Finn fought back tears as he starred at the ceiling of his bedroom. He didn't know what to do anymore. He wasn't the best dancer, he wasn't the best singer, he wasn't the best football player and he certainly wasn't the best in school. It seemed like everyone around him knew what they were going to do, they had something that was going to take them to where they wanted to be. He didn't have anything. He wasn't even the best leader - look where he had gotten them at Nationals? He hadn't been the best brother - he'd let Kurt get hurt way too many times, he'd hurt Kurt way too many times. He knew he had messed up with his friends too and he knew that Rachel deserved a better boyfriend.
He was beginning to think that everyone's lives would have been better if he hadn't been born. And maybe, maybe they would be better now if he just wasn't there anymore. Finn finally gave into the tears as he closed his eyes and tried to figure out how one person could ever manage to be so useless. He didn't know how long he had been laying there when he heard a voice call his name, sounding worried. He bolted into a sitting position frantically wiping at his eyes to find Kurt sitting on the edge of his bed.
"Why are you in my room?" he asked, embarrassed that his brother had found him crying.
"What's wrong, Finn? Why are you so upset?" Kurt replied in concern, ignoring Finn's question.
He didn't quite understand why, but somehow, even without a glass of warm milk in his hand, he found himself telling Kurt exactly what he had been thinking, "I just feel like everyone would be better off if I hadn't been here to screw everything up. If I'd never been born." he admitted.
His brother pulled him into a hug, "You don't have any idea how wrong you are, Finn." Kurt said.
"What are you talking about?" he asked the other boy.
Kurt gave him a small smile, "Why don't I just show you what would have happened if you were never born?" he said as Finn's vision became blurry.
When his vision cleared, it was as though there was a giant movie screen in front of him that he couldn't even see the edges of. He was looking at a graveyard that he quickly realized was where his father was buried. As things seemed to zoom closer and closer to his father's grave, he saw a gravestone next to his father's that shouldn't be there. Tears sprang into his eyes when he was able to read the words on it.
"Without you there, Carole didn't have had any reason to live. Without you, she killed herself less then a year after your father died." Kurt said solemnly.
"No, my mom wouldn't have..." he trailed off, suddenly not quite as sure of himself.
"She took your father's death hard. With you there, she still had something - someone - to live for. Without you, she didn't." Kurt explained.
Suddenly the scene in front of him melted away and was replaced by the sight of the playground he used to go to when he was younger. It was dark and raining and somehow, he could tell that it was cold. He was about to ask what they were looking at when he heard someone crying. As the scene closed in, he spotted a ten year old Puck, soaking wet, shivering and sobbing as he hid in one of the tunnels.
Finn shot a confused look at his brother, "Without you there, Puck didn't have anywhere to run to the night his father left. His mother was to drunk to look for him and no one found him there until the next afternoon. He was sick for nearly a week after that."
His vision quickly blurred again and he suddenly saw another Kurt, young, small and surrounded by football players outside of the school. Not only was he missing from the scene, he didn't see Puck there either.
"Where's Puck?" Finn asked, concerned.
"You were always the one to talk Puck down from his more insane ideas and help him when things got hard at home. Puck was in juvenile hall before he even started High School. Beth doesn't exist here and Karofsky took over as the leader of the bullies even earlier." Kurt simply nodded at what was going on as he finished.
Finn turned back to see the younger Kurt thrown into the dumpster with more force then he had ever been thrown in on Finn's watch. Karofsky slammed the lid shut and yelled multiple obscenities before walking off, leaving Kurt trapped as the scene faded.
They were suddenly inside the school and looking at a list of clubs. A list with one very important thing missing.
"What happened to Glee?" Finn asked, confused.
"Without you, there was no one to get the other popular kids to join and we weren't even able to convince Mr. Schue to stay. Glee was over before it even started." Kurt informed his brother.
Finn hadn't even had time to react before he was suddenly looking at the bedroom of his friend Sean. Sean was crying softly as he laid in bed by himself.
"No one visits him anymore. The only people he ever really sees are his family. You were the one who made sure he wasn't forgotten, that he still had someone." Kurt said sadly.
As that scene faded from view he was suddenly shown a montage of moments, each more horrible then the next as he watched Kurt's bullying get more and more violent and no one ever stepping in to help at all. As the scene's flashed in front of his eyes, he watched in silent horror as Kurt explained.
"Without you, I didn't have anyone. There was no Glee club, Mercedes was my only friend. Mr. Schue wasn't there and because Coach Sylvester never realized I could sing, I was never on the Cheerios, and therefore, she never even realized I existed." his brother told him.
Finn realized he was crying as the scenes he was watching slowly started to take on a sexual element. He watched as Karofsky forced a kiss on his brother, he watched the looks, the comments, the touches that clearly crossed a line and was horrified that no one seemed to even realize anything was wrong.
