I'm getting deep here, guys. I usually write somewhat light hearted fic and I was feeling kind of sad today so I just let it all out. Rated T for somewhat strong language.

Alec felt no longer human. Well, he was half angel but he still had human emotions. Emotions that hurt like a bitch. Alec was a zombie. Through the funeral, through the service, when they lowered Max's casket into ground. He was a silent, because this was totally unacceptable. Max was his brother, and he hadn't died, no he hadn't, it didn't happen, it didn't happen… "Alec." A soft voice says. Alec snapped out of his somber trance. The service was over, the graveyard was completely empty. A hand gently touched his shoulder but he could barely feel it. He could barely feel himself be moved towards a taxi. He could barely feel Magnus's hand around his as he led him up the stairs to Magnus's apartment. Then suddenly, everything was very clear as he heard the door shut behind him.

Alec never cried. He didn't cry when he got attacked by a Great Demon a year ago, nor did he cry when he broke a bone, or got slashed at by a demon. He got angry, but he never cried. In fact, Alec didn't know when he had last cried. Crying seemed silly to Alec, who wants to be awash in self-pity when you could kill whatever was hurting you. But this was different. The numbing denial that he felt had vanished and all he could feel was pain. A pain that hurt more than any demon cut or broken bone. He sunk to the floor and began to cry. Not cry like a couple of tears streaming down peacefully, no this was full on messy, yelling, screaming, aching, wailing. Magnus sank down with him, and put Alec's head in his lap. Alec sighed internally, he expected what was said to him at the funeral by friends, family, and most people.

He's in a better place

He's not in pain

You have to move on, Max would want that

And all Alec would want to say, was bullshit. Bullshit. That is absolute bullshit. He is not in a better place, he was in a better place here. Yeah, he's not in pain, he's dead. There is no moving on. There is no getting past this. There is only trying to live with this. Max would have wanted to be alive. It made Alec want to throw things. But Magnus just sighed and whispered, "I'm not going to say any of that crap that people say when shit like this happens. Because you're allowed to be in pain and you're allowed to cry and you're to not think you're ever going to move on. I'm only going to say, that I'm here. I'm here and I'm not leaving and this is shit, this is so shitty and I am sorry. I'm sorry because life is crap and never what we want it to be." Alec still wept, but he picked his head up ever so slightly and whispered "Thank you." Magnus nodded. Alec felt himself being picked up. "Magnus, where are you taking me?" Alec asked, quietly. Magnus said, "You're sleeping in my bed. And if you don't like that suck it up, because I'm not going to let you wail on the floor. If you're going to cry, you are going to cry in my bed, in my arms." Alec nearly smiled. This man.

Alec felt his funeral jacket be pulled off gently, and then his shirt. He almost said no, but Magnus only shushed him. Magnus's hands went to his belt and his pants and pulled those off as well. Now he was just in his boxers. On a different day, Alec might have blushed a slightly deeper red than his now light pink face but today he didn't care. He crawled into bed, and felt Magnus cuddle behind him. "Alec?" Magnus whispered. Alec swallowed despite the huge lump in his throat and croaked, "Yes?" Magnus laced his fingers with Alec's and snuggled slightly closer into him. "Will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" Alec laugh quietly, and turned around so he faced Magnus. He leaned in and kissed Magnus, a kiss full of need and want and longing and sadness. "Yes."