nine did not
Know the gift was delivered
By Larabee's wife
46 Max and Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 1
There's a change of plans
They won't golf on Saturday
Checker tournament
47 Max and Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 2
Larabee's accused
Of aging all the agents
No way was it him!
48 Larabee in "Age Before Duty" 3
"Seal off every door"
"I will do just as you say"
"Open, Larabee!"
49 Larabee in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 1
"There's an important
"Call for you on Line Four, Chief."
"That's the line you're on!"
50 Max in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 1
Max put his hand in
A lemon meringue pie slice
So did Ninety-Nine
51 Larabee in "Moonlighting Becomes You" 2
Did Chief mean "shut-up?"
He thought of another, "closed"
He can't take a hint
52 Max in "House of Max, Part 1" 1
Max went on and on
Wiggs said that he would confess
As long as Max stops
53 Max in "House of Max, Part 2" 1
Maxwell Smart handcuffed
Himself to the inspector
Hints of Lucy R
54 Max in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1
Max is on a plane
He's the only passenger
He blows up his phone
55 Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1
The Chief's balloon phone
Escapes from Larabee's mouth
"Just use a real phone"
56 Max in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 2
Body in the clock
"I guess Sebastian could not
"Live a normal life"
57 Max and Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 1
"It is not good for
"Him to be inside the clock;
"Where's his family?"
58 Max and Larabee in "Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm" 2
"Hey, are you all right?
"You tripped and fell down the stairs!"
"Well, I told you so!"
59 Larabee in "The Mess of Adrian Listenger" 1
"I'll be at the lab
"You'll know where to contact me"
"No, I don't know, where?"
60 Larabee in "The Mess of Adrian Listenger" 2
"What lunch date with Max?"
"The message is on your desk
"All desks look alike"
61 Max in "Witness for the Execution" 1
"BUG IN ROOM" paper
"Who is it you're calling, Max?"
"Exterminator"
62 Larabee in "Witness for the Execution" 1
"There's a bug in here?"
"Just a listening device"
Bug spray can explodes
63 Max in "Witness for the Execution" 2
The box was ticking
So Max tossed the box into
Earl Kibbee's hideout
64 Max in "How Green Was My Valet" 1
Doctor Harper's lunch
"This drink tastes really sour"
"That's the rocket fuel!"
65 Max and Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 1
Maxwell Smart will be
The ambassador's valet
"Take my hat and coat"
66 Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 1
The note was in code
All that he could understand
Was to swallow it
67 Max and Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 2
What is Larabee
Whispering in the Chief's ear?
Babysitting fees
68 Larabee in "How Green Was My Valet" 2
Larabee could not
Find any baby powder
So he brought cornstarch
69 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1
On her fingernail
Ninety-Nine called Larabee
Wanted: thesaurus
70 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 2
The twins can play in
The sand in his apartment
The vacuum's broken
71 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1
"Why didn't he just
"Sweep the sand out with a broom?"
"You're not related?"
72 Max in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 1
The fake Ninety-Nine
Wanted Max to eat her food
So that he would die
73 Larabee in "And only Two Ninety-Nine" 3
"Go to the store now?"
"There's no better time to go"
"Tomorrow's the sale"
74 Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 4
"Gun down and arms up"
Larabee does as he says
"Not you, Larabee"
75 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 2
Which one is his wife?
Max is so dizzy that he
Points at Larabee
76 Max and Larabee in "And Only Two Ninety-Nine" 3
Where is Larabee?
He is sitting down eating
Lemon meringue pie
77 Max in "Smartacus" 1
Larabee is not
On the phone; he's at the door
Hints of June Cleaver
78 Larabee in "Smartacus" 1
It is both the gift
And the thought that worries him
Japanese dagger
79 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 1
Larabee asks Max
What he should do with his gift
(Lucy and Ricky)
80 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 2
Larabee knew what
Was in the Chief's envelope
Hints of Ethel Mertz
81 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 3
"Someone called for you"
"No, Larabee, that was me!"
(The Beaver and June)
82 Max and Larabee in "Smartacus" 4
"This is a Code Four"
"Are you sure it's not Code Five?"
"Not you! Ninety-Nine!"
83 Max in "Smartacus" 2
Max had an idea
He made pillars and busts fall
On Centurion
84 Larabee in "Smartacus" 2
Montague was shot
In the arm and dropped his gun
Larabee was mad
85 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1
Max has no idea
What he thinks of the breadstick
Lists do not taste good
86 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2
"You don't understand"
"But, Chief, Max does have a job"
"He does, but you don't!"