"Without you and Carole, there was no wedding. Dad didn't have a reason to come to the school and catch Karofsky and there weren't any teachers that cared at all. I didn't go to Dalton. No one gave Karofsky's father any idea what he was doing, there was no Glee to show him that he could be something other then a bully and Santana didn't blackmail him into leaving me alone." Kurt said softly.
Finn's eyes grew wide as he watched things get worse. The way that Karofsky was touching Kurt was suddenly a lot more the crossing a line. He found himself sobbing when he realized that he couldn't look away and he had to watch as his brother was molested and then finally raped, each time while being reminded that he would be killed if he told.
"Kurt..." he managed to breathe out, horrified and heartbroken as he watched his little brother sobbing while he was violated.
"There was nothing to stop it without you." Kurt reminded him as the scene finally ended.
When the next scenes began he was seeing yet another montage, but this time it was Rory who was being tormented, thrown into lockers, slushied, tripped and being called horrible names. He watched Rory on the receiving end of Santana's nasty rants, he watched as Rory couldn't even escape it when he went home, because Santana was nearly always at Brittany's house.
"There was no one to help him this time and no Glee club to bring him to. I wasn't exactly in a position to help anyone else." the other boy commented as they watched the events unfold.
"I don't want to watch this anymore." Finn said desperately as he watched Rory begin to tie a noose.
"You have to understand." Kurt replied gently, laying a hand on Finn's arm as they watched the life fade from the boy that had both come to consider a younger brother.
As the horrifying scene faded to black another once again faded into view. Rachel was sitting on her bed, wearing a nightgown and crying.
"There was no Glee club, no musicals and she doesn't have any friends. She stopped posting videos online because of the comments she was receiving and she doesn't speak at school anymore. Rachel's never had a boyfriend. She still wants to go to New York, but she's running away from Lima more then running to New York. She doesn't think she can make it on Broadway anymore." Kurt explained.
"Rachel would never give up!" Finn insisted.
"Not the Rachel you know." his brother replied, "But that Rachel had Glee club. The people who treated her the worst in the past are her friends now and no one leaves bullying messages on every video she posts. That Rachel had you, telling her that she was amazing and she could do anything she tried. This Rachel doesn't."
The scene once again faded into the next and Finn found himself looking at Sam, tear tracks on his face and curled into a ball as he sat in a jail cell.
"What happened?" Finn asked in shock.
"He never made any close friends in Lima. Nobody came to bring him back. There was a raid at the bar he worked at and he was arrested for being an under aged stripper. His family can't afford the bail money." Kurt said.
The scene once again faded and Finn wanted nothing more then for it all to stop. He was tired of seeing everyone he cared about suffering.
"No. No, please don't make me watch this." he pleaded as he realized what the next scene was.
The Kurt next to him didn't say anything as they watched another Kurt in his basement bedroom, laying on his bed with the door locked and two notes beside him. The other Kurt drug a knife over both his wrists as he sobbed.
"I don't want to see this. Please!" Finn pleaded again, but the Kurt next to him didn't speak and he was once again unable to look away. The scene didn't fade until the other Kurt's eyes closed and his body went limp.
Finn closed his eyes as soon as he realized he could and continued to sob. He felt a hand on his arm again and looked up to find himself back in his room. He was still in his bed and Kurt was still sitting next to him.
"All that would have happened if I hadn't been there?" he asked, unable to believe it.
"You've helped so many people so much more then you know." Kurt replied gently, with a smile.
"How could you show me this? This can't be possible." Finn exclaimed.
"Anything is possible in a dream." his brother replied.
"It's just a dream?" he asked in shock.
"It might be a dream, but that doesn't mean that what I showed you wasn't true. The world is so much better off with you in it, Finn." Kurt said, "Now, you're going to tell me what you've been so upset about when you wake up or I'll show up in every dream you have until you do." he ordered.
Finn simply nodded in reply as the world around him faded out and he found himself opening his eyes to look at the ceiling of his bedroom. As much as he wanted to believe that nothing he had seen was real, somehow part of him seemed to know that it was. He understood now that things wouldn't have been better without him and that he would find a way to make things work from where he was now. He was meant to be here and he wasn't going to take a chance on finding out what would happen if he left before his time. He knew it would be a long time before he could shake the devastating images of his dream from his mind. He would figure out what to do about his future later though. For now, he had some milk to heat and a brother to talk to.
Author's Note: I hope this was okay, I'm never really sure how the one shots I write come out. This was another prompt fill from the Glee Angst Meme. The original prompt was: "Finn confesses to Kurt that he thinks everyone would be better off if he'd never been born. Kurt shows him exactly how wrong he is. [Long list of possible events] Finn wonders how Kurt can show him all this. Kurt confesses it's all a dream but if Finn doesn't tell him everything when he wakes up, he'll be back next dream to kick his ass."
