Ian Noble-Smith wasn't a cruel man. He wasn't the nicest person in the world, being a bit rude in nature, but he wasn't intentionally mean when he could avoid it. Generally he tried to avoid being rude, having friends who knew him well enough to give him a swift kick if he were being unnecessarily harsh.

Sometimes, though, desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Miss Song, thank you for the very enthusiastic show of interest but I just don't feel that-"

"Oh, come on Professor Smith. You never go out, and really spending a night with me really wouldn't be that bad."

Ian sighed and stopped organizing his things. Giving her side glance he had to admit that River certainly wasn't something painful to look at. Quite a pleasant picture for the eyes, actually. Blonde kinky hair, fit confident form and a great big history filled brain to boot.

But she wasn't blonde enough and her eyes weren't subtly mischievous enough. Her accent was too soft, when really, when it came down to it, he was more of a London kind of bloke.

"Professor Song, again, thank you for the show of interest, but I really can't find the time."

"You don't know what you're missing out on."

"And what on earth would that be, River?"

"Spoilers." With a soft chuckle that made him sure she had only said something so he would watch her go, she sauntered back to her office in the history department.

"Of course. Spoilers."

Ian heaved a withering sigh and walked into the damp London evening. Good old London. Sometimes he really wished he could just disappear. For a moment he paused in his trek to stare up at the stars. He never talked about it, being that his main passion was genetics, but he really did wonder if it was better up there. If all those stars were beacons promising something more instead of just balls of burning gas destined to die out in a few millennia, if they hadn't already.

He was always slow on certain things. Especially things having to do with him.

"Ian, seriously, if you don't stop scowling at that pint and drink, I'll drink it for you." He jumped at the harsh voice at his ear and looked sideways.

"Sorry, Louis, I'm drinking it, really."

The young American girl snorted and took a swig from her own beer. "I still don't understand the appeal of beer off tap."

"That's because you've never had it. You decided that beer from a bottle was better than from a can and therefore best of all." Ian took a hardy draft and had to admit she was right about him needing the pint. "Cutting yourself off to a whole load of good beer with that way of thinking."

"Says you."

"Yeah, says me. And let's not forget, I'm older than you. That's many more beers in my life time than you could have possibly consumed in yours." The not blonde enough young woman opened her mouth to retaliate but relented. "That's right. Concede to my superior brain. You're a goody-two-shoes at heart and never touched a beer other than to try it before your twenty-first birthday."

"Stop showing off, Spock."

Ian chocked on his drink and joined her laughter as he watched his beer cover his shirt.

"So, she tried, again?"

Ian burst out laughing as Louis imitated River's flirting almost perfectly, even though she was a bit sloshed, herself. "Oh, Professor Smith! You enjoy genetics? Mine are quite fascinating, I should think. How about you have a private study of them, maybe I could stay up with you? We could write a thesis or two."

"Oi, Miss Song, I shall have you know that I've written many a thesis on beautiful blondes and yours, in comparison, would be rather dull."

"Oh, weren't those private papers? I thought the subject was merely observed, not intimately studied?" Louis snickered at him and took a swig of her beer. "Your nickname is Handy, Ian, and there's a reason for that."

Ian sighed as he signaled for another refill. "I'm called that because I was always my brothers' right hand man, not because I masturbate." Louis quirked her brow as she popped a greasy chip into her mouth. "You can just wipe that look off of your face, girlie, I'm not admitting anything."

"My thinks the lad doth protest too much."

"Oi, I haven't been a lad in nearly twenty years."

Louis snickered and focused on her chips for a minute. Ian watched as she looked at him from the side, like he didn't notice. Eventually he couldn't take the subtle sadness lurking behind her usually bright eyes.

"I'm not him. We're two completely different people. You know that."

"And yet so very similar." She finished off her beer and stopped the bartender from opening another one. "I'm not saying I think you could be the same person or that one could replace the other. Just sometimes, when I squint really hard, and don't really look at you, just kind of about you, I can imagine you're happy. I can also imagine you're the only you running around London."

"Wouldn't that just solve everything?" Ian signaled the bartender over, intending to order another pint, before familiar voices calling to the two of them dampened those plans. One of voices sounded a lot like his. "It would solve absolutely everything."

