A/N Okay this is my first ever Supernatural fic so go easy on me. Expect lots of Limp!Sam and Protective!Guilty!Dean because frankly I think its delicious! Please tell me what you think!
Sam was what you could describe as 'accustomed' to long car journeys. It went with the lifestyle. He was used to the long, winding, empty roads, the cramped conditions and the boredom but he couldn't remember a car journey that had ever been this…tense.
He'd always had Dean cracking jokes (mostly at Sam's expense), brotherly banter and off-key singing (mostly on Dean's part) but traveling in complete silence was something new.
Since their father's death Dean hadn't been the same. He was stoic, angry, he didn't talk and on the rare occurrences when he did he snapped.
Sam couldn't take it. He couldn't sit here and pretend that everything was okay. He couldn't act like their dad hadn't died; he couldn't act like everything was normal and not grieve because Dean 'didn't want to talk about it'. But Sam would never press it he had learnt first hand that this wasn't a good idea and he was too relieved at the fact that Dean was still here to push it any further.
So they stuck with silence.
With the absence of their usual mindless chatter Sam chose instead to stare out the window as the trees whipped past. He let out a tired sigh. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, to when they had a father, to when Dean was Dean, to when the demon hadn't said those things.
Sam was pulled from his thoughts by the car grinding to a halt and he looked up, finding himself at a gas station. He glanced across at his brother and grimaced as he noticed the dark circles surrounding his brother's eyes and the pallor of his skin. Dean had looked drained ever since they had left the hospital.
"Do you want me to fill her up?" Sam offered, breaking the silence and causing Dean to look up.
"Whatever." Dean mumbled indifferently and Sam swallowed hard. He didn't get out the car.
"Dean." He began but his brother looked up sensing the direction his brother wanted to take the conversation, or lack there of.
"Get some food, I'm starving."
Sam unbuckled his seatbelt resignedly and got out the car. The crisp air hit him as the breeze picked up and he sighed, relieved to be out of the car. He pulled out the pump and began filling up the car whilst his brother remained in the Impala staring at nothing in particular with a frown on his face.
Sam didn't know how much more of this he could take. It felt like he was slowly turning insane. He finished topping up the gas and headed over to the glass doors.
When he returned Dean was reclining back in the seat with his eyes closed looking completely beat. As Sam opened the door he jolted from his slip and blinked blearily across at the younger Winchester.
"Do you want me to drive?" Sam offered as Dean stifled a yawn, green eyes watering. Dean smirked slightly and sat up.
"Are you kidding me? I'm not letting you touch her…look what happened last time." He had meant the comment in jest but seeing the hurt flicker across his brother's eyes the smirk died from his face and he looked away.
"Did you get any food?" He asked as Sam collapsed into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed.
Sam tossed a bag of chips and M&Ms in response and Dean opened them greedily.
"By the way, we're uh…running low on cash. I've only got $5 left." Sam said quietly. Dean's comment had stung, he knew he was joking but it hurt all the same.
"Well I guess we'll have to hit some bars tonight then, hustle some." Dean said before pulling out of the gas station and back onto the road.
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As Dean eased the Impala into the parking spot outside the rather run-down looking bar Sam frowned. This was definitely not his kind of place but he wasn't going to say anything to Dean about it. They needed the money.
The Metallica track finished playing and skipped to next one. The familiar guitar chords filled the car and Sam tensed. It was Johnny Cash and one of Dad's favorite songs. Dean scowled and quickly reached forward and hit the stop button with a little more force than necessary.
"Dean, are we gonna talk about this?" Sam asked quietly and Dean stiffened next to him before turning to face Sam and glaring.
"What is there to talk about Sam? Dad is dead; talking about it isn't going to change that." He said sharply. What was it with Sam pressing this all the time? Couldn't he just give it a rest?
"Dean you can't just act like nothing's happened." Sam replied his frustration growing.
"Can't I?" Dean question angrily. He felt his hands tensing into fists and he quickly got out of the car, slamming the door. Sam followed suit.
"Dad wouldn't have wanted…" Sam began but he was cut off by his brother grabbing him by his shirt collar and shoving him back against the wall with force. Stunned, Sam gasped as the air was expelled from his lungs.
" What would you know about what Dad wanted? You left. You never cared, why start now?" Dean spat angrily as Sam looked up at his brother, wide-eyed and scared. This wasn't his brother. This wasn't Dean.
