Ok fans. I'm sincerely sorry. I'm just jumping through many different stories which I highly doubt I will complete anyone of them. My life is just flying past me and I can't remember half my story lines. If you know me, you know that I write stories based on the experiences I am going through currently but put into the lives of the characters from twilight. I would love my fans to give me their input. Some advice because this situation is just eating me alive... but I hope you guys enjoy the story ^_^
I thought I knew what love was. I thought I had it with someone. But I didn't, because it was gone before it gone serious. Love is a difficult thing to understand. You have those feelings for another person and things just seem right. But is that really love, or is it just an illusion. I could never understand how to be happy in a relationship. When I think I found a good guy, something bad ends up happening to me. I probably never will find that love I deserve...
I didn't even like him. He approached me. This Jacob character. I thought I was in love with Edward, but he left me. He left me for another girl because "we couldn't be together". We were so good together, Edward and I. People supported us all the way. It seemed like we were together anyways… but I kinda screwed it up saying it would be hard for us to be together. You know, him being a vampire, me being a weak human being. I still wanted to be with him, but I knew it would be dangerous and I, personally, would go through a lot of tribulation. He knew it would never work out too. Mostly for his own personal reasons of not getting hurt… the whole "I don't trust anyone with my feelings so I'm just gonna live under a rock" phase. And so I lost him. I blame myself every day because I thought I did love him. I wouldn't accept any other guy who flirted with me or even asked me out. I felt so unloved and neglected that after a while I accepted the next guy who asked me out. This decision brought eternal shame to my life. I will never forget the person I went out with, how wrong we were together, and how stupid I was for going down this path.
I saw Edward the first couple of weeks of school. He wouldn't talk to me and I wouldn't talk to him. I still thought about him often. I thought about him over the summer, since I had no reason to get out. When I saw him in the hallways his face would drop immediately when he saw my face, put up his hood, looked down, and passed by me. I seriously couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was because of me. I mean I'm the one who got us into this huge fight…
Last year in MARCH
I don't know how much longer I can keep in my feelings. I love hanging out with him, love his arms around me. I may even just love him. I have to tell him eventually… hey who knows! Maybe this will end well. I think he likes me considering how he acts with me. We'll probably be together for a long time from the way I see it. As I thought about him I see him walk down the hallway, smiling at me.
"Edward!"
"Hey Bells." He hugs me with a strong, comforting grip that I know and love. I smell the amazing scent coming off from his hair and chest. It's so strong and manly that it gets me a little lightheaded. "I missed you."
"Haha." My heart started speeding. "I saw you afterschool yesterday! How can you miss me so fast?" Edward shrugged giving me his famous lopsided smile.
"I don't know. I just did." That made me so happy that I blushed.
"Well I missed you too." I hugged him and went to my class. It was like this almost every day. He followed me to many of my classes. He walked me to class and was there when class ended. Edward was so sweet and caring. He never showed any negative emotion with me unless something was happening at his house that he couldn't hide. He told me a lot of things and I shared similar deep thoughts. We text each other all the time. There was a time when I didn't have unlimited text and I almost exceeded my limit. I told him that he would have to wait a week until he can text me again.
"But I can't wait that long. A week without texting you? I would probably go crazy!"
"But Edward, we talk in school!"
"Not enough Bells. Not enough." How sweet can a guy be? I mean does a guy really act like that? But he made me smile all the time. I felt like I was worth something you know? I never had this feeling before. This strong urge to see him every minute I could get. He was so important to me. We were so close that people thought we were already dating. I just had to ask him one day. In the morning he always texts me good morning, so I decided to text him first this time.
"Good morning."
"Good morning babe." I blushed.
"Hey I have a question to ask you. But you have to answer it seriously"
"I'm not sure if I can. I mean I'll try…"
"I'm serious though."
"I'm kidding. Of course I'll be serious. Ask me." By this time I was almost at school. I was deciding whether to continue to ask him through text or to wait till I get to school. Of course I continue with text.
"Ok…. Do you like me?"
"Yes." My heart beats really fast and a huge smile started to bloom on my face.
"I mean more than a friend."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Aren't you gonna ask me if I'll ask you out?" my heart beats faster
"No. I feel like I might mess it up."
"Actually I might mess it up."
"How would you mess it up?"
"How about I tell you in school."
"Okay." Well he admitted that he liked me but WHY DID I SAY I WOULD MESS IT UP? WAS I DRUNK OR SOMETHING? Sighhh, this is what happens when I'm nervous. I see him like every day so I go walk next to him. Things are awkward. My friend Shannon is squeezing my hand every few seconds and I overreact. He looks down at me confused. She rolls her eyes and walks away. I'm almost at my class so I look up at him. He looks uncomfortable. So I start. "Soooo…. Are you going to tell me what you meant in that text?"
"Oh right. See the reason why I can't go out with you is because I keep screwing up my past relationships. But the major reason is because of your parents. They won't let you out anywhere, won't let you have a boyfriend. I care too much about you to put that kind of a stress on you." I was speechless so I just nodded. He kissed me on my forehead and walked away. I was so happy that he wanted to be with me. Now I have to somehow bring up that I don't care about my parents and that I just wanted to be with him. I had my speech ready and I was going to ask him to stay after with me. But three days later I saw him kissing another girl. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes. ANYTHING! I was so upset. He came to me usually and I was seriously mad.
"What's wrong Bella?"
"Nothing"
"There seriously is something wrong with you."
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because you're my friend."
"That's just it. That's all I am. A friend."
"Bella tell me what's going on!" He blocks me from going anywhere.
"Are you going out with anyone?"
"Well yea, Emmie, but…."
"Yea that's all I want to know."
"Wait Bella…" he grabs my arm.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" He let go very fast and I almost ran away from there. I just started bursting into tears in my class. Everyone looked at me; some got up and started consoling me. I felt ashamed. Later on he tried explaining himself. But I didn't hear it. I just went on my bus and said nothing. The next day he couldn't look at me. I guess he didn't have a reason to redeem himself again. The last few days of school I felt really bad. A random guy came up to me and asked me out. I thought sure I'll like anyone. Edward was dumped by Emmie a week after I was dating. Edward apologized for everything we went through a couple of days before. We were friends again… until he found out that I was dating someone. He was so mad with me and I didn't understand why. I actually did nothing and he just gives me the cold shoulder again. I kept asking him what was wrong and his publically embarrassed me in front of everyone. I didn't see a reason to be friends and that's what happened between us.
Again… sorry for just fixing this stupid story. I realized that I should read before publishing these chapters. They don't really make sense. And I'm adding some detail for your enjoyment. Anyways REVIEW! 3