Louis was a stiff girl with a fixed scowl beside him. Not moving and not at all pleased with the current situation.

"Ian, Louis! Fancy finding you lot here. Martha, Jack, Donna and I were just stopping in for a pint and some chips. How serendipitous."

"Yes, very." Louis finally found her voice and turned on her stool, toned and tanned legs crossed enticingly. Even Ian could admit she was a fine specimen of what human genetics could come together to achieve. "Hello, Dear John."

John instantly deflated and Ian hated to admit it, but he did enjoy the forlorn look on his face as her words hit home.

"Well, Anna-Banana, haven't seen you lurking about for a while. Been away? And so tan! Didn't think your kind could do that."

Louis sneered at Jack before artfully disembarking from her perch. She legs extended just enough to have most men, and a few women, staring as she strutted passed the four. Even over the noise Ian could hear her small chucks padding out of the building and into the cool night air.

"Well, that went well."

"Ian, really, why do you entertain her?"

Ian raised a brow at his twin as finished paying the tab, hers and his. "I don't entertain her, I enjoy her. There's a difference."

"Skinny Boys. Leave it." Donna shoved passed and gave and Ian a warm hug. "I haven't seen the two of you get along in the same room in two years. Could you at least attempt to pretend that you like your family?"

Ian gave Donna a warm smile and squeezed her shoulders. "Oi, I enjoy my family. How could I not? Speaking of! Has anyone heard from Matt lately?"

"Yes, I have. Should be home soon."

Ian looked over at John and the two shared a look before nodding. "See you, then."

"Hey, don't leave. We just got here. Let's all sit down and have a pint, like the old days." Martha looked so naively hopeful Ian couldn't but feel bad as he just kept right on walking out the exit. "Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do."

John sighed as watched Ian disappear through the door. "Well, things are still a bit raw, I guess."

"Can you blame him for being a bit singed after the right harsh burn you served him." Donna scowled at her younger brother. "Really, not well handled, Johnny boy."

John grumbled as Jack offered up an expression similar to Donna's. Martha just looked lost as she ordered a round and some chips. No help from her, then.

"I know I didn't handle things well, but, damn it, I loved her, too. She approached me and I took my chance. We're a bit rude, he and I. To be honest, I can't understand why we thought that silly idea of ours would work, given our history."

"Okay, I really think it's time someone gave it to me straight, 'cause I'm sick of being lost."

Jack scratched the back his neck and Donna shot John a pointed look. "Me? Why me?"

"Cause out of the three people at this table who know what happened, you know the most. So, get on with Skinny Boy!"

"All right, fine." The waitress placed a pint in front of him and he took a healthy draft. "So, Martha, you know that we aren't from London, right?"

"Yeah, you moved here from Chiswick for school."

"Exactly, well, a few years ago while Ian and I were finishing school, we met this couple. Mickey Smith and Rose Tyler. Lovely couple really, but what was even more lovely was the Rose Tyler side of it all. Oh, she was brilliant, Martha. Hadn't finished school, but she really was extremely brilliant."

"Good thing I got over that crush I had on you, otherwise I might be injured by all this."

John stopped mid word and sent her a look. She just smiled, pleasant as ever, and signaled for him to continue. She had a habit of being incredibly cheeky sometimes.

"Anyway, it didn't take long for both and Ian and I to realize that we had developed similar feelings for her. When she was with Mickey, the situation was easy to deal with. She wasn't available and that was that."

"Yeah, it was when her and Mickey broke up that it turned into a whole different ball game. I was juggling drunk phone calls about miss Rose at all hours of the night. I know Shakespeare only 'cause they both quoted him repeatedly when talking about her."

"Jack, I'm telling the story here." Jack chuckled and occupied his mouth with chips and beer. "Like Jack said, things changed when she and Mickey called it quits. Ian and I had to rework our game plan. We decided that not acting on our feelings would be the best bet, so, that's the plan we went with."

"Oh, I do not see this ending well."

"It didn't. I ended up spending more time with her than I should have. We started flirting all the time and I could see that things were coming to a head but I couldn't stop. I was addicted. Her smiles, her laugh, her big brown eyes were all so enchanting. Well, one night we were sitting in my flat, sharing chips and watching a movie and the light was shining off her blonde hair just right. I was holding my own pretty well but she leaned on my shoulder and sort of snuggled. I saw an opportunity and I took it. She didn't push me away, and things went their natural course."