"Just…drop it Sam. Stay away from me." Dean said, releasing Sam and stalking off towards the bar.
Sam stood there alone and let out a shaky breath, his breath rising in smoking, curly plumes as he looked up at the sky. When had things got so fucked up?
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Sam took a long swig from his beer and traced his fingers through the beer ring left on the battered bar surface. Dean had been playing pool for most of the night and seemed to be doing pretty well but Sam hadn't really been paying attention.
Dean's words kept ringing in his ears.
Stay away from me
You never cared, why start now?
He wished he could be like Dean and just bottle everything up and carry on but he couldn't. That wasn't the way he operated. He wanted to talk this through; he wanted to be able to talk about his Dad without being glared at or snapped at. He wanted his brother to start dealing with this. He wanted things the way they were.
The sound of yelling and breaking glass pulled him from his thoughts and he turned around. Dean was squared up to a taller, larger guy who looked angry, scratch that, furious.
Sam got to his feet and began to walk over and as he got closer he caught snatches of their conversation.
"You better give me that money back or I'll rearrange that pretty-boy face of yours. I know you've been cheating." The huge guy accused, pointing a beefy finger at Dean's chest. Dean however seemed unfazed; he almost looked like he was enjoying himself.
The huge guy shoved Dean slightly and Sam strode over.
"Hey, leave him alone." He interceded and both men turned to face him.
"Stay out of this Sammy." Dean growled and the beefy man grinned.
"Yeah, stay out of this Sammy." He mocked causing Sam and Dean to both scowl.
"Let him go and we'll sort this out." Sam tried to reason but both men ignored him.
"Give me my money." The guy demanded and Dean smirked.
"Make me you ugly fuck."
That seemed to be the last straw as the beefy guy shoved Dean backwards and landed a swift blow to his jaw causing Dean to stumble back and rub his jaw with a slight groan. He paused only for a second before leaping back and throwing three quick blows in succession to the huge guy's face. Sam tried to step forward into the fray but he was stopped by one of the big guy's friends.
Dean punched the guy hard in the stomach but before he could land another blow a glass bottle crashed down on his head, shattering and Dean crumpled to the ground in a heap.
Sam felt an explosion of anger and punched the guy holding him back, knocking him down before leaping at the huge guy. Taking him by surprise, Sam managed to land a few solid punches, his knuckles stinging. He was hit by an uppercut to the jaw and stumbled slightly, his jaw throbbing but he recovered and quickly knocked the guy to the ground with a well-placed right-hook. The huge guy punched Sam in the stomach and the air rushed from his lungs with an 'oof' sound.
Sam saw Dean still lying on the ground out-cold and scowled. He flew backwards as a quick punch to the face sent him reeling, stars bursting in his vision. Dizzy, he stumbled back onto his feet and charged at him, dimly aware of gasps from the crowd. It was a flurry of fists and Sam felt a few of his punches land but suddenly there was an explosion of white hot pain in his side.
The pain was blinding and he let out a gasp before landing a kick to the guys head, knocking him out immediately.
Sam staggered to his feet, panting heavily and his side throbbing angrily. Struggling to catch his breath and leaning heavily against the bar he touched his side gingerly and hissed, his black shirt was wet. He looked dazedly down at his fingers and found them slick with blood.
Shit.
His heart-beat was loud in his ears and he swallowed hard as he struggled to stay upright. He heard a groan and looked over to find Dean sitting up and holding his head, pain etched across his face.
"Aah…shit…my head." He groaned.
Sam held his side and winced before staggering over to Dean. He held out his other hand, offering to help him up but Dean batted it away impatiently and got to his feet.
"What happened?" He asked groggily looking down at the two guys lying on the floor. Then he remembered the huge guy who had knocked him out. He looked down at him and suppressed a smirk, Sammy had really messed him up.
"We better get out of here." Sam mumbled and Dean got a good look at his younger brother. He was pale and sweat glistened on his forehead and he could see angry red marks blossoming on his face which were soon going to turn into some pretty nasty bruises. As they walked out of the bar he didn't notice Sam holding his side and the grimace of pain he wore.
They arrived at the car and Dean pulled the keys out of his pocket, his head was steadily throbbing and he felt like he might be sick any second. Suddenly, the keys were plucked from his hand and he spun around to find Sam unlocking the door.
