Sephiroth Went Down To Nibelheim

Parody by Casseh Valentine

Oringinal Song by Charlie Daniels


Yuffie ran out of the Materia shop with a full bag over her shoulders. That had been too easy… the young shinobi thought as she ran out of the town. The next thing she knew, she was on the ground with the stolen goods scattered. She sat on her knees and started brushing herself off when she looked up into an old man's face. "Watch it, gramps! I could've hurt myself! Dang!" The man helped pick up her Materia and handed it to her. "I'm real sorry, ma'am. Are you hurt?" The girl brushed dust off of her shoulder. "Naw, gramps. I'm peachy!" The man had a fiddle sitting in his lap. "Well…you know, I haven't had a visitor for quite a long time. Would you like to hear a song?"

The girl smiled. "Would I ever! Bring it, gramps!" The man picked up the fiddle, set it to his chin and began to play, followed by a song:

"Sephiroth went down to Nibelhiem, he was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this young man firing a pistol, hitting with every shot.
And Sephiroth jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Boy let me tell you what:
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a gunslinger too.
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you.
"Now you shoot a pretty good gun, boy, but give this Angel his due:
"I bet a weapon of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."
The boy said: "My name's Vincent and it might be a sin,
"But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."

Yuffie began to laugh. "V-Vinnie? And Sephiroth? Hahahaha! I didn't know Sephiroth could shoot! Keep going!" A bunch of moogles jumped up from behind the old man and began singing:

Vincent your loading up your gun and grip the trigger hard.
'Cos hells broke loose in Nibelhiem and Sephiroth deals it hard.
And if you win you get this shiny pistol made of gold.
But if you lose, Sephy gets your soul.

By this time, Yuffie was holding her stomach and laughing. The moogles began to dance around her in country fashion.

The 'Angel' held up his gun and he said: "I'll start this show."
And fire flew from the barrel as he let the trigger go.
And he shot the gun up in the air and it made an evil hiss.
Then a band of moogles joined in and it sounded something like this.
When Sephiroth finished, Vincent said: "Well you're pretty good ol' son.
"But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how its done."

Fire on the mount, run boys, run.
Sephys in the house of the risin' sun.
Moogles in the bread pin, pickin' out dough.
"Vinnie, does your dog bite?"
"No, child, no."

Yuffie was doubling over with laughter. "Vinnie…singing…while shooting a gun! Classic! If only Vincent was here to see this!" Just as soon as she spoke, Vincent walked out of town to where Yuffie and the old man sat, who was still playing the fiddle. "Vinnie! You've got to listen to this song!" Vincent shrugged his shoulders. "…I've heard it before…"

The One Winged Angel bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
He laid that golden weapon on the ground at Vincent's feet.
Vincent said: "Sephy just come on back if you ever want to try again.
"I told you once, you son of a gun, I'm the best that's ever been."

The moogles started dancing around Vincent, singing along with the song. They soon started a line dance in which Yuffie joined in quite willingly. Somehow, they managed to shove Vincent into the mix and the deranged (and probably drunk) moogles sang:

And he played fire on the mount, run boys, run.
Sephys in the house of the risin' sun.
Moogles in the bread pin pickin' out dough.
"Vinnie, does your dog bite?"
"No, child, no."

The song ceased and the old man put away the fiddle. The moogles huddled around Yuffie in a parting hug. "That was an awesome song, gramps! Next time I come through here, I'm gonna make you sing another one, m'kay?" The man tipped his hat. "Yes ma'am! Now run along, both of ya'll!"

When the pair had sped along into the distance, the old man tugged at something on his head. Now, instead of appearing to be an old man, a One Winged Angel sat in his place. He picked up the bag of Materia Yuffie had left behind and put it in his pocket. "Too easy." He pulled out the fiddle and began to play, singing, "Noli Manare, Manare en Memoria! Sephiroth! Sephiroth!" He walked off beyond the town, fiddling all the way.