"The next day, though, Ian seemed to just know. It wasn't like things could've been different. She never gave him a second glance. Her interest was clearly solely in me. But, I do admit that I didn't handle things well after that. We dated for nearly a year before we decided to share my flat. While that was going on, Jack's cousin Louisiana moved here from Utah to attend school. She and Louis met and he started changing over the two years that followed. Not in a big in need of intervention sort of way, but it started to become obvious how different we really are.

"About a year ago, Ian and Louis, as he calls her, came to this very pub. Rose was here with a few girlfriends but they had to duck out early. One had a babysitter waiting for her at home and the other was having her weekly relationship crisis. Louis and Rose got on well enough, and Ian had had a few pints by that point so he wasn't sulking."

"Let me guess, Rose joined them for a few too many drinks and she and Ian slept together in a drunken daze."

"Almost! Good guessing, Ms. Jones. No, Rose had enough that she couldn't see the difference between Ian and John, and Ian had had enough that he couldn't either. They were snogging in the hall way by the pay phone when Ian's gob started up. He talked about everything, and Rose started getting a clear head. When she finally worked it all out, she left before Ian could figure what was going on. She stayed with her friend Shareen for a few days before she packed up her things, left John a note in the flat and went to stay with her mother and stepfather in Brighton."

John took a deep draft of his pint while Jack finished up telling the story.

"Okay. Oh, I see it! It all lines up. So that was your "I just made it with a girl" face that day. You lying stinker." Martha laughed as she filled up her glass from the pitcher they had at the table. "So, you went behind your brother's back and flirted and pursued a woman you had both agreed to keep your hands off of. That's brilliant, John. Real stand up and gentlemanly of you, there."

John sighed and picked at the chips before finally popping one into his mouth.

"Yeah, well, we won't let him forget so I should hope he knows all that already. Space boy here has been trying to distract himself with work and woman. Even knocked boots with that River Song character in the history department. "

"Wait, isn't she trying to make it with Ian?"

"Yeah, she's had one and now she wants to complete the set." Martha groaned rubbed her forehead. "I know the feeling."

"Really? What I have done to her now?" The other three turned to John and watched as tossed his phone onto the table. "Oh, don't give me those looks. You know who I'm talking about."

"You and Louis haven't gotten on in close to a year. Give it up, Doc." Jack filled his cup and laughed. "Looks like she's one blonde that prefers the other twin."

John grumbled and snapped his phone open before it could finish informing him he'd received a text. "Oh, there's hope! She's not staying at her and Ian's flat tonight. She's actually on her way back here. Why's she on her way back here?"

He looked to Jack who held his hands up. "I don't know anything about her anymore. We haven't been kids in a longtime and we haven't been close for even longer."

John sighed and snapped his phone shut. "I get no help from anyone. So, Martha, how are things at the hospital?"

Louis stood outside the pub. Really it reminded her much of St. Elmo's fire. It was a place where you sit in your pain and childlike situations until life finally pushing you away from it. She'd walked out of here with a head held once that night. Now she was walking back in to be handed her shame by large long hands.

Sighing she opened the door and walked over to the usual table.

"Any room for one more?"

"Hey, Lou! Of course."

Louis watched as John stole a seat from a nearby table and sat it too close to his for her comfort. "Thank you, John." She moved the seat to the side, closer to Donna, before easing into it. "So, I have "Hello, I Love You" by the Doors stuck in my head. Again."

John snorted and pulled her seat right up next to his. "When do you not have that song stuck in that frizzy little not so blonde head of yours?"

Louis' eyes widened slightly as he slung his leg over the other so their knees brushed put his arm over the back of her chair. "Um, John, I have this thing. It's called personal space. I would really like it if you got out of mine."

He seemed to deflate for a minute before a wolfish grin spread across his face. "Place like this? Full as it is? Whether it's me or someone else, you're gonna have someone in your personal space. Personally, I'd rather it be me. I know what I'm gonna do, don't know what someone else will."

Louis sighed and turned to Donna, engaging her in a conversation about her current temp job. Jack bowed out shortly after Louis' arrival, saying he had an early morning and Martha decided she'd poisoned her liver enough for one night. Donna left soon after and Louis took the advantage of open seating to move away from John.

