Inconsolable
Disclaimer: None of the character's are mine.
" Eiri-san? You have a fever."
My brother-in-law...he is hovering over me and dithering about trying to do..something. He's alone with me.
" It's no big deal. I'm fine. Just...stay here for a while."
I surprise myself with those words. Why did I say that? Am I really so fucking desperate? I want him with me? He is shocked. How could he not be? I've never been so openly needy...at least not in a while. He recovers his smile and pours me a drink...and another...and another...I think I lose count. I want to. We talk...
" Then, I told him that his lyricsh were terrible and that I wouldn't have hired him. He's mad at me, but it doeshn't matter."
" Is it because I'm here?"
I hope I don't look half as shocked as I feel, but I'm hindered by alcohol and I can feel my lips pulled into a slight pout. Does he really think so highly of himself? I know he's full of it, but how can I complain? I chose this path. I point at my drink, but I miscalculate the distance and I end up knocking it over.
" I think you're done." he says sternly. Why is he so mad? He was the one shoving the stuff through my system. I guess it doesn't really matter that he is the voice of reason. I'll continue to pretend I don't know how wrong I am. From this angle he looks tall and strong. I think I'm on his lap. Did I fall on it or did he put me here? I don't really give a damn. Heh....I feel really good. I don't remember that last time I did. No writting, no boyfriend, and no self control.
" Have'a couple yurshelf...Touma-shan. It'sa really shmooth." Did I really just say that? I heard the words and my mouth was moving, but my brain surely couldn't have come up with that slurring mess.
"Don't mind if I do...Eiri-kun." He mumbles...I did catch that last part. I won't remember it tomorrow, but it really means the world right now. I can just be what I am. A broken boy in a monster's body. If everything would just stop right now...I might heal and then everything would be okay. I could laugh and cry. I could write about all things.
"Touma-shan, pour me anoth'a drink pleash." It doesn't matter that I'm that far gone. I am still Uesugi, Eiri. So many layers of me...like...like that cake I so religiously devored whenever he makes himself present.
He sighs, but does refill the crystal with the warm comfort. He takes a sip and smiles contently. As he passes the comfort my way I force myself up and out of his lap. My head spins lightly and I crash into his shoulder for a moment. He helps me recover and I sip a small amount of alcohol. I must look so riduculous. I grin sheepishly and hope he's drunk as well, but I goddamn know he's stone, cold sober.
"You always know how to be a cutie. I remember when you used to hide under the bed during lightning storms and I couldn't get you to come. We'd end up sleeping under your bed."
I blink in surprise. He remembers the oldest...stupidest moments of our time. I wonder if he knows I still hide under the bed during storms. I continue to knock back drinks at an alarming rate, but he manages to keep up and I collapse into his lap again.
"Eiri-kun...heh...we're havin fun, right? I know I am."
I'm having a lot. I just won't say it. All of my fears, my pain, my saddness...it doesn't matter right now. What matters is him, me, and the bottle.
"I'm glad. I'm not so dead inside. I'm still me."
Ugh...why the fuck did I say that?! He knows that. However, he turns away from me. I can't see his face.
"This is what we are now, right? You can only be you when you don't care about anything!"
I know he's crying now. I am too, but he doesn't notice. I kiss his cheek to try to cheer him up, but it doesn't work. Fuck! He still cries and clings to me like I'll disapper or worse...like I already have.
Author's Note: It's 4:18 AM. I'm sick and this is that best I can do. I'm pathetic.
