Chapter One
RING!
Ah yes, the sound of freedom. Well, at least the freedom from Mr. Collins's horrid comb over and his rambling about a bunch of people fighting for something at some Battle of Whatever. Can't wait to miss all those test questions. Buffy slipped her white sweater covered arms through her black backpack straps. Her well-manicured hands picked up her barely opened History book and binder before her black boots walked her out of class.
"Hey Buffy, fancy meeting you here," Xander commented.
"Well the bathroom was way too packed for me to deal out some drugs," Buffy joked.
"Curse those girls and their need to fix their hair and refill their water bras."
"Are you sure you've never been in the girl's bathroom before?"
"I've been in a girl's bathroom."
"Evil Knievel look out," Buffy quipped. She started fiddling with her locker combo so she could deposit her books.
"I have Fitz's Chemistry next. Notice how not excited I am."
"Hey Buffy," her redheaded friend greeted with a smile.
"Will, someone slip amphetamines in the orange juice again? I knew I shouldn't have gotten chocolate milk."
"I'm just excited is all. Am I allowed excitement?"
"Will," Xander started, "Fitz. Chemistry. You can't even spell excitement with any of those letters." A slight pause. "Except the 'e.' And the 'i.'"
"I'll see you guys in health, after the boredom that is American Literature." Buffy
shut her locker and headed in the opposite direction of her two best friends.
"And the 't,'" Xander continued.
RING!
Fifty minutes later students sprang from their desks and ran into the halls as if
they couldn't be either more bored from this class or excited for the next one. Buffy trudged through the halls to room 113. She took her usual spot; fifth seat, third row.
No sooner had she sat down then the most horrid of school inhabitants walked in. His platinum blonde hair was in its typical fashion; slicked back as far as it could go, creating a shell. His leather jacket, which he always wore, made its attempt to match his army type boot. And then there was the black pants and black t-shirt.
"Well, I have the displeasure of your company," he said in his English accent. Some girls considered it sexy, Buffy considered it annoying.
Buffy stuck her right pointer finger in her mouth then pulled it out and held it in the air. "You feel that? That's the IQ dropping."
"Ya know Summers, I think it's really great how you act so annoyed with me when really you're just itchin' for a taste."
"Does that statement come with a complimentary barf bag? I hate to break it to you but I'm a homosapien."
"Don't flatter yourself. You appeal to a small, select group of people."
"Thankfully that doesn't include you."
"Hey, Captain Peroxide. Could you step away from my seat," Xander said.
"I forgot that wankers travel in packs." Spike continued his walk to the back corner seat by the window.
"And a seething hatred to you too," Xander said with a smile. He took his seat next to Buffy. "Sadly we won't be seeing Willow this period. She had to go to the nurse due to a fainting episode."
"Oh my god, what happened?" Buffy asked with concern.
"She fainted."
"Nice picture you painted for me Xand. I feel like I was there."
"What do you want me to say? One minute we were cutting open a fetal pig and the next she was on the floor."
"Why are you cutting open things in chemistry?"
"Because Ms. Bartholomew got a special shipment and they were cutting one that class and whoever wanted could go over there for the special class. And if you stayed in Chemistry you had to, well, do chemistry. So Will and I went next door," Xander explained. He didn't seem extremely concerned but it was because he already dealt with the my-best-friend-fainted-and-I-hope-it's-not-serious thoughts.
"Poor Willow. Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she'll be fine."
"Good morning everyone," Mr. Daniels greeted as he walked in after his bathroom break. No one reciprocated the salutation. "Now, if you have been paying any sort of attention in class you have noticed we've been talking about the reproduction system and the fascination that is the world of STD's." This comment got him a handful of eye rolls, which he expected, but there were also a couple of chuckles. He took a seat on the corner of his desk before continuing. "So now we're going to have a little exercise." Everyone vocalized their displeasure, again, expected. "You have each been randomly paired with someone else in this class. You will be given one of these babies." He held up a typical baby doll you would find in your local Toys R Us. "And you will care for this infant for the next month. You will be graded on your individual performance as well as how you work as a parental unit." Mr. Daniels twisted his torso so he could grab the teacher notebook sitting behind him. "Now, for the dreaded assigning of partners. And remember, whoever you're partnered with, you must stay partnered with. We're going to pretend happy marriages happen all the time. Okay, now Chase and Harris. You are the first victims."
"Excuse me?" Cordelia said with disapproval. "There's no way that that would happen."
"Oh yeah, because I'm just dying to be partnered with you."
"Well you have everything to gain by being partnered with me."
"Like, what? Fashion advice on how to make myself look easy?" he said, taking notice of her short black skirt and skintight shirt.
"Miss Chase. Mr. Harris. You are partnered and that's that. Now, moving on we have Callaway and Nichols." Mr. Daniels continued his way down the list and finally reached, "Giles and Summers."
Buffy's mouth dropped and her eyes went wide. "What! Veto!"
"I second," Spike said.
"I told you-" the teacher began.
"Mr. Daniels, what did I do? I always get solid B minuses and I show up… well, mostly on time. Why am I paired with the Rebel Without a Cause?"
"Me? What about bein' paired with you? Cruel and unusual punishment that is."
"Buffy and William-"
"Spike," he corrected.
"Spike. You are not allowed to switch partners. Maybe this project will help you two get along."
"Are you a therapist now?" the bad boy spoke.
"Don't be smart Spike." Mr. Daniels was getting near his breaking point.
"No worries there," Buffy retorted.
"Did you say somethin'?" Spike questioned.
"I'm sorry. I must have been misquoted."
"All right you two, one more word and you'll be sent to detention for the rest of class." This completely serious warning made both blondes close their mouths and face the front of the room bearing angry faces. "And finally, Guard and Sorensen. You two will be our gay couple. And before you say it, no switching partners." Anticipating further argument Daniels warned, "And if I hear one more word about it you will be sent to detention." The two remained quiet. "Now, please come up here and retrieve your child."
In a paired line one by one everyone picked up their permanent headache for the next month. Cordelia took a good glance around the box for the closest to perfect she could get one of these dolls. "They're all the same," Xander said with exhaustion.
"That just shows how completely inept you are. This one's nostrils are uneven. My baby would not look like that."
Xander reached in and grabbed one. "Here we go. This one's made of plastic. Like mother like daughter."
"And it's head is hollow. Obviously a y-chromosome thing."
"Please continue your banter at your desks," Mr. Daniels requested.
Buffy reached into the box and pulled out one of the dolls, which was clothed in a pink dress. "Yey, I always wanted a fake baby girl."
"Couldn't you at least pick a boy?"
"Spike, this isn't real. You're not going to miss out on playing catch or the fatherly pep talks which end with 'be a man.' It's a stupid project."
"Teacher's sitting right here."
"Sorry Mr. Daniels." Buffy pushed passed Spike and sat begrudgingly at her desk. Can't wait for all this fun.
Author's Note: Hope you liked the chapter!