"Hold on a tick. Why so far away?"

John was nearly gone. He'd been keeping his liquor intake steady most of the night. "You're not in your right mind, John. I've been in this situation with you before. You may be right, and this pub may be too full to really have any personal space, but given the choice between you and someone else, I'll take my chances with someone else. I have an idea of what you may do, and that's less appealing than what anyone else might."

"Oh, but this is different! I have this brilliant plan." Louis rubbed her eyes. "I'm trying to get you so drunk that you won't care, 'cause I'm so drunk that I don't."

"That's a plan, John, but it's not brilliant."

"Yes, it is. I'm brilliant and it's my plan, so therefore, it's a brilliant plan."

Louis watched John talked animatedly from across the small table. The man she'd been in love with for nearly a year and a half. She'd made a decision to siphon him out of her life and was going to pull herself from the whole group before Ian had confided his secret in her. Really, looking back she knew it sounded harsh, but she'd done harsher things in the name of self-preservation. Having Ian there going through the same thing made it easier, though.

Louis knew she never really had a shot. She was short with frizzy hair and just wasn't blonde enough. She was fit, but wasn't the right build and had the wrong complexion. Really, she wasn't unattractive; she just wasn't the right kind of attractive for him.

"What say you to going to home, John?"

He stopped his rambling about dead planets and looked over at her, a smile nearly ripping his face in half. "I told you it was a brilliant plan."

"Yes, you did, John. Because you're brilliant and it was your plan."

John leaned on her throughout the cab ride to his flat and she supported him on the way in. As soon as she got to the couch, though, she shoved him into the general direction and left. He was almost out, anyway, no sense in her sticking around.

She dropped the set of keys she'd nicked off of him onto the side table as she entered the flat she Ian shared a few streets over. Her keys were tossed unceremoniously back into her over stuffed bag. The flat was dark except for the TV Ian had on in the living room.

One difference between Ian and John, John slept when he'd had too much. Ian couldn't sleep a wink even if you killed him. From the amount of empty beer cans that littered the coffee table, though, he just might be dead in the morning.

She sighed and mumbled a good night before shuffling to her room.

Jack had been friends with the boys for years now, his mother having left his father when he was twelve and deciding it was time to go home to good old England. He was sent from London to Chiswick and back, again, as he went from his mother's home in London to spend weekends and some holidays with his grandparents.

She'd been sent to Chiswick the summer she turned sixteen. She'd decided to bleach her hair that summer, since no one there had known her, and figured it'd be a bit of fun. The boys were back from school for the holiday and she'd stayed clear of them. Last thing she wanted was to mooch of Jack and his friends for companionship. Still, though, she watched and listened and eventually they all hit it off.

Summer ended, though, and her hair darkened. She forgot about the boys and the fun and flirting.

At her mother's urging to get out of Utah, she moved to London after graduation and began working toward an accounting degree, and was due to graduate next year. She even had a few job possibilities lined up for after.

Life in London had been a bit dull when she'd arrived, then Aunt Cindy stepped in and forced Jack into meeting her for a drink. He'd felt it necessary to bring moral support and she was reintroduced to the Smith twins. They were different, though. The twins she had recalled had almost been the same person. The two men that stood in front of her could have only been more different by not sharing the same face.

As time passed she and Ian rekindled their friendship and John played along, figuring that by association they were friends, too. Truth was, though, Louis was a little attracted to John, but he was with Rose. Eventually, she couldn't handle it anymore and called her faux friendship with John off. Wasn't really working anyway.

For a time she just stopped coming around. Her and Jack had never reconnected, and she and Rose only mildly got along. Donna got along with any and every one, and she and Martha had never been properly introduced.

A month after exile, though, Ian showed up on her door step with a suitcase and two different kinds of beer, bottles for her and cans for him. She let him in and they talked most of night. He moved into her spare room and they'd been flat mates ever since.

"So, how'd your night go?" She blinked into the brightly lit kitchen, mumbling, and prepared her coffee. "That bad, huh?"

Louis held up her finger as she took in a healthy dose of French Roast. When she had downed half of it she removed the mug from her lips with a sigh. Usual routine showed that she always needed coffee before she was functional, but it was generally just a sip and she was off like a fire cracker.