"What are you doing?" He asked angrily his head pounding. Sam proceeded to get into the driver's seat, ignoring the steady pulsing of pain in his side and the wetness trickling down it.
"You can barely walk straight Dean let alone drive, that's gonna need stitches." Sam said as Dean sighed resignedly, too tired to argue. Plus his head was hurting like a bitch.
"Fine." He mumbled.
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As they arrived at the motel Sam leant back in the seat and closed his eyes. He felt cold and dizzy and he just wanted to sleep but he needed to get Dean sorted out and himself. He heard Dean open the car door and get out and he reluctantly opened his eyes.
He reached for the door handle and his side exploded in pain again causing him to let out a stifled gasp and his eyes watered.
He paused, recovering slightly before gingerly easing himself out of the car.
A wave of dizziness struck him and he leant heavily against the car breathing raggedly as he held his side and gritted his teeth.
He really didn't feel good. He needed to get himself stitched up.
"Sam…Sam…SAM!" Dean yelled and Sam jumped, unaware his eyes had been closed and he looked around dazedly to find Dean looking at him oddly.
"Huh?" He mumbled trying to focus on the two Deans that were swimming before him.
"What room number? Jeez what's wrong with you?" Dean asked as his brother stared at him, gaze slightly unfocused.
"Um…twen…twenty three." He stammered and Dean nodded, regretting it as his head throbbed angrily.
Sam somehow forced his legs to start moving and he slowly began to follow Dean. He really needed to lie down. His side hurt, his face hurt, his hands hurt and he was so tired. They reached their room and Sam let himself lean against the wall, his head spinning.
"I need the key." Dean said holding out his hand and Sam nodded tiredly. He fumbled in his pocket trying to find it and he thought he heard Dean mumble 'today would be nice'. Frowning he tried to concentrate but suddenly he found himself pitching forward.
Dean barely had time to react as all 6'5'' of his brother pitched forward onto him. Fumbling, he gently lowered himself and his brother to the ground wondering what on earth was happening with his brother.
"Sam? Sam…talk to me Sam what's wrong?" He said quickly as Sam blinked blearily up at him, his face white as paper and his eyes glazed with pain.
"Hurts Dean." He murmured weakly and Dean swallowed hard. He glanced down and noticed Sam was holding his side. Reaching forward he gently tried to pry Sam's hands away but he groaned and resisted.
"I'm just going to look, let me look." He said softly as he reached again and pulled Sam's hand away.
As Sam's hand came away slick with crimson Dean felt light-headed.
"Shit Sam." He breathed, he gently peeled back Sam's sodden shirt and blanched as he saw the deep wound in Sam's side. Blood was flowing freely and already pooling around his prone form.
"Oh fuck. Sam you fucking idiot. Why didn't you say anything?" Dean yelled trying desperately to keep the anger out of his voice as Sam grimaced and gasped in pain.
"I thought…I thought you'd get m..mad." Sam whispered weakly. He was so cold.
"Son of a…" Dean exclaimed angrily as he shrugged of his jacket.
"S…see." Sam whispered, eyes shining and Dean felt moisture stinging at his eyes. He blinked furiously and looked down at his brother, trying to ignore the pallor of his face and the blood all over his hands.
"I'm not mad Sammy. I'm not mad…look this is gonna hurt Sammy but I have to stop the bleeding." Dean said, his voice shaking slightly as he balled up his jacket.
Sam blinked up at his brother and swallowed hard.
"It's…S…Sam." He said and Dean smiled weakly. He pressed the jacket down hard on Sam's side and tried to block out Sam's yell of pain as his back arched and he screwed his eyes shut against the agony.
"Sorry."
Sam struggled to keep his eyes open, they were so damn heavy. He just wanted to sleep, to drift off and sleep, He was so tired.
"Hey! Hey, open your eyes. Sammy don't you go to sleep you hear me? You go to sleep I'll kick your ass." He said roughly as Sam struggled to open his eyes.
This was bad, this was really bad. Sam was bleeding out and Dean hadn't even noticed. This was all his fault. Fuck, what was he going to do? He couldn't lose Sam as well.
"Sam, this needs to be looked at. You need to get to the hospital." Dean said seriously as he continued to keep the pressure on Sam's side but the blood kept on flowing. They didn't have much time.
"It's j…just a …a scratch. You can fix it…right?" Sam said looking up at Dean as another shiver tore through him. He didn't want to go to the hospital and he knew Dean wouldn't, not so soon after Dad.
