Title: Things Left Unsaid
Chapter 1-True Courage
Disclaimer: Yeah, CSI:NY is so not mine.
Author's note: So, since I'm totally bummed Melina Kanakaredes is no longer on the show, I decided to write a series of post-eps for the seventh season from Stella's POV. Hopefully, there will be one for each episode. This one, obviously, is for 34th Floor.
Spoilers: Everything up to 34th Floor
Stella sighed as she signed her name on yet another form. Over the past three months she had gained a whole new appreciation for Mac. Sure she had taken over for him before, but if there was paperwork she didn't have to deal with, she had always left it for him when he came back. Now, it was all on her desk. She missed him. She paused in her drudgery when her phone rang. One glance at the caller ID and she rolled her eyes. Mac was 1,300 miles away and he still seemed to know what she was thinking. She narrowed her eyes at the clock as she answered the phone. "You better not still be at work."
His silence spoke volumes. "You're telling me you're not still at work?"
He had her there. "It's later over there."
She heard his quiet chuckle and her heart ached. "It's only an hour's difference, Stella."
She smiled softly into the phone. She missed this, she missed him. But there was nothing she could do about it, so instead she changed the subject. "How's the new hire?"
His answer was careful, but sincere. "Jo? She's good at her job. I think she'll be a good fit here. How's it going down there?"
It's harder than I ever thought it be. There's more work, more responsibility, and more pressure than I had thought possible. It's hot and muggy, and I can't find decent bagels anywhere. I miss you. Stella shakes her head free of her rambling thoughts. "It's a lot of responsibility, but I like it down here."
Even over the phone, it's like he can hear what she's thinking but not voicing. "I thought this was what you wanted."
So did I. "It still is. I'm really doing okay Mac, it'll just take some getting used to." She can tell by his silence he doesn't quite believe her, so she changes the subject again. "How did Lindsey's ceremony go?"
The tension in his voice is unmistakable. "It went fine."
Stella sighs as she leans back in her chair. "What aren't you telling me?"
She hears his sigh mirror her own, and can hear him lean back in his chair as well. "It's finally hitting her."
Shit. A knife pierces Stella's heart. Lindsey had seemed alright when she left, but she should have kept up on her, called her. She'd been telling the truth when she'd said she hadn't had time to catch her breath. But this was Lindsey, and she should have made time to call her. When she finally answers, her voice is laced with regret. "I've been meaning to call her."
She can almost hear Mac's shrug. "She'll be okay, she's tough. Now that we know what's going on with her, we can help her."
She feels very left out of Mac's 'we'. She knows he's not including her in that. She not part of them anymore. Except she always will be, no matter where in the world she is. She's still thinking of something to say when her door opens. "Boss, we've got a triple in the French Quarter."
Stella nods and holds up a finger, indicating that Leventeaux should wait a second. "Mac-"
He cuts her off. "I heard. Sounds like you have to go. Be safe."
He's already hung up when she says goodbye.
It's three more days before Stella finally gets the chance to call Lindsey. Her conscience hasn't let her rest. Though, to be honest, the nonstop cases haven't helped any either. Flopping down on her couch and gazing wearily at all the still-unpacked boxes stacked around her, she dials Lindsey's number. "Lindsey Messer."
Stella smiles, both at hearing Lindsey's voice and the sound of Lucy trying to grab the phone. "Hey kiddo, how are you?"
She can hear the grin on Lindsey's face. "Stella! It's great to hear from you! How's New Orleans? Do you like being in charge? What's your team like?"
Stella laughs at Lindsey's enthusiasm, but doesn't miss the fact that she has purposely avoided her question. "New Orleans is beautiful, being in charge isn't bad either. I've got a great team; nothing close to you guys, of course. So, how are you doing, Linds?"
She hears Lindsey sigh, caught. "I wish you were here, Stella."
Me too. "That bad, huh?"
She can almost hear Lindsey shake her head. "No. Well, maybe. I don't know." Stella stays quiet as Lindsey takes a deep breath. "It'll get better."
Stella smile is bittersweet. "It always does."
Never has she heard Lindsey so hesitant. "Really?"
Her answer is firm. "Really."
She can hear Danny calling Lindsey from another room, and Lucy's whimpers start getting louder. "Stella, I'm sorry but-"
"You've gotta go."
"Yeah, but thanks, for everything."
She smiles, but knows she really didn't do anything. "Anytime, kiddo. And you know if you and Danny ever want to take a vacation that's free of murdering psychos…"
Lindsey laughs. "New Orleans will be at the top of our list."
And then she's gone.
TBC