"Your brother's an ass."

John sneezed as he stumbled into his office.

"Dr. Smith! You having allergy problems? You look a bit out of it."

John sighed as he watched River lean against his door frame.

"Not the season for allergies. Not that I have allergies."

River smiled and moved to sit on the edge of his desk. "Well, isn't that something! I love finding out things about you. And I would love to continue my education on the subject but, first, tell me about your brother."

"Matt is in America studying a cluster of asteroids."

"Oh, no, not him. Bit too young for my tastes."

"You mean he's in America and therefore unattainable at the moment."

"Yes. Now, tell me about Ian." She leaned forward, her shirt unbuttoned a little more than usual. "I know you and I was just a random thing brought on by too many spirits at a staff Christmas party, but I think he and I might have something. What with him not being hung up over some ex-girlfriend."

"Nope, he's hung up."

"On an ex-girlfriend?"

"On the ex-girlfriend."

River leant back in surprise. "You shared her? Well, there's a twist. Usually it's the other way around, in my experience."

"No, he was in love with her as well." John's eyes squinted as he regarded River. "What do you mean in your experience?"

"Long story. Spoilers. No time. So," she tried being alluring, again. "When is Matt returning?"

John chuckled as began going through graded papers. "You move along quick."

"I know when there's no hope."

John smiled and kissed her cheek. "Move along, Song."

"Fine. Keep your secrets. I'll find him and you won't be able to stop what follows."

John laughed out right as he heard the click of her heels die. He looked down the hall once more before he began readying the lecture hall for his 10 o'clock class.

"So, are you ready for the masses?"

John looked up and couldn't help the small smile that crossed face. Ian returned the gestured and strutted into the room.

"Mine is Thursdays, at 11. There are so many females in the room I can barely even think." Ian picked up the paper weight off his brother's desk and began shifting it between his hands. "Entry level courses. They are the bane of all young and attractive professors. Sorry, doctors."

John laughed and joined Ian at his desk. "Been a while since we've talked like this, without the group. You have a class today, then?"

"Yeah, 10:30. Yours is at 10, right? In about half an hour, yeah?"

John sighed heavily through his nose, looked over the large hall. "Are we ever going to be the same?"

"I think, if we ever could, this would be the time. I don't like it, but I think that, by leaving, Rose was trying to give us a chance to get sorted."

"Well, that might have been it, a bit, but it wasn't the only reason." John pinched the bridge of his nose as he considered how to continue. "Another reason may have been the tiny-itsy-bitsy issue of me not wanting to get married."

Ian laughed and continued until he saw John's pained expression. "Seriously? You wouldn't marry Rose? What on Earth would stop you? It's Rose, for Christ's sake!"

"I know, I know! I tried to figure it out, and I'm still trying. Tried to force myself, but I'm worse than dad, and I just can't. It's like it's written in my genetic code to not want to get married. Run from the very idea, even. How does dad get women, anyway?"

Ian snorted and bumped John's shoulder. "How do you?"

"Point."

Ian glanced to the side as giggling girls began to filter through the door. "I think this is where I leave you to your suffering."

John groaned and shoved him, hard, toward the door. "Off with you, then."

Ian shuffled back toward his office. It made his heart hurt, a little more possibly, when his brother and he got along. It made when they didn't so much more confusing.

"Wait, Ian!" He turned and saw John jogging toward him. "Dear god, you wouldn't know I was a runner in school, looking at me now. Anyway, ignore that. The point! Let's get lunch, yeah?"

"I already have plans. With a mate of mine. Jake's his name. We're meeting up."

"Short, blonde, spiky-uppy hair? Face kind of like a reptile? I like him! I'll just join the two of you. That all right? Good. We'll head out around noonish? I've only got an exam planned today, and, to be honest, I'd end early even if I didn't. Major hangover and I woke up alone. Means either you or Louis took me home. And since she came back to the pub after you both left, I'm gonna take a shot and say it was her. Weelll, gotta dash. See you at noon. Ish."

Ian sighed as he watched his brother enter the lecture hall once more.

"Why so glum, you?"

Ian lifted his head and saw an impossible blonde lounging at his desk.

"What?" He looked over his shoulder and slipped a bit. "What?" The door was quickly closed and locked. "What?"