"No Sam I can't fix this…this is deep. You're bleeding out. You need help." Dean said his voice trembling as his brother looked up at him, green eyes clouded with pain.
"'M sorry Dean." Sam said shakily and Dean swallowed hard.
"This isn't your fault." He said softly. It's mine.
"No…I mean…a…about everything. I'm sorry about D…Dad, about…tr…trying to get you to talk. You're right…I…I." He stammered weakly, voice growing faint and tears brimming in his eyes.
"Hey, Hey…Sammy it's okay. You don't have to be sorry, this…this is my fault. I…I just miss him…I should understand that you deal with things differently. He was your Dad too and…I'm sorry Sammy." Dean replied shakily, struggling to hold things together.
"I'm…I'm gonna call an ambulance okay? You're gonna be okay because if you're not…"
"You'll kick my ass." Sam finished with a weak smile and Dean struggled to return it. Sam swallowed hard and shivered. He could barely focus on anything, his head felt…fuzzy, he watched as Dean pulled out his phone, one hand still pressing down on his abdomen. He was glad Dean had spoken to him. Maybe things would be better now…
"Yes, I need an ambulance. My brother was stabbed." Dean babbled quickly, keeping his gaze on his brother as he fought to keep his eyes open, just like he used to when he was a kid, determined to stay up past his bed-time and be a 'big boy'.
"Okay sir, can you tell me where you are?" The woman asked and Dean swallowed hard, how could she be so calm and collected when his brother was lying here bleeding to death?
"Um…the Montana Motel off 25th. Room 23." He stuttered in response.
"Is your brother awake? Is he breathing?"
"Yeah…he's awake…barely." Dean choked out as his brother coughed.
"Keep pressure on the wound and keep him talking until the ambulance gets there."
Dean hung up the phone and turned back to his brother who if possible looked even paler and was shivering uncontrollably.
"Sam, help's coming okay?" He said trying to sound calm and collected when he felt anything but. Sam nodded in response.
"It's cold." He murmured, his voice was heartbreakingly fragile and Dean thought he would lose it then and there.
Watch out for your brother
"Sammy I think you might be going into shock. I need you to keep calm, take deep breaths. Help is coming okay buddy?" Dean said as Sammy breathed raggedly, shivering and looking around dazedly.
"I…I know we never say it but…I…I love you D..Dean." Sam whispered weakly, it felt like it was taking all his energy to just keep his eyes open.
Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked the moisture from his eyes.
"No Sammy, you're not doing this okay. Everything's fine. Don't do this." He said quickly, unable to keep the tremor from his voice.
"N..n..no ch..chick flick moments…r..right?" Sam shivered.
"That's right."
Sam shivered again harshly and he could feel the wetness around his side seeping down his pant leg. Maybe he'd just close his eyes for a little while…so tired…Dean.
Dean watched as Sam's eyes slid closed and his face went lax and his body limp. He felt a wave of icy terror bite through him and everything seemed to stop. He couldn't breathe.
"Sammy! Sam wake up. That's not funny man…Sammy wake up." He yelled, shaking Sam gently.
His hands trembling, he felt for a pulse. Waiting for what felt like hours for the familiar throb under his fingers…but it never came.
"Sam! Sam no! You can't do this to me. Sam you asshole wake up, wake up!" He yelled his voice ready to break as hot tears brimmed in his eyes.
"Dammit!" He cried brokenly. Threading his hands together, one over the other he pressed them down on Sam's chest and began compressions
1
2
3
4
5
Breathe! Come on Sammy dammit.
1
2
3
4
5
Breathe.
"Sammy, don't do this Sammy. Don't leave me…not you. Don't leave me Sammy." Dean pleaded desperately as tears ran freely down his face. He wasn't going to let this happen. He wasn't going to lose his brother as well.
He pinched his brother's nose and breathed for him again, waiting and watching for his chest to rise and fall on its own accord.
"Sam." He cried, tears burning his cheeks as he began another round of compressions.
He was met with silence
"Sam, fucking breathe! Fucking breathe Sam!" He begged.
Silence
Sirens echoed through the parking lot and blue and red lights washed over Sam's pallid face, blue and red salvation but Dean didn't stop. He wouldn't let him die. Sam was not going to die.
He wouldn't let him die.
