Ciao, people. Here's another angst fic cuz I'm in the mood.
Beware my English...jk, 'tis not that bad.
Disclaimer: I no own
Warning: CONFUSING, DEPRESSING, EXTREMELY PSYCOLOGICAL STUFF GOING ON HERE.
Gray's POV
Enjoy!:3
...
'Nihility is having nothing,
and having nothing to lose.
If that isn't "happiness",
Then what is?
There is nothing
In you,
And in me.'
-Ulquiorra, Bleach Unmasked
Nihil
It's been awhile now, hasn't it?
I don't know how much time has passed.
There is no clock here
There is no time here.
I can look all I want,
But I will never actually 'see'.
Nothing.
I've been laying here for a while now.
The floor is white.
I wonder if it's cold.
My body hasn't moved in a while.
I wonder if it hurts.
I can't feel anything.
Not even numbness.
My fingers brush the surface,
But they don't feel.
I can touch anything I want,
But I will never actually 'feel.'
Nothing.
I haven't eaten for a while now.
I wonder if I'm hungry.
But I can't taste anything.
Food and drink lost their appeal.
I can only 'consume' one thing;
I don't know what it is.
But it is heavey,
And it's not consumed
Via the mouth.
I can consume anything that I want
But I will never actually 'taste'.
Nothing.
It's been quiet for a while now.
There isn't anything.
Not a groan.
Not a shift or rustle.
Not even a breath.
I can listen all I want.
But I will never actually 'hear'.
Why is it so white?
So empty?
Up?
White.
Down?
White.
Right?
White.
Left?
White.
There used to be more.
There used to be
Black,
Grey,
And Red.
Lots of grey and black.
It used to be so dark.
I didn't like it dark.
I wanted it to be white.
Funny,
How I used to wish for white.
For Nothing.
But now,
Now that it is white,
I wish for
Grey and black.
For darkness.
I even wish for red.
A long time ago,
Before it was dark,
Red was bad.
Red meant bad.
It meant pain.
Then when it was dark,
Red was good.
Red was welcomed.
It was made.
It meant release.
The only thing that stood out
In the darkness,
Was the red.
Every night there was red.
The red came from the white.
And it also led to the White.
One night,
It was really dark.
Darker then it had ever been.
So red was made.
And it brought peace.
So more was made.
But then,
There was a lot of red.
Too much,
Too much red.
And it took over everything.
Washed away all the grey,
And all the black,
The darkness.
And then the red
Turned White.
And that's how it is now.
No grey.
No black.
Not even red.
It doesn't hurt anymore.
It doesn't eat away at me,
Consume me anymore.
Nor does it rain.
I remember,
How it used to rain.
It would pour,
Down my face,
Down my body,
Onto the floor.
Then it would join the rest;
The rest of the rain.
And it would be an ocean,
A big, salty ocean.
Before it was dark,
Rain was bad.
It was sad.
Meant hurt and sadness.
But when it was dark,
It rained every night.
Poured, it did.
The salty rain poured,
Every night,
From my eyes.
And then the rain cleared.
And turned to White.
Like it is now.
There was once a time,
Long, long ago,
Even before the darkness,
When it was colorful.
No rain,
No red,
No darkness,
No white,
No Nothing,
It was
Everything.
So colorful and filled.
There was laughter
And there was love.
Most importantly,
There was happiness.
But then all the colors,
Started to mute.
To go dull.
All the colors began to turn,
And then became,
Black;
And grey.
And when it was only
Black and grey,
I thought that,
There needed to be something more.
Something to fill the void.
To fill the emptiness.
Something,
That was close to,
That resembled,
That could take the place of,
Color.
And that thing,
That seemingly wonderful thing,
Was red.
And so there was red.
Lots and lots of red.
The red that was meant to
Fill the emptiness,
Stop the rain,
Replace color,
And end the pain.
But the red,
No matter how much,
Would not work.
It would just not do.
And that's when
I wished for
The White.
After the color was gone,
I thought that it would be over.
I was wrong.
There was darkness,
Darkness and red.
But I didn't like that.
It wasn't good enough.
In fact it was horrible.
So I wished for White.
To take me away,
To consume all the darkness and the red.
To take the seeming nothingness,
And make it real, pure
Nothingness.
White.
But the White wouldn't come
On its own.
So I took matters into my own hands.
I made it white.
The red came from the white.
But I wanted White.
First there was color.
Then the color was consumed by
Grey and black.
Then the darkness was consumed by
Red.
Lots and lots of red.
So if I wanted White,
It would have to consume the red.
But first,
Everything would have
To be red.
So I took even more from the white,
More red from the white,
Until it was
All red.
When everything was red,
It started to become White.
The more red there was,
The faster White
Would come.
And then,
When there was so much red,
Too much red,
It became White.
So now,
Here I am,
In the White.
Though I guess that,
It is my White;
My own personal White.
This is what I wished for?
This White?
This White,
That is just,
A bunch of white?
This is true Nothing.
Not Everything;
I guess that was the color.
Is this what it will be like,
For the rest of...
This?
White is all time,
Yet no time.
White is everything I ever knew,
Yet now nothing that I know.
White is what I always wanted,
Yet what I now hate.
White is silence,
Yet silence, White, is everything I hear.
White is absolutely Nothing.
Yet now, it is Everything.
Color is first,
Then it is darkness,
Then it is red,
Then it is White.
Nothing comes from White.
White comes from nothing.
There is White in you,
And in me.
There is nothing in you,
And in me.
There is no escaping the White.
o.O
That scared me. That was NOT what I had in mind at all.
REVIEW PLEASE! I REALLY wanna see what you guys though of this one.
Aaannd...if you were wondering...yes, Gray is dead...
REVIEW!
-KuroFullbuster
