Chapter One
My right hand curls around Austin's calloused one. I smile staring deeply into his beryl colored eyes. We're sitting across from one another at Redhead's Café in the back corner behind the giant fern. It's our favorite secluded booth. Austin attempts a smile but his eyes are distracted. His pupils are laced with a sudden sadness. "What's wrong?" I whisper cupping my free hand around his left jaw.
"I don't know how to tell you this, Sam". He retracts his hands from mine letting them drop to his lap. I bite my bottom lip. My stomach feels like its going to explode. I pull my hand from his face and cross my arms leaning back against the booth.
"What's wrong?" I repeat nervously, holding my breath. He heaves a big sigh running his fingers through his long sandy brown hair. His class ring gives off a faint glimmer under the dim lights. He props both elbows on the table motioning for me to lean close with a bent finger. I prop my arms on the table crossing one forearm over the other. He cups both sides of my face, his thumbs making semi circles on my cheeks. He stares right through me like I'm an open door, an escape.
"You love me right?" His voice sounds desperately desolate.
"Yes," I say quickly, automatically.
"I know it's our dream to stay together throughout college and it's our junior year," He pauses, sucking in a quick breath, then blurts in one mad rush, "but something happened with Dad and I have to go back to San Fernando". The blood roars in my ears. He continues and it's so hard to focus on what he's saying. It's as if all the little sounds in the restaurant have somehow tuned him out.
"In the hospital and there's no one else, Sam" Austin voice finishes his tone crisp and clear the sounds around us coming to an unannounced silence.
"Wait, what" I say right as the waitress brings us the check. My voice is unnaturally high and strained. The waitress seems to take forever pulling the long curling receipt from her apron then dropping it on the floor. She bends to pick it up as if the task is too much to bear. I can tell by the queer look of curiosity playing on her face that she's interested to see what happens next. She hands Austin the bill waiting expectedly for our conversation to continue as if she's not there.
"Let's go for a walk," He replies quickly slashing his signature jaggedly across the check. The waitress discreetly frowns and stomps away seemingly disappointed. I nod stuffing my arms into the sleeves of my black corduroy jacket. I follow him outside of the café and jog across the road towards the park. He takes my hand in his as we reach the park entrance. The dusk is too pretty for an evening like this, way too pretty.
The chilling wind rips through the dead trees cutting right through me. I pull my pink beret from my pocket, free my hair from the jacket collar, and place it delicately atop my blonde hair. Austin leads me to a gazebo on the east side of a small pond. We climb the little steps, silence infuriatingly entwining itself around us. We walk to the side facing the murky pond. Oaks and maples surround us making me feel tiny and insignificant.
"Start from the beginning. The restaurant was too, ah, loud" I stammer my teeth chattering.
"My dad is sick Sam, real sick." Austin's voice cracks. He turns away from me, his hand slipping from mine. He crosses his arms shaking from more than just the harsh cold. I place the heel of my palm between his shoulder blades rubbing his favorite spot.
We don't say anything for a while. Every time I try to open my mouth my throat constricts and I am stuck in uncertainty once again. The sun slips behind the trees leaving a mauve and orange sky.
Finally, he takes a not so shaky breath and faces me. His cheeks are tear stained but his face is full of courage and dignity. "I have to manage the shop while he's in the hospital. He has no one else. He tried to get others, but they just couldn't do it. I'm his only hope, Sam."
"I know what it feels to lose a dad," I say emotion making my voice hoarse and thick. "I don't want you to lose yours". Austin takes me in his arms, kissing the top of my forehead. I take in his scent knowing full well that it'd be a while, if ever, till I got to smell it again. I will away the if ever part. We'll be together. We have to be.
"I'm going to drop out of Princeton and move back home," He whispers into my hair. I suck in a breath. This hurts more than anything I have ever lived through except of course my father's death.
"Do you think that I can come to?" I ask fleetingly, the realization hitting me like a thousand metal baseball bats.
"No, Sam. I can't ask you to do that. Your future is here. Don't leave because of me. Please don't. I won't let you. I won't…" He breathes as I cut him off sealing his lips with a long succulent kiss.
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I drop Austin off at the airport not even bothering to get out of my blue Mustang. Because if I do, I know I will fall to my knees before we even reach the entrance. I'd be curled up in fetal position, a heap of a girl who lost her heart and her dream which was disappearing up the escalator, ascending to the sky forever.