87 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1
Which part of Japan
Did Max say that he came from?
Eh, the Orient?
88 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 1
"Tell me, Larabee,
"What you do not think will help"
"Watering this plant"
89 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2
"I am forty-two"
"Forty-two? You don't look it"
Hints of Freddie Mertz
90 Max and Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3
"If you fire me,
"Larabee gets promoted"
"How soon after five?"
91 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 2
In Max's photo
He's on a birthday pony
Hints of Lisa D
92 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3
Before Max gets killed
He expected to get payed
Hints of Eb Dawson
93 Max in "What's It All About, Algie?" 4
Algernon DeGrasse
Knows where the two agents are
"Heh, poison ivy?"
94 Larabee in "What's It All About, Algie?" 3
"Take this plant away!"
"Where should I put the plant, Chief?"
"Put it by your desk"
95 Max in "Hello, Columbus—Goodbye, America" 1
"So the capital
"Is Columbus, Ohio?"
Hints of Ricky R
96 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1
The idiot who
Smashed the front of the Chief's car
Has not arrived yet
97 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2
New windshield wiper
Larabee keeps his lunch safe
The Vice President?
98 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 3
Driving on Taylor
Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, and Eighth
"Yes, Max, we passed Fourth"
99 Max in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1
Thirteen-agent plan
That's when the Chief threw the book
Hints of Lucy R
100 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 4
The truck was dirty
Key-in-a-book-in-a-chest
Simply shoot the lock
101 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 5
"Why two bodyguards?"
"Because he needs protection
"From his employees"
102 Max in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2
Maxwell Smart and Chief
Say that their lines are busy
(Lucy and Ricky)
103 Max in "Do I Hear I Vaults?" 3
"Is there anything
"I can do to help you, Chief?"
"Keep Max off the phone!"
104 Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 1
Twenty-four hours
Worth of air; Larabee breathes
Hints of Lucy R
105 Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 2
"A quarter won't work"
Larabee has a Plan B
Ten and ten and five
106 Max and Larabee in "Do I Hear a Vaults?" 6
Larabee is trapped
In the vault a second time
Hints of The Beaver
107 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 1
"Did you contact Max?"
"Yes, I did; you know me, Chief"
"That's why I'm asking"
108 Larabee in "I Am Curiosly Yellow" 1
"Create a roadblock"
Larabee was in the trunk
Roadblock established
109 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 1
The Whip hit the gong
Which hypnotized Maxwell Smart
The gun is not safe
110 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 2
The Whip, on the phone,
Asked Max if he understood
Max could just say, "Heh?"
111 Max in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 3
Max would not allow
Ninety-Nine to wash dishes
Hints of Ricky R
112 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 2
Max and Ninety-Nine
Kissed, and Larabee watched them
Larabee said, "Heh?"
113 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 3
Whip cannot get through
Unless Larabee hangs up
The Chief hangs up, too
114 Max and Larabee in "I Am Curiously Yellow" 4
The Chief hypnotized
Called Larabee his master
Hints of The Beaver
Haiku Notes: One, Ricky in "Lucy Hires an English Tutor;" Two, Lucy in "Lucy's Hawaiian Vacation; Four, Ethel in "Ragtime Band;" Six, Lucy in "L.A. at Last!"; Nine, Beaver in "Beaver's Doll Buggy;" Thirty-Four, Beaver in "Ward's Problem;" Forty-Two, Ricky in "Lucy Hires a Maid;" Forty-Four, Beaver and June in "Forgotten Party;" Fifty-Three, Lucy in "The Handcuffs;" Seventy-Seven, June in "Beaver and Gilbert;" Seventy-Nine, Lucy and Ricky in "Homecoming" and "Building a Bar-B-Q;" Eighty, Ethel in "Drafted;" Eighty-One, "Beaver and June in "No Time for Babysitters;" Eighty-Nine, Fred in "Lucy in the Swiss Alps;" Ninety-One, Lisa in "The Birthday Gift;" Ninety-Two, General Eb; Ninety-Five, Ricky in "Lucy Gets Ricky on the Radio;" Ninety-Nine, Lucy in "The Black Eye;" One Hundred Two, Lucy and Ricky in "Fred and Ethel Fight;" One Hundred Three, Lucy in "The Freezer;" One Hundred Six, Beaver in "Price of Fame;" One Hundred Ten, Ricky in "Building a Bar-B-Q;" One Hundred Thirteen, Beaver in "The Hypnotist."
